Dustee
Posts: 32
Joined: 4/18/2006
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A provocative message. You also sound angry, and I think it is justified. I often feel the same and for similar reasons. You're getting the usual defensive or brush-off responses to your comments that are a standard response to any "attack" on an online herd/group--one of the reasons why it is so hard to tell or hear truth on messages boards. People can't help doing this though: group/mob behavior and reactions are largely unconscious. Also, there are in any online group a significant number of people who so insecure that even a very generalized critique of a large body of people is taken by them as a deeply personal affront. Sigh.
Much of what you've observed has been my experience too. I believe the primary reasons for this are twofold:
(1) A significant majority of "dominants" posting here are not actually dominant. In fact, they are significantly less mature, experienced, and perhaps even intelligent than the average vanilla-sexed person. They are here because they think a relationship with a submissive will somehow be much easier than their frustrating (if any) experiences with ordinary dating or because their egos declare that they must be dominant. They respond or approach submissives in extremely inappropriate and unerotic ways due to their egos and lack of maturity (which includes a basic inability to understand what another human being wants or needs from a relationship). Boy, is that an incorrect assumption, submissives have a tough time in life and come with their unique and often not-insignificant set of problems and issues, and when the self-proclaimed "masters" discover this fact or find the pick-up waters far more difficult than they imagined, they throw the equivelent of a childish temper tantrum, often over and over and over again. Their profiles and journals compensate with increasingly more egotistical, complaining, and demanding statements, which, naturally, are even more off-putting to the people they hope to attract, and bring to them even more unhappy and failed encounters. For some, this becomes a vicious, downward spiral until their only reason for being on this site becomes the momentary vindication they get from attacking others, often in an unprovoked fashion.
I'm not saying that a lot of submissives do not behave similarly; many do, not just toward dominants but toward other submissives (I get random "out of the blue" hate mail from sub men semi-regularly and occasionally from sub women, usually ones already in relationships, strangely enough--perhaps that has something to do with my unwillingness to become part of a harem?) but this thread is about dominants, and I don't think it's very helpful or on-topic (or particularly mature) to respond to an intelligent critque simply point the finger in the other direction and chant "You Do it Too, Nya, Nya, Nya!" Besides, there is supposed to be (or so I thought? maybe I am confused!) significant difference between dominants and submissives. Dominants are, as I aways understood it, supposed to be capable, in-charge, able to handle responsibility, able to control themselves as well as others--or at least in relationship to the submissive or slave who is theirs or who they want to be theirs. (Once again, let me disclaim that I am not saying that submissives cannot have all of these traits too, but in a D&S or control relationship, having these particular qualities, as I understand it, their primary function or contribution to the relationship, unless they're engaged in the fairly common practice of "mothering from the bottom!") Which brings me indirectly to what I think is the second reason for this behavior:
(2) The medium of online communications encourages this sort of behavior and often brings it out in people--dominant, submissive, vanilla or switch--who otherwise act responsibly and maturely in real life. The reasons for this are myriad, and off-topic to this thread. Suffice it to say that the dominant who can refrain from engaging in the sort of irresponsible and peevish behavior that a semi-unreal and "no-consequences" environment encourages stands out quite favorably in the large crowd of angry, complaining, foot-stomping Master, Sir, Lord, Mistress, and Lady Children. I'm sure such individuals find the type of submissive they seek (as well as and attract many more they don't seek) with relative ease.
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Why So Many Dommes/Doms Self Esteem Issues (Repost) - 
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Get a grip, pal. You're complaining about what a bunch of jerks people are. It's not our fault you got cut off at the bar again tonight.
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