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RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 11:13:38 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
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I would be happy in a vanilla relationship as long as the sex was still kinky and hot and the guy could be masterful in the bedroom.

Would I choose not to need to be sexually submissive and need a sexually Dominant man? Sure.

Why? Because it is hard enough to meet a compatible partner in all the other important areas of life, to add this additional layer just makes it harder, unless you want to settle, which I will not.

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 41

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 11:31:17 AM

maat

Posts: 62
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Would I choose not to need to be sexually submissive and need a sexually Dominant man? Sure.

Why? Because it is hard enough to meet a compatible partner in all the other important areas of life, to add this additional layer just makes it harder, unless you want to settle, which I will not.

amen to that....

i didnt chose to be born submissive. I didnt know i was for most of my life and finding out i was only made things finaly make sence. Like sexyred1 said, it wuld make things so much easyer not to be submissive but i am. I cant change that.

But then again, easy issent neceserely the best way now is it? The strugel can be half the fun.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 42

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 12:34:24 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

Mind you this is a bit more complex of a query than it may seem. Obviously we all enjoy being submissive to the extent that we receive gratification from interacting with dommes. However, if given the option to be equally fulfilled by vanilla relationships instead, would you take it?

no because it isnt possible for me to be equally fulfilled by vanilla relationships

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to submissivemale22)

Post #: 43

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 2:28:59 PM

divi

Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I would be happy in a vanilla relationship as long as the sex was still kinky and hot and the guy could be masterful in the bedroom.

Would I choose not to need to be sexually submissive and need a sexually Dominant man? Sure.

Why? Because it is hard enough to meet a compatible partner in all the other important areas of life, to add this additional layer just makes it harder, unless you want to settle, which I will not.

I agree with a lot of this once again Red is spot on.

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 44

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 2:29:06 PM

phoenixmoonn13

Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline

at 48 i met my first master and am now with him i would never go back to nilla i was never trully happy before him

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 45

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 2:43:06 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I would be happy in a vanilla relationship as long as the sex was still kinky and hot and the guy could be masterful in the bedroom.

Would I choose not to need to be sexually submissive and need a sexually Dominant man? Sure.

Why? Because it is hard enough to meet a compatible partner in all the other important areas of life, to add this additional layer just makes it harder, unless you want to settle, which I will not.

^This^ With the following added:

I don't need to call someone Master, or be on my knees, or do anything else to feel content in my own submissive nature. I'd be content and fulfilled because caring for someone else in the way that makes them happy IS how I feel most content.

I don't have to put a lot of thought into it, or over analyze what makes me happy. He doesn't have to be anything other than into me in return. Quite frankly, even when I've been in a relationship with someone who was otherwise vanilla, the sex just sort of evolved into kink. Not by design, but because it is just that natural for me. I prefer a relationship where the man makes the final decisions, but even if he was all egalitarian, it would still be my natural response to defer to his wishes.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 46

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 3:30:39 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

Maybe I've just always been in relationships where men were dominant and we just didn't call it bdsm...I dunno. I never quite figured out what made a relationship vanilla or bdsm. My relationships have always been with men who took charge, who were leaders, who took care of us, who was the one in control and held the power, who was head of the household and was the man of the house. I grew up in a culture where men were the providers, the godhead. Women surrendered to their husbands and was the voice....and I've yet to ever meet a single man who is not kinky in some way.

So for me I've just always been puzzled and completely confused by the way people separate the two.

(in reply to WinsomeDefiance)

Post #: 47

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 4:04:41 PM

submissivemale22

Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Maybe I've just always been in relationships where men were dominant and we just didn't call it bdsm...I dunno. I never quite figured out what made a relationship vanilla or bdsm. My relationships have always been with men who took charge, who were leaders, who took care of us, who was the one in control and held the power, who was head of the household and was the man of the house. I grew up in a culture where men were the providers, the godhead. Women surrendered to their husbands and was the voice....and I've yet to ever meet a single man who is not kinky in some way.

So for me I've just always been puzzled and completely confused by the way people separate the two.

where did you grow up?

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 48

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 4:40:40 PM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline

Gameboy, bless your heart! I think you earned the record for quickest moderation of a new member.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 49

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/25/2010 8:50:54 PM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

I don't think it is possible to be as equally fulfilled by vanilla. No other lifestyle can turn scrubbing the toilet into foreplay. No other lifestyle can make the mundane and unpleasant tasks in life exciting and erotic. Vanilla cannot turn pain into pleasure. I am glad I'm the way I am.

_____________________________

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(in reply to submissivemale22)

Post #: 50

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/26/2010 7:29:00 AM

afkarr

Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline

I don't know if "equally fulfilled" is the right term, both types of relationships can be fulfilling, each in their own way. AS part of a long standing "vanilla" relationship -i.e.- marriage- I can say that it is rich, rewarding, and fulfilling in many aspects, it's just not kinky. Conversely, the kinky relationship meets a need I'm not getting in the vanilla one, but is lacking in several other aspects.

I realize I may be slightly different than those who choose only one type of relationship, but as there is pros and cons to each type, sometimes it takes two in order to really be fulfilled completely.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 51

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/26/2010 7:31:30 AM

slavekal

Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline

So you are married but seeing someone on the side?

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to afkarr)

Post #: 52

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/26/2010 7:32:18 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

I have no interest in having an "intimate relationship" with anyone who isn't on the same page as me.

The things I do and the way I am as a dominant are important to me and I refuse to share that with someone that wouldn't be complimentary to me.

Nor do I wish I was any way but the way I am.

_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 53

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/26/2010 11:19:48 AM

afkarr

Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavekal

So you are married but seeing someone on the side?

If you're asking me, the answer is yes- I'm seeing someone who is also married on the side.

(in reply to slavekal)

Post #: 54

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/26/2010 5:03:17 PM

gedienstig

Posts: 155
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline

Well, not being submissive and having s/m feelings since age 11 or so would have made puberty a lot easier for sure. So, in that way, not having these feelings would have been easier. However, lately I have come to terms, this is who I am, I cannot change it, so it's useless to keep asking myself "why me and not someone else" or "why can't I be equally fulfilled by a completely vanilla relationship". This is just the hand I was dealt, and this is the hand I will play...

_____________________________

If they say why, why?
Tell 'em that it's human nature

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 55

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 6/28/2010 1:17:26 PM

kuppykake

Posts: 125
Joined: 7/22/2009
Status: offline

My relationship with my Master started out vanilla. We've been together almost 7 years, and it was only about a year ago that we began the transition into a M/s lifestyle. When we were vanilla, vanilla was all we knew. Now that I know a difference, there's no such thing as vanilla....I hope that makes sense. For us, this lifestyle is much more than sex and kinks. I want to serve him, and I couldn't imagine not doing so now.

(in reply to gedienstig)

Post #: 56

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 7/2/2010 7:36:46 AM

joey46

Posts: 29
Joined: 8/19/2009
Status: offline

Do I enjoy being a submissive? Well, for me that is almost like one of those questions that they ask in a philosophy class. You know, the tree falling in the forest with no one there to hear it and the like. My being turned on by submission just is and has been as long as I can remember. I did not ask for it and apparently I cannot do anything about it.

Do I ever wish I had a broader range of turn-on? Absolutely! At times I do feel a bit lacking to be able to play on only one note, but then someone walks by with just the perfect look or in just the right clothing and my insides start churning and I love it.

I have always imagined that "normal" people don't have that, but I have no way of knowing since I have never been one.

I am continually grateful that if I am going to be abnormal, I have not been handed one that hurts other people.

We have no other cards to play than the ones we are dealt, so lets work with them as honestly and responsibly as we can.

(in reply to kuppykake)

Post #: 57

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 7/2/2010 11:00:18 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

Hell yes I would take vanilla if it could fulfill me the way D/s does. Then I wouldn't have split personalities who are constantly at war with one another and I could finally get some sleep

(in reply to joey46)

Post #: 58

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 7/5/2010 12:58:07 PM

graceadieu

Posts: 1518
Joined: 3/20/2008
From: Maryland
Status: offline

I love who I am and what I do and the man that I do it with. But it would make it a hell of a lot easier for us to find another girl for us both to date if we were vanilla and looking for a vanilla partner. It's tough enough finding someone for a poly triad, but adding kink and D/s into the mix narrows the pool considerably.

(in reply to submissivemale22)

Post #: 59

RE: Do you enjoy being a submissive? - 7/5/2010 3:51:38 PM

hopelesslyInvo

Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline

i take no pleasure in being who i am; existence alone doesn't afford me anything more than a strong hate for loneliness.

who i am seems to suggest at best where it is that i'll seek out my pleasantries and 'what' as a result that they might consist of.

in this instance i find myself pursuing a relationship that is seen as peculiar, i chase after it in the hopes of finding enjoyment, not because i enjoy chasing. a person that enjoys hunting instead of 'having' has a different name than submissive; someone who finds their satisfaction merely from being what they are will probably be more lonely than i am, regardless of how many people they can surround themselves with.

you're asking a question no one can ever answer truthfully even when spoken in full honesty. the ability to enjoy, and what you 'will' is changed if you change the person.

you may as well be asking a doctor if they'd rather be a murderer; his answer only reflects his current outlook, not the opinion of his murdering self.

if i value something in life, then my values hold me to that life; the most likely answer is that if i wished to give up what i currently am, my alternative persona would also answer the question in the same way, wishing to become what i am now.

if i were offered the ability to trade in my current set of values for new ones, with only the promise of having the same fulfillment i have now, i would question why i would want to be equally unhappy in a different way. the entire premise is pointless.

if my life did have fulfillment in it, i would either be nothing short of fool to give it up, or i wouldn't have ever had the sense of fulfillment i was looking for and just be a skilled practitioner of self deception. people hold on tightly to things they value, they don't trade them off.

the short answer is no; i spend my time wishing i could let other people see things through my eyes, not wishing i was blind.

< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 7/5/2010 3:59:04 PM >

_____________________________

great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.

(in reply to submissivemale22)

Post #: 60

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