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RE: Random Question - 7/12/2010 4:46:43 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723

That makes sense. If you have to teach a dominant to dominate, then is he really dominant...
However in terms of the question I was more curious about technique

BigDaddy723,

That's a broad stroke I won't draw. I would gather the person isn't the proper dominant for me, but could be ideal for someone else. We have to look at this in a complementary fashion.

~porcelaine

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Post #: 61

RE: Random Question - 7/12/2010 5:19:14 PM

BigDaddy723

Posts: 275
Joined: 5/7/2010
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I know my experience is very limited. But it was a conversation with a friend that prompted the question. He felt that his submissive offering advice on a diffrent know was the sub trying to take control from him. That was what my question concerned. That is why I am not seeking a sub of my own until I know that I can handle it.

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Post #: 62

RE: Random Question - 7/12/2010 9:15:07 PM

maybemaybenot

Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
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Slight Hijack here :

I am digging the new photos BigDaddy. Specially the ones in your chef coat.

hot, very hot.

mbmbn

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Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

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RE: Random Question - 7/12/2010 9:43:42 PM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723

I know my experience is very limited. But it was a conversation with a friend that prompted the question. He felt that his submissive offering advice on a diffrent know was the sub trying to take control from him. That was what my question concerned. That is why I am not seeking a sub of my own until I know that I can handle it.

BigDaddy723,

Maybe Jeff will chime in since we discussed this earlier. In my mind as previously stated it's a matter of ego. Some people are simply uncomfortable with having an individual more adept in their keep. I view the exchange from the prospective of leadership. Which suggests that what the individual in charge lacks he makes certain he compensates for in the people that surround him. In this way all bases are covered. In a relational manner, there have been situations where the submissive was light years ahead of the dominant and they managed to create a dynamic that flourished and things eventually balanced out. Personalities play a big part in this as well. One can view this as a negative or see her as an asset in disguise. It's merely a matter of perspective and a big dollop of maturity in my opinion.

~porcelaine

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RE: Random Question - 7/12/2010 9:55:21 PM

LanceHughes

Posts: 4737
Joined: 2/12/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BigDaddy723

The whole question came about after a conversation with a friend of mine I will call him "A" who has an overly inflated ego, But that is a topic for a diffrent discussion, but we were talking about how his sub "C" having been a boys scout tried to show him a diffrent way of tieing some knots, A, was upset and was venting to me about how he felt like C, was trying to top him from the bottom. I dissmissed his claim and told him there are more then one knot and to go looks some up. But It made me think, and I wanted to know what other people thoughts were.

Their dynamic seems to have changed. I think it changed because "A" perceived it as a change. "A" mistakenly thought that "C" was trying to top him from the bottom. Very often, perceptions are reality..... Er,.... forget the "very often".... we'll just go with "Perceptions ARE reality."

On the other hand the way that "C" delivered this knowledge had a LOT to do with "A"'s perception of what was happening. We can't discount that.

"Sir, when I was in Boy Scouts, we learned many knots. Would you like me to share some of them with you?" is mighty different than

"Sir, I learned how to do this in Boy Scouts," says "C" as he grabs the ropes from "A." <OR insert your own topping from the bottom scenario here.>

So, can the dynamics change as the bottom teaches the top? You bet! AND as others have said, takes a secure top to answer "May I show you what I learned?" with a "Yes." The top might also say, "Boy, thanks for reminding me that the Sciut books are a good resource. I'll check on them. For right now, we're going to get back to one of my favorites. Get that ass over your chair and I'll flog you."

So, the top can "deflect" the bottom doing that top from the bottom stuff. When the bottom grabs the ropes away, well, that gets: "Boy, I'm in charge here. DROP those ropes - NOW!" Then "Pick them up and hand them to me. Yes, I'm interested in what you learned in the Scouts, but that was just plain rude to grab the ropes. You've earned some penalty strokes for that behavior. Try it again, boy and this time, you will do it in a way that shows you want to help me, not take over. Get it?"

Summary: The top is in charge. If a top feels (whether true or not) the bottom wants to take over.... well.... don't let them!

_____________________________

"Train 'em the right way - my way." Lance Hughes
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer, but wish we didn't." Erica Jong

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