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The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:01:55 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
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This is flashed around, as an insult on so many threads ive lost count.

If a Dom/me lists their need and wants, its accepted.

God help a sub doing the same thing, we then become "do-me".

Dont all of us looking for a relationship, have the right to get what we want out of a relationship?

I was going to put a disclaimer in about those that identify as "no limits, doormats, etc", but surely if you werent getting your own needs met, you wouldnt still be in the relationship.

Wraps myself in flame retardant material, awaiting responses.

Post #: 1

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:06:53 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
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To me this is another one of those internet things.

As soon as people meet and get to know each other, that kinda stuff gets worked out.

Or it doesn't and folks move on.

I think there is a tendency to try and be very specific on the net. I also think there is a tendency to accentuate your role.

Dom types often try to seem more domly, sub types more subtly in order to try and clearly portray who they are.

However, since I just responded to Pact as "this boy" I could be all sorts of wrong about this..:)

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 7/3/2010 3:17:49 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 2

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:09:30 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
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I think it gets thrown around more when a submissive says things like:

"Any Dominant who wants to own me will need to be ________ and _________ and if they think they will ever get __________ they got another thing coming because I am a SUB NOT A SLAVE"

or

"I let me Dom/me do _________ to me, but when I wanted ___________ I didn't get it... Is he/she a Bad Dominant?"

The "Do-Me" mentality to me is more often seen when WIITWD is done on a bedroom level only, or on a weekend warrior level, I tend to coin it to women who have been a single sub for half a decade, but have vanilla relationships, and complain that they have yet to meet a Dominant worth their surrender. Where as that may very well be true, when you ask what they seek in a dominant worth surrendering to you get a list of things that are all about pleasing and serving their needs.

To me it isn't an Insult, it's really just a descriptor that only those who it is applied to view as negative, personally I just see them as someone who just isn't my cup of tea.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 3

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:13:24 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
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Ok i'm agreeing with an anteater!!! what will my mother say

Whatever side of the kneel, we all have things we need/ want, and i agree, if you get to the meet stage, half of thats already been worked out, or why would you be meeting???

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 4

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:17:19 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

However, since I just responded to Pact as "this boy" I could be all sorts of wrong about this..:)

Were you wearing your tiara when you said it?

Dammit. The pic thing didn't work

< Message edited by marie2 -- 7/3/2010 3:18:50 PM >

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 5

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:17:44 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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I agree frazzle. There is alot of fantasy based crap that goes on that ignores the fact that we all have needs and no amount of rules or roles are going to change that.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Post #: 6

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:19:08 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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Too many terms get bastardized, over used, misconstrued, and twisted every kind of way on the internet. That's not to say that 'do-me' subs don't exist. There are definitely folks out there who want all of their wishes fulfilled, but don't want to contribute the other way around. I see them in My mail every day and I'm not going to deny they are out there.

I don't see a thing wrong with folks who want to get their desires met, but at the same time, I think they have to recognize that it's not a one way street. There's another person involved and it's a good bet that they have desires, too. The responsibility of those desires being met shouldn't lay solely on one person. It should also be mentioned that, especially for female Dominants, we get hit with the poor attitude from male bottoms rather hard. Quite often, we do get looked at as fetish delivery systems and it really isn't that way. Not even someone like Me who does play casually.

_____________________________

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Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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Post #: 7

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:19:27 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

However, since I just responded to Pact as "this boy" I could be all sorts of wrong about this..:)

Were you wearing your tiara when you said it?

No.. I wore no hat and he'd my eyes lowered.

I was a good boy!

You could learn from that.

_____________________________

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Post #: 8

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:27:20 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

This is a BDSM website. BDSM is a form of kinky sex for many people. There is no law that one has to be anything but a top/bottom to enjoy wiitwd. I get emails that I am not really a submissive... and I always ask them to point me to where in my profile I claimed to be... you see these types often only read the first lines of text and they don't read toward the middle where I state that many wouldn't think me to be a sub... and that is alright by me...

Here is the thing, being called a "do-me" can only be an insult if you are 1)insecure about your orientation or 2) value the opinion of internet asshats. Men that have been with me find me to be submissive... men that have never met me would probably not... I am just me. Period, end of story..... If they think that I am a "do-me", that is an opinion. I read many profiles of "strict" "stern" "no limits" mastersoftheuniverse, and I don't think those people come off as what my idea of what a dominant should be...

But yanno, my mom said if I did not have anything nice to say I should keep it to myself, so I don't go around telling dominants how lacking their profiles were, too bad many of them haven't learned manners....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 9

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:30:57 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

in reply to both LP and Laurell.

The internet has helped a lot of us find who we actually are, without thinking we're odd (ok i am odd), and i do agree there are people on both sides of the kneel that think its all about them.

If i was going to generalise they seem to be mostly male, wether sub or Dom. For some reason a vast proportion dont see females as having needs. We should "lie back and think of england" or the equivelant.

God bless duracell

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 10

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:32:44 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
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Well frazzle as a female sub it is true that many times you put his needs before yours. However, when someone has to continually thump their chest and demand it and the other person isn't doing that thing that is natural to them, they should be stopping to wonder WHY not thumping harder.

I can't believe I just used the word "thumping" twice....

< Message edited by laurell3 -- 7/3/2010 3:33:21 PM >

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 11

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:37:08 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

Julia i'm not going to disagree, persay, but whatever orientation we are, whatever side of the kneel, we all have needs.

As to the if sub slave bottom etc, i'd love a £1 for every time im told that im fake, just because someone is incompatible.

I;m not insecure, i know who and what i am, and yes im self professed "do-me" sub.

You dont do me as i like, you wont be coming back a second time

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 12

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:38:49 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

I see anteater influence at work.

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 13

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:42:24 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I just think that some of these men that accuse women of being "do-mes" are just frustrated because they have these unreasonable expectations of strangers.... they expect that their definitions are the only definitions..

I read some of the profiles that view me and I think "damn, you wonder why you can't find someone?" Just profiles and journals filled with negativity about no real people, fakes, etc etc etc... but of course the problem is with all the women on this site, it could not possibly be them, and then they are upset when someone doesn't fulfill their fantasy expectations...

I try not to focus on it

And you are right, if it does not fulfill you then why do it?

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 7/3/2010 3:44:24 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 14

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:43:01 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

Interesting.....

Do you ever wonder why a Dominant/Top would stay as far away as possible when someone makes a comment like this?

quote:

You dont do me as i like, you wont be coming back a second time

I mean sure it is your perogative to feel that way, it is your responsibility to find a Dominant who meets your needs, but I will say that even if a Dominant DID meet your restrictive Criteria which included Age, Height, and If they have Children in the home, the rest of the quote reads that you are not interested in surrendering your will to someone but rather that you are interested ONLY in getting your own needs met.

And by the above quote you have told me this is actually true.

I am not saying that it is wrong, but I can't imagine that you will have a sea of posibilities to chose from with being as restrictive and demanding as you are.... not online at least, in person who knows maybe none of those things you list will matter, I know that for me most of what I "Require" is just a guideline if I click with someone on a personal level.

QSM

ETA: Before someone mistakes what point I was making: You have every right to want what you want but do you think that maybe some good matches might pass by thinking that only your desires matter?

< Message edited by AQuietSimpleMan -- 7/3/2010 3:47:50 PM >

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 15

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:44:06 PM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

Eveyone has the right to seek and find a fulfilling relationship. One that suits their needs/desires, and is pleasurable and satisfying- all that good good shit. But not at the expense of others' rights to do the same.

s-types should absolutely be as pro-active as anyone else, in this regard.

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(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 16

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:46:33 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I find it weird that people in general (and some s-types in specific) seem to think that they do not have a right to their wants/needs being fulfilled. In all honesty, I have found it much easier to have good relationships with vanilla men. They are much more into my satisfaction than most d-types I've known ever have been. Since I am seeking a relationship primarily, and D/s secondary, it is easy for me to live with this sort of transition. If I talk to a D-type who does not get it about human relationships, it's not a loss, I simply move on to a more compatible sort.

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Post #: 17

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:51:40 PM

frazzle

Posts: 1212
Joined: 6/20/2009
Status: offline

QSM you are what 29?

I'm 44, done the kiddy thing, didnt particularly like it first time round, i'm not maternal, so NO, i wont do it for someone elses children.

Yes im "shallow" enough to say i wont submit to a man i would look down on if i wore heels. I also want a partner in my age range, i like conversation after fun.

As an added note, ive met subs, doms, male and female off this site. some ive had long term relationships with, most of the rest are still very good friends. Some of us accept we arent compatible as partners but still get on well. Others , we met with only friendship being the goal.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 18

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 3:57:28 PM

jujubeeMB

Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan
You have every right to want what you want but do you think that maybe some good matches might pass by thinking that only your desires matter?

Tell that to the Doms who email me every day

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)

Post #: 19

RE: The "do-me" sub!!! - 7/3/2010 4:00:31 PM

AQuietSimpleMan

Posts: 1410
Joined: 11/15/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: frazzle

QSM you are what 29?

I'm 44, done the kiddy thing, didnt particularly like it first time round, i'm not maternal, so NO, i wont do it for someone elses children.

Yes im "shallow" enough to say i wont submit to a man i would look down on if i wore heels. I also want a partner in my age range, i like conversation after fun.

As an added note, ive met subs, doms, male and female off this site. some ive had long term relationships with, most of the rest are still very good friends. Some of us accept we arent compatible as partners but still get on well. Others , we met with only friendship being the goal.

Frazz,

I get ALL the above, and agree... but that isn't what this thread is about.

It's about Do-Me subs, and having the right to list what you want.

I feel "Do-Me" subs are not my cup of tea. I am however not someone who thinks my wants are all that matters. I seek out women who have needs that I know I can fulfil.

Things I don't do? I don't determine someone ability to surrender their will to me based on Height, Age, or Parental Status. You have stated you admit to being shallow.

You are welcome to list what you want out of a relationship, I would just point out the number of people you may be passing you by because of the way you have presented it.

Personally I want to be seen by the things I had control over, Height, Age, and if I am a parent, in my opinion have very little to do with my ability to be Dominant, or my particular brand of dominance.

This is the only point I was making.

Just trying to give you a glimpse of your statements from the other side of things.

QSM

_____________________________

Guy Stud =Vs= Girl Slut ~~ Debate ENDED!

"If a Key opens many locks, then it is a Master Key, If a Lock is opened by lots of keys, then it is a Shitty Lock"

(in reply to frazzle)

Post #: 20

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