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ElanSubdued -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/12/2010 1:14:20 AM)
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Mariasgoneagain,
I've read the OP, your replies, and the responses people have given thus far. The sense I get is you can't understand why someone would want to do this to you, why it would be pleasurable when it seems like it would be painful, and why someone might risk an "accident" (i.e. shit on his dick, this sort of thing).
First, lets talk about what is in this for you. Anal sex, when done properly, feels really good and there is no pain at all. It is a mega orgasm intensifier because it gives your muscles "down there" something to grab onto. Your anal opening has all kinds of nerve endings that give lots of pleasure when caressed, licked, stretched, and penetrated. As a trigger for feelings of submission, being taken anally feels like your partner is filling you and encompassing your entire body. The feeling as your partner grabs your hips, pulling your cheeks in to cup his groin and cock is quite lovely indeed. You can be penetrated from the front, in the missionary position, which can be very pleasurable. However, there is an entirely different set of sensations and emotions that occur when being penetrated from behind. Both are well worth trying.
Anal sex (I prefer the term "anal play") does not need to be relegated to "cock in ass" style penetration and, in fact, I don't recommend this as a starting place. When you're first experiencing the feeling of being opened and penetrated, your muscles won't be used to the sensations and may tighten up. Thus, slow, careful control is required and organic cocks (i.e. the au naturel variety attached to men) are not great in this department. The angle of a natural cock and the positions you need to be in to accept it aren't the easiest starting place because things don't line up quite properly. Also, natural cocks (and their owners) have a tendency to get excited and this can lead to too much penetration, too soon.
I recommend that you and your partner purchase a set of butt plugs that start with a small plug and gradually increase in size. Don't go for soft style plugs. What you want is something reasonably firm, with a gradual, increasing slope, an inward taper toward the end, and a base to prevent the plug from disappearing/slipping inside you. Something like the following are what I'm thinking of:
Black Anal Plugs
http://www.stockroom.com/Black-Anal-Plug-P133.aspx
or
Red Anal Plugs
http://www.stockroom.com/Red-Anal-Plug-P2088.aspx
Also, make sure you've got lots of high quality lube on hand (such as Astroglide or Liquid Silk). You may have heard people extolling the virtues of dry, no-lube anal sex. Ignore these people. Not using lube is a great way to damage your body and to turn you off anal play for life. The golden rule for enjoyable, anal play is no amount of lube is too much. I'll repeat that: no amount of lube is too much. Apply lube to yourself (to your opening and inside your opening) and to whatever tools/toys you're going to be penetrated with. In the case of a butt plug, coat the tip and the entire length of the plug with lube.
You can use butt plugs yourself or with your partner. The idea is to start with the small plug and train yourself over a number of weeks, working progressively to the larger plugs. At first, you'll insert the smallest plug and try to retain it for a few minutes. As you get used to the sensations, keep the plug in for longer periods of time (say... ten minutes to half an hour). Do this every day.
Important note 1: before inserting the plug, make sure you've not eaten for a few hours and have a complete bowel movement. This will avoid messy situations.
Once you're comfortable with the small plug after having trained with it for a week or two, move on to the medium sized plug. Repeat the same process as you did above. When you're moving up in size, the plug may get to a point where you feel pain or you feel you can't take any more. If this is the case, back the plug off or remove it entirely from your body. Then, slowly work the plug back inside you. Remember what I said about lube? After a few attempts with the plug, you may need to add more lubrication to yourself and to the plug.
Each time you work the plug back in, try to go a little further than you did before. At a certain point, it is better not to remove the plug and to instead just back off a little while still keeping yourself stretched open. Squeeze down on your muscles while keeping the plug stationary. Stop squeezing, relax, and ease the plug forward a bit. Stop. Back off. Ease forward a bit, this time going a little further than you did before. Stop. And so on. Squeezing can help open you up, but you may also find it better just to relax as much as you can and not squeeze at all. Do whatever feels best and most natural for you.
Eventually, the entire plug will be inside you. So now what do you do? Reward yourself with an orgasm! Masturbate with the plug inside you. As you get closer to orgasm and finally go over the edge, you'll feel yourself clench down on the anal invader. This is an intense feeling and it is also the thing that makes your orgasm equally intense. The feelings may be strange and even uncomfortable the first time you experience them, but the partners I trained this way all grew to crave and adore these kinds of orgasms.
Important note 2: there are lots of micro-organisms living in the anus that will cause infection if transferred to your vagina. Thus, when you masturbate, use a hand that was not touching your bum and the butt plug. If both of your hands came into anal contact, wash your hands with hot water and soap before masturbating. Also, never transfer a tool/toy (cock, butt plug, dildo, etc.) directly from your anus to your vagina. All tools/toys must be properly washed/sterilized before being introduced into the vagina. Ideally, keep vaginal toys separate from anal toys.
I mentioned your partner can be involved in all of this and, in fact, he may wish to direct you. Whatever the two of you negotiate, remember that you're trying something new. You may not succeed the first few tries and this is perfectly normal. Ask your partner for his love and support, and tell him you want to train your ass to be open for him. Your partner, based on what you've said, is unequivocally an "ass man". Anything you do by way of training your ass is going to be incredibly sexy to him. Truly. You can do no wrong. You've found one of your partner's turn-on buttons so use it and use his appreciation to motivate you. Don't worry that you may look funny or dirty. I can almost guarantee you that whatever you do by way of preparing your ass, even if an accident happens (and they do sometimes), is still going to be uber sexy to your partner.
I don't want to write a script for you, but it's a good idea to communicate what you need by way of encouragement. When you get the first plug inside you, if you'd like your partner to kiss you and tell you what an adorable slut you are, communicate this in a respectful, appropriate way. Eventually, the two of you will get into the groove of training your ass and I'd be surprised if your partner isn't regularly pampering you.
Once you're comfortable with the medium plug, you can move up to the largest plug, but this is likely unnecessary for comfortably accepting your partner's cock. On the day you're to take his cock, make this a special day. Whatever turns you on... candles, a rose petal bath, being kissed all over by your partner... plan this together and make it something special for both of you. Despite the fact you'll be well prepared by this point, a live cock feels different than a plug. Thus, as before, go slowly and carefully. In the beginning and possibly several times thereafter, you'll need to control the speed and depth of penetration. This isn't the time for your partner to lead. Only you know how your body feels and thus, while you're learning to accept his cock, the two of you should agree that you're in control. Once you've gained some experience, your partner can be more aggressive in assuming control and penetrating you as is mutually enjoyable.
Okay. I've discussed some ideas as to how to train yourself for enjoyable, anal sex. Let's talk about the pain and "accident" aspects of anal play.
Pain isn't a normal part of anal play. If you experience pain, you should slow down or stop altogether and try again later. The biggest accident that can turn someone off anal play for good isn't the poopy kind. Your ass doesn't stretch as quickly or as easily as your pussy. Thus, proper stretching and warm up are essential before engaging. I almost always use a small to medium sized plug to warm up my partner or myself. Even after you've trained yourself to accept your partner's cock or medium to large plugs, this does not mean you can just ram things inside you with no warm up. Doing so will bruise and/or tear your muscles and the result is instant, excruciatingly sharp pain. You'll know if you've done something like this because there is no doubt about the pain. If this happens, your anal play will be over for a few days.
You and your partner can prevent accidental pain by making sure you warm up properly. Your partner can play with you, kissing you, caressing your breasts, teasing your pussy, and doing other things that turn you on. Then, as part of the foreplay, he can lubricate your ass and the small plug, and use the small plug to tease you, penetrate you, and warm you up. When first entering you, slow and controlled is always the name of the game and it's still a good idea for you to give feedback regarding the speed and depth of penetration. After the small plug, your partner can switch to the medium plug and open you some more. Fingers also work well, provided fingernails are well clipped and the hands are clean. Your partner can simulate the small to medium stretching by using one or two fingers, and following this with three fingers. You'll know when your body feels okay to accept your partner's cock and/or bigger toys and I'm sure you can determine a way to communicate this.
Once you've practiced enough that you're confident pain isn't an issue, while you may not believe this is possible right now, don't underestimate the appeal of your ass. You'll grow to love your ass, to love the things your partner does to your ass, and to crave bigger objects inside you which lead to stronger and stronger orgasms. The large plug in the three plug set I suggested may seem impossible now, but once you're a full-fledged ass whore you'll have no trouble with this and you'll want it.
Accidents. Yes, no matter how well you prepare (bowel movement before hand, enema, etc.) accidents sometimes happen. This is the price of admission to anal play and you just have to accept it. My suggestion is that you have wet cloths, tissues, and towels on hand so that if an accident happens, this can be dealt with quickly and with little fuss. Instead of playing on the sheets you're going to sleep on, place another couple of sheets over the bed. A little bit of forethought and preparedness can make accidents an almost non-issue.
Whenever you try something new (and especially something you feel trepidation about), the first few times may feel very awkward if not totally uncomfortable. Consider the first time you kissed a man and compare this to what it feels like now. Try not to pass judgment on anal play until you've tried it a number of times. Having said this, if you've really tried and still find no pleasure in anal play, that's what you have to go with and your partner must accept this. Just as there are people who adore anal play, there are others for who it simply isn't their thing. If you're worried that you'll look funny or that accidents (the infamous "shit on his dick") will be a turn-off for your partner, really and truly... put this completely out of your mind. Like I said above, it's highly likely your partner is an "ass man" and you can confirm this by simply asking him. For those who adore asses and anal play, everything about this kind of play is an utter turn-on so you have nothing to worry about.
I truly hope this works out for you and that you can find mid-ground or enjoyment in this kind of play. A final approach is that even though this may not be your thing, the "finding something hot because of your partner's reactions" methodology can work very well. Quite a few of the kinks I have now are things that had no appeal for me, but I adored my partner's reactions and this caused me to enjoy and seek out the play. I'll underline once more though that there is no rule saying you must like anal play. If you find you don't like it and can't find pleasure in your partner's reactions, then you must be honest with your partner. You may still decide to acquiesce simply for the enjoyment of your partner, but I encourage you not to do this if it's going to create resentment in you.
Good luck Mariasgoneagain and I hope something I've written is helpful.
Elan.
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