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RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 8:43:00 PM

poise

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level
If you have ever had a dominant tell you to change your "style", whether hairstyle, clothing, makeup, etc, did you take offense, on some level? Did it make you feel lessened, or criticized?

While he has never told me to change my style per say, he does make his preference known. ( ie: wear the emerald blouse as opposed to the red..etc) He has also made it clear that I am not to cut my hair, other than the usual trimming every so often.
I would not take offense if he were more critical, as he is only making me look even better in his eyes, and who wouldn't want that?

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Post #: 21

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 8:45:13 PM

Silkers

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murses?

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Post #: 22

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 8:46:59 PM

Jasmineinbloom

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Man Purses. eww.

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Post #: 23

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 9:03:17 PM

AquaticSub

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I'm actually a big fan of the man purse and hope they catch on more over here in America. The more a man can carry the less I have to shove in my purse cause it doesn't fit in his pockets.

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It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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Post #: 24

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 9:14:16 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

I'm actually a big fan of the man purse and hope they catch on more over here in America. The more a man can carry the less I have to shove in my purse cause it doesn't fit in his pockets.

It is called a "backpack"

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Post #: 25

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 10:07:21 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
\
It is called a "backpack"

*shrugs* I prefer a man purse to a backpack. A man purse could be worn to a formal event. Backpack... yeah, not so much and it's silly to think that a backpack suits all events. I wouldn't wear a backpack to a theatre - I don't expect any man I'm dating to the same.

I mean... tacky. Eww. Backpacks are for events when I don't wear a purse, I bring another pack - IMHO.

Frankly, I consider the anti-man purse attitude to be sexist and backwards in terms of gender. What the hell does it matter if a man wears a bag over his shoulder?

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/25/2010 10:12:22 PM >

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Post #: 26

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 10:39:53 PM

littlewonder

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as Master would say in answer to a man purse....."that's why I have a slave to carry my stuff".

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Post #: 27

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 10:54:57 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Ladies that said "no, I didn't take offense", was there no sense of "why's he telling me to _____?"; I guess what I'm getting at is, if you did a certain thing, then obviously you thought well of it, and when you were told to change, were there no qualms of any sort?

I didn't have to change who I was to accommodate them. They preferred my classic look and didn't want it altered, but merely expressed a desire for me to wear skirts and heels. Both were perfectly fine with my color selections (usually black) and the style. I allowed my hair to grow a bit longer but continued to wear it in the manner they liked. Makeup was always tasteful and they preferred crimson lipstick which I already wore. The same applied to my nails and I gave up my french manicure in deference to red instead.

I was allowed two scents from my collection that he enjoyed. An additional item was added later on. This was probably the most challenging part because I missed my perfume a lot! But I got used to it. There were required beauty regimes that were monitored and I was expected to keep my skin in excellent shape. Routine spa visits were more than enough to maintain it. It was my responsibility to present myself in a ladylike manner with a smattering of unmistakable sensuality that was tastefully displayed. It wasn't difficult to do at all.

~porcelaine

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Post #: 28

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 11:04:33 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

*shrugs* I prefer a man purse to a backpack. A man purse could be worn to a formal event. Backpack... yeah, not so much and it's silly to think that a backpack suits all events. I wouldn't wear a backpack to a theatre - I don't expect any man I'm dating to the same.

Attache case?

I wear small evening bags when I go out, not big things to carry items. I would assume a "murse" would suit the opera or a nice cocktail party in much the same way

_____________________________

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Post #: 29

RE: Taking offense? - 7/25/2010 11:21:12 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

as Master would say in answer to a man purse....."that's why I have a slave to carry my stuff".

*snickers* Like I said... this is why I want them to become normal in the US. Then I won't have to carry everything for him plus my stuff. I consider it much more logical for both people to carry, or have the option to carry without looking weird, a bag than just one.

quote:

Attache case?

I wear small evening bags when I go out, not big things to carry items. I would assume a "murse" would suit the opera or a nice cocktail party in much the same way

I've yet to attend a formal event where an attache case was anything close to normal - unless you count a business meeting. Where I wouldn't be carrying a purse either.

I, personally, frown upon small purses that can't carry normal things unless I'm going drinking. In which case I only carry my ID and my credit card. To an opera or cocktail party, I carry my usual supplies in a nice purse but I don't worry about it being small.

If I'm the only one who comes prepared with band-aids, Pepto, wipes and other supplies, I can live with that. Mock my big purse all you want - I've been someone's godsend more than once.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 7/25/2010 11:28:51 PM >

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 30

RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 2:03:02 AM

sunshinemiss

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Hello Level,
I have been told to wear my hair in a style that made me look like an ogre because the man in question liked long hair on a woman. The fact that I looked like an ogre didn't seem to matter. It offended me that it didn't matter to him that I looked like crap. And I'm not talking I *think* I look like crap. I mean like, I have cow licks all through my hair, and long hair just looks bad on me. He also wanted me to wear pastels which make me look washed out and like a corpse. It's that he wanted some ridiculous rule followed rather than make me better that was offensive. Thank goodness he didn't want me to bleach my hair. I would have chocked on something and died.

It turns out I *like* the way I dress - casual elegance you might call it. I've had a good 25 adult years to come up with what works for me. And what works? Kind of a dress down Friday look. Also, I wear some of what I wear for specific reasons. One of my ankles is weak as is one of my knees, so high heels are an "ain't no way" in my world. I will try to accomodate where possible - I'd wear gladiator sandals for ankle support for example if my Birkenstocks were not considered ok, but don't even bother thinking you will get me in some pump. (*insert big gigantic pffffffffft here).

I used to wear contact lenses, but as I've gotten older, my gorgeous green eyes seem to have acquired some baggage beyond the airline limit! So I wear glasses now and a baseball cap when i go outside. Unless you get me some sunglasses with bifocals in my (very high) prescription, that's not gonna change either.

I'm not a femmy girl, and I am not going to be. I'd be happy to compromise on perfumes that I don't have asthma attacks on.

I know I sound kind of persnickety, but I'm not. I'm not willing to compromise my physical health for some ridiculous ideal some fool man has in his head. I do dress up a bit more than usual when I'm with Signore Wonderful, but that's because we go to fancy places. When we are alone, meh. Something black and comfy... and whimsical. (Did you think I forgot about whimsy?)

best,
sunshine

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Post #: 31

RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 2:23:29 AM

ranja

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My dad was forever poking fun at my 'fashion' sense and hair does... i thought he was annoying at times, especially cos he looks a fright himself.

i once had a 3+ year relationship with a young man who attempted to change everything about me... my clothes, my make up, the way i speak... he was extremely jealous and no matter how i tried it was never good enough
i was not so much offended, i rather more felt like a failure and it made me sad.

i once encountered a man who said to me "oh you look very nice, but if you were mine I would bin that scarf" ... i thought he was ridiculously dumb and childish, if i would have had an interest in becoming his it dissipated there and then.

A teenage love interest commented after i had a breast reduction that it looked so much better i should have had it done much earlier... i thought he was the rudest- ill mannered person ever.

My Husband tells me what He likes and dislikes... He has a big dislike for too much make-up in public, hard and sticky hair, false eyelashes, false nails... anything false really... luckily other than playing games i have no interest in going out looking totally over the top either.
He likes my hair long so i grow it.
i always ask how i look to Him before i go dancing and if He would disagree about anything... say the length of my skirt, i would change

i suppose it all depends on my mood and how He would choose to tell me of my mistake as to whether or not i would be offended ot turned on.

one of the times i dressed up as a school girl for Him, He made an issue about me wearing the wrong kind of white knickers... i thought He was spoiling the game and being very nit picky, with hindsight He feels a bit silly about it Himself... although with hindsight i can now undertand His point.
the situation could have been handled much better by either of us,

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Post #: 32

RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 5:59:41 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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It also depends on how early in the relationship it is. Someone who barely knows me, but makes it plain that I'm not good enough as is, isn't someone I can believe will ever find me good enough. My experience with those types is that they get off on the criticism, on raising the bar every time I pass it, on setting me up to fail because that's what they get off on. And I won't do that.

Tell me where we're going, what kind of style is demanded, that's fine. I don't want to get turned away for being inappropriately dressed at a good restaurant either. But deliberately picking someone in order to have an excuse to criticize her? Deal breaker here, my self esteem is shaky enough as is.

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Post #: 33

RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 7:02:24 AM

NymphetamineGirl

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Joined: 11/29/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: porcelaine

It was my responsibility to present myself in a ladylike manner with a smattering of unmistakable sensuality that was tastefully displayed. It wasn't difficult to do at all.

Love this...I have always kinda struggled with the fact that I just exude sexuality, even when it's hugely inconvenient. The problem is that general society seems to promote a disconnect between women we respect and women we f***. Fortunately enough men, especially true dominants, have mended that union in their minds and act as examples for the rest. No derail intended but I was kinda touched by what porcelaine said (I often am actually) and I want to embrace this about myself, for I feel being a lady and being obviously sensual are inclusive. The safety of being both publicly comes from trust in a Master, for me.

Anyway if I were to take offense at being asked to change something, there is nothing about my desire to please that would mitigate the pain, though it would dictate my actions. If the delivery and intent were such that no offense was taken, then there is a chance that the suggestion would become part of me, something I would henceforth choose for myself. Depends on if the reasoning behind the request were persuasive.

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Post #: 34

RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 7:30:18 AM

OsideGirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

It's part in how the sub/slave looks at it and it's part in how the dominant/owner presents it. Valyraen's take was more "I'd love to see you in nice things, like some stylish slacks and more grown-up blouses". My ex's take was "Don't wear that - I don't want my SO to see me walking around with a woman wearing that".

This.

And also: I also think there's a difference between being presented with "I'd like to see you in this" and trying change someone's style completely.

My style of dressing is part of who I am. I'm more Kathrine Hepburn than Audrey Hepburn. I had met guys that were determined to change me into the frilly girly girl or into a street corner slut. My view was if you don't like who I am, then why should I be with you.

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RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 7:53:56 AM

VirginPotty

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I met him when I had very short hair. He preferred long hair (to use as a "handle") so I grew my hair out.
That was his only recommendation. Everything else I did I did on my own so I'd be more pleasing to him.

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RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 8:36:22 AM

domiguy

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There are definitely some things that I would comment on and I have. Too much make up is a total drag.

Once went out with a woman that when I held her to my chest she left the perfect outline of her face upon a white dress shirt....The fucker looked like the Shroud of Turin. It is now stored under glass for all to see.

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RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 8:39:42 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

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No, there was no sense of why's he telling me. I outlined why in my replies. Because he didn't approve of the outfit, and thought it didn't paint me in the most flattering light, and normally I don't care what people may think of the outfit, I'll wear it no matter who thinks what, and he wants me to look my best when we go out to eat at his work place, Hell he'd like me to look my best all the time, but going to his place of employment to eat is a special treat and I should represent the bets me possible when he treats me to something so special. So I have no problem whatso ever with him telling me not to wear my baggy dress to eat out .

quote:

ORIGINAL: Level

Ladies that said "no, I didn't take offense", was there no sense of "why's he telling me to _____?"; I guess what I'm getting at is, if you did a certain thing, then obviously you thought well of it, and when you were told to change, were there no qualms of any sort?

I don't mean to beat on you all (unless we're in the same room, nyuck nyuck), but I'm curious.

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Post #: 38

RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 8:43:45 AM

sexyred1

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My philosophy is that if you are attracted to me as I am, don't try to change me.

Thankfully, no one ever has. I already know exactly how to put myself together and I do a damn good job. I am somewhat high maintenance so I know just what to do.

The only area I even ask about is lingerie. Some men like frilly girl things, others like leather, etc. Once I know what turns him on, I will use more of that, but only in that type of clothing.

Everything else, it is up to me to present myself how I see fit.

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Post #: 39

RE: Taking offense? - 7/26/2010 8:53:38 AM

Missokyst

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I have had it go both ways. In my earlier life if my mate told me something even in passing, I would make it happen even if by doing so created a mental bruising. I have changed my manner of speech (and changed it back), learned to cuss and use slang (and stopped), I have learned to say please and thank you (something that was not stressed when I was growing up.. we can be arrogant people!), I no longer wear heels because my x liked me short, I no longer wear ponytails because he detested them.

In my early days, changes were in personality. As I matured I decided it is plain stupid to be with someone who wants to change the way you are. In my latter days changes are superficial matters in how I might dress. I think people listen to what their partners want and try to please them. I do think major changes in looks are reflective of not wanting who you are with and making an attempt to make them fit in with your ideal. And on that I do not get why anyone chooses someone who they have to change so that they suit you.

Oh yeah.. do I take offense? Never externally. If it bothers me it goes inside deep and causes that internal bruising that happened before I knew better. If it is just simple changes like in the way I dress, or to have someone point out that I should say please and thank you, I see that as a benefit.

I guess the difference to me is whether or not I feel someone wants me, or wants an image in their head.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 7/26/2010 9:01:29 AM >

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Post #: 40

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