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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 8:59:05 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Why doesnt anyone understand me? and what can I do about it....... 
                                                                    George W. Bush


Stop talking. Drink a lot of coffee and then shave with a straight razor.


I have something in my eye. I am not sure what to do.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to rivenmoon)
Profile   Post #: 401
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 9:05:00 PM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I have something in my eye. I am not sure what to do.


Get a large poker and set it in a roaring fire for at least 30 minutes, then gently dig at your eye until you find it.
 
 
I don't know where to buy a pregnancy test for my earthworms, can anyone help me?

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 402
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 9:09:03 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I don't know where to buy a pregnancy test for my earthworms, can anyone help me?


Find your local chapter of Planned Earthworm Parenthood.


I want to invest a little money in something. Any solid stock leads I can look into?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 403
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 9:36:19 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I want to invest a little money in something. Any solid stock leads I can look into?


depending on the weight and temperment of the stock---braided nylon is good, but this slave would recommend leather.
 
random folk put this slave on a pedestal, how does she keep from falling off?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 404
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 9:55:57 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

random folk put this slave on a pedestal, how does she keep from falling off?


15 inch lag bolts should do the trick.


I need to cut the grass for my mother. Is there a quick way to get this done?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 405
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 11:06:16 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


I need to cut the grass for my mother. Is there a quick way to get this done?

Keep a herd of cows in the yard.

I have a callus on my finger from holding a pencil. What's the best way to get rid of it?




_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 406
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 11:35:51 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:


I need to cut the grass for my mother. Is there a quick way to get this done?

Keep a herd of cows in the yard.

I have a callus on my finger from holding a pencil. What's the best way to get rid of it?



Grab a pneumatic die grinder and cut it off.

The water that flows from my well to the 2500 gallon holding tank is very cloudy. What should I do?



_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 407
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/23/2006 11:59:49 PM   
rivenmoon


Posts: 330
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UtopianRanger

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:


I need to cut the grass for my mother. Is there a quick way to get this done?

Keep a herd of cows in the yard.

I have a callus on my finger from holding a pencil. What's the best way to get rid of it?


The water that flows from my well to the 2500 gallon holding tank is very cloudy. What should I do?

This is what happens when you fail to listen to advice in the first place, never put your mother-in-law down the well, it clouds, smells and attracts neighbourhood cats. Remove her and place in next door neighbours well instead.

How can I make people see the real deep inner intelligent me and not just whats on the outside.          -Paris Hilton

(in reply to UtopianRanger)
Profile   Post #: 408
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 6:41:38 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

How can I make people see the real deep inner intelligent me and not just whats on the outside.          -Paris Hilton


Make another sex video with your friends, but this time in a classroom setting. React to the action by quoting appropriate Nietzsche philosophy throughout. Of course protest loudly and publicly about the perils of being "famous"; while noting where the DVD can be purchased.

We are traveling back east for my son's graduation and don't have anyone to watch the dogs or water the plants for the week that we won't be here.


(in reply to rivenmoon)
Profile   Post #: 409
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 11:24:19 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

We are traveling back east for my son's graduation and don't have anyone to watch the dogs or water the plants for the week that we won't be here.


Take them with you. All your dogs and plants will miss your loving touch and would suffer needlessly at the hands of another. If you don't have room in your car, either rent a clamshell carrier or strap them to the roof of the car. Dogs just love wind in their face and the plants will enjoy the sun and fresh air.

I may have to buy another car and I don't want to spend a lot. Any suggestions for a reliable brand of car for me?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 410
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 4:19:33 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Any suggestions for a reliable brand of car for me?


Guage - FORGET the car. The new secret President Bush plan that addresses both the price of gas and the immigration policy is to bring over the idea of rickshaws from China. Finalizing the deal was the real reason that President Hu came over from China. Rickshaws pulled by illegal aliens given a "worker visa" will fuel the next economic boom!

I'm a sarcastic son of a bitch who derives sadistic pleasure from torturing people by having them wonder if I'm "serious" or not. I enjoy it so much I want to do it more often - any advice? (HA - you thought I was going to ask how to curtail my sarcasm?!)

BTW - your advise about the dogs and plants won't work, we're flying and beth won't let me tie the dogs to the wing.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 411
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 8:05:05 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

BTW - your advise about the dogs and plants won't work, we're flying and beth won't let me tie the dogs to the wing.


It's all good. If you don't watch the dogs, the plants will get watered.

quote:

I'm a sarcastic son of a bitch who derives sadistic pleasure from torturing people by having them wonder if I'm "serious" or not. I enjoy it so much I want to do it more often - any advice?


I am also a sadist, so read this answer carefully and follow its advice to the letter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother wants to come to MN for a visit. She's a bitch. I hate her. Being in the same room with her for more than 10 mins makes my teeth itch.

I don't need advice about that.. I just wanted to rant. Is that ok?





< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/24/2006 8:06:04 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 412
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 9:11:10 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Neither, have your ex boyfriend pluck them out one by one with tweezers after you have bathed in ice cold water, then have him apply rubbing alcohol liberally to make sure it does not get infected.

What is the best music to play during a flogging scene?


(in reply to dorsaisgirl1)
Profile   Post #: 413
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 9:16:34 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Ok, somehow that was screwed up, chuckles.  And have fun ranting, in fact maybe you should express this to her yourself (very bad advice) and I repeat the question of the best music to play during a flogging scene, lol.

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 414
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 9:40:14 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Best music to scene to is the Star Spangled Banner. ::trust me on this one!::

Himself and I have nailed about 100 items to our dungeon walls and we are moving soon. What's the best way to patch up the holes?

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 415
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 9:50:01 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Himself and I have nailed about 100 items to our dungeon walls and we are moving soon. What's the best way to patch up the holes?


Get a can of spray cheese and fill up the holes.


The awning on my mother's porch is coming lose, I am not sure what to do.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 416
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/24/2006 9:52:06 PM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
Himself and I have nailed about 100 items to our dungeon walls and we are moving soon. What's the best way to patch up the holes?


Leave the holes and tell the owners there is a real bad termite problem in that room.

Dang Gauge...you beat me to it...LOL...as for your Mom's awning...let it blow and show Mom her new weather vane.

My entire life is now housed in a 10'x15' storage unit...should i continue to pay rent on it or buy a new life?

< Message edited by champagnewishes -- 4/24/2006 9:54:59 PM >

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 417
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/25/2006 6:18:22 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

My entire life is now housed in a 10'x15' storage unit...should i continue to pay rent on it or buy a new life?


Why not trade? Don't pay the rent and when the unit goes up for auction attend. Don't bid on your stuff, but buy another unit's contents of the same size. Assume the life of the person's contents you purchased Voilà - NEW LIFE and savings on rent!

Having a play party at my house soon. What 'finger foods' should I have beth prepare?

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 418
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/25/2006 12:27:40 PM   
candystripper


Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		well, since the dogs are already worrying Y/you........
 
i want to quit smoking but still smoke.  What do i do?
 
candystripper

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 419
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/25/2006 2:19:22 PM   
Pavel


Posts: 308
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Keep a small fire burning in your hat, it'll be just like smokeing, only not.

I've got 30 pages worth of papers due in the next week, what should I do about them?

(in reply to candystripper)
Profile   Post #: 420
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