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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:06:42 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Get a few thousand together and get a slave from Nigeria to hep you to scams... they are pretty good at it.........(LOL)

How can I increase my chances of winning the lottery?

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 1041

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:08:49 AM

LaMalinche

Posts: 2077
Joined: 10/20/2005
Status: offline

To Benji:

Don't worry about it. . . no one believes that dogs can talk. And if they start to act suspicious, just pee on their leg. . . or hum it, whichever works for you. That will take their mind off of what your ulterior motives are.

To mnottertail:

Get hit by lightening eleven times. Should up your odds a treat. . . or you could just right about the experiance and collect the royalties.

I am looking for a hero, a champion, my knight in kevlar armour. . . where can I find one?

< Message edited by LaMalinche -- 6/5/2006 10:10:47 AM >

_____________________________

Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon...

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 1042

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:40:17 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I'm sitting in the middle of Lake Tahoe and the inline fuel filter for my Donzi is clogged with debris and I don't have another to replace it. What should I do?

Well, take it out... who needs a fuel filter anyway? Take the one end of the hose and let the fuel spill into a paper cup and then pick out the little bits of stuff and then put the other hose going to the motor into the cup and suck out the fuel. This is the safest way to do this. Also, because you are out in the open, it is OK to smoke while doing this.

quote:

I am looking for a hero, a champion, my knight in kevlar armour. . . where can I find one?

Simple... 1-800-KEVLAR-ARMOR-CHAMPION-KNIGHT-LOVETOY

I know that Benji is posting a response as I write this... what should I do?

< Message edited by Gauge -- 6/5/2006 10:42:00 AM >

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 1043

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:40:41 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Museum of Medeival times.

How can I get to 2000 posts really quickly?

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to LaMalinche)

Post #: 1044

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:44:08 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

How can I get to 2000 posts really quickly?

Go to the nearest big city. I am sure they have at least 2000 lamp posts.

I know that Benji is posting a response as I write this... what should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 1045

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:47:44 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

RUN!!!! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!

How do I get rid of my threadwetting stigma?

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 1046

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 10:55:22 AM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

How do I get rid of my threadwetting stigma?

Electro-convulsive Therapy is the only way to treat threadwetting. Take the cover off of the electrical panel box in your home or apartment and lick the middle bar. This is a cheap and effective way to do this.

I have many ideas for inventions. All of them should make millions of dollars. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 1047

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 12:15:59 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Post your ideas on Live Journal and invite all your friends to share
in the wealth.

I need to wash My car today but the apartment complex has
rules against this practice. How do I get it clean and sparkly
new again?

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I have many ideas for inventions. All of them should make millions of dollars. What should I do?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 1048

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 12:48:01 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I need to wash My car today but the apartment complex has
rules against this practice. How do I get it clean and sparkly
new again?

If your apartment complex has laundry facilities, take your car apart and put the pieces in the washing machines. Then put them in the dryer. Don't forget the dryer sheet though. Your car will have that Spring fresh scent.

I am having problems with my computer. It keeps telling me that it is old and tired. What should I do?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 1049

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 1:46:21 PM

ShreveportMaster

Posts: 899
Joined: 10/6/2004
From: Dallas, Tx
Status: offline

run it through a time machine so it can become new and vigorous again.

I need to get to vegas, but am too cheap to spring for a bus ticket, what should I do?

_____________________________

"And to sooth the Bosk, there was found a Singing Cowboy. To soothe the Cowboy, a kajira is needed."

Riders of Gor
Book 37, Pg 298 ;-)

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 1050

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 2:15:27 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

Walk?

I bought new furniture, what should I do with the old stuff?

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to ShreveportMaster)

Post #: 1051

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 3:03:32 PM

NakedOnMyChain

Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline

Have an improptu bonfire outside your local courthouse. That way it makes the whole community feel involved.

I have to go look for apartments tomorrow. Any advice about what I should look for?

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 1052

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 3:16:48 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I have to go look for apartments tomorrow. Any advice about what I should look for?

Uh… buildings that have a big sign that says APARTMENTS outside.

Hurricane season is coming and I don't have repairs from last season done. What advice can you give?

(in reply to NakedOnMyChain)

Post #: 1053

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/5/2006 4:18:26 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Hurricane season is coming and I don't have repairs from last season done. What advice can you give?

Don't make the repairs. This way regardless of if there is a hurricane or not you can file an insurance damage claim for this year too.

I think I need new shoes but I really hate shopping. Is there an easier way?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 1054

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/6/2006 11:07:38 AM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

Find someone with your same size feet and pay them in cash up front
to go try on shoes for you. About $200 in unmarked bills should
do the trick.

The landscaping in front of My apartment is a work in progress
and now there are crickets sneaking inside and singing under
the cabinets. How do I catch the little buggers?

Vendaval

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I think I need new shoes but I really hate shopping. Is there an easier way?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 1055

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/6/2006 11:27:53 AM

Pavel

Posts: 308
Joined: 1/10/2005
From: Washington
Status: offline

"The landscaping in front of My apartment is a work in progress
and now there are crickets sneaking inside and singing under
the cabinets. How do I catch the little buggers?"

Napalm. You must destroy the yard to save it!

I'm out of cheese. Yet getting cheese from the store requires effort. What should I do?

(in reply to Vendaval)

Post #: 1056

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/6/2006 11:47:47 AM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I'm out of cheese. Yet getting cheese from the store requires effort. What should I do?

Stock up on American cheese food product. It has no flavor, no texture, and no nutrition. You won't want to go out for cheese ever again.

I like roquefort cheese but it gives me stinky breath. How can I still have a social life?

(in reply to Pavel)

Post #: 1057

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/6/2006 7:08:55 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I like roquefort cheese but it gives me stinky breath. How can I still have a social life?

Join a Roquefort Cheese Eating Club. You can find them at www.roquefort_gives_me_a_woody.com

I want to do something nice for my friend who is down in the dumps. Any suggestions?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Petruchio)

Post #: 1058

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/6/2006 8:00:36 PM

akisha

Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline

101 ways to commit suicide successfully with out a mess. Always a good pick me up when I'm down *s*

I want to make a good impression when i meet new people, what can i do to make sure they like me?

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 1059

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 6/6/2006 9:50:43 PM

Petruchio

Posts: 1615
Joined: 2/6/2005
Status: offline

quote:

I want to make a good impression when i meet new people, what can i do to make sure they like me?

Greet them on your knees with an open mouth.

A friend keeps trying out tasteless sugar-free carb-free salt-free recipes on me. Gak. What can I do?

(in reply to akisha)

Post #: 1060

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Page: << < prev 51 52 [53] 54 55 next > >>

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