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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 8:36:03 AM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		kill yourself and take care of two birds with one stone

I locked the key to my safe inside the safe how do I get it out

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"Fish and visitors smell in three days"~Benjamin Franklin

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 941
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 9:26:07 AM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Hold some C-4 over the lock with your hand, just to make sure it doesn't fall off and detonate it.  Sure fire solution every time.

I'm growing my hair back out, but it's starting to go gray.  What should I do about the gray?


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 942
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 9:38:00 AM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		pour sulfuric acid ontop of your head and it will remove all those stubbern grays.

Now on top of the key being in the safe I am in the hospital down a limb and all the money to pay for my medical bill are in that safe.  What do I do?

_____________________________

"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night."~ Otto von Bismarck

"Fish and visitors smell in three days"~Benjamin Franklin

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 943
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 10:06:47 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How can I curb my caffeine addiction without increasing my nicotine addiction?


Most people aren't aware that tobacco is quite similar to tea leaves. Brew up some hot water and then dunk a full pack of cigarettes into it. Let it set for about 20 minutes, add milk and sugar or honey if you like and enjoy.


Where does all the dust come from that lands on the TV screen? How can I stop it from getting my screen so dirty that it makes Carl Malden look attractive?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 944
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 10:09:04 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Now on top of the key being in the safe I am in the hospital down a limb and all the money to pay for my medical bill are in that safe.  What do I do?


Well, sell the little pieces of your limb on eBay and claim they are from Bigfoot. This will work I tell you... it has to.


Where does all the dust come from that lands on the TV screen? How can I stop it from getting my screen so dirty that it makes Carl Malden look attractive?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 945
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 10:31:48 AM   
hmmmmnbird


Posts: 51
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Where does all the dust come from that lands on the TV screen? How can I stop it from getting my screen so dirty that it makes Carl Malden look attractive?




That dust comes from dust bunnies hopping through your house. To avoid getting dust on the TV screen, you need to build a ten foot moat around the TV and fill it with alligators, who will eat the bunnies before they can get to the screen.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 946
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 11:37:28 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline 		Hmm… How do we get the thread to continue?

(in reply to hmmmmnbird)
Profile   Post #: 947
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 12:55:52 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Hmm… How do we get the thread to continue?


I think a massive SPAM advertising campaign is in order!


I need to find a good mechanic that will not try to rip me off. How can I tell if they are honest or not?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 948
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 1:26:21 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline 		Count the number of vehicles in the parking lot and compare it to the selection of parts in the building.

My mother called and asked me if I knew what a flogger was.  Is it appropriate to be a smart ass at that point or just go straight into therapy?


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 949
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 2:07:44 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My mother called and asked me if I knew what a flogger was.  Is it appropriate to be a smart ass at that point or just go straight into therapy?


It is best to scream at the top of your lungs and throw yourself on the floor in a tantrum. If she continues asking then it is OK to be a smart ass.


It looks like rain out and I don't have an umbrella. I am at work. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Dustyn)
Profile   Post #: 950
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 2:12:50 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

I love scary movies and I'm trying to convince my Top  they are not that bad, what should I do?


WTF kind of question is that? You obviously have never heard of topping from the bottom! When he comes home from work, bend his ass over a livingroom chair and cane him until his screams begin to peel the paint off the walls. Then, tell him to stand up and watch this horror film and like it. If this doesn't work, do it again until it does.



oh damn lol denika if you try this please please please let me be there to see it LMAO and i'll keep 911 on speed dial for you too.


and i'm not using a weed wacker on my tender parts lol. I'm not that hairy lol but i know some that should *shudders*

< Message edited by akisha -- 6/1/2006 2:22:59 PM >

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Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 951
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 2:14:53 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

My mother called and asked me if I knew what a flogger was.  Is it appropriate to be a smart ass at that point or just go straight into therapy?


It is best to scream at the top of your lungs and throw yourself on the floor in a tantrum. If she continues asking then it is OK to be a smart ass.


It looks like rain out and I don't have an umbrella. I am at work. What should I do?


Stay at work untill the sunshines again. I'm sure your boss won't mind

I'm out of batteries and i'm broke what should I do?


_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 952
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 2:19:13 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I'm out of batteries and i'm broke what should I do?


A lot of people do not realize that batteries can be recharged in the microwave. All you have to do is place them on a paper plate or paper towel and set the microwave on high for 60 minutes. Don't worry if you hear popping noises or smell something bad, that is just the energy charging up the batteries.


I am going to have broadband next week. Is there anything I should do to prepare for this momentous event?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 953
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 2:21:59 PM   
missgiveNTake


Posts: 673
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge


It looks like rain out and I don't have an umbrella. I am at work. What should I do?


I think you should strip and fold you clothes neatly in your breifcase. Then you can walk to your car without having to worry about your clothes getting wet.

quote:


I'm out of batteries and i'm broke what should I do?


Take the items you need batteries to each of your neighbors houses to see if they have batteries that will fit. You can even offer to share said items once you get them running.

quote:


I am going to have broadband next week. Is there anything I should do to prepare for this momentous event?


Throw a party and tell everyone you will allow them to hook up their house with it from your house.

I want to break the world record on the leanth of time of wearing an anal plug. How long should I wear it to make sure I got the record?


< Message edited by missgiveNTake -- 6/1/2006 2:26:38 PM >

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I am a very good girl, very good at all I do.

Highly intelligent with a generous pinch of the absurd! (Thank you Crouchingtigress)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 954
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 2:52:53 PM   
CruelandKindSdst


Posts: 10
Joined: 6/1/2006
Status: offline 		If you want really really bad advice, read the forums here and listen to the advice given... with very few exceptions this is the blind leading the ignorant, really...

The worst of the offenders are those who live in the forums...


(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 955
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 3:12:18 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelandKindSdst

If you want really really bad advice, read the forums here and listen to the advice given... with very few exceptions this is the blind leading the ignorant, really...

The worst of the offenders are those who live in the forums...








this is supposed to be for fun, go away and slap who ever peed in your corn flakes and leave us alone to enjoy our day.

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to CruelandKindSdst)
Profile   Post #: 956
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 4:46:21 PM   
Dustyn


Posts: 1044
Joined: 4/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelandKindSdst

If you want really really bad advice, read the forums here and listen to the advice given... with very few exceptions this is the blind leading the ignorant, really...

The worst of the offenders are those who live in the forums...



So does this count as really, really bad advice?


_____________________________

Mother is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all children.

Murderer?! Murderer! Let me tell you something about murder. It's fun; it's easy; you gonna learn ALL about it. - Tin Tin

Can you be more amusing?

(in reply to CruelandKindSdst)
Profile   Post #: 957
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 7:01:20 PM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

I want to break the world record on the leanth of time of wearing an anal plug. How long should I wear it to make sure I got the record?



Six years, three months, eleven days, 4 hours, and 13 minutes.  To achieve this you need to get a colostomy bag.  Just go down to your local bargin surgeon, and have part of your colon removed.  Since you will be using the colostomy bag, you will not have to worry about removing the plug to do any of your. . . umm. . . business.  You will be on your way to breaking that record in no time. 

Sorry that I missed your call Petruchio!

I spilled bleach on my pink skirt,  what should I do?


_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to missgiveNTake)
Profile   Post #: 958
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 7:07:30 PM   
Pavel


Posts: 308
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: Washington
Status: offline 		Finish the job!  Bleaching it the rest of the way simply makes it a white skirt. 

My dog is looking anxious, and eyeing the door to the backyard.  How should I address this crisis?

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 959
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/1/2006 7:37:11 PM   
SylentStryder


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Pavel

My dog is looking anxious, and eyeing the door to the backyard.  How should I address this crisis?


quickly lock the door, lay out all of your best linens on the floor, set out a HUGE bowl of water and see what he does.

I keep getting these stupid pieces of paper at work every Friday instead of money.  What do I do with them, they are stacking up all over my house???

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I am of Gor, she is in me, I am her.

(in reply to Pavel)
Profile   Post #: 960
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