RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong.

RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 10:48:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan And I am not trying to continue discussion on aftercare, it would be on topic because I present it in my original post, what I am pointing out is that what you quote you only read half of it. quote: "Aftercare in most cases is crock of shit. No not the giving of it, but the idea that it is one sided." So my argument if you read the whole sentence is that.... I have no issue with giving aftercare, I think that a submissives is the only one who needs it right away is a crock of shit. Now you have argued that I somehow believe that all aftercare is a crock of shit because you read the first part of this sentence and not the rest. QSM If you noticed I only responded to the irrational comment...that was what I thought sounded a bit as if you were saying those who need lots of aftercare were irrational. I am saying that people read the entirety of your post,... they focus in on the first part, and they may not even see the second... the entire post takes on a dismissive flavor for submissives who need aftercare... you start out the post with a disclaimer, why? It comes off as a way of saying "I am about to say things that will be inflammatory, you have been warned"... You have a good sense of humor, you have some interesting ideas, and I really enjoy reading about relationship structures I will never have because I am curious about other people... I am just pointing out why people might find your posts offensive... do what you will with that

marie2 -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 10:49:33 AM)
Julia: In QSM's defense, let's look at the way the OP concluded her post. Are there any Doms out there who do NOT like to do aftercare?Are there any subs who desperately need it but have had to stifle the need because their Dom wanted them to "get over it"? Everyone else - do you need aftercare? Do you loathe aftercare? Think it's silly? Love it? She is basically opening up the door to hear any and all opinions on or about aftercare. She even uses negative terms herself as examples of how one might feel.... ie..."loathe" "Silly". His answer: Aftercare in most cases is crock of shit. No not the giving of it, but the idea that it is one sided. While he could have used a nicer term than crock of shit....there was nothing out of line about his response, given the way the question was posed. He focused on his personal feelings about aftercare. Which is exactly what the OP asked. Most of us did focus more on her and her issue, but in reality, she didn't ask for our advice on her situation (at least not in her original post). She asked us how we feel about aftercare, and indicated by the wording of her question that she was willing to listen to the good AND the bad..

juliaoceania -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 10:51:41 AM)
quote: We all have done this, dude. And you learn how to communicate more effectively when you take a moment. You are admitting it?[:D] Me, I am an innocent angel...[sm=evil.gif]

sexyred1 -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 10:52:27 AM)
Of course. I can admit that at least. Other things, not so much.[;)]

juliaoceania -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 10:57:58 AM)
In the original thread I did not comment on it, I only brought it into this thread because people read that with the rest of the post, well it adds to the impact of the entire post.. see what I mean? This thread is about how the communication process works, it works not with one line, or two, it takes the entire post to communicate the idea... and someone gets to that line, and they say to themselves "crock of shit"... it just adds to the disclaimer, and the irrational part

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 11:04:54 AM)
Having seen the way views differ and quickly deteriorate I wanted to set a disclaimer, something that said Hey guys I know we will disagree on things but lets be adults and discuss it. I don't see anything wrong with that, how it can be interperated is strange at times to me, people read the same words I am and come up with a completely different view, so I asked that people keep in civil. Although this thread is not in direct relation to the Aftercare Thread, or the "Image that we give" thread. or any of the threads I have started like the one on Cop's or ones I started the first time around when I was on CollarMe. I know that things get heated, not just in responce to my views but just about any view that is different from someone who strongly believes in their own beliefs. The purpose for saying things like " I know this is not going to be a Popular Opinion" or "Just when people were starting to like me" or anyt other variation where I own that I know my opinion isn't the either the most common or the most popular, I guess what I am trying to convey is that I already know that it isn't the most popular.... you don't need to inform me of that, QSM

marie2 -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 11:08:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania In the original thread I did not comment on it, I only brought it into this thread because people read that with the rest of the post, well it adds to the impact of the entire post.. see what I mean? This thread is about how the communication process works, it works not with one line, or two, it takes the entire post to communicate the idea... and someone gets to that line, and they say to themselves "crock of shit"... it just adds to the disclaimer, and the irrational part Agree. And that's the part where people are going to start to personalize someone else's opinion, which usually "hurts" the reader who is doing the personalizing and not so much the person who wrote the comment. I'm certainly not above this myself. I've read plenty of stuff that I've taken to heart, and sometimes even argued it. But more and more I do try to not be affected by stuff like that. It's not easy at times. Even QSM is doing that now. He's concerning himself with opinions that have no affect on himself and his relationships. That's when we have to step back and get it into the proper perspective.

juliaoceania -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 11:10:21 AM)
The only time I get heated about lifestyle threads is when it seems to me that people are telling someone what they are doing is less than what someone else does. One example is safeword threads.. I have had people who told me safewords were dangerous and dominants that used them were bullshit, etc etc etc. My dom and I used safewords, and I did not take kindly to that. I think when you should expect civility, respond to civility, what we focus on grows....

marie2 -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 11:13:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania what we focus on grows.... Yes.

NorthernGent -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 11:52:34 AM)
There's no 'right and wrong' but there's a line to be drawn.... Which is the difference between....."don't walk on the grass"....and "you may walk on the grass"........if you see my point....

marie2 -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 12:13:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent There's no 'right and wrong' but there's a line to be drawn.... Which is the difference between....."don't walk on the grass"....and "you may walk on the grass"........if you see my point.... I don't get it. Could you draw me a picture?

juliaoceania -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 12:51:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent There's no 'right and wrong' but there's a line to be drawn.... Which is the difference between....."don't walk on the grass"....and "you may walk on the grass"........if you see my point.... I don't get it. Could you draw me a picture? I can't resist [image]local://upfiles/269948/73D146F6466C44239B6BC3E3E689F173.jpg[/image]

marie2 -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 12:53:17 PM)
Ha!!

NorthernGent -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 1:23:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent There's no 'right and wrong' but there's a line to be drawn.... Which is the difference between....."don't walk on the grass"....and "you may walk on the grass"........if you see my point.... I don't get it. Could you draw me a picture? No. It wasn't intended for you and your type......you utter Italian cock end.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 1:24:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania The only time I get heated about lifestyle threads is when it seems to me that people are telling someone what they are doing is less than what someone else does. One example is safeword threads.. I have had people who told me safewords were dangerous and dominants that used them were bullshit, etc etc etc. My dom and I used safewords, and I did not take kindly to that. I think when you should expect civility, respond to civility, what we focus on grows.... It's called having an opinion, Julia. It may differ from your opinion but they have the right to it. You are making things too much about you when they aren't. I'll use your example quoted above. That you didn't take kindly to others expressing another opinion of safe words demonstrates what I'm talking about. There opinion has nothing to do with you, it doesn't affect your dynamic in the least yet you state you didn't take kindly to it. You and your dom used safewords, great but not everyone does and you know what, the world doesn't come to an end. The dom still watches for signs of things going wrong and adjusts accordingly WITHOUT A SAFE WORD! You seem to take people doing things differently as a personal affront when really they are just simply different. As it happens All I've seen is QSM express his view of what works in his dynamic which is neither right or wrong, it's just HIS opinion.

juliaoceania -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 1:27:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania The only time I get heated about lifestyle threads is when it seems to me that people are telling someone what they are doing is less than what someone else does. One example is safeword threads.. I have had people who told me safewords were dangerous and dominants that used them were bullshit, etc etc etc. My dom and I used safewords, and I did not take kindly to that. I think when you should expect civility, respond to civility, what we focus on grows.... It's called having an opinion, Julia. It may differ from your opinion but they have the right to it. You are making things too much about you when they aren't. I'll use your example quoted above. That you didn't take kindly to others expressing another opinion of safe words demonstrates what I'm talking about. There opinion has nothing to do with you, it doesn't affect your dynamic in the least yet you state you didn't take kindly to it. You and your dom used safewords, great but not everyone does and you know what, the world doesn't come to an end. The dom still watches for signs of things going wrong and adjusts accordingly WITHOUT A SAFE WORD! You seem to take people doing things differently as a personal affront when really they are just simply different. As it happens All I've seen is QSM express his view of what works in his dynamic which is neither right or wrong, it's just HIS opinion. I agree it has nothing to do with me, and I agree it has nothing to do with my dynamic. At the end of the day I could care less what any of you thinks about the way I live my life because I am a happy person....I never said people do not have the right to state their opinions any way they like, just like I have the right to say their opinion sucks, and they are judgmental asshole... see opinions are just opinions and mine is just as valid as theirs...[:D]

marie2 -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 1:32:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent There's no 'right and wrong' but there's a line to be drawn.... Which is the difference between....."don't walk on the grass"....and "you may walk on the grass"........if you see my point.... I don't get it. Could you draw me a picture? No. It wasn't intended for you and your type......you utter Italian cock end. Oooh. I love it when you let down your reserved side and get all harsh 'n shit. Makes me wanna write you dirty emails.

zephyroftheNorth -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 1:38:17 PM)
quote: I agree it has nothing to do with me, and I agree it has nothing to do with my dynamic. At the end of the day I could care less what any of you thinks about the way I live my life because I am a happy person....I never said people do not have the right to state their opinions any way they like, just like I have the right to say their opinion sucks, and they are judgmental asshole... see opinions are just opinions and mine is just as valid as theirs... So you say and yet to quote "I have had people who told me safewords were dangerous and dominants that used them were bullshit, etc etc etc. My dom and I used safewords, and I did not take kindly to that." which to me shows that you care very much what other people's opinions are. Otherwise you wouldn't have said that.

NorthernGent -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 1:46:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent There's no 'right and wrong' but there's a line to be drawn.... Which is the difference between....."don't walk on the grass"....and "you may walk on the grass"........if you see my point.... I don't get it. Could you draw me a picture? No. It wasn't intended for you and your type......you utter Italian cock end. Oooh. I love it when you let down your reserved side and get all harsh 'n shit. Makes me wanna write you dirty emails. Marie.....dear....the last thing I need from you is an e-mail of any description. I'm sure they're interesting......for the simple minded....but....look.....you ain't got a half decent 'dirty e-mail' in you.....best I could possibly get is: "molar top lot....we need to something about it".....and that's no use to anyone. And...everyone time you send me a mail it's some bollocks about another cat is dead. How many cats you got?

juliaoceania -> RE: You may not be right... That doesn't make you wrong. (7/2/2010 1:49:40 PM)
look up my id with the keyword safeword if you care to see how unkindly I took to it.. We are all human beings, and I admitted on this thread there have been times I did not communicate in a good way... anyone who is familiar with my posting history could tell you that when I get caught up in a debate I have the natural inclination to be pitbullish about it. Is this a flaw? I suppose that would depend on the context.... At the end of the day, it doesn't matter to me. I log off this site, sometimes for months at a time, and it rarely crosses my mind because it isn't all that important to me. No one's opinion is going to change my mind on something I believe strongly in, although I might learn from them in the process... I do think it is tacky to tell someone that the way they run their play and/or relationship is less than others... I think people who do that on a regular basis are annoying trolls looking for a fight... looking to bait people. I don't think much of that sort of way of offering an "opinion"... now if you think it is groovy, go you! That is your opinion... Whatever floats your boat

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