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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/29/2010 6:07:48 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I think it is admirable for people to be so outwardly caring towards this new poster.
However, given that her master is evidently following this thread, I am not sure voicing those feelings here would be the best way of offering her continued support.


Although I try to offer caring words to people who genuinely seem to need them, after reading her posts it reminds me of my first forays into wiitwd... I do not want to get into a debate about "sub frenzy", but she stated she is a newbie to what she is currently experiencing... thinking back about my experiences, newbiness can make a person fairly vulnerable. Boundaries become fuzzy...her dominant person might not be to blame at all, he maybe dealing with a person that is experiencing a form of sub frenzy... I don't know... I never will know....

In my world if it isn't fun, satisfying, and/or rewarding... I opt out.... I figure others are like me in that way

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 121
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/29/2010 10:54:39 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		i have said very little as a result of her master. Being new to the thread-end of CM i see a duality of advice. You get some who start off in one direction, and wind slowly along being snarky and suddenly they care so for the poster. Does the person seeking the help follow up with a post saying,yes! problem solved? Makes a person fearful to Ever bring a concern much less a topic of discussion to the boards as a sub is unloyal towards her owner if she doesn't bring the problem to Him/Her. Isn't that what a group of "objective" folks are supposed to be? Some are so into just posting meaness on things like grammar or spelling that it truly takes from the post at hand and what was once something of importance to the poster. Sure it's fun to goof around,but not at someone's expense.

To the poster. You seem to be a lovely person,who had a personal question that has been raked over the coals. Ask yourself this please? Are you happier with him than without him? You aren't in this relationship very long and have a small ammount of yourself invested overall. When you look back,you can see yourself before him. Can you go back and rethink the plan? i know i could if absolutely necessary, it's life. Being a slave does Not being miserable for your servatude and devotion. Keep in mind the Master/owner has an obligation to serve you in return and often times that's forgotten. Take yourself out of corners and put some thinking into your needs/wants and please be well ~ jewels

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God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 122
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 2:17:12 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave


quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

he thrives on my uncertainty.

its not the questions i get in trouble for ...its my presentation im sure....and i go into near hysteria when separated ...and dig my holes further....and regarding  a collar....i think i want his declaration and clarity of where i stand.....if i am being honest




Am I the only one that had huge red flags popping up from this??


it might be a huge red flag, it might also be the way they interact

i think for my Husband it is quite nice when i am insecure as it makes Him feel more powerful in making the decision... i am a ditherer, i see too many sides, He is more capable of cutting through the crap and making a choice, but at times He likes to let me dither and sway until i virtually beg Him to sort it out for me.
It is not that He makes me insecure (although He might toy with me like that at times to for mind-fuck purposes which can be a great emotional roller coaster ride) but it is more that i am a ditherer by nature and He enjoys watching me dither at times.

if i were the op though i would work on the 'hysteria when separated', i say: you have to have some selfcontrol and get on with your own things too.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 123
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 2:36:10 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline 		bestheadyet - HUG!

From my, very personal, perspective - I'd never explicitly "collar" someone. So anyone who is "owned" by me (although I confess, I also struggle with that term too!) is never going to be collared.

The key seems to lie in what you feel the term "collar" means (and implies) and what your D feels about it.

It could be that the D in question defines "ownership" in a way that is completely compatible with your definition of "collared".

It could be a bunch of other things too of course - And yes, I spose the "having the fun w/o the responsibility" could be one of them.

My advice, for what it's worth, is to be clear about what kind of relationship you want/need - (in terms of roles/responsibilities) and then check that your D is looking for something that is compatible. Don't get hung up on terminology - think about the outcome though. No-one "needs" a collar (or a wedding ring), they need the relationship which (for them) the collar signifies. If you're happy that you've got the relationship right, then perhaps the "collar" isn't so important?


(in reply to bestheadyet)
Profile   Post #: 124
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 2:48:03 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		As long as no one writes about being "collarded" as once happened, no problem. That post brought up visions of collard greens being slapped all over the submissive.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to crazyml)
Profile   Post #: 125
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 2:53:51 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		ooooo.... I love collard greens!

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Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 126
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 2:57:09 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Anyone from North Georgia would. :) I wonder what the effect a mess of uncooked collard greens tied together and used as a flogger would be?

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 127
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 2:58:35 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline
quote:

That post brought up visions of collard greens being slapped all over the submissive.
Gawd...she'd end up looking like a swamp monster.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
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(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 128
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 3:01:25 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Creature From the Black Lagoon....1954 version.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 129
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 3:02:37 AM   
sirsholly


Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline 		*shudder*

I saw that movie when i was a little girl and it scared the holy heck out of me!!!!


_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)


(in reply to ExSteelAgain)
Profile   Post #: 130
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 5:10:53 AM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		ya'll are a trip.....love me some greens!!!! and the flogger from greens? priceless!!!! made my morning!!!

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 131
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 5:20:30 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

I think it is admirable for people to be so outwardly caring towards this new poster.
However, given that her master is evidently following this thread, I am not sure voicing those feelings here would be the best way of offering her continued support.


Although I try to offer caring words to people who genuinely seem to need them, after reading her posts it reminds me of my first forays into wiitwd... I do not want to get into a debate about "sub frenzy", but she stated she is a newbie to what she is currently experiencing... thinking back about my experiences, newbiness can make a person fairly vulnerable. Boundaries become fuzzy...her dominant person might not be to blame at all, he maybe dealing with a person that is experiencing a form of sub frenzy... I don't know... I never will know....

In my world if it isn't fun, satisfying, and/or rewarding... I opt out.... I figure others are like me in that way


I also accepted negative treatment from dominant men during my sub frenzy phase here. I look back and cringe at that now that I can clearly see how mentally unhealthy it was for me. I see a lot of that in the OP. She seems intelligent and will most likely have that aha moment when she realize that you can have a sadistic controlling relationship with someone who cares about you. That makes all of the difference in the world and it removes all of the doubts.
The OP strikes me as someone that requires affection in a relationship. I doubt she'll get it from this man.

_____________________________



(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 132
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/30/2010 6:16:40 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I think Shore should make you appologize for the way you treat me!

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(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 133
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