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Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 5:54:46 PM

gungadin09

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i do. i've always seen myself as kind of a freak. When i was little, it used to really bug me, how different i was from everyone else. My interests, aptitudes, thoughts, feelings, whatever-- always seemed at sixes and sevens with other people's. i used to watch others, copying them, trying to figure out what i was doing wrong. i even kept a notebook. i wrote down what people were wearing, how they acted, what they said. i was trying to understand what "normal" was, so i could learn to be that.

Needless to say, it didn't work. i could never learn to be different than i was. Eventually, i just gave up on it. For years i resigned myself to being depressed and isolated. i thought that's just what life had in store for me, and i should just accept it. It was years before i learned to see any value in being different; to view it as an asset instead of a liability.

i would like to say that as an adult i've learned to embrace my "freakdom", but i'm afraid it's not that simple. i'm much more content now than i was as a youth, but i still struggle fitting in in groups; still get thrown off balance walking the line between what's conventional and what's really me. i find myself frequently misunderstood or misjudged, and i still have problems with insecurity and low self esteem. At least it's not as bad as it used to be.

Does anyone else feel that being somehow "damaged" is an asset in BDSM? Like, maybe, we're a big club of freaks who have just learned to embrace it? i feel like if i was a normal, well adjusted person i wouldn't be here. As much as my weirdness embarasses me, i'm still kind of proud of it. i don't think i would want to exchange my fucked up life for a normal one.

Any thoughts? All you freaks out there, sound off!

pam

Post #: 1

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 6:11:18 PM

juliaoceania

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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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I would look up Aspergers Syndrome because some of your behaviors that you write above sound suspiciously like someone with this form of autism. I am not saying you have it, but when someone goes to the extent of note-taking in an effort to become "normal" this seems like something is wrong...

In short, I think we have all had the experience of feeling "damaged" by life to some extent. I do not feel that way anymore whatsoever, and I haven't in years and years. I never felt damaged about being submissive, and yes, I had weird thoughts even as a child. The difference between you and me is that I did not assume that there was something "wrong" with me as a result and I thought everyone had odd kinky thoughts at times. We are born to be sexual beings, after all. There is nothing weird about that.

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Post #: 2

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 6:58:02 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I've always been a freak. I don't consider being an edge person the same as being damaged, though, even though I am. I think it's an advantage as far as being open to new ideas, and welcoming of other freaks. Lots of bdsm folks are very straight indeed.

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RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 6:59:34 PM

LadyPact

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I can't say that I consider Myself damaged. I couldn't imagine for the life of Me exactly how I would come about that conclusion.

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RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 7:05:48 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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I don't consider myself a freak and I don't consider myself damaged or a victim, etc...

I'm of the opinion that if you feel like that about yourself then you seriously should consider some therapy.

Seriously..it's not good for you.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 5

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 7:19:09 PM

MaamJay

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Have to say that the word "Aspergers" came to mind as I read the OP, just as did for julia. Obviously, no one can diagnose you on a website on the basis of one post, but it might be worth checking out. I know a number of Aspergers people seem to be attracted to bdsm, and some time ago (couple of years maybe) there was an awesome long thread here on it.

I don't consider Myself damaged just because I have discovered I have a kinky streak! Just a bit slow in not realising it before My 40s. And if anyone could think themselves a freak, then surely I could, since I have two personas in the one body, one Domme and the other sub, and both wanting to be expressed at the same time! Even now they're fighting for control of the keyboard, one wanting to type I and the other i LOL! But no, I don't think it's so much freaky or damaged ... just think M/myself lucky to get the best of both worlds. I have always been one to embrace new ideas and to allow open doors to beckon Me ... I never say never. So when I found bdsm ... it was like opening a door inside that I'd never realised was there ... and letting everything behind it out. Awesome!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 7:19:53 PM

sexyred1

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I always valued my uniqueness and never had a moment's worry about having different desires or ideas than people I knew.

I certainly do not feel damaged by my desires. I feel a tad damaged by events in my life the past few years, but those are things I will get over since I am a strong person.

I do not think that people in BDSM are damaged on the whole; one thing has nothing to do with the other. I cannot see being damaged as an asset in anything.

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 7

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 7:34:39 PM

porcelaine

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I can't say that I consider Myself damaged. I couldn't imagine for the life of Me exactly how I would come about that conclusion.

This. And why on earth would anyone want a damaged dominant or submissive for that matter?

~porcelaine

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RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 7:44:54 PM

poise

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Those that follow the crowd usually get lost in it. Embrace your individuality and put down
the notion that you have to meet certain criteria to be "normal"
Normal is boring!

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Post #: 9

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 7:49:39 PM

Chrisincuffs

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I wouldn't really say I'm damaged or a freak. I grew up in a middle class family in a nice suburban neighborhood, I was the cheerleader, hockey player, had a ton of friends, was a virgin until I was almost 17. Then when I was 18 I met a guy, and the two of us began to experiment....more and more and made a pact with each other that we could go to each other for anything, anything we could think up anything we ever wanted to try and we would respect each other and never judge. That worked for over 3 years and we were best friends, but our paths in life took us in different directions. I went back to a life of vanilla until I met my master 8 years later, the rest is history.
No damage just happy fun kink

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(in reply to porcelaine)

Post #: 10

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:14:03 PM

DarkSteven

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I like to be in control. I have a sadistic streak that I manage quite well. I like to pinch nipples and spank.

Aside from that, I'm an engineer in a boring vanilla neighborhood.

I think of myself as normal with a kink.

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Post #: 11

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:14:26 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
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yep. I am damaged. But I enjoy the rustic charm, the rugged textures, the depth of character, that the twists and turns of my life has afforded me. I would not be the same reasoning character without those experiences. I would not have the ability to dodge and weave and avoid or live through trauma if I had not had hardship. I am damaged but it has not hampered my life. I embrace my twisted nature with relish. I would find a normal life dull and do not understand why anyone would wish to be "normal". Give me someone with flaws that were carved out by life.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/6/2010 8:16:37 PM >

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 12

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:18:43 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
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The most comfortable sofa I ever owned cost me 25 dollars, because the backside had some damage. That sofa lasted for 15 yrs before I got rid of it and replaced it with a 500 dollar sofa.. that one showed wear after 5 yrs.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
I cannot see being damaged as an asset in anything.

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 8/6/2010 8:19:10 PM >

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 13

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:20:25 PM

CynthiaWVirginia

Posts: 1915
Joined: 2/28/2010
From: West Virginia, USA
Status: offline

quote:

Does anyone else feel that being somehow "damaged" is an asset in BDSM? Like, maybe, we're a big club of freaks who have just learned to embrace it? i feel like if i was a normal, well adjusted person i wouldn't be here. As much as my weirdness embarasses me, i'm still kind of proud of it. i don't think i would want to exchange my fucked up life for a normal one.

Any thoughts? All you freaks out there, sound off!

I don't see myself as damaged goods or as a freak. Not now, anyway.

As a child, I did feel different, like damaged goods. As a teenager and young adult, I felt I was a "sh*t magnet," that there was some invisible sign that said "victim right here." Life was very hard to deal with, and I had to understand and make peace with the fact that humans have free choice, which means we have to also suffer the consequences of someone else's free choice.

After I was in my 30's, I came to realize that I am strong because of my broken places. I have learned the right lessons from suffering and I like who I am now. If I had the ability to go back in time and somehow change everything, I wouldn't be who I am today...so I could never wish for the past to be undone. Some of us are like the fabled phoenix, and can rise out of our own ashes...there is no way I could consider this ability to survive and grow as proof that I am damaged or freakish.

I have no clue what it would be like to be a "normal" person, but I do feel I am well adjusted. I feel I would have eventually found my way here. I am not here to heal myself and then leave...I do not need some bandaid on my soul. This is part of who I am.

After all I went through, I cannot believe I found spankings and stuff erotic. It's funny though.

I am "out" to family and friends, but not to most acquaintences. I would feel weird if I were the only person in the world like this and there was nobody to spank or something.

Bones can break, and heal over time. In the same way, hearts and spirits can also be broken and heal over time. My spirit had been broken in the past, along with other things, but that does not mean that I am weak or damaged.

I love scar tissue...whether on a soul, a heart, or on flesh. This helps to define who someone who is a survivor.

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 14

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:29:17 PM

gungadin09

Posts: 3232
Joined: 3/19/2010
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People Who Have, Or Are Believed to Have Had, Aspergers:

Bill Gates
Michael Palin
Alfred Hitchcock
Sir Isaac Newton
Jane Austen
Albert Einstein
Hans Christian Andersen
Charles Darwin
Jim Henson
Charles Schulz
Thomas Jefferson
Michelangelo
Wolfgang Mozart
Dan Aykroyd
Ludwig Van Beethoven
Thomas Edison
Woody Allen
Mark Twain

If i have it, i am at least in good company

pam

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 15

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:31:20 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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Seriously, Pam, I intended no insult in what I posted. A man that I very much loved had symptoms of this condition.. he was the one that educated me about it. I said what I said not to insult you, but for you to look into it and see if you had this problem...

I was only trying to be helpful....

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 16

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:31:50 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

Bdsm aside, I've always marched to the beat of a different drum. I don't usually "fit in" easily, and I've had a genuine rapport with relatively few people along my life's path.

It doesn't bother me much, as I'm not really big on being around a lot of people that much or that often. I'm not anti-social; I laugh and joke with people at work, I'm personable, I go out, I date, I meet with a friend for lunch here or there, and things like that, but for the most part, I'm a pretty reclusive person. I don't consider that I'm damaged, or that it's the result of bdsm or something in particular, it's just the way I am. I keep very few people close to me, and I have no need to fix that because this is the way I like it.

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 17

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:38:26 PM

gungadin09

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Joined: 3/19/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

Seriously, Pam, I intended no insult in what I posted...

No offense taken. It's all good.

pam

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Post #: 18

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:47:45 PM

domiguy

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Don't be too happy there are some that believe the unabomber and a few serial killers might have had Aspergers.

Anywhooo, we all might be a tad bit "off." But everyday I wake up and thank God I am not as whacked out as that freak, Marie.

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Post #: 19

RE: Do you consider yourself "damaged"? - 8/6/2010 8:50:14 PM

BentUnit

Posts: 897
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I've never fitted in..like you Gun, I've seemed to have always view human interactions from an outsider looking in.

In the past I viewed myself as different.
These days I'd most definitely call myself damaged

(in reply to gungadin09)

Post #: 20

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