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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 10:35:34 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My neighbors keep calling the cops on me for walking around my house in the nude and all the body hair they find distrubing.  What should I do?


Shave all your body hair and sell it on eBay as genuine Bigfoot hair. Wait... you tried that before. Nevermind. Get your body hair braided into corn rows. That way you can tell them you aren't naked, you are wearing a pin-striped birthday suit.


I just got my first client as a new lawyer. He has a problem with a tree that overhangs his yard. What should I advise my client to do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 1021
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 10:43:03 AM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		since the township already said he can't cut it down advise him to set it on fire, the township never said anything about burning it down.

Theres gonna be a big fire and Im out of marshmellows what should I roast instead

_____________________________

"The less people know about how sausages and laws are made, the better they'll sleep at night."~ Otto von Bismarck

"Fish and visitors smell in three days"~Benjamin Franklin

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1022
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 3:34:52 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Molotov cocktails, they are all the rage this year.
 
I cannot decide what drinks to mix for the party next weekend.
What do you recommend?
 
Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf1020
Theres gonna be a big fire and Im out of marshmellows what should I roast instead


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Wolf1020)
Profile   Post #: 1023
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 4:24:25 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I cannot decide what drinks to mix for the party next weekend. What do you recommend?


I would mix the ones with more than two ingredients, that way the two blend nicely.


Squirrels keep trying to hijack my chipmunk's peanuts that I put out for him. What should I do to get them to stop?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 1024
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 4:52:34 PM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline 		can anyone tell Me, when they go to ship styrofoam...what do they pack it in?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to Pleasureprincess)
Profile   Post #: 1025
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 4:55:36 PM   
ShreveportMaster


Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline
quote:

Squirrels keep trying to hijack my chipmunk's peanuts that I put out for him. What should I do to get them to stop?


To trap them, climb a tree, and then act like a nut!

an acquantance is being annoying, and wants to come to a party...should I let him start a game of bobbing for french fries?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1026
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 10:39:24 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

an acquantance is being annoying, and wants to come to a party...should I let him start a game of bobbing for french fries?


But of course! The best way to bob for fries is to do it right in the frier itself. Nothing says fresh fries like sticking your face in the scalding oil and fishing a few out. Cool party idea. Mind if I try it too?


I think my sanity is failing. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to ShreveportMaster)
Profile   Post #: 1027
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 10:42:20 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		Hire a tutor for it...could I suggest Loki, he seems very in touch with his inner-sanity.

I am trying to understand Vasistha's Yoga but am having trouble with it, suggestions?

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1028
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 11:06:53 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I am trying to understand Vasistha's Yoga but am having trouble with it, suggestions?


Yes. Ever hear of comic books?


I seem to have forgotten what I was going to say. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 1029
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 11:23:32 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		Go hijack a thread and then it will come back to you.

I really don't have anything to ask advice about where should I look?

C

_____________________________

AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 1030
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 11:33:09 PM   
Reflectivesoul


Posts: 1777
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline 		in the asshole handbook of course! duh!
 
I have this awful urge to strip naked and turn on my webcam... what should I do?

_____________________________

ooooo..I bet THATS gonna leave a mark!!!!

Equal opportunity pisser on-er ... heh..

Gimme some crayons, I want color and I want it now DAMNIT!

(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 1031
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 11:44:25 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CERCKL

Go hijack a thread and then it will come back to you.

I really don't have anything to ask advice about where should I look?

C

Go to Wal Mart and purchase a blank tablet.

 I'm sitting in the middle of Lake Tahoe and the inline fuel filter for my Donzi is clogged with debris and I don't have another to replace it. What should I do?



_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to CERCKL)
Profile   Post #: 1032
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 11:44:27 PM   
VandalHeart


Posts: 1333
Joined: 9/12/2004
Status: offline 		Compromise.  Turn on your webcam and strip your roommate naked.  Tell them the camera is on at your own discretion.

How can you get rid of someone without breaking the law?

_____________________________

I ask for so little. Just let me rule you, and you can have everything that you want. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave.
--King Jarenth of the Goblins, Labyrinth

(in reply to Reflectivesoul)
Profile   Post #: 1033
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/4/2006 11:51:51 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Pay for a one-way plane ticket out of the country for them.
 
How do you know if the sun will come up tomorrow?
 
Vendaval


quote:

ORIGINAL: VandalHeart
How can you get rid of someone without breaking the law?


_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to VandalHeart)
Profile   Post #: 1034
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 2:15:03 AM   
Petruchio


Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How do you know if the sun will come up tomorrow?

I'm not sure about the sun, but when I go down, I come up as well.

Kids asked if angels are real. What do I tell them?

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 1035
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 9:38:56 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Petruchio,

Dayum I hate people and their stupid, infantile, wishful-thinking, head-up-the-ass, insistance on the existance of angels.  Oh and include in that the namby-pamby, wanna-be psycho-babblefied, "I have low self-worth/esteem and I just don't feel good enough, so I talk to my gaurdian angel because he/she loves me" crowd.  Well, let me let you in on a little secret. . . There are NO angels.  Really, if you are going to insistance on the belief of semi-devine beings who flutter around, interfering with people's lives, all at the direction of some faceless, nameless, father-figure, with a list of rules a gorean slave-girl would not put up with, that will cause you everlasting torment if you do not follow them, yet says that he loves you, then you may as well believe in hob-gobblins, vampires (Talking Bram-Stoker, fangs, flimsy nightdresses with wire underthings, and such), werewolves, the tooth fairy, the Soul Cake Duck, Santy Claws, Godzilla, Mothra, Pekachu, and cottages made of gingerbread. 
Teach your children to tell the difference between what is there and what is not.  Reality is truely beautiful and strange enough on its own without inducing hallucinations about flying stalkers. 

Oh, but Zombies are real.  Go figure.  And they WILL eat your brain.  Let your kids know.


The food in my refridgerator has started to liquify.  How do I get someone else to clean it?   

< Message edited by LaMalinche -- 6/5/2006 9:41:55 AM >

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to Petruchio)
Profile   Post #: 1036
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 9:47:18 AM   
missgiveNTake


Posts: 673
Joined: 3/22/2006
Status: offline 		Throw enough sugar in it to soak up the liquid and leave it open. The neighborhood kids should be knocking down the door for a fix real soon.

My 11-year-old asked what oral sex means. What should I tell her?

_____________________________

I am a very good girl, very good at all I do.

Highly intelligent with a generous pinch of the absurd! (Thank you Crouchingtigress)

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 1037
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 9:52:25 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missgiveNTake

My 11-year-old asked what oral sex means. What should I tell her?



A friend of Oral Roberts'

I ran out of milk for my cereal.  What can I use instead?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to missgiveNTake)
Profile   Post #: 1038
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 9:55:18 AM   
LaMalinche


Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline 		Non-dairy creamer.


I want to take Benji home and cuddle him, give him a bubble bath, and put bows on his ears. . . how do I entice him?

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 1039
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:02:39 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Tell him just that in an e-mail, along with your address and funds for a plane ticket.

I need to make my scams less transparent.  How do I do it?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LaMalinche)
Profile   Post #: 1040
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