Why all the hostility?

Why all the hostility? (Full Version)

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Firebirdseeking -> Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:03:05 PM)
I am wondering about something: the hostility here. I am not talking about a heated discussion on the boards; what I am reacting to is the anger, the meanness, in the profiles that pop up when we log on or off. I am not dissing women OR men, but it seems that women in particular are enraged that men evidently contact them (or so they say) when they indicate a non-hetero orientation. I mean, they really sound furious, and the name calling is fierce. I dont get it. I understand it might be frustrating, but dont we all get mail we dont want?

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:04:50 PM)
If I blame Hormones will I get yelled at? QSM

leadership527 -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:05:50 PM)
It's the oldest trick in the book. It makes you look cool and hip to put other people down. At least... it did in grade school and apparently it does on the internet.

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:06:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 It's the oldest trick in the book. It makes you look cool and hip to put other people down. At least... it did in grade school and apparently it does on the internet. Yeah well you're a doodie head and everyone knows it.. You Cootie Doodie Poo Poo Head. QSM

leadership527 -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:10:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan Yeah well you're a doodie head and everyone knows it.. You Cootie Doodie Poo Poo Head. Oh yeah? Well my sub can beat up your sub! Nyah nyah nyah nyah

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:13:54 PM)
You think so huh? Well My sub heard your sub isn't Weal or Twue. [sm=argue.gif][sm=duel.gif][sm=fight.gif][sm=oddballs.gif] QSM

WyldHrt -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:14:31 PM)
quote: If I blame Hormones will I get yelled at? Maybe when I'm done laughing.... [:D]

Zevar -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:22:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking I am wondering about something: the hostility here. I am not talking about a heated discussion on the boards; what I am reacting to is the anger, the meanness, in the profiles that pop up when we log on or off. I am not dissing women OR men, but it seems that women in particular are enraged that men evidently contact them (or so they say) when they indicate a non-hetero orientation. I mean, they really sound furious, and the name calling is fierce. I dont get it. I understand it might be frustrating, but dont we all get mail we dont want? Hostility for some seem to act as a shield between the reality of a valid human need to connect with others on a genuine level. Hostile words seem justified especially when others have unresolved resentments or bitterness. I for one do not allow people who are hostile to enter into my life. I will not negotiate with those who choose to live in a state of resentment and rage while allowing for continued hostility to further reinforce similar hostile conduct.

LadyPact -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:23:21 PM)
Are you talking about hostile profiles? I think it does come out of frustration. Yes, we all get mail that we don't want, but after a period of time, I think some of it gets old. I love the mail that I get from folks on the forums, but the 'drive-by' mail tends to get tedious after a while. I'm very specific in My profile about only being interested in local people and some kinks that I have no interest in participation. At minimum, at least ten times a day, I write replies that go to the tune of, "the word 'local' appears in My profile three times". Take that minimum of ten times a day and multiply it by being here almost three and a half years. I can see the potential for folks who are one orientation or another getting more irritated from certain contacts. Most will put "No Men" at the top of the profile and I honestly think that should be respected. Unfortunately, this is being said on the forums and most folks who use the forums aren't the ones who can't seem to do that.

porcelaine -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:32:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking I am wondering about something: the hostility here. I am not talking about a heated discussion on the boards; what I am reacting to is the anger, the meanness, in the profiles that pop up when we log on or off. I am not dissing women OR men, but it seems that women in particular are enraged that men evidently contact them (or so they say) when they indicate a non-hetero orientation. I mean, they really sound furious, and the name calling is fierce. I dont get it. I understand it might be frustrating, but dont we all get mail we dont want? Firebirdseeking, I always found the hostile profiles very strange in all truth. Particularly when they spiraled into venting sessions about things they encountered on the site. I used to have a piece on my journal regarding the subject and suggested they alleviate such diatribes, but I digress that's merely some people's wiring. When I had little interest in receiving mail I put away my profile. It was an easily solution that didn't require me to come unspooled over something fairly trivial in my mind. While I'm not entertaining prospects at present, that doesn't prevent some gentleman from writing and attempting to sway my thinking. I take it all in stride and remember what I can control while interacting in this space. As long as I maintain my poise and remain true to myself, I can't worry about the decisions other individuals make. It isn't my concern. ~porcelaine

AquaticSub -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:36:18 PM)
~Fast Reply~ I had a long response but my computer ate it. Anyway... basically, they are probably venting. They are probably get a lot of crappy e-mails from disrespectful twats. So they get, understandably, annoyed. And if the most they do with that anger is make a harsh profile, what is the big deal? They aren't coming on the threads and chewing people out. They aren't, as far we know anyway, randomly insulting people. Instead they use their profile to vent their frustration. Their profile, which you can choose to read or ignore. It's like a LiveJournal of sorts. If it's interesting to you, read it. If it's not, ignore it. I don't see the problem with someone making their profile however they want it. At any rate, if they are a hostile person, wouldn't you prefer that they be honest about that so that people know what they getting into when they begin a relationship with them?

Tantriqu -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:37:54 PM)
Shrug, I get pretty fed up with msgs from guys who are on my hard-limit list: my profile sez straight/sub males only, and I have to wade through a dozen or two a day just to find the ones who meet this basic requirement. And remember, I've also had to wade through the msgs with threats of violence, bestiality, mutilation, death, etc. just to get to the time-wasting msgs. Any wonder why I'm a mite peeved when I arrive at the bi-guys and gals and fake profiles, and why they get hit with some shrapnel? Walk a metre in my gladiator sandals . . . So, to limit my eyerolls and irks, now I only open mail from sub guys and names I recognise/like from the boards. Too bad, since I've had some nice msgs from others, but I'm looking for my next good man, who is not going to be bi-, married, 17, 70, or a chick. And so my profile sez if you're in those categories, do us both a favour and click the 'next' arrow. Otherwise, I shall taunt you a second time.

xxblushesxx -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:38:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 It's the oldest trick in the book. It makes you look cool and hip to put other people down. At least... it did in grade school and apparently it does on the internet. Oh, you're just being a big baby! adjusts her cool sunglasses and sashays away

Firebirdseeking -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:48:54 PM)
I can understand being frustrated that people overlook our preferences or requirements. Poly men have messaged me. Switch men have messaged me. Women have messaged me. The thing is, some of the "ranting" is so severe, it mostly depicts a person not in control of his or her emotions, and I would think that is a turnoff even to those who "fit" our preferences or requirements.

LadyPact -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 9:57:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking I can understand being frustrated that people overlook our preferences or requirements. Poly men have messaged me. Switch men have messaged me. Women have messaged me. The thing is, some of the "ranting" is so severe, it mostly depicts a person not in control of his or her emotions, and I would think that is a turnoff even to those who "fit" our preferences or requirements. I understand your feelings on that. It's actually one of the reasons that I don't initiate contact with folks on the other side unless they are forum participants. Being poly Myself, I understand that some monogamous folks have gotten contacted by too many poly folks that seem like they are bent on 'converting' people. I don't want to get wrapped up in that. I will say that has never been an issue with forum participants. Overwhelmingly, the response is darn near always positive if friendly notes are exchanged.

AquaticSub -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 10:00:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking I can understand being frustrated that people overlook our preferences or requirements. Poly men have messaged me. Switch men have messaged me. Women have messaged me. The thing is, some of the "ranting" is so severe, it mostly depicts a person not in control of his or her emotions, and I would think that is a turnoff even to those who "fit" our preferences or requirements. But why does it bother you? That's really not meant rudely - why do their harsh words bother you so much? In reality, they are probably letting off steam in the ether. How different is it from screaming at a wall or punching out a bag? Both of which, if you stumbled on that person without knowing them, would seem creepy and overly hostile. At the end of the day, if they are happy with the results their profile is getting them... who are we to judge them?

porcelaine -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 10:08:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub It's like a LiveJournal of sorts. If it's interesting to you, read it. If it's not, ignore it. I don't see the problem with someone making their profile however they want it. At any rate, if they are a hostile person, wouldn't you prefer that they be honest about that so that people know what they getting into when they begin a relationship with them? Val, I believe it's their right to do so. Even if that isn't the way I'd present myself, I can't tell someone else what to do with their profile. Obviously they wouldn't be my cup of tea. I'm wired enough on caffeine. However, I won't contact them and say that either. It's the whole respect and decorum thing that I won't compromise. In the end it's their shtick and I respect that. ~porcelaine

AquaticSub -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 10:11:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub It's like a LiveJournal of sorts. If it's interesting to you, read it. If it's not, ignore it. I don't see the problem with someone making their profile however they want it. At any rate, if they are a hostile person, wouldn't you prefer that they be honest about that so that people know what they getting into when they begin a relationship with them? Val, I believe it's their right to do so. Even if that isn't the way I'd present myself, I can't tell someone else what to do with their profile. Obviously they wouldn't be my cup of tea. I'm wired enough on caffeine. However, I won't contact them and say that either. It's the whole respect and decorum thing that I won't compromise. In the end it's their shtick and I respect that. ~porcelaine Erm... Aqua, not Val. Val has the penis. I have the boobies. [:)] And I agree with you on one count at least - I probably wouldn't contact them either. But still... if that's who they are or that's how they want to make their profile... let 'em go for it. I don't have to read it and I severely doubt I would contact them to let them know I disapprove of their profile. I suppose there is some circumstance in which I might but I'm hard-pressed to think of one.

DarlingSavage -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 11:22:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan If I blame Hormones will I get yelled at? QSM Yes! That was a stupid question!

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Why all the hostility? (7/9/2010 11:27:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarlingSavage quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan If I blame Hormones will I get yelled at? QSM Yes! That was a stupid question! Yeah, so..... um..... how are you doing this Lunar Phase? J/K. QSM

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