What does "submissive" mean to you?

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What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:09:40 PM

laurell3

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As an opening, I'm a bit annoyed. I have seen probably 10 references to posting in a manner that "isn't submissive" or "isn't slave-like" or "isn't dominant" just in the last week.

Am I totally offbase in thinking those statements are silly? Do you truly believe that you can gauge a person's ability to surrender/submit on posts on the internet when they are not submissive to YOU?

But this annoyance got me thinking about our different viewpoints, in the more general sense, what does the word submissive mean to you? No, I'm not asking for dictionary definitions, a semantics debate, or the difference between subs and slaves and or limits or the lack thereof, please don't go there. What does it mean for someone to be submissive in the larger sense of the word for you personally? Does your personal definition leave room for reality? Is there an element of fantasy or unrealistic expectations in D/s and/or BDSM that come from the internet? What have you experienced in that regard? The question is about YOUR viewpoint, there are no right or wrong answers and yes, it is vague intentionally.

No role is limited from answering this thread.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 6/21/2010 7:52:25 PM >

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:10:58 PM

Jeffff

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No...

and

Surrender.

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:12:17 PM

laurell3

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yeah but WHEN? What is your expectation of someone that is submissive as far as their behavior overall, not just regarding kink?

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I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Jeffff)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:12:29 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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In a Ds sense it means someone who is oriented to be fulfilled in their personal intimate relationships to transfer ongoing authority to another who takes responsibility for that authority.

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:15:40 PM

Jeffff

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Ok.. you got Me on "Submissive overall".

I don't care for submissive over all. I don't want my woman to be submissive over all. Are you kidding me? She could meet DG.

I want my woman to be submissive to me, situationally. That might look lame, but I am not perfect and I could demand some stupid shit.

I want her smart enough to say." no way knucklehead"

As far as her behavior towards others. common courtesy will do just fine.

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 6/21/2010 7:16:40 PM >

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:16:00 PM

laurell3

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Hm...well I guess I wasn't specific enough....that's what I really wasn't looking for, definitions....

LA, I guess I'm more getting at realistic expectations about someone that identifies as a submissive overall such as what I started out the topic with, the internet postings.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:16:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I don't understand. What does identifying as a submissive "overall" have to do with internet postings? That's as relevant as saying I'm a brunette "overall" or homosexual "overall."

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:17:43 PM

Jeffff

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Exactly...

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:18:43 PM

laurell3

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Yes, thank you, that was my response as well, but I'm not sure we are the majority when there are so many comments about not "being submissive" floating around. I am submissive to ONE person. Is there an expectation out there that I should be submissive in my mannerisms to everyone merely because I have that label?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:19:48 PM

LadyCimarron

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

what does the word submissive mean to you?
Submissive is when a person gives another person an agreed upon level of control over themselves.

What does it mean for someone to be submissive in the larger sense of the word for you personally?
There is no larger sense of the word. If you have not agreed to be submissive to a person you owe them nothing but basic human respect. (off topic- but if they are an asswipe fool you don't even owe them that much)

Does your personal definition leave room for reality?
My personal definition IS reality. If we don't have an agreement to it, I have no right to expect any kind of submissive behavior out of anyone either in word or action.

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:21:36 PM

laurell3

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ok.. you got Me on "Submissive overall".

I don't care for submissive over all. I don't want my woman to be submissive over all. Are you kidding me? She could meet DG.

I want my woman to be submissive to me, situationally. That might look lame, but I am not perfect and I could demand some stupid shit.

I want her smart enough to say." no way knucklehead"

As far as her behavior towards others. common courtesy will do just fine.

Yeah well that's a perfect definition for me, which you already know. Thanks. I'm not sure everyone else sees that though. A question though how does one determine which is "stupid shit" and which isn't? (LOL)

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 11

RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:22:48 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Oh well that's because people want to mix up orientation with personality and turn personal relationship dynamics into a social status heirarchy. No biggie.

If we want it to stop we need to speak against "caps rules," speak against calling doms sir and subs nothing, speak against subs needing mentors/protectors while doms don't and all those other double standards that are perpetuated in the scene.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyCimarron)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:23:24 PM

ncprincess

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"submissive" to me is giving yourself over to someone. I know....sort of a vague answer. There are so many definitions of the word that I honestly don't see how anyone could be able to judge/determine what guidelines one needs to follow to be considered submissive.

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:23:29 PM

laurell3

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I agree LadyC. Thank you.

I do want to add, although I agree, I'm not saying everyone else has to agree with this position, what would be the point to the thread if that was true? There is no right answer.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to LadyCimarron)

Post #: 14

RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:23:33 PM

Fluke

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To me, being submissive is to defer to the rule of someone I feel personally submissive to, whether it be because I admire their judgment, personality, people skills....

Someone who I feel is better able to implement/enforce/utilize the things/ideas/moralities which I feel is important...

*edit* I'm sorry, was I being too vague, or was I missing the point entirely here...?

< Message edited by Fluke -- 6/21/2010 7:46:47 PM >

(in reply to laurell3)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:24:20 PM

Jeffff

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Once again..... EXACTLY.

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:25:18 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Well, all I can say is, I had a topic today go to squat fairly quickly because I used the term "sub males" rather than bottom/sub/slave/masochists/switchesthatbottom/switcheswhosub/pickyourtermhere.

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:27:08 PM

Jeffff

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submeat is the new proper term...

I hope this helps

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:27:55 PM

xXsoumisXx

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't understand. What does identifying as a submissive "overall" have to do with internet postings? That's as relevant as saying I'm a brunette "overall" or homosexual "overall."

I agree with LA, there are so many degrees of "submissive" that it is like being "female" ... or Male, or blonde..;)

They are apparent in relationships, not so much in other kinds of interactions.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

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RE: What does "submissive" mean to you? - 6/21/2010 7:28:04 PM

Aynne88

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Yep these statements are indeed silly laurell, and they drive me nuts. I am "submissive" in my own relationship and probably even to him, not enough. When random people that I don't even know tell me the rules of submissive behavior, it makes me either irritated or amused, depending on my mood. Being submissive to your partner, for me, have absolutely no bearing on my day to day life or my very not submissive personality.

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