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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:01:05 PM   
jujubeeMB


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Joined: 1/8/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
I agree about context, NG. "Eat the excrement of this homeless guy" is wildly different from "wear this dress tonight", and in most sane people, will elicit different responses.


Said one right after the other like that, you're making me rethink my irritation with Doms telling me how to dress. Sounds totally mild and lovely now

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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:27:52 PM   
JAS61


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Aileen, but you do get your needs met, by Shore's being in total control? Sounds like a win-win thang!



I absolutely do get my needs met.
It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices.
We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration.
In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like.
"Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person.


Yes,I do it that way too. Much nicer to know you are taken care of for your obedience and service. It is just done at my descretion.

(in reply to Aileen1968)
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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:44:03 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968




I absolutely do get my needs met.
It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices.
We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration.
In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like.
"Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person.



but in lots of ways that isnt 'do me' in the true sense of 'do me' (and sod what you like, dislike, its all about me)

what you describe up there is what i consider to be a healthy Ds relationship, happy and functioning well.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 7/4/2010 12:45:47 PM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:44:51 PM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?


I suppose that's one way to look at it. You have succeeded in condensing the 'do-me' discussion down to its essence: the person doing the 'do-me' thing is the one calling the shots. Now, ask yourself... which side of the slash is (by definition) designed to be calling the shots?


By "definition", a dominant would, but it doesn't always work out that way, does it?


_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:45:56 PM   
heartcream


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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Using fast reply...

My head tends to go more towards the concept that KoM has so often expressed. Ultimately, all parties are serving the greater unit. The relationship/family. All parties are doing what they need to do to be sure the relationship/family thrives. Different individuals do that in different ways by providing different strengths, talents and abilities. Different relationships will each have different goals. For some the 'do me' mindset, regardless of which side of the slash, will work perfectly and for others, no.


Yeah I think it is cool when people in relationships make decision based on what is best for the "we".

Much like knitting which is good for the one which makes it good for the One. knomsayin?

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:49:14 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level



Ol' yarn-hater is pretty smart, isn't he?


Now Level dont mess things up here. Let us not call Knights a "yarn-hater". Let us leave the issue open for changing patterns. Repeat.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



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Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:49:36 PM   
Level


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Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
I agree about context, NG. "Eat the excrement of this homeless guy" is wildly different from "wear this dress tonight", and in most sane people, will elicit different responses.


Said one right after the other like that, you're making me rethink my irritation with Doms telling me how to dress. Sounds totally mild and lovely now


Maybe I should write a how-to book?

By God, jujubee, you'd be beyond irritated with me....

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:52:07 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: heartcream


quote:

ORIGINAL: Level



Ol' yarn-hater is pretty smart, isn't he?


Now Level dont mess things up here. Let us not call Knights a "yarn-hater". Let us leave the issue open for changing patterns. Repeat.


I used to be full of hope for such things, but then people began calling me a dick, and that just ruined it.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to heartcream)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:52:38 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
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From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I believe that just as there is Do-me subs there are Do-me Doms. Personally.... I don't have much use for either. I am more for the US of a relationship and less of the Me. But, unfortunately, there are many who enter a relationship not for what they can bring to it but what they can get out of it. My NEEDS, MY WANTS..... get them satisfied or else!!! A relationship to me is more like OUR needs and wants. If there is anything that can point point why our relationship with Alandra, Kyra and I have been so successful is because ofa our individual focus to the US and not the ME. A side note.... compatiability is not perfect... it never is in my view. But.. at our core we are compatiable... and one of the core things being we are here for us not me


See now? I hadnt read this before I posted virtually the same sort of skein of thought.

This is a sample of what you call Logic and Reason.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 12:55:14 PM   
heartcream


Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Ok. maybe I am odd.... ok... I know I am...but anyway. my needs change.

To me, compatibility is more some one who has the ability to change also.

It is probably a function of the internet, but so many people here have their shit set in stone. While I do have a few principles that I will not violate, the rest of me tends to change and shift.

My major need, is "don't be a dumbass". Oddly enough, that's not as easy as it sounds..:)


It is difficult. I try and eat different things and take herbs but stone is not easy to pass. I have had mine etched. I forget what I decided on. I am waiting for it to come out so I can read it.

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat



(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 1:00:24 PM   
jujubeeMB


Posts: 723
Joined: 1/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
quote:

ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
I agree about context, NG. "Eat the excrement of this homeless guy" is wildly different from "wear this dress tonight", and in most sane people, will elicit different responses.

Said one right after the other like that, you're making me rethink my irritation with Doms telling me how to dress. Sounds totally mild and lovely now

Maybe I should write a how-to book?

By God, jujubee, you'd be beyond irritated with me....


Well, of course, it all depends on how compatible your fashion sense is with mine. If you love my short shorts, hoodie and red sneakers then we'd get along fine

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Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 1:09:22 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?


I suppose that's one way to look at it. You have succeeded in condensing the 'do-me' discussion down to its essence: the person doing the 'do-me' thing is the one calling the shots. Now, ask yourself... which side of the slash is (by definition) designed to be calling the shots?


By "definition", a dominant would, but it doesn't always work out that way, does it?



No, it does not. It is entertaining to watch it still be marketed as D/s, though.


_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

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Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 1:17:50 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Do me sub!

No, I'm sure you look great in your short shorts, etc. Did the doms telling you how to dress dislike such a look, or were they just fashion-challenged?

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to jujubeeMB)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 1:19:50 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

No, it does not. It is entertaining to watch it still be marketed as D/s, though.



So a dominant must have a "my way or the highway" sorta attitude or he is marketing himself incorrectly?

I suppose attitude has always meant so much more to me than almost any other sort of personality trait when thinking about being submissive to a man. It is why I have only felt lik being submissive to one man in the last 5 years, because his attitude was something that inspired that in me. He thought it was up to him to create an environment where I wanted and desired to be submissive to him. I have to feel that intrinsic desire to want to be pleasing, yield to him, and the attitude of "my way or the highway" or "obey or leave"... it inspires nothing but resentment from me...

Like I say though, I don't know if I am really "submissive"... I am just me

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 1:59:30 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Thanks lally. I have been struggling with this idea of the only thing so many subs need to be content is to make sure that their dominants are happy. Well.. if I am looking at it from an outsiders viewpoint I can see why so many people post in their profiles that "this is what they want, or there will be hell to pay" If newcomers see so many submissives posting that it IS all about the dominant, then it is no wonder there are thread after thread from dominants getting reamed, and submissives all calling out "what are you offering her?"

Yes, I do need to make my mate happy and content. And yes, I do much better if my mate is calling the shots. But damn it.. it is not all about him. It is about US. It is about both people giving joy to the other, orgasms, attention, love, what ever. It may make me NOT SUBMISSIVE, but I have discovered that for me, it is about me too. I need to be something more than a hole, a servant, or someone to say yes so that he feels powerful. I need to feel it because what HE does for me makes me want to please him more than anything. Count me as selfish, but I need something back.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968




I absolutely do get my needs met.
It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices.
We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration.
In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like.
"Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person.



but in lots of ways that isnt 'do me' in the true sense of 'do me' (and sod what you like, dislike, its all about me)

what you describe up there is what i consider to be a healthy Ds relationship, happy and functioning well.


(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 2:05:27 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		If you're happy together, then no label can surpass that in terms of importance.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 2:13:09 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?

None of that makes a someone a 'do-me Dom' IMO. For me, the defining characteristics of a 'do me' (on either side of the kneel) are no consideration for the needs/ wants/ likes/dislikes of one's partner, and looking for someone, anyone to fulfill their kink without a care whether that person is compatible or not. The ladies in Ask a Mistress often say that 'do me' subs are looking for a 'fetish delivery service' rather than a partner. I see 'do me' Doms the same way.



_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
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Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 2:17:07 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		This is an over-simplification of the way I see it, but it might make sense. If we had just enough money to get one cream dessert and he told me to go get it. And he wanted a fudge brownie thingy with all the fixings on it and I just wanted a scoop of chocolate. I would go get the fudge brownie thingy with all the fixings on it because that's what he wanted. Why? Because him getting what he wanted would make me happier than him settling for just a scoop of chocolate.

Now if we had enough money to get 2 desserts and everytime he insisted that I get what he got, then I would see that as a "his way" only relationship.

I know it's an over-simplification. And relationships are not that simple, but yet sometimes, they seem like they can be if both partners are on the same page.

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 2:19:30 PM   
LadyHibiscus


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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

If you're happy together, then no label can surpass that in terms of importance.



I love you, man!~

_____________________________

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Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Do-me dominants? - 7/4/2010 2:25:19 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway?

None of that makes a someone a 'do-me Dom' IMO. For me, the defining characteristics of a 'do me' (on either side of the kneel) are no consideration for the needs/ wants/ likes/dislikes of one's partner, and looking for someone, anyone to fulfill their kink without a care whether that person is compatible or not. The ladies in Ask a Mistress often say that 'do me' subs are looking for a 'fetish delivery service' rather than a partner. I see 'do me' Doms the same way.



Sounds reasonable to me, Wyld.

quote:

Hibby:

I love you, man!~


I lubs you too, beautiful lady



_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 80
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