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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 1:53:34 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline
quote:

I'm out of cool whip for my pie, what should I do?


Try lard instead...

I need to change the oil in my car but don't want to do it, now what?

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to xsolitairex)
Profile   Post #: 521
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 5:19:22 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I need to change the oil in my car but don't want to do it, now what?


Changing oil in your car is a fallacy that has been perpetrated on the public by the oil companies. Oil will last much, much, much longer than they say it will. Every 50,000 miles or so should be just fine. Be sure to check it at 25,000 miles though, you may be down a quart or so.


I am getting interference on my cable TV... is there anything I can do to try to eliminate it?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 522
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 5:24:06 PM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline
quote:



I am getting interference on my cable TV... is there anything I can do to try to eliminate it?


Get the neighbor girl with the braces to come over have her climb up onto the roof and attach a wire from her braces to your t.v. She will be your human antenea!
 
My back hurts any advice?
 
Nika{Phoenix}

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 523
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 5:26:03 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

My back hurts any advice? 


Sign up for a gymnastic class which specializes in teaching back hand springs. That should limber you up.


I'm getting pain in my hands from typing too much. Should I take a break from the forums?

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 4/30/2006 5:27:49 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 524
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 5:33:11 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm getting pain in my hands from typing too much. Should I take a break from the forums?


Not at all. Take pain killers. Pain killers are best when taken with alcohol, so down a bottle of scotch also.


Do I really have to oil my mustache and beard trimmer?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 525
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 8:23:38 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		no of course not!  pulling your beard out one hair at a time makes you more virile ...

I am thinking of getting a tattoo, any suggestions of what I should get and where??


_____________________________

The number 1 cause of stress is reality.

I miss my old Avatar :(

<< I am a depressed procrastinator with Alzheimers -- I am going to end it all.... tomorrow... or the next day.

Now what was I talking about again?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 526
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 8:24:39 PM   
quietkitten


Posts: 1082
Joined: 2/5/2005
From: Alberta, Canada
Status: offline 		sigh.....

< Message edited by quietkitten -- 4/30/2006 8:26:09 PM >

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 527
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 8:44:05 PM   
siouxie


Posts: 1725
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Southwest UK
Status: offline 		definitely the name of your current lover, in large font, across your chest.  or for real individuality - a barcode on the back of the neck.

the brakes on my pushbike need replacing, but i don't have the time. any quick fixes?

_____________________________

[/end sarcasm]

My therapist says that would not be appropriate just now

(in reply to quietkitten)
Profile   Post #: 528
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 9:30:31 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

the brakes on my pushbike need replacing, but i don't have the time. any quick fixes?


Stick your hands in the spokes of the wheel, that should slow you down.


I keep getting an urge for a chilidog. No place is open now... what can I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to siouxie)
Profile   Post #: 529
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 10:36:28 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		Take a brick and a doggie bag...take out.

I wish that I made $500/month more than I do now...

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 530
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 10:36:52 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Grab your neighbors dog and stick him in the freezer for awhile.
 
My life is fabulous.  I still have no problems.  What CAN I do?

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 531
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 10:40:54 PM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		Gauge: I keep getting an urge for a chilidog. No place is open now... what can I do?

take a stray dog for a walk in Antarctica. voila! chilly dog.

I have to pay rent on my storage locker today... what should i do?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 532
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/30/2006 10:44:03 PM   
chainedupnick


Posts: 49
Joined: 8/10/2005
Status: offline 		C: I wish that I made $500/month more than I do now...
Threaten your boss at gunpoint to give you a raise... or else.

Takethiswaltz: My life is fabulous.  I still have no problems.  What CAN I do?
Sell all your belongings and become a monk in India.. that'll be a nice change, ya?

me:
I have to pay rent on my storage locker today... what should i do?

(in reply to Takethiswaltz)
Profile   Post #: 533
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/1/2006 8:36:08 AM   
orokana


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		Sell the contents.

I can't get my niece to eat anything. Any suggestions?

(in reply to chainedupnick)
Profile   Post #: 534
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/1/2006 2:29:59 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I can't get my niece to eat anything. Any suggestions?


Tell her that if she doesn't eat you will sell her entire My Little Pony collection to a glue factory. If that doesn't motivate her to eat, set her hair on fire... that will get her moving.


I am really nervous right now and on the brink of a panic attack, what should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to orokana)
Profile   Post #: 535
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/1/2006 2:55:18 PM   
orokana


Posts: 115
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		Try a nice relaxing drive through a big city.

My estranged father wants to spend more time with me but I'd rather not see him, what should I do?

< Message edited by orokana -- 5/1/2006 2:57:33 PM >

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 536
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/1/2006 3:20:41 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		well, you could invite him over, place a nice chair in your room, and he can see you while you sleep, but you won't have to see him. 
Hmm. OK, that was dumb.
How bout just sending him pics of yourself.
Or once, on Wisteria Lane, the estranged father came over and sat on the lawn while the estranged daughter painted her garage. It was sort of a visit but they didnt speak.     You got a garage to paint?
 
My dog refuses to eat anything but spaghetti and meatballs.
What should i do?

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to orokana)
Profile   Post #: 537
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/1/2006 8:48:53 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Make a large supply of dog food meatballs, put them in the freezer and forget to label them for god consumption only.

My unmentionables friends keep coming to see her, and they do not clean up after themselves.  How should I get their attention?

(in reply to Takethiswaltz)
Profile   Post #: 538
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/1/2006 8:50:08 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		dog consumption only

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 539
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/1/2006 11:12:24 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My unmentionables friends keep coming to see her, and they do not clean up after themselves.  How should I get their attention?


Crazy Glue every dirty dish or piece of trash they leave out onto their foreheads. Then, make them stand in front of a mirror for two hours and sit behind them and keep repeating, "What's wrong with this picture?"


My kids are coming this weekend and I don't have anything planned... any thoughts?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 540
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