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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:07:04 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		But I'm a woman
Can't you see what I am
I live and breathe for you
What good does it do
If I ain't got you If I ain't got you
If I ain't got you If I ain't got you

Say you don't know
What it's like
Baby you don't know what it's like
To love somebody
To love somebody
The way I love you


_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:07:20 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Doesn't it all come down to compatibility?

Whether it is a longterm relationship, or a hot weekend.

If folks aren't compatible it is not going to be as good as it could have.

Haven't many of us driven home and thought, "fuck I wish that hadn't happened"

Learn or stagnate.

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:12:53 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Learn or stagnate.


Yep

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Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:18:22 AM   
BeingChewsie


Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

I think there has to be a tremendous amount of compatibility for a one sided "do me" relationship to work.
If he always picked things to do that I completely hated, then it would crash and burn eventually.
We are lucky that the things he likes to do match with the things that I like to do...for the most part.
It makes it much easier to give up that control to him.


Compatibility is huge. We still say to each other that we could not have done a better job in choosing each other if we had been able to custom order one another. I think when you are very well suited to each other in most areas of personality or likes/dislikes it makes areas where you diverge easier to swallow. At least for me it does. I think Michael hit on a point that can't be hammered home enough about not jumping in or settling for something that doesn't meet a majority of your needs or where you have a shred of doubt about his/her ability to lead in an effective/productive way that benefits you both in the ways you need it too.

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"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

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Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:31:49 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ok. maybe I am odd.... ok... I know I am...but anyway. my needs change.

To me, compatibility is more some one who has the ability to change also.

It is probably a function of the internet, but so many people here have their shit set in stone. While I do have a few principles that I will not violate, the rest of me tends to change and shift.

My major need, is "don't be a dumbass". Oddly enough, that's not as easy as it sounds..:)

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to BeingChewsie)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:37:23 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I think you and laurell are so well suited because she has voiced those sentiments in the past on these boards... I remember well because I agreed with her.

Life is weird, and nothing stays the same. I would rather have someone that was a constant for me in that they were committed to seeing it through then a "role" that never changed. You are not alone.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:39:55 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I would like to learn to be a do me dominant! People should do stuff while I ignore them, and send me monies!

The hard part for me is figuring out how I get satisfaction from that kind of thing....

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:41:36 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		I just want them to send me monies... screw telling em what to do, they can figure that out for themselves...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:42:28 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ok. maybe I am odd.... ok... I know I am...but anyway. my needs change.

To me, compatibility is more some one who has the ability to change also.

It is probably a function of the internet, but so many people here have their shit set in stone. While I do have a few principles that I will not violate, the rest of me tends to change and shift.

My major need, is "don't be a dumbass". Oddly enough, that's not as easy as it sounds..:)

That's the problem with many of these conversations, Jeffff.

Too many of these topics, folks act like there is only ever one drive, one motivation for their interactions.  That really isn't how it goes.  Very few things in life have some kind of singular focus.  It's rare in life that we ever do things for one reason alone.  There might be a primary thing that drives us at the moment, but the secondaries are still in there.  The next time around, what was secondary the last time might become the primary.

We're not one dimensional creatures by a long shot.  When someone comes along and proclaims they want to be a Dominant because they want to be in charge, they are skipping all of the other stuff that goes with it.  If you asked them all of the reasons they wanted to be the person in authority, you're more than likely going to end up with a list, rather than just that one reason.


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The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:42:49 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

The hard part for me is figuring out how I get satisfaction from that kind of thing....

The monies.

Jeff

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Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:44:47 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Yeah, money can be its own reward

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:46:54 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		the thing is you can have compatibility and be with a 'do me' Dom - granted he wised up eventually but i do remember a convo where i said something like 'i need some gentleness too' and he basically said 'this isnt about youre pleasure'.

as SM said or at least intimated it is a bit of a learning curve for some Doms who find the concept of giving to their sub a bit confusing - i think it is confusion because im damn sure they havent gone their entire lives taking and never giving.  but here the message is that its all about them, period and yes, the relationship burns out because its actually soulless to be constantly giving into a big black gaping hole and thats what taking creates - a situation of constantly having to satisfy a demanding void thats always demanding more, more, more - what else can it do but take if it hasnt conceived the notion of giving back.

but basically i agree that if you find someone who wants what you want then youre home.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:54:07 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Yeah, money can be its own reward


Yeah... but I don't go through life with my hand out. I would feel like a piker taking bux for nothing!

I would have to open my own church!! THEN I could do it!

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:54:55 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		"Do me dom" "Service top", "Master", Owner", Wannabe"

"Fake" , "real" True", "sub", " slave"........


I am Jeff, I will have what I want.

Anyone may feel free to refer to me as they wish.

One nice thing about being me. I don't need no stinking validation..:)

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:56:45 AM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Daddy?

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 9:57:39 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ok..... there is one.......

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 11:01:43 AM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ok. maybe I am odd.... ok... I know I am...but anyway. my needs change.

To me, compatibility is more some one who has the ability to change also.

It is probably a function of the internet, but so many people here have their shit set in stone. While I do have a few principles that I will not violate, the rest of me tends to change and shift.

My major need, is "don't be a dumbass". Oddly enough, that's not as easy as it sounds..:)



I would say adaptablity is more important in my world... than compatiability. With us three there are some things that we are very much compatiable with. But, there is far more things that we have adapted towards in order to make a go of this relationship. Secondly, I don't see adapting as being the same as compromising. To me... compromising is the settling for less than what you want for the betterment of the relationship. Adapting to me is the changing of what you want for the betterment of the relationship.

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Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 11:05:50 AM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		If you two get any cuter, posting lyrics back and forth, you're both out of the will!

*I do love that Aerosmith tune, though*

I thank everyone for their response -- seems like compatibility, and the realization that we're ALL human, and have needs, are key.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 11:25:29 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists


I would say adaptablity is more important in my world... than compatiability. With us three there are some things that we are very much compatiable with. But, there is far more things that we have adapted towards in order to make a go of this relationship. Secondly, I don't see adapting as being the same as compromising. To me... compromising is the settling for less than what you want for the betterment of the relationship. Adapting to me is the changing of what you want for the betterment of the relationship.



Yes, I could not agree more.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 11:47:35 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?


I suppose that's one way to look at it. You have succeeded in condensing the 'do-me' discussion down to its essence: the person doing the 'do-me' thing is the one calling the shots. Now, ask yourself... which side of the slash is (by definition) designed to be calling the shots?


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"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

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Profile   Post #: 60
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