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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 3:00:09 PM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

i am going through something very very similar,today of all days so i feel for you,i trully do. O/our insecurites can be right out there in front some days more so than others,but i try really hard(not working real well today i might add,lol),that if your His and You're overall happier with Him than without,wth does a collar matter? Think of the things He does for you so far,why you chose to be owned,what attracted you in the first place. W/we all have bad days,where even W/we don't know what's wrong.what's niggling at U/us. Just be careful with your words,they do matter to Him in the long run and consider what others have said as well. He may be wanting You to beg,may not feel you are quite where you should be in training,hell he might be cheap,but you have the right to ask if worded respectfully "when do You think is a good time to collar a sub" and see what happens. i tend to ask these things online because i want so badly to please Him when W/we spend time together and not go there with any touchy subject areas. Just always be prepared for an answer you might not like. The truth stings sometimes and as i got told today actions speak way more. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you hon ~ jewels xo

< Message edited by SirsJewel -- 6/27/2010 3:16:06 PM >

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

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Post #: 21

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 3:00:10 PM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

i can barely get thru some days of my new situation...because i am willful,outspoken and in general the daggone 'question girl'.

I do not know if this might be a factor in your case but sometimes it might not be the question itself, but either the way the question is asked or the timing of it that I think tends to irk dominant partners.

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Post #: 22

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 3:23:20 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

our r/t has been limited by my misbehavior.....hey im new what can i say?

quote:

I can barely get thru some days of my new situation...because i am willful,outspoken and in general the daggone 'question girl'.

So.... he expects you to learn stuff by osmosis? Gee I wish I could tell all my students who ask questions and who misbehave to stay home. It would make it so much easier! No responsibility on my part to actually teach and mentor them. Just - GO AWAY until you learn to behave. How *does* that work?

As to the question - Just like any relationship, feelings are separate from the physical manifestation. Rarely do they show up at the exact same time.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Post #: 23

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 3:45:10 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline

i'm honored you replied domiguy.

whats a mandel?

domi you and i have the twisted humor except ive been pretty serious today.

glad you stopped by

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Post #: 24

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 3:46:30 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline

omg sunshine.....talk to Him!!!!

lol
ty for your support

hug

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 25

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 4:11:47 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Listen, I don't want to get into *your* dynamic. But I do know that withholding affection and time together is *generally* seen as a HUGE punishment, rarely doled out. It is the worst thing that can be done to someone who thrives on attention. For *ME* I couldn't be with someone like that. It hurts my heart too much.

As a teacher, I wonder how my students can learn if I'm not actually taking the time to teach them. In my head, that is what this kind of relationship is too. If you aren't actually with him, how can he point out your behavior and teach you what he wants?

If this kind of dynamic works for you, that's wonderful. I just think it's kind of doing things backwards.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 26

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 4:19:01 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I think Domi's point is, it is better to gift your one with a nice pair of flip flops instead of a collar.

That's what Ailleen did with Shore!

They are..... flip flopped!

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 27

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 4:54:23 PM

DarlingSavage

Posts: 2808
Joined: 9/18/2009
Status: offline

quote:

because i am willful,outspoken and in general the daggone 'question girl'.

Dude, there's nothing wrong with asking questions. Seriously, I see that as a red flag. And apparently, I'm not the only one that thinks that the attention withholding is not a cool thing to be doing. These are some things you might want to think about. A relationship isn't supposed to make you feel bad.

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Post #: 28

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 5:14:55 PM

LinnaeaBorealis

Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline

I really really truly adore you Ms Sunshine!! I would hate to have r/t visits curtailed because I misbehaved. And I gotta agree, there ain't no way I'm gonna learn unless he spends time with me teaching me. And I just gotta ask questions. There are times when I need to understand why I need to do something a certain way. If I know why, I am way more likely to remember to do it the way that is being asked of me.

As for the question, I don't need a collar to let me know that I am owned. My own collar is a tattoo on the back of my neck that was placed there within 3 weeks of our first r/l meeting. He wanted that symbol of his ownership of me.

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Forget your perfect offering
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(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 29

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 5:18:36 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I was a Domme for 5 years, a submissive for 3 years, and a slave for one year. I didn't use a collar or other physical symbol of the relationship, though I did wear one in both of the s-type relationships while we were spending time together in private, and most of the time during play. Until fairly recently, I'd thought of them as mostly an Internet thing, like S/slashy s/Speak.

I don't consider asking questions to be misbehaving, and I was only punished twice in the three year relationship, and not at all in my most recent one. I tried to always do what was asked of me, and trusted them to be reasonable and patient with me if I had difficulties. It was an opportunity to brainstorm and figure out how to give them what they wanted. I've never been into the online or long-distance thing, but we couldn't see each other every day, since the logistics just didn't work out that way.

I agree it's important to talk with him, find out what his expectations are, figure out why you aren't meeting them and what both of you can do to fix that. You should also ask him about the collar, since there are such a wide range of views on them. It's entirely possible that he doesn't realise how important it is to you, or how confused and uncertain you are.

(in reply to DarlingSavage)

Post #: 30

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 5:29:57 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline

he thrives on my uncertainty.

its not the questions i get in trouble for ...its my presentation im sure....and i go into near hysteria when separated ...and dig my holes further....and regarding a collar....i think i want his declaration and clarity of where i stand.....if i am being honest

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 31

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 5:31:43 PM

Nineveh

Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Listen, I don't want to get into *your* dynamic. But I do know that withholding affection and time together is *generally* seen as a HUGE punishment, rarely doled out. It is the worst thing that can be done to someone who thrives on attention. For *ME* I couldn't be with someone like that. It hurts my heart too much.

As a teacher, I wonder how my students can learn if I'm not actually taking the time to teach them. In my head, that is what this kind of relationship is too. If you aren't actually with him, how can he point out your behavior and teach you what he wants?

If this kind of dynamic works for you, that's wonderful. I just think it's kind of doing things backwards.

Best,
sunshine

I know that in my case withholding attention is the ultimate punishment. There's really nothing worse I can do. If she won't accept another punishment I have given, or if she's done something really bad I do sometimes have to resort to it, but it is the last resort before actually ending things.

(mind you this is in long distance relationships. Face to face there's more time that we are not paying attention to one another)

(in reply to sunshinemiss)

Post #: 32

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 5:52:54 PM

BonesFromAsh

Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

he thrives on my uncertainty.

Do you?

quote:

and regarding a collar....i think i want his declaration and clarity of where i stand.....if i am being honest

This seems to go right back to whether or not you thrive on your uncertainty. I know what it sounds like to me but I'm curious to hear what you have to say.

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 33

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:19:55 PM

bestheadyet

Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline

i dont thrive on it at all......

it makes me feel like im in freefall with no parachute.

ive been asked why do i continue.....

its more simple than this thread for sure....i love Him ....in an inexplicable way.
color me crazy but im allowing heart to rule me....its part of me letting go of control ....for me anyhoo
thats my story and im sticking to it

(in reply to BonesFromAsh)

Post #: 34

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:21:03 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsJewel

i am going through something very very similar,today of all days so i feel for you,i trully do. O/our insecurites can be right out there in front some days more so than others,but i try really hard(not working real well today i might add,lol),that if your His and You're overall happier with Him than without,wth does a collar matter? Think of the things He does for you so far,why you chose to be owned,what attracted you in the first place. W/we all have bad days,where even W/we don't know what's wrong.what's niggling at U/us. Just be careful with your words,they do matter to Him in the long run and consider what others have said as well. He may be wanting You to beg,may not feel you are quite where you should be in training,hell he might be cheap,but you have the right to ask if worded respectfully "when do You think is a good time to collar a sub" and see what happens. i tend to ask these things online because i want so badly to please Him when W/we spend time together and not go there with any touchy subject areas. Just always be prepared for an answer you might not like. The truth stings sometimes and as i got told today actions speak way more. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) to you hon ~ jewels xo

Jewlels?...... paragraphs are you friend.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 35

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:27:14 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

your

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 36

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:29:07 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I have a couple of questions. Please don't take offense. This is the reaction I get to most of your posts.

Do you really want to be a slave or did someone tell you should be?

Are you really in the right dynamic for you?

Do you know that you can pick your Master and negotiate the terms of your dynamic?

If the answer to all of those things is yes, do you really think WE are the ones that should be giving you advice rather than HIM? Do you really think it's appropriate to ask a third party to talk to him for you? Can you not see there's a serious problem here?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 37

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:29:23 PM

SirsJewel

Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline

toche' and spelling my name is Yours hehe ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 38

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:31:01 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

Yeah.... typing is not one of my many fine qualities........ spelling either...:)

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to SirsJewel)

Post #: 39

RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:31:24 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet
and regarding a collar....i think i want his declaration and clarity of where i stand.....if i am being honest

Do you want a declaration of where you stand or do you want a piece of leather or metal to wear around your neck?

If I were you I'd clarify what 'owned' means and whether or not it means you're in an exclusive relationship. To me 'collared' is a word for a relationship where a piece of neck jewellery is used to symbolize commitment.

I kind of hate the word 'collared' and I wouldn't want my relationship dynamic to be based around dog jewellery, but that's totally just me. If the collar thing is important to you, bring it up with your guy.

(in reply to bestheadyet)

Post #: 40

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