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RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:32:00 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		The difference being, his is still legible. Between the slashy speak, poor punctuation, run-on sentences and no paragraphs, what you are typing is very difficult to read. I really would like to read it.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:41:25 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		In those instances where the man in my life said "I own you" I have to say it was mutual.  At that point we put aside dating other people and focused exclusively on each other (romantically).  It was indeed like a vanilla couple being exclusive.

Though I have spent all of my life in BDSM'y D/s type relationships I have never been collared.  For me being collared is more like a symbol that my mate would require to feel secure in my committment.  So far no one has required it of me.  I am not sure I would use a collar for anything except play.  But then I resisted marriage too, having only gone that route once in my life.


quote:

ORIGINAL: SpiritedRadiance

To me Im owned long before Im collared, a collar to me, Is like a wedding ring, however being owned is like a vanilla couple saying lets be exclusive.

Ownership, is that feeling I get when Im with someone and I want to put his needs before mine.

A Collar is something that comes after...that mental happyness


(in reply to SpiritedRadiance)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:50:31 PM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		that was meant in jest ....the 'talk to him' youre speaking of.

the right dynamic? how does anyone know where they fit in this world?

im a newbie to ALLof this.. ....though i have been a subbie for years.

most of the time when i start a post its just a little question....and then 3 pages later here we are.

i don't have any friends in the 'vanilla world' i can discuss it with ya know? and dynamic wrong or right because of how i feel ....is why im still with Him. and i am stubborn enough to try and get whatever 'it' i seem to be missing.
sorry if i'm out of line laurell.

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:54:02 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I think Domi's point is, it is better to gift your one with a nice pair of flip flops instead of a collar.

That's what Ailleen did with Shore!


They are..... flip flopped!


Hahahahaha.

Owned and collared go hand in hand to me. I can't imagine him owning me without collaring me and vice versa.

_____________________________



(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:57:18 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		i think most people read me just fine. Maybe you need to get the point of the crown you wear as queen puncuation outta your behind tho? Don't read my comments if they bother you so horribly. i have never seen such crankmasters and mistresses get off the beaten path so horribly,it really takes the fun out of communication to find ONE mispleeeeeeeeeelling and milk it for an ego.sheesh ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 6:59:17 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsJewel

i think most people read me just fine. Maybe you need to get the point of the crown you wear as queen puncuation outta your behind tho? Don't read my comments if they bother you so horribly. i have never seen such crankmasters and mistresses get off the beaten path so horribly,it really takes the fun out of communication to find ONE mispleeeeeeeeeelling and milk it for an ego.sheesh ~ jewels


Chill. Count me in on one of those that skips over your posts too.

_____________________________



(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:01:10 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

that was meant in jest ....the 'talk to him' youre speaking of.

the right dynamic? how does anyone know where they fit in this world?

im a newbie to ALLof this.. ....though i have been a subbie for years.

most of the time when i start a post its just a little question....and then 3 pages later here we are.

i don't have any friends in the 'vanilla world' i can discuss it with ya know? and dynamic wrong or right because of how i feel ....is why im still with Him. and i am stubborn enough to try and get whatever 'it' i seem to be missing.
sorry if i'm out of line laurell.




I'm not suggesting you are out of line for asking for advice. Please read it again. I am saying the only people that really know the answer to these questions is you and him. Take a good inventory of what you need from a dynamic/relationship and asess realistically whether you are getting that. Then talk to him. We cannot tell you why he does what he does. We cannot tell you what a collar means to him....that's my point, not that you are "out of line."

I don't believe in any dynamic that includes abandonment for "punishment" personally. I don't know the circumstances though. I'm not going to jump the gun and say anything about him. Maybe you need more attention than he can give....who knows other than you and him?

I could care less whether the terms "owned" or "collared" apply to my dynamic. I care whether we are both happy and getting our needs met in the relationship. Is that true for you or him? Hell if I know.

Do you see where I am going here? It's not, you're horrible for posting, it's you seem to really want us to tell you what you and he should need and want. We can't and your ability to communicate with HIM is your greatest tool to preserve this relationship.

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 6/27/2010 7:05:15 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to bestheadyet)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:01:30 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		Sounds good to me! ~ jewels

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:03:16 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsJewel

i think most people read me just fine. Maybe you need to get the point of the crown you wear as queen puncuation outta your behind tho? Don't read my comments if they bother you so horribly. i have never seen such crankmasters and mistresses get off the beaten path so horribly,it really takes the fun out of communication to find ONE mispleeeeeeeeeelling and milk it for an ego.sheesh ~ jewels


Chill. Count me in on one of those that skips over your posts too.


Do you react to everything leading with your ego? Do you honestly believe that I would even post that if I wasn't trying to help you? I would just not read anything you write. I'm not alone. I think you are attempting to communicate and it's important to you.

I'm dating Jeffff for fucks sake, do you REALLY REALLY think spelling is that important to me?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:04:03 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

i dont thrive on it at all......

it makes me feel like im in freefall with no parachute.

ive been asked why do i continue.....

its more simple than this thread for sure....i love Him ....in an inexplicable way.
color me crazy but im allowing heart to rule me....its part of me letting go of control ....for me anyhoo
thats my story and im sticking to it

You will either learn to deal with it or he will change or you will leave.  Maybe in a day or a week or a month or ....well......

Uncertainty all the time would not be good for me, and I would know it wasnt right for me immediately.

Good luck.

_____________________________

yep

(in reply to bestheadyet)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:08:50 PM   
SirsJewel


Posts: 696
Joined: 3/23/2010
Status: offline 		No offense taken, but i don't come to Cm for grammer lessons and most don't. i dont write horribly,but i do notice that anyone new seems to get thier 9 slashes. i don't read posts and think"hmmmmmmmmmmm i think i will correct that individual on a bunch of crap",it's not my place any more than it would be to speak "down" to someone in person. i have done nothing offensive purposely to gain attenton. i am not that way here or in real life. i just wish people would lighten up a tad honestly, life is way too short, Have fun ~ jewels xo

_____________________________

God grant me the serenity to accept people for who they are and not whom i wish they could be ~ jewels

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:09:00 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I'm dating Jeffff for fucks sake, do you REALLY REALLY think spelling is that important to me?




I believe my spelling was just insulted there.

I am warning you, I will not wear flip flops!

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to laurell3)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:10:37 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsJewel

No offense taken, but i don't come to Cm for grammer lessons and most don't. i dont write horribly,but i do notice that anyone new seems to get thier 9 slashes. i don't read posts and think"hmmmmmmmmmmm i think i will correct that individual on a bunch of crap",it's not my place any more than it would be to speak "down" to someone in person. i have done nothing offensive purposely to gain attenton. i am not that way here or in real life. i just wish people would lighten up a tad honestly, life is way too short, Have fun ~ jewels xo



It is easier to read with spaces....... that's all

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:11:58 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		When I was new I never got those slashes.  Luck?  Perhaps I should have pulled off my shirt.

(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:12:06 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

he thrives on my uncertainty.

its not the questions i get in trouble for ...its my presentation im sure....and i go into near hysteria when separated ...and dig my holes further....and regarding  a collar....i think i want his declaration and clarity of where i stand.....if i am being honest




Did you agree to his emotional sadism? Does this work for you? Do you feel happier being refused visits, being refused any clarification, being punished for things you didn't know were wrong, not being told or taught how to succeed but instead being set up for failure?

Because there is nothing different about a power relationship to a vanilla one. You need the same things in both. You need to be fulfilled, to feel better with him than without him, you need honesty and open communication.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to bestheadyet)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:13:04 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

i want more than i certainly deserve....but i want to know i am doing something right!!!! LOL

[/size]


I'm not sure why no one else has asked this, but what in the world makes you think you don't deserve what you want? Does HE make you feel that way? Does something in your past make you feel that way?

Thinking you are undeserving of what you want is not a good thing. Then you go on to say that you want clarity of where the relationship stands. Do you think for some reason you don't deserve to have that information?

If the reason you feel undeserving is due to something in your past, then you should get yourself into some type of therapy and work on realizing that you are deserving.

If the reason you feel you don't deserve what you want is because that is what HE is telling you or leading you to believe, then you need to leave, now.

Because unless what it is that you want is something unrealistic like being in charge of the relationship (which is only unrealistic because you identify as an s-type and he a d-type), or he is withholding something as punishment, you should never feel as though you are undeserving, and his job as your dominant is to help you learn that, not to encourage that belief as a means of control

(in reply to bestheadyet)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:13:43 PM   
Nineveh


Posts: 1299
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirsJewel

i think most people read me just fine. Maybe you need to get the point of the crown you wear as queen puncuation outta your behind tho? Don't read my comments if they bother you so horribly. i have never seen such crankmasters and mistresses get off the beaten path so horribly,it really takes the fun out of communication to find ONE mispleeeeeeeeeelling and milk it for an ego.sheesh ~ jewels


Honestly I usually skip your posts.  Not because you don't have valuable things to say but because they are difficult to read.

(in reply to SirsJewel)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:14:13 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
I am warning you, I will not wear flip flops!


Be strong! Hide her yarn if need be.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:17:44 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
I am warning you, I will not wear flip flops!


Be strong! Hide her yarn if need be.


hahahaha I don't knit! That's for the kyra yarn revolution! Long live yarn!!!!!

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: owned but not collared.....wth? - 6/27/2010 7:19:09 PM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		ty DesFIP......i really do ty




(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 60
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