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RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 8:12:15 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		It's posts like the OP that helps me to understand the emails I get from 19ish yo girls that say things like "I am bi but after a few bad relationships with guys I really think I want to be with an older woman instead."

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(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 9:12:49 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
She has an abusive past that lends herself to this lifestyle so I think it runs deep in her.
abusive pasts don't lend themselves to anything other than ongoing trouble until any internal damage is fixed. Please, please tell me that you aren't actually nurturing the damage in order to have control.

We seemed to be on the same page but she has kinda faded off. Like she has forgotten how fun it is to submit.
*shrugs* No worries assuming you actually care about the girl. Go ahead and stop the dynamic. Let her sort it out for herself what she wants. Continue to love her, care for her, and in general be fun to be around while she works it out. Then go ahead and be her boyfriend/top/dom/master according to her needs. I think this tired old cliche applies perfect here.

“If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.”

I suppose alternately you can go down the "beat her into submission" path with the 35 lashes. That certainly will also uncover an answer here one way or the other.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 9:45:09 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Thats totally where I'm at you hit the nail on the head. I agree I'm not handling this well. This is my first time in love and I'm afraid of being alone so I'm looking... Never said it was right though.


No, it's not right.  Actually, it's a little pathetic.

It's also probably why there are issues to begin with.  You are trying to control your dynamic from a fear based motivation within yourself.  How can you be surprised that she is not responding?  From the sound of this, it's not her failing.  It's you.  Would you want to follow the lead of someone who is basing his decisions from that kind of place?

If you had to work the number of lashes up for not calling, starting and twenty and now they are up to thirty-five, didn't you see that there was an underlying problem?  Are you just going to keep going up until you hit two hundred?  You are only dealing with what's on the surface and not working on what the reason is that you are punishing in the first place.  That's not her failure.  It's yours.

I'm not saying don't love someone.  At the same time, if the situation isn't working out and you're trying to be the person in authority, you might as well hang it up now.  Do you think that she can't tell that you're not coming from a place of strength and it's coming from fear instead?   You're acting like a scared little boy, rather than the man that she might want to be with.

Also, you need to have a little integrity.  Mature people don't hang on to someone while they are trying to find someone new.  Either let her go or stop looking until you can have the decency to end this relationship first.


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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 10:15:56 AM   
dbloomer


Posts: 137
Joined: 7/9/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now. Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them. She doesn't seem to understand her duties to serve and only seems to when she wants to. I'm getting sick of it and thinking of cutting her loose. I think I am much more in love than she is. I understand its an age thing too. What should I say to her? If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

TY in advance


If someone is unwilling to make the time to see you it means they probably don't want to, I'm sorry to say. 

The best thing you can do is find out where and when her behavior towards you changed from good to bad in an effort to correct the problem and prevent it from happening again in the future with new people you meet. 

It could be possible that the two of you have different expectations and that is why she is staying away, or it could be possible that she is no longer attracted to you.

It's your job to determine which is the case.


< Message edited by dbloomer -- 8/9/2010 10:21:23 AM >

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 11:28:50 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		im a little curious to know how you think threatening her with physical punishment is going to bring her runing back to you with any genuine enthusiasm.  if she's already pulled away a bit its going to take an awful lot of faith in youre relationship and its future for her to accept that and submit to it for the sake of what you have together.

does she have that faith in youre relationship?
.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to dbloomer)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 12:46:06 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

quote:

Thanks good advice. She earned herself 35 lashes for not calling me this morning. I'm going to offer to take some away if she calls and we can talk things out. Add to them if she doesn't. I want this to work we just need to figure out what is missing.

I would dump you so fast your head would spin for this little trick, but I'm not 19.




Ditto. You BOTH have a relationship issue. Punishing her rather than maturely and openly communciating with her is just a stupid deflection tactic. Stop pointing fingers, playing games and acting like this is not an issue that you BOTH have. TALK to her without roles and LISTEN without expectations that she has to be or feel what you want her to. Relationships don't work because you want them to, they work because both people are invested in them and honest about where they are and how they feel. If you want to keep setting her up to NOT communicate with you by acting foolishly, I wouldn't be suprised when it's over if I were you.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 1:42:26 PM   
HisSub1213


Posts: 219
Joined: 11/3/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them.


quote:

In my life family comes first.
(From his profile)

Am I missing something? His family comes first, but she is suppose to put her's on the back burner?

To the OP you have gotten some excellent advice here. There's really nothing I can add except listen to the advice you've gotten. Hope that you find what you're looking for.

_____________________________

HisSub1213

Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. (Elbert Hubbard)

Fear is the mother of morality. (Friedrich Nietzsche)

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 1:56:50 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Wow, this is a complete and total turn around360 degrees from the other post about how you're so in love and you want her to think of you when she cums, and how do you inspire devotion in her.


Sit her down and have a talk.  Find out what changed. Tell her you feel she's slacking on what you expect of a submissive, and if that talk isn't productive and produce some kind of communication or even a change, then proceed from there.

And if you are being clingy by "bothering her to much" Then back off. Stop contacting her so much for stuff that's not important, and choose your timing of contact better, if you know she has a particularly busy or stressful day going on, don't call her 5 times  just to say "hey what's up thought I'd call" If you do that kind of stuff.

If you make a big deal out of her wanting time to herself, stop. With in reason.

And it's in poor taste to put your partners name on the internet, even if she is a slave, unless she'd be ok with it . then in that case never mind carry on.
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I have collared my slave leah for some time now. Recently she hasn't been giving me much time.  If I bother her too much she thinks I'm getting clingy. I just want to be served on a regular basis and she wanted total submission.

TY in advance


_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 3:07:03 PM   
EasyE


Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yes, I do believe that. I don't believe she is spending time with her family but using it as an excuse. They were gone for a week and she didn't have time. Now theyre back and still doesn't.
quote:

ORIGINAL: HisSub1213

quote:

Recently she hasn't been giving me much time. Her parents were gone all weekend and she barely made time to serve me. Now they're back and she wants to spend time with them.


quote:

In my life family comes first.
(From his profile)

Am I missing something? His family comes first, but she is suppose to put her's on the back burner?

To the OP you have gotten some excellent advice here. There's really nothing I can add except listen to the advice you've gotten. Hope that you find what you're looking for.

(in reply to HisSub1213)
Profile   Post #: 69
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 3:08:16 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		Stick a fork in it dude...its done

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(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 3:33:14 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I think if you actually loved her as dearly as you claim you wouldn't be putting it in your profile first things first that you're  replacing her. People who love someone don't go out advertising  for the new girl before the olds even out of the picture.
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

I would love for this to work as I love her dearly.



_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 4:40:44 PM   
EasyE


Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

Stick a fork in it dude...its done

Yep. I left a voice mail last night asking her to call me so we could talk things out. I'm going to call her tonight and have her bring my stuff by. I think she'll come around after a break but its whatever to me at this point. I can't love without reciprocation its too painful.

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 4:56:27 PM   
AlwaysLisa


Posts: 1088
Joined: 10/6/2006
From: Washington State
Status: offline 		EasyE,

This was something I've heard between men and it goes like this.... "you can't master another, until you have mastered yourself".

My take on that saying, and your situation...is that you have not given her reason to submit, we won't even talk surrender, thats a long way off.   When she looks at you, there should be a driven need to submit all of herself to you...obviously there isn't.   Until that is changed, I don't see a future for you two.

You are afraid of being alone?  You love her?   This doesn't sound like someone who can master a situation, or a person.   Love is great, love is grand...but love doesn't feed the need in many women.  

Good luck, but I don't see the outcome you want unless things change, I'm not Dr Ruth or anything, but this is just my take :)   

Lisa

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Just an old flower child, trying to survive in today's chaos and confusion.

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 5:18:54 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Yep. I left a voice mail last night asking her to call me so we could talk things out. I'm going to call her tonight and have her bring my stuff by. I think she'll come around after a break but its whatever to me at this point.


Good heavens. Go get your own crap.  Man up, dude.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 5:46:20 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
She has an abusive past that lends herself to this lifestyle so I think it runs deep in her.
abusive pasts don't lend themselves to anything other than ongoing trouble until any internal damage is fixed. Please, please tell me that you aren't actually nurturing the damage in order to have control.

We seemed to be on the same page but she has kinda faded off. Like she has forgotten how fun it is to submit.
*shrugs* No worries assuming you actually care about the girl. Go ahead and stop the dynamic. Let her sort it out for herself what she wants. Continue to love her, care for her, and in general be fun to be around while she works it out. Then go ahead and be her boyfriend/top/dom/master according to her needs. I think this tired old cliche applies perfect here.

“If you love something let it go. If it comes back to you it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.”



This... all of it.

To be frank, it bothers me that you are ready to throw in the towel because things aren't going according to your time table. Everyone is saying that this (her pulling away/ seeming indifferent) is because she is only 19. You aren't much older than she is, and your impatience at not getting what you want when you want it tells me, no offence intended, you still have plenty of maturing to do.

You make all kinds of assumptions out of thin air before you have really listened to her.

Maybe she is not interested.

Maybe there is a reason why she pulled away.

You don't know, unless of course you haven't been straight up here.

I know you don't want to be alone but really, until you understand how to better communicate, relationships are going to break.



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(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 5:49:00 PM   
EasyE


Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		Considering I loaned her my radar detector she can bring it by. I was doing her a favor.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Yep. I left a voice mail last night asking her to call me so we could talk things out. I'm going to call her tonight and have her bring my stuff by. I think she'll come around after a break but its whatever to me at this point.


Good heavens. Go get your own crap.  Man up, dude.

Cali


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/9/2010 7:04:50 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Considering I loaned her my radar detector she can bring it by. I was doing her a favor.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Yep. I left a voice mail last night asking her to call me so we could talk things out. I'm going to call her tonight and have her bring my stuff by. I think she'll come around after a break but its whatever to me at this point.


Good heavens. Go get your own crap.  Man up, dude.

Cali




aaannndd...it's attitude like this which is why she doesn't want anything to do with you dude.

Get some balls and get it yourself, be civil and just tell her it's not working out and leave.

Is it really that difficult??

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/10/2010 4:56:49 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE

Considering I loaned her my radar detector she can bring it by. I was doing her a favor.
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: EasyE
Yep. I left a voice mail last night asking her to call me so we could talk things out. I'm going to call her tonight and have her bring my stuff by. I think she'll come around after a break but its whatever to me at this point.


Good heavens. Go get your own crap.  Man up, dude.

Cali




aaannndd...it's attitude like this which is why she doesn't want anything to do with you dude.

Get some balls and get it yourself, be civil and just tell her it's not working out and leave.

Is it really that difficult??



rejection is difficult and in a way its a bit humiliating i would think to have to go and pick up youre stuff.  im reading that a bit.

but theyre right.  dont drag it out.  chances are she wont bring the stuff around because she doesnt want to give you the opportunity to start it all up again, or rehash it all or do the whole 'bust up' scene.

why not ask her to leave it in the garage if you want to avoid the awkwardness and say youll pick it all up when you get a chance.  make sure you list all of youre things so theres a clean break.

im sorry youre going through this, but i think once youve made up youre mind and made the break youll start to feel a bit stronger.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/10/2010 6:09:48 AM   
EasyE


Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks all. I'm going to be out of town so probably won't be posting.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: Dealing with a flaky 19yo slave - 8/13/2010 2:59:23 PM   
EasyE


Posts: 111
Joined: 12/18/2005
Status: offline 		Well I guess she still cared. Mind you I haven't heard from her in a week. I asked her when I could stop by and said it had to be before 9 cause I was going out with Brittany. Another girl in the picture and she freaks. I guess it was already over. Just wondering if I did the right thing. IDK I guess she still cared but not enough to show it.

(in reply to EasyE)
Profile   Post #: 80
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