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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/3/2006 9:04:10 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline
quote:

That dog tied to a post down the street makes such a fuss whenever I walk by.  He loves to growl at me.  Strange thing though, that post he's tied to seems to be getting taller each day.  What should I do?


Turn him loose.  Then tie yourself to the post (after all, you ARE taller than he is, so the post thing shouldn't bother you) and growl at HIM when he passes by, just so he knows how it feels to be growled at.
 
My cat has to take some really nasty medicine that makes him vomit.  How can I keep the medicine IN him?

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


(in reply to amativedame)
Profile   Post #: 581
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/3/2006 10:29:22 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Take some quiet time with him, explain to him that this medicine is very important and he has to try to keep it down without vomiting.
If that doesnt work, put it up his butt and hold it in with a plug.
 
My car won't start.  I think it may be out of gas.  How will I put more gas in it if i can't drive it to the gas station?

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to Evanesce)
Profile   Post #: 582
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/3/2006 11:14:00 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My car won't start.  I think it may be out of gas.  How will I put more gas in it if i can't drive it to the gas station?


Well, first make sure it is out of gas. Open up the gas cap and look in. If it is too dark and you don't see anything use a lighter or matches for light. Then push the car to the gas station, get the gas... be sure to secure the gas can in an upright position in the trunk of the car, push the car back home and put the gas in and start it up.

I forget to floss my teeth sometimes... is there a way I can remind myself?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Takethiswaltz)
Profile   Post #: 583
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 12:21:27 AM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I forget to floss my teeth sometimes... is there a way I can remind myself?


Every evening before you retire to bed, tie the appropriate length of floss to your penis, so that when you take your morning leak, it's all nice and available, even if it's a bit wet.

My husband won't keep his car in the garage.  How can I get him to? 

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 584
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 12:56:44 AM   
yourMissTress


Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Tell him that the boogeyman will get him if he doesn't.
 
I have a lust for gay porn and the last person that gave me advice about it wanted me to stop...apparently thought it was a problem, anyway, how can I get more gay porn without paying for it?

_____________________________

Tress


"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother


(in reply to TheShadows)
Profile   Post #: 585
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 1:06:39 AM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		Set up webcams in your gay neighbors' bedrooms...especially those still in the closet, they love the attention...

How can I get MissTress to give some of the more 'entertaining' posters some of Her cookies?

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to yourMissTress)
Profile   Post #: 586
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 1:13:11 AM   
champagnewishes


Posts: 1310
Joined: 10/31/2005
From: Orange County
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

How can I get MissTress to give some of the more 'entertaining' posters some of Her cookies?
C


With sugar and spice and everything nice....and dressed in a girl scout uniform.

My best friend forgot my birthday yesterday...how should i seek retribution?

< Message edited by champagnewishes -- 5/4/2006 1:15:13 AM >

_____________________________

Nirvana cannot be described, it is only understood truly by a person who has experienced it.


(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 587
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:50:44 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Take some very compromising and uncomplimentary digital photographs of
her/him.  Post them on a My Space or Live Journal blog.
 
The garbage trucks arrive early in the morning and make a fierce racket,
disturbing all those naughty dreamtime fantasies.  What should I do?

Vendaval
 
 

quote:

ORIGINAL: champagnewishes

My best friend forgot my birthday yesterday...how should i seek retribution?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to champagnewishes)
Profile   Post #: 588
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 1:10:40 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

The garbage trucks arrive early in the morning and make a fierce racket,
disturbing all those naughty dreamtime fantasies.  What should I do?


On garbage night, blare your stereo at full volume, you won't hear the trucks.

I am getting another car to replace my old one. What can I do to get my old one to sell quickly?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 589
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:08:15 PM   
amativedame


Posts: 331
Joined: 9/23/2005
Status: offline 		Take off any make or model markings on it, in their place write the make and model of a popular luxury car.  List said make and model on Ebay, and watch your old car make 20 times what its worth!

On my way home today, I somehow drove through my neighbor's house on my way into the garage.  Its parked in their kitchen right now.  What should I do?



(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 590
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:10:12 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		order chinese.

my home computer is casters up, what now?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to amativedame)
Profile   Post #: 591
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:18:30 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

my home computer is casters up, what now?


I don't believe this is accurate in your case, but for some (many?) here on CM, they'd be getting ready to practice Necrophilia tonight.

beth needs to get new shoes (adding to her collection of 150 pair) for an event we are attending for business and I've promised and planned on going shopping with her on Saturday in the fashion district of LA. (Don't know if I want advice or sympathy.)

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 5/4/2006 2:46:17 PM >

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 592
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:39:42 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		Leave Beth at home and YOU go try on all the shoes. Be sure to take peds with you, seriously.

My wedding ring doesn't match any of my other jewelry. What should I do?

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 593
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:46:19 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Ask your Master to purchase you a new wedding ring that does match
your old jewelry along with a new set of jewelry to match the ring you already
have. Be sure to specify high quality gold or platnium, real diamonds, no CZs.
 
The speed bumps on the road down to the highway keep slowing down My
travel time.  What should I do?

Vendaval
 
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
My wedding ring doesn't match any of my other jewelry. What should I do?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 594
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:49:43 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:


 
The speed bumps on the road down to the highway keep slowing down My
travel time.  What should I do?



Run faster to make up the time you're losing.

Ok, I asked Master to buy me new jewelry and he told me to get a job! How much should I ask for professional whine tasting?

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 595
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 2:57:48 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		Not a penny under $65,000 a year. If you don't value you then who will.

I have sheets of plywood left over from last hurricane season. Wouldn't want to reuse them on the windows...that's soooo last year. Any suggestions?



_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 596
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 5:48:40 PM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		Build a Boat in case the rains come again.

I have found a Treasure chest with old
gold coins but I'm affraid to tell anybody.
Any Suggestions?

Ant

(in reply to tade)
Profile   Post #: 597
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 7:55:58 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		Turn it over to me. I'm a professional archaeologist, and I'll "make sure" they are "properly curated" in a "museum" *wink*

I've had a particularly persistent erection for the past 10 hours. I saw on TV that this can be dangerous. What should I do?

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 598
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 7:58:22 PM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

I've had a particularly persistent erection for the past 10 hours. I saw on TV that this can be dangerous. What should I do?


keep it up good and hard continuously for the next 7 days and i'm sure you'll find a cure then *wink* and don't believe everything you see on tv.

i have this really gullible friend who is so naiive, what can i do?

_____________________________

got shoes?

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 599
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 5/4/2006 8:03:43 PM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sylphgossamer

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesertRat

I've had a particularly persistent erection for the past 10 hours. I saw on TV that this can be dangerous. What should I do?


keep it up good and hard continuously for the next 7 days and i'm sure you'll find a cure then *wink* and don't believe everything you see on tv.

i have this really gullible friend who is so naiive, what can i do?

 
Keep loving him, in spite of his gullibility. See if he wants to buy a bridge.

This erection just keeps getting worse...or better...not sure...  I really need some good advice on what to do. What if it explodes?

_____________________________

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro--Hunter S. Thompson
It's crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide!--Chief Dead St. Knockout, 1933, Liverpool
Damn the crops. I'll only find peace at the end of a rope.--Winston Van Loo, 1911

(in reply to sylphgossamer)
Profile   Post #: 600
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