RE: Do-me dominants?

RE: Do-me dominants? (Full Version)

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jujubeeMB -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:01:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level I agree about context, NG. "Eat the excrement of this homeless guy" is wildly different from "wear this dress tonight", and in most sane people, will elicit different responses. Said one right after the other like that, you're making me rethink my irritation with Doms telling me how to dress. Sounds totally mild and lovely now [:)]

JAS61 -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:27:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: Level Aileen, but you do get your needs met, by Shore's being in total control? Sounds like a win-win thang! [8D] I absolutely do get my needs met. It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices. We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration. In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like. "Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person. Yes,I do it that way too. Much nicer to know you are taken care of for your obedience and service. It is just done at my descretion.

lally2 -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:44:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 I absolutely do get my needs met. It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices. We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration. In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like. "Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person. but in lots of ways that isnt 'do me' in the true sense of 'do me' (and sod what you like, dislike, its all about me) what you describe up there is what i consider to be a healthy Ds relationship, happy and functioning well.

Level -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:44:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus quote: ORIGINAL: Level Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway? I suppose that's one way to look at it. You have succeeded in condensing the 'do-me' discussion down to its essence: the person doing the 'do-me' thing is the one calling the shots. Now, ask yourself... which side of the slash is (by definition) designed to be calling the shots? By "definition", a dominant would, but it doesn't always work out that way, does it?

heartcream -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:45:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Using fast reply... My head tends to go more towards the concept that KoM has so often expressed. Ultimately, all parties are serving the greater unit. The relationship/family. All parties are doing what they need to do to be sure the relationship/family thrives. Different individuals do that in different ways by providing different strengths, talents and abilities. Different relationships will each have different goals. For some the 'do me' mindset, regardless of which side of the slash, will work perfectly and for others, no. Yeah I think it is cool when people in relationships make decision based on what is best for the "we". Much like knitting which is good for the one which makes it good for the One. knomsayin?

heartcream -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:49:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level Ol' yarn-hater is pretty smart, isn't he? [:D] Now Level dont mess things up here. Let us not call Knights a "yarn-hater". Let us leave the issue open for changing patterns. Repeat.

Level -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:49:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB quote: ORIGINAL: Level I agree about context, NG. "Eat the excrement of this homeless guy" is wildly different from "wear this dress tonight", and in most sane people, will elicit different responses. Said one right after the other like that, you're making me rethink my irritation with Doms telling me how to dress. Sounds totally mild and lovely now [:)] Maybe I should write a how-to book? [;)] By God, jujubee, you'd be beyond irritated with me....

Level -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:52:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: heartcream quote: ORIGINAL: Level Ol' yarn-hater is pretty smart, isn't he? [:D] Now Level dont mess things up here. Let us not call Knights a "yarn-hater". Let us leave the issue open for changing patterns. Repeat. I used to be full of hope for such things, but then people began calling me a dick, and that just ruined it. [X(]

heartcream -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:52:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists I believe that just as there is Do-me subs there are Do-me Doms. Personally.... I don't have much use for either. I am more for the US of a relationship and less of the Me. But, unfortunately, there are many who enter a relationship not for what they can bring to it but what they can get out of it. My NEEDS, MY WANTS..... get them satisfied or else!!! A relationship to me is more like OUR needs and wants. If there is anything that can point point why our relationship with Alandra, Kyra and I have been so successful is because ofa our individual focus to the US and not the ME. A side note.... compatiability is not perfect... it never is in my view. But.. at our core we are compatiable... and one of the core things being we are here for us not me See now? I hadnt read this before I posted virtually the same sort of skein of thought. This is a sample of what you call Logic and Reason.

heartcream -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 12:55:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff Ok. maybe I am odd.... ok... I know I am...but anyway. my needs change. To me, compatibility is more some one who has the ability to change also. It is probably a function of the internet, but so many people here have their shit set in stone. While I do have a few principles that I will not violate, the rest of me tends to change and shift. My major need, is "don't be a dumbass". Oddly enough, that's not as easy as it sounds..:) It is difficult. I try and eat different things and take herbs but stone is not easy to pass. I have had mine etched. I forget what I decided on. I am waiting for it to come out so I can read it.

jujubeeMB -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 1:00:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: jujubeeMB quote: ORIGINAL: Level I agree about context, NG. "Eat the excrement of this homeless guy" is wildly different from "wear this dress tonight", and in most sane people, will elicit different responses. Said one right after the other like that, you're making me rethink my irritation with Doms telling me how to dress. Sounds totally mild and lovely now [:)] Maybe I should write a how-to book? [;)] By God, jujubee, you'd be beyond irritated with me.... Well, of course, it all depends on how compatible your fashion sense is with mine. If you love my short shorts, hoodie and red sneakers then we'd get along fine [:D]

DomImus -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 1:09:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level quote: ORIGINAL: DomImus quote: ORIGINAL: Level Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway? I suppose that's one way to look at it. You have succeeded in condensing the 'do-me' discussion down to its essence: the person doing the 'do-me' thing is the one calling the shots. Now, ask yourself... which side of the slash is (by definition) designed to be calling the shots? By "definition", a dominant would, but it doesn't always work out that way, does it? No, it does not. It is entertaining to watch it still be marketed as D/s, though.

Level -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 1:17:50 PM)
Do me sub! [8D] No, I'm sure you look great in your short shorts, etc. Did the doms telling you how to dress dislike such a look, or were they just fashion-challenged?

juliaoceania -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 1:19:50 PM)
quote: No, it does not. It is entertaining to watch it still be marketed as D/s, though. So a dominant must have a "my way or the highway" sorta attitude or he is marketing himself incorrectly? I suppose attitude has always meant so much more to me than almost any other sort of personality trait when thinking about being submissive to a man. It is why I have only felt lik being submissive to one man in the last 5 years, because his attitude was something that inspired that in me. He thought it was up to him to create an environment where I wanted and desired to be submissive to him. I have to feel that intrinsic desire to want to be pleasing, yield to him, and the attitude of "my way or the highway" or "obey or leave"... it inspires nothing but resentment from me... Like I say though, I don't know if I am really "submissive"... I am just me

Missokyst -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 1:59:30 PM)
Thanks lally. I have been struggling with this idea of the only thing so many subs need to be content is to make sure that their dominants are happy. Well.. if I am looking at it from an outsiders viewpoint I can see why so many people post in their profiles that "this is what they want, or there will be hell to pay" If newcomers see so many submissives posting that it IS all about the dominant, then it is no wonder there are thread after thread from dominants getting reamed, and submissives all calling out "what are you offering her?" Yes, I do need to make my mate happy and content. And yes, I do much better if my mate is calling the shots. But damn it.. it is not all about him. It is about US. It is about both people giving joy to the other, orgasms, attention, love, what ever. It may make me NOT SUBMISSIVE, but I have discovered that for me, it is about me too. I need to be something more than a hole, a servant, or someone to say yes so that he feels powerful. I need to feel it because what HE does for me makes me want to please him more than anything. Count me as selfish, but I need something back. quote: ORIGINAL: lally2 quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 I absolutely do get my needs met. It's ironic that this relationship would most likely not work if I was given choices. We both need him to be in total control. It doesn't mean he's selfish or doesn't take me and my likes and dislikes into consideration. In fact, a lot of the things he decides to do are based on things that I like. "Do me" does not always mean being oblivious to the other person. but in lots of ways that isnt 'do me' in the true sense of 'do me' (and sod what you like, dislike, its all about me) what you describe up there is what i consider to be a healthy Ds relationship, happy and functioning well.

Level -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 2:05:27 PM)
If you're happy together, then no label can surpass that in terms of importance.

WyldHrt -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 2:13:09 PM)
quote: Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway? None of that makes a someone a 'do-me Dom' IMO. For me, the defining characteristics of a 'do me' (on either side of the kneel) are no consideration for the needs/ wants/ likes/dislikes of one's partner, and looking for someone, anyone to fulfill their kink without a care whether that person is compatible or not. The ladies in Ask a Mistress often say that 'do me' subs are looking for a 'fetish delivery service' rather than a partner. I see 'do me' Doms the same way. [sm=2cents.gif]

kallisto -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 2:17:07 PM)
This is an over-simplification of the way I see it, but it might make sense. If we had just enough money to get one cream dessert and he told me to go get it. And he wanted a fudge brownie thingy with all the fixings on it and I just wanted a scoop of chocolate. I would go get the fudge brownie thingy with all the fixings on it because that's what he wanted. Why? Because him getting what he wanted would make me happier than him settling for just a scoop of chocolate. Now if we had enough money to get 2 desserts and everytime he insisted that I get what he got, then I would see that as a "his way" only relationship. I know it's an over-simplification. And relationships are not that simple, but yet sometimes, they seem like they can be if both partners are on the same page.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 2:19:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Level If you're happy together, then no label can surpass that in terms of importance. I love you, man!~ [:D]

Level -> RE: Do-me dominants? (7/4/2010 2:25:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WyldHrt quote: Our own lovely lally made a comment on the do-me sub thread, asking about "do-me dominants". Is there such a thing? And the one thing that popped into my head was, is being a dominant, by its nature, something that leans towards "do-me-ism"?? Obey me? Make me happy? My way or the highway? None of that makes a someone a 'do-me Dom' IMO. For me, the defining characteristics of a 'do me' (on either side of the kneel) are no consideration for the needs/ wants/ likes/dislikes of one's partner, and looking for someone, anyone to fulfill their kink without a care whether that person is compatible or not. The ladies in Ask a Mistress often say that 'do me' subs are looking for a 'fetish delivery service' rather than a partner. I see 'do me' Doms the same way. [sm=2cents.gif] Sounds reasonable to me, Wyld. [X(] quote: Hibby: I love you, man!~ [:D] I lubs you too, beautiful lady [;)]

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