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Age... - 6/22/2010 3:40:34 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Hello Everyone,
There's a bit of hoopla on another thread about age. I know, we've gone over this. But in the past we've talked about preferences but not so much about the *why* of them. (As I recall... course you know... )

Anyway, I'm wondering about that.

I absolutely love being around people in their 20's. They are so full of life and anticipation - there is so much possibility. Love that! I think a lot of people like that. Heck it keeps us old farts young! And hey it feels good when they ask advice and such.

But dating, being involved. Would you be involved with someone much younger (obviously - of legal age) or much older? The real pertinent question here - what do you base your answer on? Does attitude make a difference? Maturity level? Is there a cultural component?

What is age really?

Off to work... I"ll need to find some strapping young fellow to help this little old lady across the street, but that's better than falling and breaking a hip!

best,
sunshine

< Message edited by sunshinemiss -- 6/22/2010 3:44:21 PM >

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 3:48:00 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		My whole life, I have dated older men. Like, ten to twenty years older than me. I have always been an "old" person in a lot of ways, and it was worse when I was physically young---now I am working hard to have a misspent youth!!

I am 47. Men a lot older than me are just... not in the right space physically to keep up with me. Yes, SOME are, but most are not. In the interests of keeping myself entertained for the next twenty years, I started looking at "younger" men. I went out with a 40 yr old!!! COUGAR POINTS!!!

I have a slew of scene friends in their 20's. They are fantastic people, full of passion and energy, and great fun. I see them as the kids I might have had... not as potential erotic material. Not even the ones I play with! There is just TOO big a generation gap for me to be able to really have the level of mutual understanding that I would look for in a partner. That's not a fault on either side, it's just how it IS , for me. I mean, I didn't even have a colour television in the house until 1972!! And it didn't have a remote!!

So, those under 35 are just barely making the radar, romantically speaking. Otherwise, shoot! Bring on that young meat!!

ETA: Oh, that was all about the young MENS. My 1% Lesbian thinks wimmens are great regardless of age!!

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 3:56:13 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I've dated both younger than me and much older than me. I wasn't compatible with either one.

Those younger than me were still in their partying stage, not ready to settle down and we were simply in different stages of our lives.

Those much older than me didn't match in energy levels or in being able to communicate well since we grew up in different generations. We couldn't relate to each other at all.

I found I was always compatible with men who were within my own age range give or take a couple years younger than me or within 5 years my senior.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 4:03:31 PM   
tropicalhoney


Posts: 2133
Joined: 9/2/2009
From: The Beach
Status: offline 		I'm with littlewonder. There is just too big a cultural divide if a person wasn't even alive for some of the seminal events of my lifetime. I will stretch things out to about 5 to maybe 10 years in either direction, but that is all. I have many younger and older friends whom I adore, but for a partner, not so good.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 4:08:42 PM   
BentUnit


Posts: 897
Status: offline 		Younger men are fabulous sport and have the right energy levels to keep up.
Older men are the snuggle down on the rug with a bottle of wine and unhurried knowing.

I prefer women with a bit of life experience which really isn't an age as such.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 4:13:47 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I absolutely love being around people in their 20's. They are so full of life and anticipation - there is so much possibility. Love that! I think a lot of people like that. Heck it keeps us old farts young! And hey it feels good when they ask advice and such.


I love the company of the young too, and have many young friends

quote:

But dating, being involved. Would you be involved with someone much younger (obviously - of legal age) or much older? The real pertinent question here - what do you base your answer on? Does attitude make a difference? Maturity level? Is there a cultural component?


There is always a cultural component...

I have dated men old enough to be my father.... I was in my late 20s the first occasion and I was in my late 30s the next...

I think darlingsavage made a salient point on that other thread though, before age 25 the brain is still forming. I am not saying people shouldn't make adult decisions before that age, but I weigh that heavily in my thinking about Spring/Winter relationships (old enough to be a grandfather especially).... I even get more adamant that it is ill advised for really long term relationships... young people should be planning their futures, maybe meeting a life mate, someone that they could have kids with one day perhaps.... not with someone that has already had those life experiences behind them.....

I couldn't be with someone really young, who had never married, who had never had kids, who was still building their adult life.... I do not think it would be fair

For example, I had an 18 year old ask me out a few months ago, and before that there was a 25 year old at my college who wanted to date me... I can't even imagine that... not only does it turn me off (and it does), but these young men hadn't even lived yet, and the 25 yr old was genuinely interested in dating me... like for more than fun... it just isn't me...

As for other people... it depends, but I think that someone who sucks up the time of a 19 year old when they are in their 50s, well.... that is creepy to me...

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 4:16:06 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I prefer to be around people who are in my age range whether as coworkers, friends or for dating. This isn't to say that I don't find some younger people engaging. It's just to say that I feel more comfortable with those around my own age, give or take a few years.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 4:29:29 PM   
SL4V3M4YB3


Posts: 3506
Joined: 12/20/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss
I absolutely love being around people in their 20's. They are so full of life and anticipation - there is so much possibility. Love that!

Yeah before the bleakness of life hits in the mid thirties.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 4:36:52 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		Hmmm....
Well...
I've never really been attracted to those older than me. (I'm in my 40's now)
A year or five ok, other than that...unless the guy has an incredible personality (and some definitely do!) no.
But I have been attracted to those a bit younger than me. (say ten years or so) They're fun!
Plus I have a "young" outlook on life. HM says it's like living with a perpetual teenager. (I'm sure he means this in a good way...)
Guys in their 20's would be a stretch for me though because they are not "mature" enough for me to appreciate them. I like exhuberance, but, I appreciate it more from someone who has "been through it" and still retains it, rather than from the young pup.



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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 4:41:16 PM   
BKSir


Posts: 4037
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: Salt Lake City, UT
Status: offline 		It's kind of odd, for a true partner, I've always been with someone about 4-6 years older than I.  No idea why, but, it is what it is.

For my pets though, younger, by far.  I much prefer them to be... legal, but still at the point where I will card them to check.    

Part of the reason is, I simply find it very physically attractive (yes, I'm a lecherous old man).  Another part of the reason is, and I agree with sunshine here, their exuberance.  Everything is so new and wonderful for them.  Also, less bad habits to break them of.  And, frankly, most males as they get older seem to have a significant decrease in their libido, where once a week or less is fine by them.  I'm not one of those.  Quite the opposite really, I still have the drive of an 18 year old as well, so, someone that can keep up is very preferable to me.  Yes, that last one may seem like a bit of a shallow reason, and if it is, it is, but it's an honest answer.  (I've often been accused of being an asshole, but never of being dishonest)  

Another reason is that I enjoy helping to guide them and mold them.  To help them realize their fullest potential as a person and help them achieve their dreams in the long run.  I enjoy being able to use my experience and knowledge to help them.  Which is why I am kind of... how to say?  "Picky as fuck", I believe would be the right term.  If someone doesn't have a truly astounding potential and isn't an absolutely magical and wonderful person, why would I want them?  I see no need to not allow myself only the best of the best.  And I make sure they know that as well.  They are the cream of the crop, just as they are, as I wouldn't allow myself to just 'settle for second best'.  Which in turn boosts their own self esteem and helps them to reach for even higher goals. 

One young man I know and love dearly never ceases to amaze me, and I tell him that every day, and how proud of him I am.  And it is instantly obvious that he strives for more because of it. Because he believes what I am saying and takes it to heart, strengthening him as a person, helping him believe that he can, if he tries hard enough, have every single one of his dreams.  I think as we get older, we lose that, and it's a shame.  Sure, we'll have setbacks, but too often we let them stall us and mire us down until we're no longer trying to move forward anymore.  At 18, most people still believe that the whole world could be theirs.  And it's true, as long as they keep believing it and keep at it. 

I truly love that in them.  It also reminds me, when I see it, that I'm still alive, and it can be mine as well...... god... I'm such a "daddy" sometimes....

EDIT:  Because damn... that was one BIG paragraph.


< Message edited by BKSir -- 6/22/2010 4:45:15 PM >

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:09:28 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		Younger men (15 or more years younger) do absolutely nothing for me.  I just can't look at someone the same age as my sons, and see them in a sexual manner.  Logically, I know they are adults.  More or less, anyway.  But on a purely emotional and gut level, they are kids to me.  I can joke around with them.  Hastle and harass them.  But flirt?  Nope.  Part of it, I guess, is respect for my children.  I wouldn't ever want to embarass them in any way. 

I respond best, to men who are within 5-10 years older than me.  I don't really know why.  I just find them attractive and appealing.

WinD


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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:13:28 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I get along with my age group.    Mostly.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:23:02 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Because my Sir was older than me, i don't think i can ever date someone over 4-5 years older than me again. I don't want to go through the loss again, and i know logically that you can die at any time, but my heart isn't listening.

Give me younger, and if i hit it off with someone 20 years older than me, so be it. I work with so many different age groups that i relate to them all as if they are my age - or i'm acting their age. Not sure which one, but either way, i no longer look at younger people as being so much younger than me.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:24:37 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I would have too much cultural difference to be with someone who doesn't have the same memories I do. Where were you when JFK died? When we landed on the moon? The effect on the country due to the first Living Room War (Vietnam because it showed up on the evening news without any censorship).

Beyond that, I've had friends date vastly younger men. Even when they were very nice people, it was awkward at dinner. They had more in common with their date's kid then with their date. Plus it is rough on the kids to have a man just a few years older than you be a step-parent. It puts a constraint between parent and child and I don't want to drive my children away.

As far as vastly older, same thing. I'm now in my mid50s, that would make an older man in his 70's. I would be the age of their children. I'd also be burying him inside of ten years. And I've had friends marry men 20 years older, and seen them become caregivers, seen them choosing nursing homes because they couldn't afford to care for him 24/7 and he couldn't be left home alone.


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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:27:05 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

But dating, being involved. Would you be involved with someone much younger (obviously - of legal age) or much older? The real pertinent question here - what do you base your answer on? Does attitude make a difference? Maturity level? Is there a cultural component?


I've never been involved with someone younger than me.  I am the youngest child of 5 - there is a 10 year spread between the oldest and I.  So for pretty much all of my life, my exposure has been to people older than me, and that's what I relate to. 

I also enjoy someone with a lot of life in his history.  Daddy is 51.  We've both had divorces, financial crisis and recovery, we both have suffered the death of parents, various layoffs, travels, 30 year friendships, growing up in the same era, and other similar and significant experiences.  He brings a level of wisdom to our relationship that someone 20 years younger than him could not. This is not to say, of course, that ALL men in their 50s have more wisdom than ALL men in their 30s, but the kind of wisdom he brings can really only come from someone who has been experiencing life as long as he has. 

Also, he's not climbing some career ladder - he's already there.  He's not figuring out who he is - he already knows.  He is content, stable, and doesn't fret the small stuff.  He is much calmer and more secure with himself than he was in his earlier years.

Plus, salt & pepper hair on a man is just sexy. 


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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:27:13 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I would have too much cultural difference to be with someone who doesn't have the same memories I do. Where were you when JFK died? When we landed on the moon? The effect on the country due to the first Living Room War (Vietnam because it showed up on the evening news without any censorship).


Last year I was in a class that was mixed with grad students and undergrads... the professor talked about the Rodney King riots like they were ancient news, and then I realized half the people in the room couldn't remember that.... yeah, I felt pretty old.....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:29:12 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Tomorrow we will ask- how old does everyone FEEL.


STOMP

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:29:26 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Interestingly, i don't have the cultural difference thing that a lot of Americans have - because i don't remember when JFK died, or Elvis, or the Vietnam war.  These things weren't important to the world i grew up in, so, living in America, its not jarring to me when others don't remember them.
Since i have a different cultural reference point, i don't notice it.

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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:39:09 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		How about the cold war?

Disco?

The draft?

The energy crises?

Jaws?  ET?    Dance Fever?

Little House?

The Brady Bunch?

Mood rings?

Rubics cubes?

LPs?



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RE: Age... - 6/22/2010 5:52:49 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		Lets see - i remember disco- was in the states then
the draft - no
mood rings -yes
The Brady Bunch - no
Rubics cubes - yes
Little House - no - though i did read the books
Cold War and energy crisis - no

Growing up in another country means that a lot of cultural icons are very different.   I remember Lulu and Cliff Richards, and the Black and White Ministral Show, and Footrot Flats, and Gala days, and agricultural days.  
Its just a different frame of reference.
I grew up with an odd mix of New Zealand, American and British influences.

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