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WolfyMontgomery -> RE: Worst punisment you've given/received (10/22/2010 12:21:00 AM)
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I think my worst punishment - and the one I am most afraid of and the one that gets me the most out of all of them, is when Master just calmly tells me he's upset with me due to *this, this and this*, or whatever, and then tells me that I'm not allowed to speak, touch, or be spoken to by him until I can come to him properly and apologize for my transgressions. It's like a time-out, only I can go wherever I want (so long as I don't leave the house), and I can watch Master do everything he normally would, but it's like I no longer exist until I can handle myself properly.
I once went all night in that mode, because I was too stubborn/upset to go to him and apologize properly. There was one point that night when I'd tried, but because I didn't do it right (one: on my knees, two: explain exactly what it was that I did wrong, three: beg for his forgiveness and promise that I will do better - I came up to him and said I was sorry and just tried to cuddle, which was NOT what he wanted) I was sent away with a pointing hand and no acknowledgment of what I had done beyond that hand pointing away. I spent the night on the couch - my own doing - and then come the next morning I crawled to him and begged his forgiveness.
I can guarantee you that I will never again assume anything that Master says that I don't totally understand, or what he doesn't say, without first asking him about it and getting the full details. And I most definitely will not get so severely upset over those assumptions (which were horrifyingly wrong, btw...) that I cuss him out and insult him. Nope.
It's ALL about communication for me now! =D
Generally I hate the idea of being ignored as a punishment - not just because I don't like it, but because it used to be a hard limit for me in any sense of a relationship - I had issues about it.
The thing that always spoke to me about this form of punishment though is the fact that it was up to ME to know when I was punished enough, up to me to learn from it, up to me to end it. And due to my generally stubborn nature (prolly why Master knows it's so affective on me) I don't fess up until I really have thought about it and know why I'm being a bitch or being bad or whatnot. I can't fake apologizing, I've tried, and I fail miserably because usually when I fake it I feel wronged in some way and you can tell I'm feeling wronged, and HE can tell when it's real or not. When the last thing I hear is what I need to think about and figure out what must be done to fix it, that statement echoes in my mind the entire punishment, I can't escape it, and eventually once I calm down I will start thinking about it and realizing what I did wrong and no longer will I feel wronged, but that I wronged him. And once that becomes apparent to me I am able to approach him properly and beg his forgiveness; and when he sees that I am sincere in my apology, he forgives and reminds me how much he loves me and how proud he is of me that I overcame my issues and was able to confront them. And then we work on the problem that caused my badness in the first place.
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