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RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 6:49:37 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Wanders,
Just so you know... If I pulled your pigtails, I wouldn't run away. 

Lil FYI.
sunshine


Note to self - wear pigtails when  meet Sunny




_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:39:57 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

If it is working for you, so be it, although I cannot possibly know how it would... I guess I have a limited imagination. Personally, if I get an email from a man and I cannot view his profile, I wonder why and I do not respond.

This is just me, and I am sure there are women who respond to people who do not have active profiles... *shrugs*


Julia,

I don't have a profile on CollarMe or Fetlife. In fact, my verbiage gives the impression that I don't want to be bothered at all. Which is true for the most part. But that hasn't discouraged men from writing and expressing an interest in communicating. Sometimes they notice a comment I've made or simply encounter my profile by chance or through a mutual friend.

I've conversed with men like myself and I don't have a problem with it. After all, the profile is merely a snapshot of the individual. And it may not be an accurate one either. You cannot know for certain without some discussion. While I respect your opinion and understand the perspective taken, rest assured not having a profile doesn't take you out of the running. But the quality of responses I receive is markedly better than before.

~porcelaine


I can't see how people can comment to you if you have no profile to email... like I said, perhaps there is some secret way that people can communicate without profiles that I have never heard of?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to porcelaine)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:41:41 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Congrats!

I did not feel offended. I am just truly perplexed how people can communicate without an active profile.... I did not think we could.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Zevar)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:43:44 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Congrats!

I did not feel offended. I am just truly perplexed how people can communicate without an active profile.... I did not think we could.


psst Julia...all you have to do to send them a message is click on the button under their avatar which says pm and it will send a message to people without an active profile 


_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:45:12 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		juliaoceania,

look towards the bottom of the box that has your name in it. There are three icons, hide profile or pm. You can use the pm to send a message.

_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:46:31 AM   
hlen5


Posts: 5890
Joined: 3/2/2008
Status: offline 		You beat me to it, Wanders!!

_____________________________



My fave Thread: http://www.collarchat.com/m_2626198/mpage_1/tm.htm

One time "Phallus Expert Extraordinaire"

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:47:02 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Congrats!

I did not feel offended. I am just truly perplexed how people can communicate without an active profile.... I did not think we could.


psst Julia...all you have to do to send them a message is click on the button under their avatar which says pm and it will send a message to people without an active profile 



I did not know this! I learned something new!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:48:07 AM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline 		I keep my profile hidden, but people from the forums can still send me messages by clicking the PM button. I like getting mail from people who post here, but the emails I get when my profile is up are kind of creepy. I just prefer to keep my profile hidden.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:48:08 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hlen5

You beat me to it, Wanders!!


Damn my secret for successful approaches is out..... I have speedy fingers


_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to hlen5)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 8:52:48 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		It still seems like a stifling way to meet people if one wants to meet people in their area. I am not really interested in meeting people in Alabama, for example, nor Ireland either for that matter. But I live in a large metropolis, so my dating opportunities are fairly decent here.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 9:11:35 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I never have.. but if I did see someone here I thought WOW.. I like this guy!... I would still not contact them.  I would not drop them an email.  I may respond to a thread they post but it is doubtful I would make an obvious move to be noticed.  It is not enough for me to want someone.  I need to know there was something about me they found interesting enough to make contact.

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx


This thread is relative to the forums here. Assuming you are single and you see someone else within the forums that you think might be a good fit, how do you make it known? Or DO you make it known? Do you chime in on the same threads hoping to get their attention? Do you send an email on the other side? Do you signal by perving their profile on the other side as a clue? Do you find out where they live and hop a plane to go stalk them? Do you find all of the posters here repulsive and not worth your time other than the obvious derision we're pretty good at?




(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 9:29:32 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Congrats!

I did not feel offended. I am just truly perplexed how people can communicate without an active profile.... I did not think we could.


psst Julia...all you have to do to send them a message is click on the button under their avatar which says pm and it will send a message to people without an active profile 


Don't feel alone, julia.  I honestly didn't know this either.  My thanks to those who taught Me something today.

Forgive the hijack on this.  I'm not answering the original due to the fact that it is specifically addressing single people and not necessarily including the poly folks who may approach those in whom they have an interest.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 11:09:49 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

I never have.. but if I did see someone here I thought WOW.. I like this guy!... I would still not contact them.  I would not drop them an email.  I may respond to a thread they post but it is doubtful I would make an obvious move to be noticed.  It is not enough for me to want someone.  I need to know there was something about me they found interesting enough to make contact.


I can understand that viewpoint, and share it with profiles from strangers... viewing me or adding me to their admired list is not going to get a response...

There is another way of thinking about it, though, if you just want to express that you like the way they comport themselves here you really aren't trying to meet them or start something. If you genuinely just want to express that the person was someone you found appealing based upon what they write you are just paying them a compliment. I have emails from and I have emailed submissive females much the same sort of thing. Just because I think someone is hot doesn't necessarily mean I am trying to start a relationship by emailing them, anymore than I have tried to have a relationship with my submissive friends here. There are a couple of people here I think are awesome, and maybe if we sought the same things or lived in the same state, something could come of it, but my telling them they are interesting is just a genuine way of expressing what I heartfelt think about them....

We all like compliments, after all.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 1:55:51 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

Oh - Jeff... one more thing.

Sometimes I'll start a thread asking the single folks about something like... ohhh I don't know... their approach or their way of letting someone know they are digging on 'em, something subtle to see who will take the bait.  *wink

sunshine



Yeah. You do that. Fortunately, my thread isn't likely to bring the entire Internet to it's knees. I don't know if your brand of preciousness will have the same results.

I tried to 'splain' before. The thread really wasn't supposed to be about me. Sure, it got me some extra attention. That just meant I was able to sleep last night. We'll see about tonight. <KIDDING!> No real secret nefarious motives, I promise. I thought it was commonplace to moderate the thread a little bit to keep the interest and discussion going, 'sall.

I think what we've learned is that different people have varying comfort levels in how they go about their business. And that's certainly fine as long as they are achieving whatever results their actions (or inactions) manifest. There is no 'right way' to accomplish that that suits everyone. And LP, the thread could easily have been inclusive of any 'adding a member to a relationship' scenario that the poly people could have jumped in. And what about the guys? Not much in the way of sharing there, which is a little disappointing I think.

Good luck to all!

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 2:08:04 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		I didn't read the whole thread, sorry.

I don't really have an approach. When I was single, if I was interested in someone I may have contacted them, or I may have waited. It really just all depends on what's going on and who the situation is progressing. I honestly believe that things are either going to happen or not and you cannot really fix or mess it up that much by being who you are.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 2:28:29 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: wandersalone

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Congrats!

I did not feel offended. I am just truly perplexed how people can communicate without an active profile.... I did not think we could.


psst Julia...all you have to do to send them a message is click on the button under their avatar which says pm and it will send a message to people without an active profile 


Don't feel alone, julia.  I honestly didn't know this either.  My thanks to those who taught Me something today.

Forgive the hijack on this.  I'm not answering the original due to the fact that it is specifically addressing single people and not necessarily including the poly folks who may approach those in whom they have an interest.


Now I do not feel stupid anymore, and we both learned something new (I love learning)....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 2:39:10 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UniqueRaven

Honestly, i don't think many people post on the forums that are also hoping the posting might lead them to a partner? i could be wrong on this. This could be why you're not getting perved much from other forum posters.



id agree with this.  over the time ive been here id say only a small handfull have written to me on the other side due to a post i wrote.  hell, most of them dont even bother to read youre profile

it seems to me CM is very much divided by the 'other side' bunch who are solely here for finding someone and use this place for that alone, and those who come here and post, who might also be looking for someone.  i had one guy write to me and tell me that since i wasnt looking i should stop wasting peoples time and close my account.  that made me realise that some people have absolutely no idea about the boards atall.

i was never particularly proactive with my search

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to UniqueRaven)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/26/2010 5:02:21 PM   
reynardfox


Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline 		If I like the look or sound of someone I make a move. I don't care if anything happens or not as I'm happily married and we are only looking for people to add to our already quite large circle, oddly enough our lack of urgency and laid back approach seem to win us lots of new friends. 

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: So what IS your approach> - 7/27/2010 9:52:07 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx
And LP, the thread could easily have been inclusive of any 'adding a member to a relationship' scenario that the poly people could have jumped in. And what about the guys? Not much in the way of sharing there, which is a little disappointing I think.

Good luck to all!

Jeff

I apologize, Jeff.  I missed this at first.

Truthfully, it's very rare for Me to approach.  Not because I'm falling back on the old 'the male should initiate' routine.  It has much more to do with Me being poly.  I really don't ever want anyone to get the impression that I am one of those pushy types that automatically assumes that poly is for everyone.  It isn't and I'm not out to convert anyone who knows they are wired for monogamy.

If I'm going to flirt/show interest in anyone, it is going to be someone from the forums.  There are two or three male subs that I would definitely have interest in if we were in the same location.  There are a few gals that I would love to have for play partners and/or have in service to Me.  (Add being straight to complicating things in addition to poly on that one.)  My interest in them are not secrets.  Most people who read the forums could identify the individuals that I have in mind with those statements.

However, since poly is such an important criteria to consider, it really is up to them to come forward and say that they would want to do it.  I do not wish to influence them one way or the other.  My approach is to show sufficient interest on the forums for them to write on the other side.  Then, it can go from there.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 79
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