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LadyNTrainer -> RE: frustrated male subs (7/7/2010 6:03:56 PM)
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ORIGINAL: naughtynick81
Because males in general in this scene get treated as the second class citizens. It's sexist and lame.
I have seen some macho male dom assholes treating both women and male submissives like second class citizens, but people who act like that don't get invited back to any of the events I attend. In my experience, the women get it a *lot* worse than the men from this class of asshole.
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We are expected to be someone super special to just get the average domme. From this perspective, a male is treated as a lesser human being for just simply being a male.
You will find some people into [insert gender here] supremacy, where they feel the need to justify their sexual preference with some sort of pseudo-religious or fake-scientific nonsense about how one gender is "better" than the other. Those folks may consider one gender to be "lesser" than the other. Except that most sane BDSM folks don't buy into that, and do respect people of all sexual and BDSM orientations.
I think that any male submissive who is good partner material, reasonably interesting and intelligent and considerate with good social skills, will do pretty well considering the number of players and selfish users who identify as "submissive" but aren't. If you're lousy partner material and don't treat dominant women like human beings so much as a fetish delivery system, then yeah, you're fucked, and not in a good way.
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Oh and not to mention, with many dommes, a male sub is not even allowed to express what he wants without being accussed of being an idiot.
Depends on how he expresses it, and at what stage of the relationship. If someone comes to me and introduces himself with a laundry list of sexually explicit fetishes before I even know his real name, then yes, he is an idiot. That's no way to lead a conversation with a potential partner. But if one of my wonderful and much beloved submissive partners expresses even a hint that he might want something, I've been known to take secret notes so that I can make it happen for him when he least expects it. Doesn't matter whether it's a type of scene or a nifty gadget he's admiring on Slashdot. I enjoy doing things for them as much as they enjoy doing things for me. On their end it's service and pleasing me; on my end it's taking care of what's mine and showing how highly I value them as my submitted property.
I don't know how you run your relationships, but in mine there is a solid basis of friendship, mutual respect, caring and consideration, honesty and communication. That's alongside the D/s and poly dynamic, and it's just as integral to the relationship. Everyone in my poly family feels absolutely safe speaking up honestly about how they feel and what they want, and they will always be listened to respectfully by everyone else. I don't think you can really have a very healthy or functional relationship without feeling that kind of safety, especially in a poly situation.
My submissives are expected to speak up respectfully and with consideration for me and for the family as a whole when they express their wants and needs and feelings, but they are also expected to be honest and forthcoming about expressing them. As a dominant, I am responsible for keeping the balance and making sure everyone in the family has their core needs met and is healthy and happy in their place. It works for us with surprisingly little fuss or drama.
I don't really recognize what you're describing because frankly it's pretty alien to my own experience of D/s relationships. I'm sorry you're seeing things this way, but that's really not how it works for everyone in healthy femdom LTR's.
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