RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on??

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AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 9:17:27 PM)
[RANT] Right.... now we are telling people what should be a hard limit for them. Everyone needs to go back and read the OP. Stop trying to Save her from Big Bad Nasty Dom, and instead do what she asked. She asked how to go about changing something that turns her off into something that she can enjoy.... because she wants to please her master. Since when is trying to please her Master something Bad? She is willing to push herself on this she just needs help learning how. Like a Single Tail or a Simon Legree at first they are scary as hell and the pain is intense but eventually you break past the mental issue and focus only on what is there and you find the pleasure in the pain...... like so many of us do. Do I think the Master in question is an idiot only interested in his own pleasure showing no reguard for her comfort or her happiness.... ABSO-FUCKING-LUETLY. But the fact remains SHE WANTS TO PLEASE HIM... Do we disreguard what she asked for, because YOU think you know better than she does? The master being a dick does not change the fact that SHE want to surrender this to him. He may be a faceless Turd Jocky, it doesn't matter this is HER surrender. This is like telling submissives to run not walk away from a Dominant who does things different that "your" Master would do them. If he isn't rubbing your back and brushing your hair he is somehow this abusive asshole who is going to end up killing you. I am so tired of this holding of the hand and everythings a fucking limit bullshit. Look the OP said flat out it's something she WANTS to do for him, so rather than trying to convince her she shouldn't do that why not keep your fucking nose out of someone elses relationship and offer your experience on what she asked? We are, every last one of us, Adults in this lifestyle and this Knee Whiping, BooBoo Kissing Bullshit is so retarded to me I just don't get it, I really don't. I have never met anyone in the real world who does this shit, I see it plenty on-line. I see this idea that every limit MUST be respected. Guess what, It doesn't, I don't have to respect your limits if I think they are stupid. I just don't have to listen to your shit. I don't have to accept your "surrender" I can tell you maybe you really don't belong here. If you're Kinky call yourself Kinky, if your a Fetishist call yourself that but for fucks sakes don't talk about surrender and submission and then drop this 20 mile long list of things you just won't do cause hunny that just isn't submission, it a Dear Penthouse Letter and you're riding a fantasy. This is not just directed at the post I am replying to this is directed at the whole idea that we are this all inclusive idea... I am NOT all inclusive. I will call the spade a spade, you don't have to agree with me... I usually don't agree with you either... this may sound like pent up frustration.... that's cause it is. I really wonder what happened to those people who used to call people on this shit.... what happened to them? What happened to the people who said if you are singing kumbaya you took a wrong fucking turn somewhere. [/RANT]

Mariasgoneagain -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 9:55:51 PM)
Wow i really appreciate all your posts, you guys have really given me alot to think about and made me feel alot less worried about the whole thing! I think i may have been building it up in my head to be a lot worse than it probably is seeing as how its something ive never even tried before.. Juju - i really appreciate your concern and thank you for all your kind words. I think i may have made it sound worse than it is without meaning to. He wasnt pushing me that hard. I wouldnt go for any formal "anal training" i shot him down everytime he tried to talk about it.. if i said i wanted to do it, he would def take the time to get me used to it. but i never really explained myself or why i was so against it. i think he may have thought it was simply bc i never tried it and so i was scared of the pain. He wasnt actually going to try and stick it in me those times i got upset. It was while we were already having sex/ playing and in the moment and i get really excited when he gets aggressive with me (usually) so he would take this opportunity to touch me there or tease me there with himself, i think he thought this might excite me and get me to want him to try it in the future by associating it with something i usually like. Instead i panicked and got upset. This has only happened about 4 times and everytime i got upset he immediately stopped and held me and told me it was okay, etc. Like i said, its been over a month since he has even brought it up. I completely get what youre saying and youre right, i do need to evaluate whether this is something i really want to do.. especially since he hasseemingly let it go.. Anyway, i just didnt want you to get the wrong impression that he is as asshole and abusing my trust. I didnt mean to come off that way. I am sending you a message back to your personal email, once again, thanks so much for the concern :) and i will still think about what you said in deciding if i really want to go through with it. Elan: Thanks so much for taking the time to write so much on the topic. you made me feel a whole lot more at ease about the whole thing and if i do decide to go through with it i will definitely take your advice. You have some really interesting perspectives! I am definitely going to take some time and think about all this and not rush into anything though. I think a big part of my problem is that i never talked to my Dom about this (at least not much). Everytime he tried to talk about it (outside of the bedroom) i just turned it down and didnt want to discuss it. Then when we had issues in the bedroom i just panicked and cried and still didnt give much of an explanation. I have since talked to him about it and explained myself and found that he could have helped to reassure me and comfort me all along if i had just allowed us to have a discussion about it! Anyway, i didnt promise him anything, just told him im open to further discussion lol. Porcelaine: I really REALLY liked your post the other day on submission. This part in particular: "The desire to yield to a will far stronger than yours is what you hold on to. That's your anchor and little tugboat when you're lost at sea. And it doesn't matter how many times those fears rage you speak up and tell the other person. Your job is to be honest and transparent. His is to figure out how you'll get from point 'a' to the next." This really hit home for me b/c i have never been a very trusting person. It has been a struggle for me to give my full trust over to him and its something i work on everyday. You made a great point that i need to be honest and transparent and thats what i am trying to accomplish now, above anything else. Regardless of whether i go through with this particular act.. i wasnt being fully honest and transparent with him. And now that i have been, i feel so much better! Thanks! I really do appreciate ALL of your comments! I never thought posting here would be SUCH a big help. You guys have made me feel sooo much better!

jujubeeMB -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 10:04:24 PM)
Wow. Remind me to never let any of my submissive friends go anywhere near you. You've got some anger issues, dude. People get to express opinions that are different than yours, and that includes advising the OP of her options, whether you like it or not. When I see something that I feel is fishy, I'm going to call it, just like everyone else on these boards. She doesn't have to listen to a word I say, and she'll probably decide I'm ridiculously off base. But she might listen to what I had to say, and if she does, then it was the advice she needed. Either way, it has absolutely nothing to do with you. Now take a chill pill and try and recall the fact that screaming at people that you think their way of doing D/s is "fucking bullshit" is not really all that helpful to you or anyone else.

jujubeeMB -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 10:15:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mariasgoneagain Anyway, i just didnt want you to get the wrong impression that he is as asshole and abusing my trust. I didnt mean to come off that way. I am sending you a message back to your personal email, once again, thanks so much for the concern :) and i will still think about what you said in deciding if i really want to go through with it. You are totally welcome, and I completely understand - sometimes it's really easy to misread things too, and I was more making sure you were ok than convinced your master was an asshole. [:)] I'm very, very happy to hear that he's been great with you, and if you do decide to go through with it, you really were given some great advice on the best methods. If you decide not to, that doesn't mean you're totally failing him as a submissive - something I'm sure he would tell you if he knew you were feeling this way. Good luck!

porcelaine -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 10:16:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Mariasgoneagain Porcelaine: I really REALLY liked your post the other day on submission. This part in particular: "The desire to yield to a will far stronger than yours is what you hold on to. That's your anchor and little tugboat when you're lost at sea. And it doesn't matter how many times those fears rage you speak up and tell the other person. Your job is to be honest and transparent. His is to figure out how you'll get from point 'a' to the next." This really hit home for me b/c i have never been a very trusting person. It has been a struggle for me to give my full trust over to him and its something i work on everyday. You made a great point that i need to be honest and transparent and thats what i am trying to accomplish now, above anything else. Regardless of whether i go through with this particular act.. i wasnt being fully honest and transparent with him. And now that i have been, i feel so much better! Thanks! Greetings Maria, Thank you for your kind sentiments. It is heartwarming to know that my words were of benefit and provided assistance in some small way. While this is my vocation and a very important aspect of my slavery, I cannot accept full credit for your revelation. I can only articulate what I believe to be true. You must be receptive to what's been uttered for the words to take root. Your ability to do so has allowed you to see the situation through new eyes. The discovery and all that follows will place you in good stead. You have something to hold onto when the next challenge arises. The joy and relief you're feeling right now are priceless. Relish them both. Good luck to you and yours. ~porcelaine

porcelaine -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 10:50:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan [quoteDo I think the Master in question is an idiot only interested in his own pleasure showing no reguard for her comfort or her happiness.... ABSO-FUCKING-LUETLY. AQuietSimpleMan, Are you suggesting that your judgment of her partner is justifiable because you haven't suggested that she separate herself from him? Negativity is acceptable as long as we're not promoting a relationship's demise? And to this I might question if you've ever made the suggestions during your time on this site that you're openly demeaning? Remarks that the OP has not addressed at all in the same manner. quote: I am so tired of this holding of the hand and everythings a fucking limit bullshit. Look the OP said flat out it's something she WANTS to do for him, so rather than trying to convince her she shouldn't do that why not keep your fucking nose out of someone elses relationship and offer your experience on what she asked? The OP posed a question on a message forum on the Internet. I'm certain she understood by doing so the responses would run along a scale from supportive to it's opposite. Perhaps it was impossible for her to discuss the subject with friends so she elected to come here. How is anyone inserting their nose into a relationship? That would suggest that we're prying and that's precisely what she asked for. Our opinions on a problem she's having in her relationship. Most people that sincerely solicit advice recognize it's unlikely that they'll always hear the things they wish to. That's the risk you take by posing the question. quote: I have never met anyone in the real world who does this shit, I see it plenty on-line. I see this idea that every limit MUST be respected. Guess what, It doesn't, I don't have to respect your limits if I think they are stupid. I just don't have to listen to your shit. You don't see the fallacy in your remarks? You're yelling at virtual strangers and expecting them to give consideration to your comments? You're educating them on what you see in real life, but you're on the Internet utilizing your free time rebuking people you've never met? How does your respect or lack thereof affect their reality? It is very easy to make the whole thing disappear without second thought. quote: I don't have to accept your "surrender" I can tell you maybe you really don't belong here. If you're Kinky call yourself Kinky, if your a Fetishist call yourself that but for fucks sakes don't talk about surrender and submission and then drop this 20 mile long list of things you just won't do cause hunny that just isn't submission, it a Dear Penthouse Letter and you're riding a fantasy. You're welcome to posit whatever you deem necessary to a group of people you don't engage with face to face. You're welcome to express anger and frustration regarding their self-applied labels when neither impact you outside of this realm. And you are more than welcome to expend energy waving a finger hoping to correct someone's ill applied logic in terms of the lifestyle they lead based on the bare snippets you've encountered and judged them on. And with all you're doing I sincerely wonder if you'd be better of doing something else. But I digress, it's your time. I witness this behavior on other sites from caricatures on the Internet that have taken it upon themselves to police individuals that never asked for their assistance. It is befuddling and leads me to believe that the individual is projecting their anxiety and frustration regarding unsatisfactory relations or the omission of such at all. I most certainly don't encounter happily attached persons spewing their gospel like misapplied fertilizer. Strangely enough these individuals are too busy engaging in their dynamics to get wrapped up in what other people are doing. And when they do that time is directed to people they've developed a bond with who's well being is of concern on and offline. quote: I will call the spade a spade, you don't have to agree with me... I usually don't agree with you either... this may sound like pent up frustration.... that's cause it is. I really wonder what happened to those people who used to call people on this shit.... what happened to them? What happened to the people who said if you are singing kumbaya you took a wrong fucking turn somewhere. I don't agree with you and I don't feel it is your place to do such. You may believe you've inherited the right through divine placement or some idea that you're advocating for the lifestyle. I'm well aware there are channels for doing that outside of this venue. Makeshift browbeating and posturing won't intimidate anyone. As for the individuals you're seeking, you'll find them alive and kicking on other sites where their reception is very similar to the one you're getting right now. There is no spade. It's a bunch of pseudo self-important dribble under the guise of raising the mantle that cloaks their insecurities, loneliness, and inability to find anyone that will put up with them. I wonder why. ~porcelaine

AQuietSimpleMan -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 11:15:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porcelaine quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan [quoteDo I think the Master in question is an idiot only interested in his own pleasure showing no reguard for her comfort or her happiness.... ABSO-FUCKING-LUETLY. AQuietSimpleMan, Are you suggesting that your judgment of her partner is justifiable because you haven't suggested that she separate herself from him? Negativity is acceptable as long as we're not promoting a relationship's demise? And to this I might question if you've ever made the suggestions during your time on this site that you're openly demeaning? Remarks that the OP has not addressed at all in the same manner. I am suggesting that my Judgement of the Man has nothing to do with the question she asked, my opinion is that the Man is not addressing the problem and instead focusing on his own pleasure. My Judgement of her Master is nothing more than my Judgement. It has NOTHING to do with the question she asked. My Opinion will shape how I answer the question, but in this situation advice was asked not Therapy on how her Masters desire to engage in Anal Sex, something she says she WANTS to give him, is wrong or abusive. quote: I am so tired of this holding of the hand and everythings a fucking limit bullshit. Look the OP said flat out it's something she WANTS to do for him, so rather than trying to convince her she shouldn't do that why not keep your fucking nose out of someone elses relationship and offer your experience on what she asked? The OP posed a question on a message forum on the Internet. I'm certain she understood by doing so the responses would run along a scale from supportive to it's opposite. Perhaps it was impossible for her to discuss the subject with friends so she elected to come here. How is anyone inserting their nose into a relationship? That would suggest that we're prying and that's precisely what she asked for. Our opinions on a problem she's having in her relationship. Most people that sincerely solicit advice recognize it's unlikely that they'll always hear the things they wish to. That's the risk you take by posing the question. She never asked people to address how her Master does it, or even address what her issue with it is, She asked for Methods on getting more okay with it... To Jump from ... Have you tried Lube? to Maybe Anal is a Hard Limit and your Master may be Abusing his place in her life is Sticking a Nose where it was never asked. You have mistaken the Op, she asked for Information on how she can deal with HER issue over Anal Sex and ways to make it the turn on that SHE wants it to be for HER Master, she did NOT ask for people to comment on a preceived problem in the relationship. I am sorry porcelaine I disagree with you there. Where I agree that this is a Forum on which one posts opinions and one should expect to get opinions they do not like..... how do this not apply to the post you and I are discussing now? It is an Opinion.... and one that I felt Stongly about saying. quote: I have never met anyone in the real world who does this shit, I see it plenty on-line. I see this idea that every limit MUST be respected. Guess what, It doesn't, I don't have to respect your limits if I think they are stupid. I just don't have to listen to your shit. You don't see the fallacy in your remarks? You're yelling at virtual strangers and expecting them to give consideration to your comments? You're educating them on what you see in real life, but you're on the Internet utilizing your free time rebuking people you've never met? How does your respect or lack thereof affect their reality? It is very easy to make the whole thing disappear without second thought. I'm not yelling, I am passionate, if you see this as yelling, I understand your perception, but you are now being told there is NO yellinging, it is read out in my head in a Passionate voice... not a yelling one. As for my desire to interact both with people in real life and with people on the internet has no affect on my view of it as a reality. It is how I feel, and what I find strange is that the only time I have ever seen this kind of activity, this kind of verbal questioning of an adults decisions in a dynamic they are not a part of is online. I find the differences of both mediums to have large and explicit backround. It seems in the online medium so many people feel it is their job to question ever last person intentions, no matter what it is usually someone will come along and imply that someone else isn't thinking something through.... I find this manner toward what is supposed to be an adult insulting. quote: I don't have to accept your "surrender" I can tell you maybe you really don't belong here. If you're Kinky call yourself Kinky, if your a Fetishist call yourself that but for fucks sakes don't talk about surrender and submission and then drop this 20 mile long list of things you just won't do cause hunny that just isn't submission, it a Dear Penthouse Letter and you're riding a fantasy. You're welcome to posit whatever you deem necessary to a group of people you don't engage with face to face. You're welcome to express anger and frustration regarding their self-applied labels when neither impact you outside of this realm. And you are more than welcome to expend energy waving a finger hoping to correct someone's ill applied logic in terms of the lifestyle they lead based on the bare snippets you've encountered and judged them on. And with all you're doing I sincerely wonder if you'd be better of doing something else. But I digress, it's your time. Agreed it is frustration, I don't understand how people come to the rude and often insulting conclusions they do... it is a practice in verbal sadism with a non-consentual partner. Often one feels they must defend themselves rather than address that the conclusion generated is based on assumptions and someone filling in the blanks however they feel. At least we both agree that how I choose to expend energy, is a choice all my own, and your judgements of how I choose to do so are also your own no matter who joins you in that judgement... they are still your own..... and I appreciate you doing so with more tact than I can muster on this particular subject. I can admit when I have come across tactless. quote: I witness this behavior on other sites from caricatures on the Internet that have taken it upon themselves to police individuals that never asked for their assistance. It is befuddling and leads me to believe that the individual is projecting their anxiety and frustration regarding unsatisfactory relations or the omission of such at all. I most certainly don't encounter happily attached persons spewing their gospel like misapplied fertilizer. Strangely enough these individuals are too busy engaging in their dynamics to get wrapped up in what other people are doing. And when they do that time is directed to people they've developed a bond with who's well being is of concern on and offline. Married, loveingly to a wife and slave for 4 years. quote: I will call the spade a spade, you don't have to agree with me... I usually don't agree with you either... this may sound like pent up frustration.... that's cause it is. I really wonder what happened to those people who used to call people on this shit.... what happened to them? What happened to the people who said if you are singing kumbaya you took a wrong fucking turn somewhere. I don't agree with you and I don't feel it is your place to do such. You may believe you've inherited the right through divine placement or some idea that you're advocating for the lifestyle. I'm well aware there are channels for doing that outside of this venue. Makeshift browbeating and posturing won't intimidate anyone. As for the individuals you're seeking, you'll find them alive and kicking on other sites where their reception is very similar to the one you're getting right now. There is no spade. It's a bunch of pseudo self-important dribble under the guise of raising the mantle that cloaks their insecurities, loneliness, and inability to find anyone that will put up with them. I wonder why. ~porcelaine And you are welcome to your opinions. I wonder why so offen that applies to one but not everyone. QSM

jujubeeMB -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/13/2010 11:52:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan And you are welcome to your opinions. I wonder why so offen that applies to one but not everyone. Lol. Dude. You just yelled at some people for expressing our opinions. You might want to at least let the page roll over before you violently contradict yourself.

ranja -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/14/2010 1:45:18 AM)
Elan, thank you for your response though you are a bit longwinded... yes you did misunderstand... trust and vulnerability is indeed very important but to enjoy sex of any kind one has to appreciate the dirtiness of it... as DesFip pointed out: all sex is dirty. You used the word slutty several times yourself... slutty in my book is connected to feeling dirty, or horny, or turned on (if dirty is too dirty a word) i have yet to meet a prim and proper slut

porcelaine -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/14/2010 7:40:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AQuietSimpleMan I am suggesting that my Judgement of the Man has nothing to do with the question she asked, my opinion is that the Man is not addressing the problem and instead focusing on his own pleasure. My Judgement of her Master is nothing more than my Judgement. It has NOTHING to do with the question she asked. My Opinion will shape how I answer the question, but in this situation advice was asked not Therapy on how her Masters desire to engage in Anal Sex, something she says she WANTS to give him, is wrong or abusive. AQuietSimpleMan, Let's approach this logically for a moment. They're all opinions. You can apply weights and measures if you'd like. My rational mind says there will be variety and they won't be cut from the same cloth. I'm totally okay with that. However, you're not the judge or jury. You can't determine that some opinions are noteworthy and others off basis. She presented the question and I'd gather that's her judgment call. The very thing you take exception to might be the answer she's been seeking. Of course you can't know that because you lack the ability to crawl inside her head. quote: She never asked people to address how her Master does it, or even address what her issue with it is, She asked for Methods on getting more okay with it... To Jump from ... Have you tried Lube? to Maybe Anal is a Hard Limit and your Master may be Abusing his place in her life is Sticking a Nose where it was never asked. You have mistaken the Op, she asked for Information on how she can deal with HER issue over Anal Sex and ways to make it the turn on that SHE wants it to be for HER Master, she did NOT ask for people to comment on a preceived problem in the relationship. I am sorry porcelaine I disagree with you there. And she didn't ask what you thought of him either if we're sticking to the subject at hand. Nonetheless you provided your opinion on that as well. So in my mind you've deviated from the topic too. But of course you might see that a tad differently in your world. quote: Where I agree that this is a Forum on which one posts opinions and one should expect to get opinions they do not like..... how do this not apply to the post you and I are discussing now? It is an Opinion.... and one that I felt Stongly about saying. Because unlike you I'm not venting at people for sharing their opinion on a thread I didn't create. And even if I was the OP, I'm looking for feedback not validation when I present a topic for discussion. quote: As for my desire to interact both with people in real life and with people on the internet has no affect on my view of it as a reality. It is how I feel, and what I find strange is that the only time I have ever seen this kind of activity, this kind of verbal questioning of an adults decisions in a dynamic they are not a part of is online. I find the differences of both mediums to have large and explicit backround. It seems in the online medium so many people feel it is their job to question ever last person intentions, no matter what it is usually someone will come along and imply that someone else isn't thinking something through.... I find this manner toward what is supposed to be an adult insulting. Well allow me to candidly state this isn't the first nor the last time this has or will occur. As a matter of fact, it was much worse before sites like CollarMe and Fetlife came into existence, only then the fanfare was over the validity of long distance relationships. Nothing led to moderation quicker than an l/d M/s thread. As for questioning, you're doing the same in my opinion. In fact you implied that their input should be challenged. People form judgments all the time. The only thing the Internet has provided is a mechanism for doing such with anonymity and no consequences. quote: Agreed it is frustration, I don't understand how people come to the rude and often insulting conclusions they do... it is a practice in verbal sadism with a non-consentual partner. Often one feels they must defend themselves rather than address that the conclusion generated is based on assumptions and someone filling in the blanks however they feel. I believe insult is a choice. I'm conversing with people I may never interact with face to face save a select few. Much of this relates to ones ego and level of security within. I don't care what you think and say that with honesty and not to be flippant. It doesn't matter to me at all. I know porcelaine. Therefore, you can derive whatever conclusions catch your fancy. But the day that anonymous keystrokes rattle me that don't have any bearing on my reality or my desire for that to occur... I need to log off and get a sincere head check. quote: At least we both agree that how I choose to expend energy, is a choice all my own, and your judgements of how I choose to do so are also your own no matter who joins you in that judgement... they are still your own..... and I appreciate you doing so with more tact than I can muster on this particular subject. I can admit when I have come across tactless. It is my opinion that the subject could have been raised without the "passion" you eluded to. I think its reception would have been more favorable had that taken place. In terms of my demeanor, I've been conditioned against conduct unbecoming one in my station. Expressions of that nature are heavily frowned upon and do little to present my point in all truth. The frustration drowns out the message. I haven't judged you. If I did I would have applied the same criteria that I believe dominants should display as well. quote: Married, loveingly to a wife and slave for 4 years. My ownership is a reflection of my partner and I. It provides a greater incentive to put my best foot forward. But that's a collective choice. We both do it. He would never wish to reflect negatively on me either. Being in the lifestyle and living it are different things. My preferences are for those that do both with maturity and grace. ~porcelaine

ElanSubdued -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/15/2010 11:53:46 AM)
Mariasgoneagain, quote: Elan: Thanks so much for taking the time to write so much on the topic. you made me feel a whole lot more at ease about the whole thing and if i do decide to go through with it i will definitely take your advice. You have some really interesting perspectives! I am definitely going to take some time and think about all this and not rush into anything though. I think a big part of my problem is that i never talked to my Dom about this (at least not much). Everytime he tried to talk about it (outside of the bedroom) i just turned it down and didnt want to discuss it. Then when we had issues in the bedroom i just panicked and cried and still didnt give much of an explanation. I have since talked to him about it and explained myself and found that he could have helped to reassure me and comfort me all along if i had just allowed us to have a discussion about it! Anyway, i didnt promise him anything, just told him im open to further discussion lol. You're very welcome and I hope you find what works for you. My intent in posting was simply to give you information about how to explore anal play in a way that can lead to pleasurable sensations. I'm not saying the play is right for you, but it could be if you and your partner approach it appropriately. Like many kinds of play, the rewards with anal play are not instant. It takes time to learn about your body, to experiment with new sensations, and to find the paths that entice you to explore further. If a partner is involved, two-way, open communication is a critical foundation. I'm glad to hear you're communicating your feelings to your partner and that the two of you are both talking about this. If it's possible to have your partner read this thread without it appearing hurtful to him, this could be a very useful avenue for discussion. Whatever you decide (and the two of you decide together), I hope you have fun. :-) E.

ElanSubdued -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/15/2010 12:03:13 PM)
ranja, --- Elan, thank you for your response though --- you are a bit longwinded... It happens from time-to-time. looks around with innocent, "who me" eyes at the huge understatement I was replying to you, but quite a bit of detail was for the benefit of the OP. Sorry if this made my reply hard to read. --- You used the word slutty several times yourself... --- slutty in my book is connected to feeling dirty, or --- horny, or turned on (if dirty is too dirty a word). I think we're saying the same thing, but we have different connotations for certain words. Thanks for clarifying. The word "dirty" has a certain, negative, trigger value for me that I don't associate with "slutty". However, I've been called a "dirty little slut" and found this very endearing. Heh. :-) Context is everything! --- i have yet to meet a prim and proper slut. I've been frequently surprised at just how many "prim and proper" folk are also sluts. As I wrote above, context is everything. Still, I'll agree that a certain "prim and proper" demographic isn't remotely slutty. Sluttishness must come from within; you cannot force someone to appreciate being a slut, though you can provide an environment where sluttishness is encouraged and rewarded. If this is what you're saying, we're in agreement. Elan.

porcelaine -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/15/2010 12:49:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued --- i have yet to meet a prim and proper slut. I've been frequently surprised at just how many "prim and proper" folk are also sluts. As I wrote above, context is everything. Still, I'll agree that a certain "prim and proper" demographic isn't remotely slutty. Sluttishness must come from within; you cannot force someone to appreciate being a slut, though you can provide an environment where sluttishness is encouraged and rewarded. If this is what you're saying, we're in agreement. Being a slut doesn't require one to be uncouth or brazen. It simply suggests that you're comfortable in your sexuality and display according to whim and when specified by the other party. You can be ill bred and sluttish and polished and exhibit the same. It boils down to the methods one utilizes and the packaging she houses her sluttishness within. ~porcelaine

antinomy -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/15/2010 1:05:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued --- i have yet to meet a prim and proper slut. I've been frequently surprised at just how many "prim and proper" folk are also sluts. As I wrote above, context is everything. Still, I'll agree that a certain "prim and proper" demographic isn't remotely slutty. Sluttishness must come from within; you cannot force someone to appreciate being a slut, though you can provide an environment where sluttishness is encouraged and rewarded. If this is what you're saying, we're in agreement. Elan. Actually, I was just talking about the word slut over the last two days with a very special someone. The very first serious dom I ever spoke with told me something that I have come to agree with completely. Slut only has a negative connotation because we are conditioned to find disdain in female sexuality. Think about the word stud. Every guy wants to be one. It implies desirability, lack of inhibition, and sexual prowess. It's a positive term, something most guys would love to be. Is not a slut, basically, the female equivalent? Yet, when a woman exhibits those characteristics, we are quick to deride her and label her in a negative way. I for one have decided to embrace my inner slut, to appreciate her and ignore the social conditioning that makes slut a four letter word. Sorry for the mini hijack...

ElanSubdued -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/15/2010 2:09:42 PM)
porcelaine and antinomy, quote: porcelaine: Being a slut doesn't require one to be uncouth or brazen. It simply suggests that you're comfortable in your sexuality and display according to whim and when specified by the other party. You can be ill bred and sluttish and polished and exhibit the same. It boils down to the methods one utilizes and the packaging she houses her sluttishness within. Agreed. This is, in essence, what I meant in my post. I can see my wording doesn't quite convey this though. I noticed you used slut in connection with the female gender. I don't equate slutishness with gender, which I'll address in my reply to antimony immediately below. quote: antinomy: Slut only has a negative connotation because we are conditioned to find disdain in female sexuality. Think about the word stud. Every guy wants to be one. It implies desirability, lack of inhibition, and sexual prowess. It's a positive term, something most guys would love to be. Is not a slut, basically, the female equivalent? Yet, when a woman exhibits those characteristics, we are quick to deride her and label her in a negative way. I for one have decided to embrace my inner slut, to appreciate her and ignore the social conditioning that makes slut a four letter word. I realize the word slut, historically, has been associated with women. However, these days, and certainly in a BDSM context, I use slut to mean someone (male or female) who has embraced their sexuality and who is comfortable enjoying and sharing this aspect of their personage in an ethical way. This is what I meant in my post. The phrase "ethical slut" seems quite common and embodies this. The more traditional meaning of slut is an immoral, promiscuous woman and/or a prostitute (typically a female prostitute). This isn't what I meant. The meaning of slut you're using is close to "an immoral, promiscuous woman" and it has been common for society to brand women who openly enjoy their sexuality with this term. In this context, I don't think of stud and slut as equivalent. For this meaning of slut, I think the male equivalent is "player" (or something of that ilk), although this doesn't quite embody it. Stud somewhat stands on its own. Eliminating the "mature woman" subtext from the word, "cougar" is a female equivalent closer to what I think of when hearing the word stud. Now... back to the meaning of slut in the context I meant it. Both women and men can be branded slut and this labeling may be positive or negative. In the negative: unethical and/or promiscuous sex; "don't be such a loose slut". In the positive: a term of affection or indicating comfort in enjoying sexuality; "you're such a delicious slut my darling"; "I'm a slut and proud of it". I'm male and enjoy it when the right person, in the right context, calls me a slut. And, indeed, I'm quite happy being a slut slut for certain people. :-) Elan.

DarlingSavage -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/15/2010 2:30:34 PM)
There's a lot of long answers to a very simple question. I don't understand what the debate is about, and I'm not going to do that much reading unless it's for school. Straight up answer, it hurts the first time, just like losing your virginity. After that, it feels VERY GOOD! A guy is able to reach places from that angle that can't be reached the other way. I love it! I mean, if this is all about hard limits and stuff, then I guess whatever, but it's not like he's asking you to let him tie you up naked outside in a public park where children are playing in the middle of a spring day. ETA: I wouldn't use any nummy stuff, either. Do use a lube, do go slow and gentle. Don't knock it til you've tried it.

porcelaine -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/15/2010 6:31:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: ElanSubdued porcelaine and antinomy, Agreed. This is, in essence, what I meant in my post. I can see my wording doesn't quite convey this though. I noticed you used slut in connection with the female gender. I don't equate slutishness with gender, which I'll address in my reply to antimony immediately below. Elan, I'm a woman and my gender has no possibility of transforming. So the perspective I would take in that regard is appropriate to my makeup. Furthermore, any assessment of the male aspect of being slutty is delivered by theories rather than facts. I most certainly haven't lived in their shoes and experienced it from that context. I'm drawing suppositions at best. Thanks for sharing. ~porcelaine

ranja -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/17/2010 4:09:35 AM)
Elan: there are no prim and proper sluts... a person might have different aspects to their character and sometimes feel prim and proper and at other times feel like a slut... or even feel totally prim and proper to start with and then slowly start feeling sluttier and sluttier, but there are no prim and proper sluts! i think to fully appreciate sex of any sort you have to be able to tap into the slut-feeling; a person, male or female has to be able to appreciate the dirtiness of sex to enjoy it totally, to get lost in it... i think men have less of a threshold than females. So to turn anal sex into a hot thing (rather than a chore) you have to appreciate the total dirtiness of it... if you do not then you will be resisting at some level and feel violated of sorts... not a good thing in my book (unless it is pretend and you only resist because of roleplay rape victim type of stuff... secretly totally getting off on it...so immensly appreciating the dirtiness of it) i don't think we much disagree either and i am sure the op appreciated your advise, most of it was spot on i think you are falling over words, over thinking things...

interlocutor -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (7/20/2010 8:21:41 PM)
I didn't read the rest of the replies so let me apologize if this has been said already. It is about conditioning. You stated that you're not afraid that it will hurt so that is a good start. I'm talking about conditioning like Pavlov's dogs conditioning. I think he should go slower and provide digital stimulation while he's going down on you in order to pair the anal stimulation with other positive sensations. If you practice this right after showering this should help lessen the "dirty" factor in your mind. Repeat this until you become comfortable enough for more and more stimulation/penetration. You already have a conditioned response against anal sex, that conditioned response needs to be replaced with one conducive to anal sex. Working together will help a lot.

DTrashy -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (12/21/2010 5:03:13 PM)
I agree with using anal porn to introduce ones sub to anal sex. A good warm up with normal sex along with digital stimulation using plenty of lube is a good next step. I however finally became disgusted about the dirty part of anal sex and became quite anal about the whole thing. My sweet little sub came up with the remedy of having her put on a liquid diet consisting of a gallon of fresh ground and pressed organic juices every day along with daily enemas to freshen her up. This has enabled her to accelerated her tight-laced waist training and now wears her corsets more than ever because as she puts it "It suppresses her apetite for solid food as well as her gag reflex." We have since both been enjoying anal sex more often than ever. Note she actually gained some weight and is glowing more than ever with health and never runs out of energy to serve me.

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