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"Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 6:46:48 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		I see those words posted all over CM...."vanilla sex".  What is it?  What makes sex "vanilla" for you?  For the folks that say they can't/won't do "vanilla" sex...what's missing?  Does "vanilla" mean no kink or power play?  To what degree? 

This thread isn't meant to be wankish or trollish, I don't want the details of your sexual proclivities, I seriously want to understand how people make the distinction. 

To me, sex is sex.  I can make love or I can fuck...it can be hard and wild or it can be tender and loving...it can include kink or it can be straight-forward...it can be boring or I could want it to last forever.  Regardless, I don't really see a difference...sex is sex. 

Am I missing a point?
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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:06:58 AM   
Kana


Posts: 6676
Joined: 10/24/2006
Status: offline 		Nilla=sex w/o a power dynamic..which, if one wants to get philosophical about the concept, may be damn near impossible.

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:23:11 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		I've always thought of 'vanilla sex' as sex without considering the possibilities-I mean, FFS, I know people who think of *oral sex* as exotic-missionary position all the way, all night every night for ever and ever more.

So in my head a person who chooses slow, dreamy staring-into-each-other's-eyes missionary position out of the sixty-gazillion permutations and possibilities they know to exist, because it's what they fancy right now, is not vanilla, whilst a person who sticks to missionary position because it's all they know *is* vanilla-it's not the actual details of the sex, it's the mindset of the people involved.

This is all IMHO, obviously.


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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:25:18 AM   
LaserKitty


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Kana

Nilla=sex w/o a power dynamic...


This.

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:26:01 AM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline 		for the purposes of this forum it is having sex with someone who is not interested in d/s.

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:35:22 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		Is it, now? I didn't realise that you'd been appointed Board spokesperson

OP I tend to think if vanilla sex as unchanging missionary position sex without variation in stroke or movement

edited cuz I cant spele

< Message edited by zephyroftheNorth -- 7/7/2010 7:36:40 AM >

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:36:07 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
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From: United Kingdom
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

for the purposes of this forum it is having sex with someone who is not interested in d/s.
By that definition people could be thrashing the living daylights out of each other and it still be considered vanilla, if it was egalitarian kinky-I'm not sure I buy this. 'Not into powerplay' does not necessarily equal 'vanilla'.


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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:38:11 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		For me Vanilla Sex is sex completely devoid of any kink  even the most basic kink like spankings. And I'll do "vanilla sex" but I much prefer kinky sex, even if the only form of kink is in the form of a good spanking.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

I see those words posted all over CM...."vanilla sex".  What is it?  What makes sex "vanilla" for you?  For the folks that say they can't/won't do "vanilla" sex...what's missing?  Does "vanilla" mean no kink or power play?  To what degree? 

This thread isn't meant to be wankish or trollish, I don't want the details of your sexual proclivities, I seriously want to understand how people make the distinction. 

To me, sex is sex.  I can make love or I can fuck...it can be hard and wild or it can be tender and loving...it can include kink or it can be straight-forward...it can be boring or I could want it to last forever.  Regardless, I don't really see a difference...sex is sex. 

Am I missing a point?

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:40:01 AM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: zephyroftheNorth

Is it, now? I didn't realise that you'd been appointed Board spokesperson

OP I tend to think if vanilla sex as unchanging missionary position sex without variation in stroke or movement

edited cuz I cant spele


im pretty sure he is referring to some of my posts, so yes, i am an authority on the meaning.

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:43:19 AM   
zephyroftheNorth


Posts: 8159
Joined: 10/5/2009
From: The Great Frozen North
Status: offline 		my point was there is no one meaning, people will define it differently. Maybe for the purposes of the thread but definitely not for the BOARD, there's no such animal

ETA: 1)BFA is female 2) not everything is about you



< Message edited by zephyroftheNorth -- 7/7/2010 7:45:14 AM >

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:44:54 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline 		nm-Zephy pointed out the gender confusion first.

< Message edited by VaguelyCurious -- 7/7/2010 7:47:08 AM >

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:46:23 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

for the purposes of this forum it is having sex with someone who is not interested in d/s.
No, it's not.

Master and I refer to  vanilla sex as those times when we're not actively including the power dynamic into our sex or engaging in kink. We actually do it quite a bit, because regardless of everything else, we really enjoy each other.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 7/7/2010 7:48:41 AM >

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:47:32 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

I see those words posted all over CM...."vanilla sex".  What is it?  What makes sex "vanilla" for you?  For the folks that say they can't/won't do "vanilla" sex...what's missing?  Does "vanilla" mean no kink or power play?  To what degree? 

This thread isn't meant to be wankish or trollish, I don't want the details of your sexual proclivities, I seriously want to understand how people make the distinction. 

To me, sex is sex.  I can make love or I can fuck...it can be hard and wild or it can be tender and loving...it can include kink or it can be straight-forward...it can be boring or I could want it to last forever.  Regardless, I don't really see a difference...sex is sex. 

Am I missing a point?
To tease a bit, yeah...you are missing a point.  If you think sex is just sex, I can point you to a lot of men and women who will stare at you quite pointedly and tell you that you are wrong.  Doesn't mean you are, it just means that some people think of sex in differing ways.  I happen to agree with the statement except that in my case, I would use the word "sometimes"...as in "even with a partner of long-standing and with whom you are romantically AND D/s-entwined, SOMETIMES sex is just sex".

For me, I see sex in several contexts...it can be nothing more than sex, which is a good stress reliever and a way to enjoy intimacy, even if only temporary, for a short time.  It can also be the wondrous physical expression of the deep emotional feelings that people have for each other.  It can be done with or without kink, it can be done hard and long or hard and short or soft and long or soft and short.  Whatever happens depends on the level that the two (or more) people involved approach it mentally, not only at that particular time but overall.

That leads to what distinguishes vanilla sex from say, D/s sex.  Can you have vanilla sex within a D/s dynamic?  Sure but again, it depends on the mindset of the folks involved.  If no D/s comes into overt play yet is there intrinsically, is it vanilla?  There is Kana's statement, which I can understand and agree with:  Nilla=sex w/o a power dynamic..  But I would add this feeling of my own:  If sex occurs between a D/s couple for whom the D/s dynamic is always in place, but there are no overt D/s templates overlaying THIS occurrence of sexual activity, is it vanilla?  For me, yes. As a matter of fact...please don't take my dom card, please don't take my dom card...it is kind of a nice way to take a rare "vacation" from the same BUT, differing intensity of D/s-flavored sex.  If kink comes into play, then...for ME... it is not vanilla sex but there again you have an awful lot of people for whom anything other than the missionary position alone is kinky.  If they feel that way about positioning, imagine what they would think about a dildo...or a flogger.  Not just kinky but "sick" kinky whereas for most D/s folks also into BDSM, the use of a dildo or light flogging only, might make it "BDSM-lite" made more heavy by the level of D/s under/over-tones.

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:49:13 AM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

for the purposes of this forum it is having sex with someone who is not interested in d/s.
No, it's not.

Master and I refer to  vanilla sex as those times when we're not actively including the power dynamic into our sex or engaging in kink. We actually do it quite a bit, because regardless of everything else, we really enjoy each other.


yes it is. it can be other things (such as you described), but at minimum it is that.

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:49:52 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

for the purposes of this forum it is having sex with someone who is not interested in d/s.
No, it's not.

Master and I refer to to is a vanilla sex as those times when we're not actively including the power dynamic into our sex. It can be a quickie or rough or sweet.
So far we've had four distinct definitions in 12 posts-see why there's no 'for the purposes of this forum' definition, sm22?


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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:52:46 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22


quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

for the purposes of this forum it is having sex with someone who is not interested in d/s.
No, it's not.

Master and I refer to  vanilla sex as those times when we're not actively including the power dynamic into our sex or engaging in kink. We actually do it quite a bit, because regardless of everything else, we really enjoy each other.


yes it is. it can be other things (such as you described), but at minimum it is that.
If it can be other things, it can't be definitively one thing. Which means that your edict is incorrect.

People who are interested and involved in D/s have vanilla sex all the time.



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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:53:51 AM   
submissivemale22


Posts: 428
Joined: 3/4/2008
From: CinCity
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

for the purposes of this forum it is having sex with someone who is not interested in d/s.
No, it's not.

Master and I refer to to is a vanilla sex as those times when we're not actively including the power dynamic into our sex. It can be a quickie or rough or sweet.
So far we've had four distinct definitions in 12 posts-see why there's no 'for the purposes of this forum' definition, sm22?



has anyone put forth a definition that didnt encompass sex with someone not interested in d/s?

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:53:52 AM   
BonesFromAsh


Posts: 1362
Joined: 6/17/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

im pretty sure he is referring to some of my posts, so yes, i am an authority on the meaning.


This isn't my first CM rodeo, I've been here under a different screen name.

Actually, it has nothing to do really with your posts so let's leave your definition as just one of many...nothing more/nothing less. 

My reason for asking was what I stated in my op...CM is both forums and profiles.  I see this mentioned on both sides. 

Props to zephyr and VC for catching the 'she not he' thingy. 

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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 7:57:17 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: submissivemale22

has anyone put forth a definition that didnt encompass sex with someone not interested in d/s?
So you're defining a term by a single subset.

That's like saying:

'what is a flower?'

'a flower is anything from the geranium family'.

Critical thinking-you haz heard of it?


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RE: "Vanilla Sex"....huh? - 7/7/2010 8:00:50 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BonesFromAsh

Props to zephyr and VC for catching the 'she not he' thingy. 


I did have to perve you to check you were who I thought you were, though-I lost my nerve because you took the notice out of your sig.

Yeah...that's why I perved you...

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.


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