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RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:12:58 PM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Yes 35 is a lot. We started at 20 and added 5 each new time it happens. She has been doing well so the number is still lower. 3 misses is all so far so she's doing good. If it was the same every time there wouldn't be much deterrant.


Sounds like she doesn't want to call you.
Sounds like what you are doing doesn't work.
Sounds like she just is not into this / you.

Sounds like you need to learn to master yourself, bub.

Good luck,
sunshine

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(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:30:53 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now. Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to. I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is. I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

TY in advance


I think you should move on. Your relationship sounds very dysfunctional. The fact that you have to order her to call you, threaten punishment, and she STILL doesn't want to call you speaks volumes to me.

I don't think you're "more in love than she is" because you are completely uninterested in compromising to be able to keep her, and you've already decided to "replace" her (she's not a car, dude, she's a person) and it is clear to me that your main priority is having the slave you want, rather than having her as your partner.

There's nothing wrong with that but call it what it is. Your relationship is based on roles rather than the love you have for each other.

Just out of curiosity does she know you have a profile on CM and are looking for a new slave? Because if she does, I wouldn't want to call you either...and if she doesn't, well, IMO actively looking for a new partner without letting your old one know that you're done with the relationship is sort of like cheating, isn't it?

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:35:34 PM   
HisEvelyn


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline 		Trying to replace a partner before letting that partner go actually speaks to me of insecurity. That they are afraid to be alone, and so must find a replacement before they can end something that isn't working. This is just my opinion, however.

(in reply to Elisabella)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:38:04 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I don't think it's her that's the flake

She's 19 and apparently feels her family is important to her and rightfully so. You obviously don't think her family is important and think it should always be about you 24/7 and while that may be true, a good Master realizes that sometimes his slave has other duties in life...family, friends, job, etc...

What are you gonna do when she has college classes and needs to study and doesn't have time always for you? What about when she gets a job and just isn't able to always pull away to give you attention?

I think you may need to learn some life lessons before taking on a slave.


(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:39:03 PM   
Elisabella


Posts: 3939
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I don't think it's her that's the flake

She's 19 and apparently feels her family is important to her and rightfully so. You obviously don't think her family is important and think it should always be about you 24/7 and while that may be true, a good Master realizes that sometimes his slave has other duties in life...family, friends, job, etc...

What are you gonna do when she has college classes and needs to study and doesn't have time always for you? What about when she gets a job and just isn't able to always pull away to give you attention?

I think you may need to learn some life lessons before taking on a slave.




I agree completely.

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:50:00 PM   
EasyE


Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thats totally where I'm at you hit the nail on the head. I agree I'm not handling this well. This is my first time in love and I'm afraid of being alone so I'm looking... Never said it was right though.
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Trying to replace a partner before letting that partner go actually speaks to me of insecurity. That they are afraid to be alone, and so must find a replacement before they can end something that isn't working. This is just my opinion, however.

(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:51:19 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Thats totally where I'm at you hit the nail on the head. I agree I'm not handling this well. This is my first time in love and I'm afraid of being alone so I'm looking... Never said it was right though.
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Trying to replace a partner before letting that partner go actually speaks to me of insecurity. That they are afraid to be alone, and so must find a replacement before they can end something that isn't working. This is just my opinion, however.




If you are already looking to replace her, do you truly believe you are in love with her or perhaps you are simply in love with the idea of her, of owning someone.

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Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:52:27 PM   
tazzygirl


Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline 		No offence.. just something to think about here, ok?

If you cant master your fears, why do you believe you can master a girl?

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Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
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(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 4:54:03 PM   
Bobanna


Posts: 95
Joined: 5/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Thats totally where I'm at you hit the nail on the head. I agree I'm not handling this well. This is my first time in love and I'm afraid of being alone so I'm looking... Never said it was right though.
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Trying to replace a partner before letting that partner go actually speaks to me of insecurity. That they are afraid to be alone, and so must find a replacement before they can end something that isn't working. This is just my opinion, however.



And you think yourself a Dom?  Ick

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(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 5:04:36 PM   
Voodali


Posts: 255
Joined: 10/2/2007
Status: offline 		I feel your pain, buddy.  There seems to be a lot of this going around, though I guess I don't hear so much about it from the straight male perspective. It happens to women all the time.  In my opinion, when someone starts prioritizing everything else above you, that person is not your slave, or even really boyfriend/girlfriend material.

Yes, family is important, and yes, there's more to life than D/s, but for your own good, it sounds like you should keep looking. You can't force someone to be into you.

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 5:32:45 PM   
EasyE


Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		It sound like you know where I'm coming from. I'm going to talk to her or leave voice mail. Let her have her chance to respond but probably just move on. No use in wasting more time on something that won't work?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Voodali

I feel your pain, buddy.  There seems to be a lot of this going around, though I guess I don't hear so much about it from the straight male perspective. It happens to women all the time.  In my opinion, when someone starts prioritizing everything else above you, that person is not your slave, or even really boyfriend/girlfriend material.

Yes, family is important, and yes, there's more to life than D/s, but for your own good, it sounds like you should keep looking. You can't force someone to be into you.


(in reply to Voodali)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 5:45:24 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Thats totally where I'm at you hit the nail on the head. I agree I'm not handling this well. This is my first time in love and I'm afraid of being alone so I'm looking... Never said it was right though.
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Trying to replace a partner before letting that partner go actually speaks to me of insecurity. That they are afraid to be alone, and so must find a replacement before they can end something that isn't working. This is just my opinion, however.



Here is the thing though:

1) You have to be providing the lead here for communication and please forgive my bluntness: your communication skills suck.

2) You're in love. If you break up with her simply because you can't deal (which seems to be the case) please allow yourself to get over her and re-group... figure out what you need to change before you try to do the same thing with someone else.

I will send you a communication tool over on the other side.

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(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 5:47:09 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now. Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me.
Sounds like maybe she's just not that into You, or not as into being a slave as she thought she might be.
Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to.
She's only 19, maybe she's having second thoughts. People that age go through lots of changes.
I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is.
This could very well be.
I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.
You two should have a serious sit-down talk w/ each other. Maybe have a nice dinner, go for a walk, do something relaxing, and then take the time to talk - really talk- with each other about what each of you really wants. There may be some surprises.

TY in advance

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Thanks good advice. She earned herself 35 lashes for not calling me this morning. I'm going to offer to take some away if she calls and we can talk things out. Add to them if she doesn't. I want this to work we just need to figure out what is missing.
35 lashes for not calling You!? If I were given 35 lashes for not making a telephone call, the door wouldn't hit me in the ass on the way out, that's for damn sure. And I wouldn't be coming back. Being out of control does not make a good Dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DaddysInkedSlut
My current Slave Leah is not fulfilling my needs and desires. I am looking for a replacement.

From the OPs profile. If I were your current slave and saw this I would give YOU your walking papers.
Exactly.
Its not respectful of her, its not respectful of your relationship, its not acting mature in sense of the word IMO. Infact its rather pathetic especially if you dont have the balls to inform her that she is being replaced so easily.
Maturity would be telling her to her face, not telling the rest of the world in Your profile without telling her.....IMO.
OP how do you profess your LOVE here yet disgaurd her and attempt to replace her so easily in your profile?
Yes. How?

Just out of curiosity, do You have to have another one on the string for You cut Leah loose? If so, are You afraid to be alone or what? It's not fair to her to just lead her on while You're looking for someone else. Also, like someone else said, the whole relationship seems dysfunctional and maybe You should just move on.

~sweetsub~

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Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 6:02:20 PM   
Wantstocontrolu


Posts: 127
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline 		Gee do you think that being nineteen has something to do with it.....
Give her a few years to age.
Its like bad wine.. given enough time it may be drinkable..

Or hey just dump it down the drain and find another bottle

_____________________________

wantstocontrolu

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 6:04:28 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Thats totally where I'm at you hit the nail on the head. I agree I'm not handling this well. This is my first time in love and I'm afraid of being alone so I'm looking... Never said it was right though.
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisEvelyn

Trying to replace a partner before letting that partner go actually speaks to me of insecurity. That they are afraid to be alone, and so must find a replacement before they can end something that isn't working. This is just my opinion, however.



Okay, now that you seem to have calmed down a bit... and I am sure many understand that kind of upset and are not judging your upset as that is normal... it is just your actions when upset we question... maybe you will be able to hear more clearly.

A first time love can be total hell if it doesn't work out. I hate to say it in a way, but sometimes these things take practice. Do we all know how to handle a broken heart? Do we always know how to deal even if we have been there before? No... not always. But we must be willing to learn, temper ourselves, learn our lessons and move on hopefully not to repeat our mistakes again.

You admit you are not handling this well. Are you willing to learn your lesson with a number of physical lashes? Should you be punished for making a private situation, public? Do you see where I'm going with this? You may take an emotional lashing or are being lashed right here in public, but is that the best way to learn? For some it may be, but it is best in my opinion that you learn without the lashes if you can. Keep your personal honor in place and don't compromise it when in pain. It isn't always easy to do, but you can temper things so that you don't lose too much ground when in so much pain you will lash out or make mistakes. Just try not to make so many that you have no way to recover anything from the one you are involved with. It is best to be able to say... we loved, we didn't make it, but we remain a good memory to one another because we didn't get so foolish in our pain that we severed any chance to still respect one another. Sometimes it can't be that way... but it is a nice outcome if you can make it happen.

Coming and getting some help is not a problem. Sharing a part of your partner's life or story is a problem quite often. From what I have seen, you get upset, lash out and it takes some time to calm down and then you start reasoning things a bit better or something happens and you disappear until the next time. You keep doing that and you won't have any support or grace from your partner or others that see the train wreck.

It isn't easy the lessons you seem to be about to learn, but it's time you learned them. You cannot be a good dominant or partner until you do. It's time for a time out. Pull back, look at it honestly and a bit more privately. If she wants her story told, let her tell it.

And one more thing... the harder you try to hold on to something or someone, the harder it or they fights to be free.


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(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/8/2010 6:05:06 PM   
DaddysInkedSlut


Posts: 1837
Joined: 5/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wantstocontrolu

Gee do you think that being nineteen has something to do with it.....


I tend to disagree with the whole idea that a 19 r old can't / doesn't know what they want or isn't mature. At 19 i was married, in college getting my teaching degree, running my own business, and a mother. So not ever 19 yr old is clueless or immature. As the OP has proofen age doesn't always mean maturity.

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 1:55:12 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline 		-19 year olds are better at knowing what they don't want than what they do want. If she said she doesn't like carrots, you should have taken her seriously. If she said she wanted a 24/7 where you controlled her entire life, you should have just interpreted it as a willingness to try, but not necessarily something she actually would end up wanting or even a good idea. So scale back to her being only sexually submissive.

-To stop being needy/insecure you gotta work on yourself and your own life. Just develop your own interests and personality. When someone is being flaky, acting needy doesn't do anything besides make them see you as a loser. The only viable response is to not give a fuck. I mean, you can point out that it was abit disrespectful to waste your time like that, but only if your attitude and demeanor implies that you just barely give a fuck. Cause, presumably, you're cool enough to have had something else interesting to do in the meantime like getting drunk with your friends and yelling at squirells.

Fyi, I'm 22 and 19 year olds are right up my alley. And, yes, they like to test your self-confidence and self-worth on a regular basis. So have those two things and keep it as cool as possible.

And credit for asking for advice and help calmly while getting flamed.

Edit: Skip the punishments. It's like giving someone flowers when you're sorry. It ruins the whole point of the activity and the flowers. Seems counterproductive when you think about it, eh?

< Message edited by Twoshoes -- 8/9/2010 2:20:04 AM >

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 2:42:10 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Yes 35 is a lot. We started at 20 and added 5 each new time it happens. She has been doing well so the number is still lower. 3 misses is all so far so she's doing good. If it was the same every time there wouldn't be much deterrant.


if her head isnt in the right place those lashes are going to just confirm to her why she's pulled back if thats the case those lashes might very well snap something in her head and youll lose her totally, conciously or subconciously. they wont bring her closer to you and they wont bond you.

youre grasping at straws here, flailing youre whip into empty space and looking like thats the only answer youve got.

be her Dom not her BDSM needy partner. 

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 5:52:22 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You're trying to punish her into loving you. You need to inspire her. And you aren't.

Beyond that, having a hissy fit because she wants to spend time with her family is just repugnant. I'm surprised she's still talking to you for this. If you are a couple, then why aren't you visiting her and her family? Why aren't you making them feel that you're a good partner for their daughter instead of a selfish ass?


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(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 6:28:25 AM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		like everybody said- you need to really re-evaluate things. I can only assume the young woman in your profile picture is Leah. How about you show her some respect by either taking that photo down or changing the content of your profile? "yeah she isnt doning her job(this is what she looks like btw) and i need a new one." *shakes head* And while i'm on the subject of your profile content, do you have any idea what dominance is OUTSIDE of sex? I read on this thread that she didnt make time to serve you while her parents were away. then, i read what you are looking for in terms of service. Forgive me for being crass, but all i'm hearing is "she didnt come over and give me a 2 hour blowjob and let me fuck her brains out while she was tied up." How is love in this equation? she sounds like a sex toy whose batteries have run out and instead of changing them, you prefer to throw it away and get a new one. What you two do sexually is your business, but at the least you could make her feel special to you.

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(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 60
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