Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Did you have to "earn" your collar?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Did you have to "earn" your collar? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 1:37:09 PM   
southernmomma


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/16/2010
Status: offline 		My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this?

Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 1:48:54 PM   
AmericanHoney


Posts: 2
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		No, I didn't have to earn it with my last dominant, and I won't with this one either.

I don't think one way is right or wrong, it's just varies from dynamic to dynamic.

:)

_____________________________

I am right now talking to Dragon with the intent on being His soon. I am always looking for friends, but I am afraid I can't give you more..thank you.

(in reply to southernmomma)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 1:56:30 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		Nope.  The only thing we did was figure out whether we were compatible in many ways.  He had to earn my trust and vice versa.

Good luck,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to AmericanHoney)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 2:20:40 PM   
peppermint


Posts: 5169
Joined: 10/18/2005
From: Montana
Status: offline 		No I didn't have to earn it.  After 6 months of living together he decided it was time.  I wasn't sure, but he's the Dom so he got his way.  

(in reply to southernmomma)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 2:33:16 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		No, I did not have to earn my collar. He wanted to collar me and take ownership of me so he did.

(in reply to southernmomma)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 2:40:39 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernmomma
My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this?

Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it?
Granted, being married for 12 years prior to the collaring changes things, but Carol "earns" her collar every day. We had a discussion about what the collar means (absolute obedience). She agreed to it. I collared her. That part was really straight-forward. It's the KEEPING the collar part that's tougher.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to southernmomma)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 3:52:46 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think I "earned" it by just being the type of girl and slave he wanted in his life.

(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 4:14:00 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
Awhile before Sir died, He just took it out of His bag and surprised me by asking "Would you like to wear it?" i almost fainted and said "Yeeeeeesssssssss!!! Pleeeeeeeease!!" i wasn't told to earn it, i think He just wanted it as much as i did. Now, with Daddy, we do talk about it off & on, but haven't hit on any particulars yet.

~sweetsub~

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 4:33:03 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		I don't mean any disrespect here, but I think(read that as I'm mulling it over NOT I've decided that) the people who make a submissive "earn" a collar are the same type of people who don't know how to actually be in a relationship.  They don't know how to *run* the relationship so to speak.  It smacks of playing to me.  It seems like someone who doesn't know how to enjoy a partnner and is just ... putting the pressure on the submissive rather than shouldering their own responsibility. 

I've seen it a few times, and without a doubt that has always been the case (not saying it always *is*, just that it is my experience).  It's always been some "dom" who isn't comfortable in their own skin and / or who didn't know how to inspire the submissive person. 

Beyond that, I'm thinking that if the submissive has to "earn" it, then what the hell is the dominant "earning"... sounds an awful lot like those velcro collars of consideration we hear about. 

Either you are in the relationship or you aren't.  If you're dating, you're dating.  Earning is like ... a job.  I don't put my heart and soul in a job.  I put that in my love.  Nobody has to earn my affection who is my friend or someone who is in my true family.  They merely need to be the persons they are and have a certain compatibility with me.  There's something in there about standards, but I haven't quite figured that out yet.  I mean they (anyone who I call friend, lover, partner, family member) has to meet a certain standard, and then based on time and investment, I may let some things slide.... I mean come on... we all have that uncle or whatever that we'd never be close to because he's so X but we stay in the same circle because he is important to someone we love....

Anyway, this seems whacky to me.  Of course, I'm repeating my caveat that I'm mulling this over.  But this is what the mull has produced thus far.

*I'd be happy to have a discussion about this.  Please feel free to point out other things. 

best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to sweetsub1957)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 4:36:49 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: southernmomma

My Master has said something about making me "earn" my collar...I have no probs doing this but I was just wondering if anyone else has had to do this?

Did your Master/Mistress make you earn your collar and if so how did they do it?


You say you have "no problem" with the concept, but let me ask you this....

You list on your profile that he already "owns" you. So then what do you have to do to "earn" the collar? To me, a lot depends on the dynamic the two of you have. If you are in a relationship, by that I mean a loving relationship where you love and care for each other as well as having power dynamic, then really this whole "earning it" concept is a bunch of bullshit. Do you have to "earn" his love? If you do, then shouldn't he also have to "earn" your love and trust?

On the other hand if you have one of those dynamics where he doesn't love you, nor you him, then while I find that type of dynamic pretty worthless overall, it is a whole different concept.

When two people are in a relationship, neither is "earning" things from their partners. Look at the responses so far, how many said they had to "earn" it?

(in reply to southernmomma)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 4:47:25 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		i'm told sometimes i will be expected to "earn" a collar. Honestly this gives me the heebie jeebies.

If i'm not good enough to be his slave exactly as i am, then something's wrong.

If i have to jump hoops to "earn" a collar, and then even more hoops to "keep" his collar, sooner or later i'm going to collapse. It's human nature to do so. Often this is what these Doms want - they want to see you give your all for him until you fall apart.

But is it healthy? i say no, or at least, not for me. And in relationship-based slavery, i get to choose the Owner i'm compatible with, and if one's going to dangle a collar in front of me as a prize i simply just have to decline.

Take me as i am, and i will give you my mind, heart, body, and soul. Tell me i'm not good enough and am constantly going to have to work for my place at your feet and i will slowly crumble from the inside.


ETA: My previous long-term Master didn't have me earn my collar either - he just said "I'd like you to wear this" - and i did, from that point on.

< Message edited by UniqueRaven -- 7/20/2010 4:48:59 PM >

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 5:11:37 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		fr

I lived with Himself for two years before he collared me and knew and played with him for 18 months before we moved in together. I knew his flaws as he knew mine. I saw him at his best and worst as he saw me. Two years might seem like a long time when you are already living together but for us it was exactly the right amount of time and because we took so long to get to that point, it meant and remains a very important symbol of our M/s dynamic. Not quite on par with the wedding rings, but solid second place to anything and everything else that symbolises our relationship. He earned my trust by being a consistantly good man and a consistantly good dominant. I earned his collar by being a consistantly good and obedient submissive to him. Here we are, 15 years later, and he still rocks my world. I'm sorta mushy like that though. :)

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 5:20:49 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		My last playmate/sub was totally wrecked because his dom made a big deal of him "earning" a collar, then dumped him six weeks later because she was thinking with her pussy. Hmph.

I am not one to insta-collar, to me a collar is an ownership thing, and I am not willing to take on the ownership of everyone who submits to me. It's a serious responsibility. It seems to me that the person who inspires me to collar him or her has done the job of "earning" by just BEING and behaving as who they are. There are no extra hoops to jump through. It happens, or it doesn't.

NOT having a collar doesn't mean that the relationship is less important, or that the person is less important either.

And, what Sunshine said.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 5:22:02 PM   
WestBaySlave


Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline 		 For me, this would not work. Either a man wants me around, or he doesn't. If I'm in a relationship with a power exchange, he can collar me or not, it's up to him... I'm happy with his decision as to what's best. 



(in reply to southernmomma)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 5:25:32 PM   
UniqueRaven


Posts: 1237
Joined: 9/30/2009
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

My last playmate/sub was totally wrecked because his dom made a big deal of him "earning" a collar, then dumped him six weeks later because she was thinking with her pussy. Hmph.

I am not one to insta-collar, to me a collar is an ownership thing, and I am not willing to take on the ownership of everyone who submits to me. It's a serious responsibility. It seems to me that the person who inspires me to collar him or her has done the job of "earning" by just BEING and behaving as who they are. There are no extra hoops to jump through. It happens, or it doesn't.

NOT having a collar doesn't mean that the relationship is less important, or that the person is less important either.

And, what Sunshine said.


i do totally agree with the bolded part. If it's about me just being myself and showing my long-term commitment and devotion, absolutely, that can be called "earning" his collar.

But i have had Doms/Masters tell me things like "i expect you to figure out a new way to surprise me sexually every day" or "when we go out for dinner i expect you to keep me sexually aroused throughout the entire meal or you will be punished" - things that can only last for so long before i'm physically and mentally exhausted. Honestly i see this as just being a sign of a Dom who really doesn't know what to do with a slave, and is hoping she'll figure it out for him.

So yes, i don't see a need to be collared immediately, but "earning" it - if i can't earn it by being myself, as LadyHib says, then i know long-term i won't be able to do it at all.

_____________________________

"My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. I can't figure it out. What am I doing right?" ~Snoopy (Charles Schultz)

My blog is at http://takinghishand.wordpress.com

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 5:55:52 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		All depends on the meaning of the word "earn"...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 6:16:21 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You have to earn it in exactly the same way he has to earn the right for you to accept it. Anyone who thought this was a one way street is not someone I am compatible with.

How does he earn your acceptance of it? Ask him.


_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 6:17:11 PM   
FlamingRedhead


Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		No, I didn't have to earn it, but I did have to accept what he gave me. I asked for one, and he offered me a collar that was too small for his dog. I declined it. I mentioned it again and was given the same offer. I declined. The third time, I asked for it knowing what I'd get, and I was then actually given a choice between the old GA Tech collar that didn't fit his dog anymore or the new Miller Lite one he bought. I chose the old one because I don't like beer. *lol* I've been hinting at getting one of those personalized tags, and so far, I've been offered to be taken for a rabies vaccine. *rme*

Anywho, my 1st dom gave me a beautiful sterling silver collar for my birthday with the caveat that it would remain strictly jewelry until we had a contract. Well, a year passed with numerous attempts to discuss the contract, all of which resulted in nada. I broke up with him because it became painfully obvious that he had no intention of ever moving forward.

While my current situation isn't exactly ideal, it's "what you see is what you get." I'd rather have that than be an ass following a dangling carrot.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to southernmomma)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 6:51:18 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		Earn a collar, no, he determined he was going to own me and the collar went on -- however, my VALUE to him had to remain greater than his cost in keeping me.  His ownership of me (which the collar symbolized) was a cost/value concept - if he had  determined my value wasn't great enough for him to maintain the cost of keeping me, i would have been gone.  It was that simple.

angel

_____________________________


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson


(in reply to FlamingRedhead)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Did you have to "earn" your collar? - 7/20/2010 7:22:57 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

I don't mean any disrespect here, but I think(read that as I'm mulling it over NOT I've decided that) the people who make a submissive "earn" a collar are the same type of people who don't know how to actually be in a relationship.  They don't know how to *run* the relationship so to speak.  It smacks of playing to me.  It seems like someone who doesn't know how to enjoy a partnner and is just ... putting the pressure on the submissive rather than shouldering their own responsibility. 



Hi sunshinemiss:

Some owners do not want a relationship; they want a servant and piece of property.  This was the case with my former owner.  Mind you, I didn't have to go through particular steps to "earn" it, but I did have to beg for it and demonstrate why I believed I was ready.

I'm in a different place in my life now, and it's not something I would do again.  But to some, M/s is not a relationship in the sense you and I might see one.

To answer the OP, no, this time around I did not have to "earn" my collar by taking any particular steps, nor did I have to beg for it.  In fact, I told him I was allergic to collars.  The few times he mentioned one, I panicked.  And then one night, well after we both realized we really love each other and want a future together, he walked up to me and fastened his collar to my neck.  And I wept like a baby...but then I'm sappy like that.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> Did you have to "earn" your collar? Page: [1] 2 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.098