RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (Full Version)

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CherryNeko -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (1/9/2011 3:53:41 AM)

How did it go?
I just wanted to say that you shouldn't push yourself that much, for him or not. If you talk to him, he will understand.
However, if you are fed up with not being able to endure it, or if you are intensely interested in pleasing him THIS WAY, maybe it will be a little help to consider that anal is like sex, a way in which you can remember your place, and enjoy the control he holds. Maybe I'm not making myself entirely clear. Bluntly, you would be feeling his power, aknowledging positions, having his attention, pleasing him, and finally, doing something special for him, which is what you like.
This might not be of help, but anyway. I find it easier to do something I don't enjoy if I'm being told I'm doing well. A 'good girl' usually drives me crazy, and it makes it easier. It also keeps you focused in something other than the bad sensation.
About the unsexiness of anal, maybe a condom will make the trick. If not, you can close your eyes and have him prepare you first. After preparation it actually is very pleasurable.
If you decide to do it, please keep in mind that it will be so much better if you are relaxed. (He can help by distracting your attention *wink wink*) Besides, didn't you feel like O_O when you knew how sex actually was? This is a little like it, isn't it?
Well, I hope that if you do it, it's for the right reasons. Do not let him push you, because you could end up hurt. Talk, talk, talk, and remember that if you really don't want it, you can always tell him to stop, and he will.
Also, it made me see a red light, he shouldn't try to do it to you if you said no. Everything, no matter how much he wants it or how much you want to please him, has to be based n effective communication. If you are going to try it, you have to agree beforehand, especially since it's a difficult thing for you to do.
[:)] I strongly suggest you think about this last part!



xssve -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (1/9/2011 5:59:08 AM)

The anus is symbolic of corruption itself, i.e., food goes in, clean, comes out, corrupt, and it's symbolic of death and decay - part of the attraction, actually, sans the actual waste products.

Biologically, these are present, but can be addressed with an enema, as someone suggested, in fact there was an entire cult based on enemas, the Grahamites, who believed that matter lingering in the colon and intestine were the cause of disease, and to this day colon cleansing products remains a healthy industry - part of this, I think was psychological, there was an extended debate in the middle ages over whether Jesus shat or no, i.e., if he did, then he was subject to corruption, and therefore human - Arianism, which ended up being branded heresy, and it was officially decided that Jesus shat not - the Grahamites eschewed sex, and it may be that this was linked to Narcissistic phobias about germs and corruption, rather than practical ones, and in fact the enemas probably served as a proxy for sexual intercourse.

Graham, eventually recanted, and decided sex was probably good for you, just FYI.

Anyway, the existence of sensitive ganglia in and around the anus and colon, including a significant erogenous zone in the recouterine pouch, accessible through the back door, indicates that it's likely that anal sex is something the human race has been doing for a very long time, and with modern sanitary options, any actual biological risks can be relatively easily controlled, enemas with ordinary tap water should be more than adequate, your body is exposed to low levels of e.Coli all the time, you just want to avoid concentrated doses of the stuff, or getting it somehow directly into the bloodstream.

Not so easy to control the symbolism, the entire culture is absolutely neurotic about cleanliness, it helps sell a lot of product, but realize it is a neurosis - studying up on the subject can help, and enemas are perfectly acceptable, even in the most uptight vanilla circles, you don't have to tell anybody you enjoy it, lol.

So relax, if you don't it probably won't be very enjoyable, but the fact is, you pass something approximately penis sized out of there every day, without any undue trauma, so if you can get into that state of mind, going in should not be any more traumatic.



xssve -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (1/9/2011 6:07:10 AM)

One technique I've used with good results, is an anal suppository, using a Cocoa butter stick - pure cocoa butter is a solid, and can be molded just like wax, but it liquefies (slowly) at body temperature.

So, you can mold a smallish dildo out of cocoa butter, stick it in the morning, and should be melted by evening, allowing you to become accustomed to the sensation, with the added bonus that it provides some lubrication, although I recommend additional lubrication at the proper moment.



SomoneReal -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (1/28/2011 12:35:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mariasgoneagain

I apologize if this has been asked before but i couldnt find anything in the archives that really matched my concern..

I have been in a relationship for about 6 months with my master/daddy and he is absolutely wonderful and it makes me so happy to please him. I have known since the beginning of our relationship that he has always been really into anal, not even so much for the feel of it but b/c he says he feels like it would show him just how submissive and committed i am to him. I have never done anal in my life and he has also known from the beginning that it is something i am absolutely not interested in. He has tried to coax me several times to let him enter me there and every time i have gotten pretty upset.. not mad at him or anything but i start crying and/or completely freeze up, i can't help it really. He has told me that it's okay and he wont force me to do it and he really tries to not make me feel bad about it. Regardless, i still feel bad. I know its something he really wants from me and i feel terrible that i cant just let him. Lately i have been trying to think of ways to get myself over my fears and allow him to have me completely.

I guess my biggest problem with anal isnt that it is going to hurt (of course that doesnt help things..) but what i really don't like about it is that it simply grosses me out (please no offense to people that love anal!). It is a personal hang-up that i just cant seem to get over. It makes me feel completely un-sexy and icky and turned off. I mean its where you poop! i just cant seem to find the sexiness in that! I find it embarrassing and awkward and for some reason, it just really scares me. None of my partners before him were ever interested in anal sex so ive never had to deal with this. So i guess my question is.. have any of you had a similar problem? Did anyone else find anal to be a turn-off and/or frightening and how did you get over your insecurities/embarrassment/fear, etc? Anyone have any ideas on how i can get over this and find a way to stop thinking of it as such a turn-off?

Sorry for my rant!!! And i really appreciate any help i can get on this!


I just wrote a long post in another thread, so this one is going to be quick.

Butt Plug + Lube + Vibrator on Clit = Easy Anal



Chulain -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (1/28/2011 3:15:35 PM)

OP, are you prepared for the possibility that you might never come to enjoy anal sex? I mean, I'm all in favor of people giving it the ol' college try, but it is possible you will never come to like it.

Other than that, all the earlier advice about taking it slow, etc., looks good to me.



MissEmery -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 1:51:05 AM)

Many porn stars go to hydrotherapy salons and have professional colon therapy (enemas) before anal scenes. Consider trying this. There is an "open system" table that you might be uncomfortable with because someone else holds the tube.

The "closed system" table is like a reclining toilet. The tube that allows water in is thinner than a pencil. People usually don't feel it. You control the water flow and temperature with nearby knobs. You can be alone in the room to do this, and when you evacuate your bowels, the tube stays in. It's a very comfortable process.

Colon therapy removes excess bulk from the colon and many people consider it healthy. It is more like a holistic health experience, not like a 'play scene.' These places usually offer massage - like a health salon.

The colon will remain fairly clean for a day. Experiment with a small but plug with a condom on it for cleanliness. Consider turning the lights out and letting him insert the butt plug if you really want to pursue this.





subtlebutterfly -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 3:22:00 AM)

Gosh..yanno I don't know how to change it into a turn-on it's exit only for me!! When I was like..16 I was in this waiting room and there was nothing in there except a few articles hanging on the walls so I ended up reading those..one of them was about teens trying out anal sex destroying their..uh..anus..thingy extremely badly and having to wear diapers. It stuck to me and it still does even when I know it can be done safely etcetcetc it's just..ugh the thought of the FRIGGIN diaper article..it's a total mood killer I tell ya!



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 3:34:56 AM)

i'm going to agree with DesFIP -- he needs to back off and leave you alone about it for some period of time. even if he says "i can live without it," constantly trying to "get you into it" by springing it on you is pushing. PUSHING happens a lot more than people think, and we tend to explain it away with "well i'm just trying to help" or "i'm trying to warm you up," blah blah blah -- but when you've already made it clear that it freaks you out, when you've already spazzed when he's tried to spring it on you (like it or not, sneaking a finger into your bum is a sneak), he's creating MORE anxiety about the activity, not less.
sometimes guys want something and they're very direct about it. they think that if you just jump and and do it, you'll get over it (this is really a similar issue to the woman who asked about learning to love the belt in spite of horrible child abuse). sometimes you don't just "get over" something, though; confrontation/immersion doesn't work for everyone, especially when there's a deep-rooted hangup or psychological reason for the problem.

so since he says he can totally live without it, take him up on that for 6 months. try exploring on your own, if you're legitimately interested. if you can't work around the hang-up on your own, have a talk with him after those 6 months. but Des is right, he IS pushing you, and that will only breed anxiety and resentment down the line.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 8:53:03 AM)

___________



MercTech -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 9:08:08 AM)

Anal seems to be a deep seated personal preference thing. I had never actually considered it until one lady actually begged me for it.

We had some interesting times but she had to go... nope, not putting up with allowing a goat to have kids in the living room while I was off on a business trip. And that was just the top of the iceberg in the "not keeping things sanitary" when I had to shift to working on the road.

Stefan



SexyBossyBBW -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 9:21:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut
OP I had the same hang ups for a long time both the pain aspect and well stuff goes out not in there. It just seemed icky to me. The idea of shit on someones dick just was an ultimate turn off. And yes I had someone tell me they wanted shit and blood on the their dick once.Lol

Then Daddy sat me down and talked to me, listened to my reasons behind it being a "fuck no" response. Then he intorduced it to me slowly. First we watched anal porn, not with porn stars but the home made kind. I saw how the women reacted, how the men reacted. Then he began to to do things like stimulating my anus with his finger during sex or other play, no penitration just teasing and feeling. Then slowly it moved to finger penetration then just the tip of his cock and then one day I found myself craving him to just take my ass. I would have NEVER thought that would me. Me the woman who has punched more than one guy for even attempting! I now find myself begging for it. Part of the reason for my lust for it now it because I honestly see how much it turns him on and that in itself turns me on.
Great advice.  
Mariasgoneagain, this is your body, and a limit you have discussed.   This is also a relationship, where he desires something, and you are freaked out by it.   Can you look at the above submissive's perspective, and see if you can wrap your mind around it, and rethink your position?   If not, than stay with your absolute position, and he should respect you enough not to bring it up, unless you bring it up for discussion.

I'm a fem dom, and won't say, it'll never happen again, because I tend to be different with each connection.   In some relationships, I tend to be more laissez-faire, and in others, I tend to be more uptight and controlling.   
Good luck,   M



leadership527 -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 10:41:59 AM)

I didnt want to just come out and say it in my opening post but yeah the whole idea of "shit on someones dick"  is a big part of why it grosses me out so much
Carol is what I jokingly refer to as "fully wired"..... she gets quite turned on with oral, anal, and vaginal stimulation - preferably all at the same time. But she had a lot of these same concerns about anal and, like you, they were an impediment to her sexuality. So I think I know what your fears are and I can tell you that it just doesn't happen that way. I'd say it's pretty common during our random lovemaking that something gets inserted in her ass... a finger, a vibe, a cock... something. As much as it defies common sense expectations, there's never any serious cleanup involved and seldom is there anything at all even visible. We do not do any particular cleanup or prep activities before-hand, no enemas and the like.

You two might try this for yourselves. A medical glove makes for quick, easy cleanup -- lube finger, insert, play around, remove, pull glove off inside-out, presto. At least in my experience, the actual level of mess does not match up even remotely with what one might think or fear. Perhaps it'd help you to do what I encouraged Carol to do... take a look at real facts rather than fears based upon no actual data.



LillyBoPeep -> RE: Anal: How do i change a turn-off to a turn-on?? (2/7/2011 12:52:25 PM)

leadership makes some great points -- in all of my experience it really hasn't been messy. even though i really enjoy anal, i still find myself asking "did something bad happen?" and so far out of all these years, nothing major has happened. =p
plus a lubed up, gloved finger penetrates pretty easily, so it might make things a little less scary?
but again, a lot of that depends on the nature of your relationship (are you out to please as much as you can, or are there limits? does he have the right to push, or not?) and whether or not you're legitimately interested.

p.s. will have to borrow that "fully wired" thing, leadership527



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