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Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 8:59:39 PM

mathiasdomm

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I originally put this in a reply to a post in Ask A Master (A Master's Worth), but it's a big question so I'll put it to the folks at large.

Do people in D/s relationships have vanilla sex? By vanilla, I mean no play, no toys, no kink. Not even mental bondage. The kind of sex you imagine the neighbors with the matching Volvos and track suits having.

Is it possible? Doesn't the label of 'submissive' automatically rule this out? Are we all regular people who sometimes just want to do it with the lights off, finish, and go to sleep? Or are we a subset of people who are going to find ways to make it interesting and creative regardless of circumstance?

This is an odd and intimate question, but one I've been thinking about a lot lately.

-m

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 9:04:40 PM

Level

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Of course. There isn't anything wrong with vanilla sex. Which does not mean everyone in a lifestyle relationship has vanilla sex, or any sex with one another period.

Level

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 9:05:12 PM

crouchingtigress

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Oh yes!

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 9:05:26 PM

CrappyDom

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I know people who use blood as anal lube and they have vanilla sex. I have even been in some relationships where I fantasize about vanilla sex.

It is called variety, and I hear it is a good spice for something but I can't remember what. Of course, since I haven't been in bed with a vanilla woman in years, not sure if I could "pass" without being spoted as a pervert.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 9:37:01 PM

TheShadows

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Well...we're in a D/D relationship, if that counts. And yes, we have vanilla sex about 90% of the time. The other 10% consists of us biting, pulling hair, pinching, romping, etc.

95% of our Domination of others occurs between the ears, not the thighs. The two need not be lumped together. We can have D/s with someone else and not be having sex with them, and we can have sex with each other without any D/s.

< Message edited by TheShadows -- 4/18/2006 9:39:46 PM >

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 9:54:31 PM

KittenWithaTwist

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mathiasdomm

I originally put this in a reply to a post in Ask A Master (A Master's Worth), but it's a big question so I'll put it to the folks at large.

Do people in D/s relationships have vanilla sex? By vanilla, I mean no play, no toys, no kink. Not even mental bondage. The kind of sex you imagine the neighbors with the matching Volvos and track suits having.

Is it possible? Doesn't the label of 'submissive' automatically rule this out? Are we all regular people who sometimes just want to do it with the lights off, finish, and go to sleep? Or are we a subset of people who are going to find ways to make it interesting and creative regardless of circumstance?

This is an odd and intimate question, but one I've been thinking about a lot lately.

-m

Well, I'm no longer in a D/s relationship (I'm an S&Mer), but I used to and still do have "vanilla" sex (however, I do know many nillas who use sex toys-dildos and vibes, for instance). In fact, I had some today. :) Yay. Do I think that my neighbors have the same kind of sex I have? Sure, why not? Of course, the only neighbor I want to imagine having sex is Hot Lady with the Big Truck across the sidewalk...

Is it possible? Sure it is. Hell, I'm an S&Mer. Do you think I MUST use a cane or a crop or a whip everytime I want to orgasm? Even I have to spice it down a bit every once in awhile.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 9:55:52 PM

BlkTallFullfig

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mathiasdomm
Do people in D/s relationships have vanilla sex? By vanilla, I mean no play, no toys, no kink. Not even mental bondage. The kind of sex you imagine the neighbors with the matching Volvos and track suits having.
-m

Hell yes there is vanilla sex... As a matter of fact, you the dominant get to decide how/what you want and how you want to dominate, and that may be to decree missionary position every day at 9pm with your submissive, lol.
You simply need to find a submissive who will submit to you.
Welcome to the boards, and good luck. M

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 10:07:27 PM

classykindasassy

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Oh, you betcha. Even before I heard of the world I'm in now, sex was off the hook. It's all in the head in the first place!

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 10:09:28 PM

WyrdRich

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Absolutely and as often as possible. That isn't to say that elements of BDSM don't find their way into things fairly often (a few sharp smacks on the tushy perhaps or some hands held down) but we don't bring the toychest to bed.

We have lives and crap happens. Sometimes we set out to play and discover we are so worn out from the day it winds up being nothing more than a slow comfortable bit of love-making. Other times we're figuring on a quickie in deference to an early wake-up and "Damn, if we'd taped that we could pay off the Toyota." Be happy together.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 10:10:13 PM

Darke

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Like the man said..I think it was Heidegger...or maybe Kant:

There's just pizza and good pizza....

There's no such thing as bad pizza.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 10:23:00 PM

maybemaybenot

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I'd be pretty damn worn out if every time I had sex it was an orchestrated scene
Vanilla sex? Hell yeah, of course a few leather sprinkles on top never hurts.

mbmbn

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/18/2006 10:33:22 PM

FangsNfeet

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BDSM does not refer to sex. It refers to controll, submission, and pain for punishment and or pleasure. The kink or lack there of during sex has little if not nothing to do with the life style. Punishment, torture, bondage, controll and such can still be in the relationship regardless of what goes on under the sheets.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 12:24:50 AM

feastie

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Yup, of course we do. Kink is not the end all and be all. We're well-rounded individuals, (I hope).

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 1:29:09 AM

fullofgrace

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yes, we do. usually i'm responsible for having toys ready and such, or for being ready for whatever kinky things He may wish to include in our play, and because we're currently building up for a sort of scene that will affect me in terms of my emotional connections with sex, He has been withholding vanilla sex from me recently. but in general things just take whatever route they take - sometimes it's very vanilla, sometimes it's very kinky. we don't orchestrate or plan things, as a general rule.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 2:28:44 AM

bignipples2share

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I was married to my partner and everything we did was about love and sex and pleasure. BD = bondage SM = sado/maso..there is nothing that says it can't be all about sex and pleasure too. BDSM does not say TPE, that is up to the two (or however many are involved) to decide that. It's all about what you and your partner want to do with your relationship and how you both want to do it. If you want vanilla sex half the time, or more, or even less, then do it. There is no need to please the masses with what and how you behave with one another. Just make both of you happy with whatever you decide you're doing.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 2:55:26 AM

SirCumsSlut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mathiasdomm

I originally put this in a reply to a post in Ask A Master (A Master's Worth), but it's a big question so I'll put it to the folks at large.

Do people in D/s relationships have vanilla sex? By vanilla, I mean no play, no toys, no kink. Not even mental bondage. The kind of sex you imagine the neighbors with the matching Volvos and track suits having.

Is it possible? Doesn't the label of 'submissive' automatically rule this out? Are we all regular people who sometimes just want to do it with the lights off, finish, and go to sleep? Or are we a subset of people who are going to find ways to make it interesting and creative regardless of circumstance?

This is an odd and intimate question, but one I've been thinking about a lot lately.

-m

AHHHHHHHHH!!! Good ole fashioned sex?? (I won't call it vanilla) You bet your life we do........and that's all I have to say about that

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 3:30:14 AM

twicehappy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mathiasdomm

Do people in D/s relationships have vanilla sex? By vanilla, I mean no play, no toys, no kink. Not even mental bondage.
This is an odd and intimate question, but one I've been thinking about a lot lately.

Absolutely we have vanilla sex. No toys, no props, just bodies. Often casually and spur of the moment.

But if you insist on "not even mental bondage" as the qualifier, then i would have to say no. I am a 24/7 real time collared slave. Master and i laugh (i would also insert Mistress here but somehow i do not categorize lesbian sex as vanilla), play, tease, hug and feel each other up quite a bit. This often leads to us going for it like any vanilla couple (wow that sounds odd, we are a triad not a couple) would. There is however always that mental bondage, their ownership of me is complete, my surrender is complete. It would be totally impossible for there to never be any mental bondage.

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 4:42:48 AM

Lashra

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Yes indeedy, though ours tends to run much rougher than the average I do believe. We like it rough, with lots of dirty talk, hair pulling, screaming sometimes

so maybe our vanilla is a lil tinged. But its all good, we are happy with it.

~Lashra

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 4:55:43 AM

MHOO314

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hmm if You mean him on top and Me on bottom--nope--is he always restrained---no, are there always toys? Who needs toys when I'm the toy on top---

Seriously, in the true terms, no, I prefer the dominant position on top--<smiles>--so does he, so I guess the answer is no and I like it that way.

But I do cuddle in is arms, they are massive----mmmmm

< Message edited by MHOO314 -- 4/19/2006 4:56:23 AM >

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RE: Do we have vanilla sex? - 4/19/2006 5:11:51 AM

Tikkiee

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quote:

Is it possible? Doesn't the label of 'submissive' automatically rule this out? Are we all regular people who sometimes just want to do it with the lights off, finish, and go to sleep? Or are we a subset of people who are going to find ways to make it interesting and creative regardless of circumstance?

I am trying to make a distinction as to what 'regular' people are?

As to the rest; it is always creative, interesting, fulfilling, and just downright mind blowing; no matter what kind of techniques are used.

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