RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TFTB subs

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TFTB subs

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TFTB subs

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 9:42:30 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

You will anyway, so have at it...but open your eyes while you do so. You feel labels "negate"...but they also identify, justify, praise, compliment and give credit.

You must have had some hum-dinger labels applied to you to make you so negative and see only one side.

And you make me laugh when you say you can negate an entire country by using a derogatory term, or negate a female by calling her a slut. You do not have the voice, power, not authority to negate anyone. You just aren't that special. The fact that you feel you can negate someone by the application of a label speaks volumes of an overblown ego.

Tell me, if someone shoots you a cmail that you aren't "a real submissive" and you are "justa bottom do-me tftb brat" that this is somehow a positive? I am not saying I care about that, or I feel bad when it happens, but it does happen to me. There are men on the other side that throw those terms around generously when you tell them you are not interested... why do they do that, Holly? Is it to compliment us? I hardly think so..

This thread is not about the labels we attach to ourselves, but those that others attach to us, and they attach those labels in ways that (as aqua pointed out) put us into boxes...

I have a pretty strong ego. It does not bother me for myself that these terms get thrown around, but, as I pointed out many times on this thread, I am very sensitive to the processes behind it being done and why it is done. There are a lot of newbies that take these labels much more seriously than I do

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 81

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 9:45:25 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I see labels as a quick and dirty way to negate a person's humanity without dealing with them.

Negate a persons humanity? Oh pleeeeeze!

All words are labels. You are hungry, you decide you want that round red fruit. To tell the man behind the counter what you want, you label it. "I want an apple" or maybe a specific kind of apple. We have no idea what the apples would say about their label if they could talk.

It's not the labels that is the person. It's the human desire to twist them into something mean. We need labels, particularly on the Internet, to communicate effectively and get across ideas. It's much easier, and faster, to say "I'm female" than "I'm the kind with breasts and a vagina" even though female is a label.

I really feel that labels are getting a bad rap. They aren't the problem. The people using them are when they try to force people into boxes and cover it up with a label.

I am not talking about words as labels to communicate. I am talking about how labels are used for minimizing people...

There is nothing wrong with labels as you pointed out, but the use of them to minimize others is what I object to

Exactly. The problem is that, as you see what is quoted above, you said "labels as a quick and dirty way" - making the label the problem and not giving credit to the real issue.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 82

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 9:58:01 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

If you look at the sentence... a label as a quick and dirty way.. I am saying the label is just the tool that is used to minimize... labels are tools to communicate broader ideas, if the broader idea a person wants to communicate is to reduce another, then the label became a quick and dirty way to do so...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 83

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 10:06:59 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

You will anyway, so have at it...but open your eyes while you do so. You feel labels "negate"...but they also identify, justify, praise, compliment and give credit.

You must have had some hum-dinger labels applied to you to make you so negative and see only one side.

And you make me laugh when you say you can negate an entire country by using a derogatory term, or negate a female by calling her a slut. You do not have the voice, power, not authority to negate anyone. You just aren't that special. The fact that you feel you can negate someone by the application of a label speaks volumes of an overblown ego.

Tell me, if someone shoots you a cmail that you aren't "a real submissive" and you are "justa bottom do-me tftb brat" that this is somehow a positive? I am not saying I care about that, or I feel bad when it happens, but it does happen to me. There are men on the other side that throw those terms around generously when you tell them you are not interested... why do they do that, Holly? Is it to compliment us? I hardly think so..

So when you read a negative c-mail, do the terms used "negate" you?

Julia...you claim the ability, using negative labels, to negate not just individuals, but an entire country!

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

if I want to negate someone in a political debate I might call them a Nazi. If I want to negate someone in a religious debate I might call them a zealot. If I want to negate an entire country of people I might call them something like a camel jockey or some other pejorative term. If I want to negate a woman I might call her a whore or a slut...

Talk all the smack you got, babe....you have the ability to negate no one unless they themselves permit it.

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 84

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 10:08:19 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

Julia, I think it depends on the context. I have had relationships in which I was a bottom rather than submissive, and I'm quite adamant and vocal about the difference.

So, in those circumstances, someone calling me a bottom is just dandy. There are lots of people looking for bedroom-only (or primarily) dynamics, who don't focus on control outside the bedroom. Again, nothing wrong with using that label to describe yourself or someone else, and it can be done in a positive way. I'm generally not a brat in the slightest, but I enjoy physical wrestling/playfighting, and once jokingly threw legos at someone - I suppose it could be called "bratty" in a playful way. I know a lot of dominants who are actively looking for a submissive or bottom who he has to overpower, or who has that kind of playful side. The tone of your quote is the problem, not the words.

If he said, "I'm looking for a bedroom-only submissive who can be playfully bratty, so I can wrest control from her, and I don't want to micro-manage her daily life" it's saying almost exactly the same things but with a completely different tone. There's nothing wrong with someone wanting a submissive who is completely compliant or whatever, it just means the two of you are incompatible. I agree, words can hurt or make us second-guess ourselves a bit, even over the Internet. I think people are far too quick to call someone a fake or other things in a nasty way, rather than just focus on the positive and what they *do* want. I'm afraid I've fallen into that trap myself a couple of times, though I tried not to be outright mean about it. If someone wants to be what I consider a bottom rather than a submissive or slave, I have said that's the category I would personally put their actions and description of their desires in. I might be just fine with dating someone who I consider to be a bottom, but calling him my submissive or my slave would feel like a lie. It's hard to put it in a way that affirms my standards without putting them in a box. On the flip side, some Dominants just don't push my submissive buttons, even though I'd be fine with them thwacking me, and willing to obey. I won't enter a D/s relationship from either side without that "click."

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 85

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 10:13:21 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

So when you read a negative c-mail, do the terms used "negate" you?

Julia...you claim the ability, using negative labels, to negate not just individuals, but an entire country

Yes, it is well documented that this happens.... Joseph Goebbels made it into a science, although people have been doing it since the dawn of time. You want to dehumanize the enemy you attach labels to them such as "cannibal" or "baby killers". You call them things like "cockroaches" and "rats" and you say things like they must be "exterminated".... Derogatory terms I would post here would get me moderated because they are against TOS (rightly so) that negate entire countries of human beings.... Racial terms, for example.

Now the labeling that occurs around here is really tame in comparison, but since you asked, I thought I would demonstrate ways that it is done. I am not comparing labeling a sub a "brat" and labeling a Jew a "cockroach"... seriously, I am not that dramatic.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 86

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 10:15:58 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Julia, I think it depends on the context. I have had relationships in which I was a bottom rather than submissive, and I'm quite adamant and vocal about the difference. So, in those circumstances, someone calling me a bottom is just dandy. There are lots of people looking for bedroom-only (or primarily) dynamics, who don't focus on control outside the bedroom. Again, nothing wrong with using that label to describe yourself or someone else, and it can be done in a positive way. I'm generally not a brat in the slightest, but I enjoy physical wrestling/playfighting, and once jokingly threw legos at someone - I suppose it could be called "bratty" in a playful way. I know a lot of dominants who are actively looking for a submissive or bottom who he has to overpower, or who has that kind of playful side. The tone of your quote is the problem, not the words.

I pointed out myself how I could be all of those labels I mentioned in my OP at different times. I do not see them as an insult intrinsically. What I am talking about is how these terms are used as insults and ways to denigrate people...

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Andalusite)

Post #: 87

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 10:19:55 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

If someone used a completely made-up word in a nasty tone, it would still come across as insulting. I don't see anything wrong with labels, but I agree that people should be free to choose the ones that fit. Two of the ones you mentioned do have Dominant counterparts - bedroom-Doms, and Tops. There are Doms who like and seek out brats and SAMs. Personally, I think any dominant who uses TFTB in a negative way comes across as insecure in their dominance. It gets used a lot to shut down communication and discourage the submissive from expressing any desires or difficulties they are having.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 88

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:04:21 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

So when you read a negative c-mail, do the terms used "negate" you?

Julia...you claim the ability, using negative labels, to negate not just individuals, but an entire country

Yes, it is well documented that this happens.... Joseph Goebbels made it into a science,

The same Joseph Goebbels who followed Hitler? Joseph Goebbels....the Nazi? The same Joseph Goebbels who butchered his six children, then committed suicide?

THAT is who you chose to use to back up your ridiculous statement?

I am just sitting here shaking my head at this one.

< Message edited by sirsholly -- 8/8/2010 11:07:03 AM >

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 89

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:07:54 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

So when you read a negative c-mail, do the terms used "negate" you?

Julia...you claim the ability, using negative labels, to negate not just individuals, but an entire country

Yes, it is well documented that this happens.... Joseph Goebbels made it into a science,

The same Joseph Goebbels who followed Hitler? Joseph Goebbels....the Nazi? The same Joseph Goebbels who butchered his six children, then committed suicide?

THAT is who you chose to use to back up your ridiculous statement?

I am just sitting here shaking my head at this one.

And you choose to take what I said out of context... question: do you like it when people do that to you?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 90

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:15:57 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

.There are a lot of newbies that take these labels much more seriously than I do

damn right!

something i was yanked around by was 'youre not submissive' - in the earlier years when i was trying to find my way, determined to find my place and damn sure id found *me* this guy came along and that was how he controlled me.

i remember the anger i felt when he said that, it twisted inside me really badly. each time he said it id be screaming inside because it was like taking away a big chunk of me and telling me i had no right to it.

the thing was, i much later realised, that i wasnt submissive to him. i was submissive, just not submissive to asshats. but at the time it really was a very negative and destructive thing and after it ended it took me a good two years to come back to this.

at their most toxic these people can turn a life off track and i really do positively despise them for it - there ive said it - back me up to a wall and shoot me

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 91

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:19:16 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Yes, it is well documented that this happens.... Joseph Goebbels made it into a science, although people have been doing it since the dawn of time. You want to dehumanize the enemy you attach labels to them such as "cannibal" or "baby killers". You call them things like "cockroaches" and "rats" and you say things like they must be "exterminated".... Derogatory terms I would post here would get me moderated because they are against TOS (rightly so) that negate entire countries of human beings.... Racial terms, for example.

OK, so here's the way I see it. Let's suppose that I decide you're... I dunno... Not a true sub. Carol and I start referring to you as a fake between the two of us. Clearly, at that point, we have negated you IN OUR MINDS. Subsequently, let's assume I post all over CM that Julia is a fake. So now, I'm perhaps negating you in a few other people's minds (highly dubious if you ask me).

But all of the minds that you have been totally or partially negated in are people you don't know and have no reason to respect. I didn't negate YOU. I negated the you that exists in my own brain. YOU still tick along nicely being you.

Turning the shoe around. I don't punish Carol. I readily admit that she is my life partner with or without a collar. I'm not a sadist. I think the description "service dominant" is a pretty decent description of me. I'm not particularly kinky. I'm not into fetishes. I don't wear leather. I don't eroticize any of this. And, perhaps most damningly of all, I have openly said here and elsewhere that I have issues with being sexually assertive/dominant. In short, it's a pretty reasonable statement to say that "I'm not a true [BDSM] master." At various times various people HAVE said that. All of which is fine and dandy because whatever it is that I am is making me and Carol really happy.

NOBODY can negate the reality that exists in Carol's and my living room. All they can do is inform me that I don't match their internal description of what a "master" is. *shrugs* That's handy information for the sake of continuing to converse with this person. I ask "OK, so in your language, what would you call my relationship" then use those terms. But how did any of that negate me or Carol?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 92

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:21:06 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

So when you read a negative c-mail, do the terms used "negate" you?

Julia...you claim the ability, using negative labels, to negate not just individuals, but an entire country

Yes, it is well documented that this happens.... Joseph Goebbels made it into a science,

The same Joseph Goebbels who followed Hitler? Joseph Goebbels....the Nazi? The same Joseph Goebbels who butchered his six children, then committed suicide?

THAT is who you chose to use to back up your ridiculous statement?

I am just sitting here shaking my head at this one.

And you choose to take what I said out of context... question: do you like it when people do that to you?

what did i take out of context, please?

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 93

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:27:19 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

I think you are missing the picture here...

A submissive person makes an account here. They state their limits, they put forward what they are looking for, etc. Then, being new, they get a slew of emails from (perhaps even well meaning) people telling them that if they have limits, they are not true or real, they are justa bottom. Now, they want a D/s style relationship, and many people are emailing them this stuff, they start to become negated in their minds...

So, that person comes over to the forum side of things, and sees a bunch of terms applied to submissive sorts that hint those who engage in certain actions are not true or real. Perhaps they want to brat role play, or maybe they want to try the sammy thing... and we have a buncha people reducing entire human beings to terms that originally were developed to describe actions, not dynamics. See what I am trying to say how this could be seen as somewhat negating to people?

Now I do not think it is going to change, people being who they are, but it bugs me a little just the same

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 94

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:29:29 AM

porcelaine

Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

NOBODY can negate the reality that exists in Carol's and my living room. All they can do is inform me that I don't match their internal description of what a "master" is. *shrugs* That's handy information for the sake of continuing to converse with this person. I ask "OK, so in your language, what would you call my relationship" then use those terms. But how did any of that negate me or Carol?

This. You decide if their opinion matters. Giving weight to people that don't shape your reality or aren't a part of your life in some significant fashion baffles me. Who cares what they say, think, write, etc. Their ideas don't benefit me directly. It's text on a screen.

~porcelaine

_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 95

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:31:21 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Now I do not think it is going to change, people being who they are, but it bugs me a little just the same

Fair enough. Honestly, it bugs me too. But honestly... this is the internet. Did you expect people to behave well?

If it makes you feel any better (which I hope it doesn't), as a dominant personality, I very much got exactly that entry here on CM. But then again, among the idiots and fools were a few folks like IronBear, KnightofMysts, Merc & Beth, LadyPact, Dame Calla. Granted, it was disorienting in the beginning, but it didn't take me all that long before I figured out who's opinions mattered to me. Isn't that kind of a necessary function for anyone?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 96

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:32:58 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

what did i take out of context, please?

You took the first line of my response and did not read the rest of it apparently...

like where I said this:

quote:

Me:

Now the labeling that occurs around here is really tame in comparison, but since you asked, I thought I would demonstrate ways that it is done. I am not comparing labeling a sub a "brat" and labeling a Jew a "cockroach"... seriously, I am not that dramatic.

Why did you leave that part off, Holly, it didn't help in painting me as a loon? I really thought you wanted to have a civil discussion. I was wrong and I will log this interchange for future reference in dealing with your posts.

I really find it quite much when someone asks you a question such as "how can labels negate entire countries?" and when you come up with the most obvious example you can think of they cut it out of the entire post to make it sound like you are drawing a direct analogy...

I seriously thought you were more reasonable than this,... my bad

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 97

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:35:31 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
Now I do not think it is going to change, people being who they are, but it bugs me a little just the same

Fair enough. Honestly, it bugs me too. But honestly... this is the internet. Did you expect people to behave well?

If it makes you feel any better (which I hope it doesn't), as a dominant personality, I very much got exactly that entry here on CM. But then again, among the idiots and fools were a few folks like IronBear, KnightofMysts, Merc & Beth, LadyPact, Dame Calla. Granted, it was disorienting in the beginning, but it didn't take me all that long before I figured out who's opinions mattered to me. Isn't that kind of a necessary function for anyone?

You are right, it doesn't make me feel better...

And you are right, it is the internet

And you are right, I am probably pissing in the wind with this thread....lol

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 98

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:38:59 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

.There are a lot of newbies that take these labels much more seriously than I do

damn right!

something i was yanked around by was 'youre not submissive' - in the earlier years when i was trying to find my way, determined to find my place and damn sure id found *me* this guy came along and that was how he controlled me.

i remember the anger i felt when he said that, it twisted inside me really badly. each time he said it id be screaming inside because it was like taking away a big chunk of me and telling me i had no right to it.

the thing was, i much later realised, that i wasnt submissive to him. i was submissive, just not submissive to asshats. but at the time it really was a very negative and destructive thing and after it ended it took me a good two years to come back to this.

at their most toxic these people can turn a life off track and i really do positively despise them for it - there ive said it - back me up to a wall and shoot me

Maybe one person will read this post and they will learn something incredibly valuable from it... if that happens I am glad I started this thread, and I am doubly thankful you replied to it... thank you for sharing, lally

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 99

RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TF... - 8/8/2010 11:39:16 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

people are talkng about power and it cant be taken away if you dont let them. id completely 1000% agree (extra 0 intended) - but i personally didnt turn up with a whole lot of personal power, infact i turned up with virtually none. it think thats quite normal though, when youre first starting out on something, the novice learner trying to grapple the ropes.

the cliche 'knowledge is power' is absolutely right. with knowledge you come from a much stronger position. here its really more about knowing youreself and newbies dont know themselves, or at least they think they dont, as they try to work it all out. internet fed myth, bogus 'experts' well meaning idiots, toxic doms all play their part in confusing the hell out of some newbies starting out.

newbie subs do enter on the bottom rung of power in that respect and are easily washed in and out by the tidal wave of predatory asshats.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 100

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Bratty, Bedroom, just-a-bottom, do-me,fake, SAM, TFTB subs

Page: << < prev 3 4 [5] 6 7 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094