RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (Full Version)

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Mercnbeth -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 11:46:53 AM)

quote:

I now have a craving for something a thousand miles away, how should I cure it


Give in to it! 

beth and I are heading back to the "homeland" in two weeks. I've been making a list of all the indulgent foods and favorite restaurants. After your post I'm adding a "Rita's" to the list which is growing and includes but isn't limited too: Hoagie, Delorenzo's Pizza, Chuck's Wings, a trip to Seaside for a slice boardwalk of oil dripping pizza, Mastori's Dinner, Maruca's Pizza, cheese steak, Brother's Pizza, Mussels and a Yankee Game at '1st & Ten', Italian Ice from 'The 'Burg", Calzoni, and dinner every night at a different 'favorite' Italian restaurant.

So now for my need of advice. Other than bulimia how can I limit the amount of weight gained after such a trip?



FullCircle -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 11:57:07 AM)

Jump on board the first commercial space flight thus reducing your weight drastically.

I’m obsessed with buying crap I don’t need the other week I bought a desk lamp but have no space on my tiny desk for it. How can I avoid such mistakes in future? I only bought it because you could turn it on and off by touching the frame.



Wolf1020 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 1:09:23 PM)

Well that is easy, pay your bills and whatever is left over send it to me.  If I have all the spare money you can't spend it on crap you have no need for and instead I can buy crap for myself.

I just got a lot of really fun ideas of what I could do with extra money I wont be getting cause no one seems to listen to me when I tell them to give me their money.  What should I do about this?



Littlepita -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 2:35:57 PM)

You shouldn't put up with that crap. You get your whip and tell people to fork over the cash or they are going to get a serious ass whoopin!


I have a crush on my dentist and need a subtle way of letting him know. What should I do?



Mercnbeth -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 3:40:52 PM)

quote:

I have a crush on my dentist and need a subtle way of letting him know. What should I do?


Eat a bag or Oreo cookies just before going to his office for your next cleaning.

Son wants a new laptop for a graduation present Which brand?




Dustyn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 4:15:40 PM)

Well, Merc, that would depend on which street corner you are buying at.

My neighbor's children constantly pester me to come outside and play with them.  How can I convince them to leave me alone without harming them?



therahe -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 4:47:07 PM)

quit your job, buy heavy drapes, disconnect your phone and don't answer your door..in fact never leave your house again.



everytime i sleep on my back, the light from the street comes in my window. i can't move my bed and i already have blinds. what can i do about it?



Wolf1020 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 4:56:52 PM)

get a nail and a hammer, postion point end of nail over your eye and whack it with the hammer

My belly button stinks what should I do



Bearlee -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 5:03:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf1020

My belly button stinks what should I do


Carefully untie cord...scrub.  Use small-bottle brush for open end; retie.

I'm trying to quit sucking my thumb, but feel silly with a pacifier... what should I do?



Wolf1020 -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 5:13:36 PM)

Find something else to suck on, if you need a test subject let me know

There is never anything on tv what should I do with it



Pavel -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 5:17:25 PM)

Buy a new TV.  Shoot the old TV in front of the new one.  Tell the surviveing TV that "that is what happens when you fail to entertain me."  That ought to ensure proper TV entertainment values.

There's a hole in my sock.  How do I deal with this?



akisha -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 8:34:25 PM)

cut a hole in the other sock so they match again and paint your toe nails

I can't see well when trying to shave my under area. what can i do to make sure i don't miss anything?



denika -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 9:41:33 PM)

Pull out the trusty weed whacker and have at it, this way you  won't miss anything[:D]


I love scary movies and I'm trying to convince my Top  they are not that bad, what should I do?


denika



Gauge -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (5/31/2006 10:48:50 PM)

quote:

I love scary movies and I'm trying to convince my Top  they are not that bad, what should I do?


WTF kind of question is that? You obviously have never heard of topping from the bottom! When he comes home from work, bend his ass over a livingroom chair and cane him until his screams begin to peel the paint off the walls. Then, tell him to stand up and watch this horror film and like it. If this doesn't work, do it again until it does.


I think I was a little over the top on my last advice. How can I be the kinder, gentler Gauge?



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/1/2006 12:11:18 AM)

No one wants a kinder, gentler, Gauge.  Now start stealing candy from babies, slapping your co-workers asses, run over any children playing in the street, and play very loud, very bad Jazz at three o'clock in the morning. 

My cat keeps getting into my aqarium for midnight snacks, how can I make him stop.



Dustyn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/1/2006 3:27:33 AM)

Leave the fish laying on the counter overnight.

I seem to have pulled a groin muscle slightly while trying to get back in shape.  How can I get it to stop hurting?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/1/2006 3:48:49 AM)

quote:

I seem to have pulled a groin muscle slightly while trying to get back in shape. How can I get it to stop hurting?

Get famous football jock O.J.Simpson to massage it for you.

My girlfriend says I'm too ADD. How do I correct this?



LaMalinche -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/1/2006 4:22:18 AM)

Buy one of those pill crushers that old people use.  Crush your Ritilan, and snort it like cocaine.  This will allow it to get into your bloodstream more quickly and more effectively.  Also try uping the dose to double.  No need to talk to your Doctor about this.  Ritalin is perfectly safe, that is why they are always giving it to children.


I keep confusing my NexTel radio with my cellular phone while I am at work.  Any suggestions?



Petruchio -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/1/2006 5:42:25 AM)

quote:

I keep confusing my NexTel radio with my cellular phone while I am at work. Any suggestions?

I tried phoning you about the probem, but I kept getting Radio Station WHIP.

All my radios now are playing WHIP. How do I tune in another station?



Dustyn -> RE: Really, Really Bad Advice (6/1/2006 6:44:40 AM)

Adjust your tin foil hat.

How can I curb my caffeine addiction without increasing my nicotine addiction?



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