RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone?

RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid

Message

Zevar -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/8/2010 7:23:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit One of my motto’s in life has always been to live true to yourself. Living true to myself hasn’t always been easy because there is sometimes a cost in it all. Living true to who I am means I first must know who I am and then make sure that the things in life I can control, align with who and what I am. The choices I make in living true to myself can be tough at times, but I am comfortable with the results because I am being true to what I believe and want. I have heard it more times than I wanted to… that people should accept less because they somehow think they are less and find someone acceptable rather than a true fit, just so that they are not alone. I see this as a fear of being alone and a way to cheat yourself and another person of what could really be good rather than simply acceptable. I read a journal entry today that was saying to those who are older, to basically consider they are older and it is harder to find someone simply because they are older and not the young one everyone wants and to consider that so that they don’t end up alone. Stop being so picky. I cannot agree that this is the answer for me as long as I'm being reasonable and realistic. Being reasonable… knowing at almost fifty three years old, the likelihood of a man young enough to be my son would wish to be with me for the rest of my life is nil and knowing I am not the hot body I was… means I make good choices and not fool myself, but really… is it wise to compromise yourself because you aren’t on the list of hot people seeking? I would rather be alone than to be with someone that wasn’t right for me and how I wish to live my life. I feel that if I accepted less, I would not only cheat myself, but them of what could happen if they found someone who could love them and fit them in a way I never could. What do you all think? Would you accept less because you are somehow less in your own mind or in the mind of someone else? Are you afraid to be alone and because you are, would you be with someone you knew you couldn’t have it all with, just to prevent being alone? Do you think accepting less would be fair to you or your partner? I know I am not covering every aspect of this, so feel free to add to it or show me a thing or two! lol I have strong opinions on this and I am not hiding them at all here! lol I would not really judge someone who did compromise as it might sound as if I would. I do understand and I would and do seek to understand better what someone else would think or feel. But for myself, I see it certain ways and couldn't... at least not at this point in life. lol Who knows... I could view it quite differently somewhere down the road! Thank you for this thread as I find it to be thought provoking in a positive manner. Having said that I will set forth 3 points and a few thoughts of my own that address your various questions and thoughts presented. A] Compromising my personal boundaries in a relationship will never occur. B] Compromising my personal wants in a relationship are negotiable with a submissive lady that I care for in a committed and deep loving manner. C] Compromising my personal needs in a relationship will never occur, regardless. I settle for what I know to be right for myself within the parameters that I set which allow for a stable quality life on a daily basis. I do not however omit any of the 3 prior points made above. I am not afraid whatsoever of living alone. I am unwilling to relate with anyone that infringes on my personal choices in my life. Each and every personal choice I make for myself contributes to a stable quality life for myself. I will never compromise quality living for anyone. Nor will I ever tolerate an unforgiving critical attitude in anyone. If people choose to have an unforgiving critical attitude this is when I shut the gate to my life in a permanent manner. No entrance allowed! Pertaining to a submissive lady in my life the rule is the same regarding not tolerating an unforgiving critical attitude and the three points illustrated above. Uniform standards tend to work most effectively, for myself when related to personal choices. Mutability is relevant at times when my aim is arriving at a balanced perspective that will serve a higher purpose for all included. In these times I strive to not compromise my standards or personal boundaries and wants while allowing for variables within reason. In the end, with or without a submissive lady in my life I am in essence with myself first and foremost. Autonomy demands such! Take good care of you!

Jeffff -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/8/2010 7:26:42 PM)
FR.... It is better to be alone than to wish you were......

Aynne88 -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/8/2010 7:38:35 PM)
True 'dat, [:-].

Lockit -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/8/2010 7:54:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Jeffff FR.... It is better to be alone than to wish you were...... ROFL! So simply said, so true and damn... been there done that, not going there again! (I know how to get out!) To Everyone else: Thank you for your responses! There have been some great things said and I would like to comment on some of them, but I am up to elbows in dark brown paint at the moment. Just taking a break to rest the ol bones... or is it muscles? lol

porcelaine -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/8/2010 8:08:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lockit One of my motto’s in life has always been to live true to yourself. Living true to myself hasn’t always been easy because there is sometimes a cost in it all. Living true to who I am means I first must know who I am and then make sure that the things in life I can control, align with who and what I am. The choices I make in living true to myself can be tough at times, but I am comfortable with the results because I am being true to what I believe and want. Your motto is very similar to one that I espouse for myself. quote: I have heard it more times than I wanted to… that people should accept less because they somehow think they are less and find someone acceptable rather than a true fit, just so that they are not alone. I see this as a fear of being alone and a way to cheat yourself and another person of what could really be good rather than simply acceptable. I agree and see no reason to settle to find a partner. quote: is it wise to compromise yourself because you aren’t on the list of hot people seeking? It depends on the return on investment that you're seeking. Are you removing barriers that prevent possibilities or throwing out the list so to speak just to find a companion? I couldn't do the same in good conscience and I'm much younger. However, looking at my life and what I find appealing and acceptable in a prospect requires me to honor myself in the process and exercise wisdom as well. quote: What do you all think? Would you accept less because you are somehow less in your own mind or in the mind of someone else? Are you afraid to be alone and because you are, would you be with someone you knew you couldn’t have it all with, just to prevent being alone? Do you think accepting less would be fair to you or your partner? I'm admittedly selective and my preferences rarely contort. I like what I like and I make no apology for this. I don't believe I'm less and I'm realistic about what I bring to the table. Knowing this allows me to choose comparable company and associate with men that present viable options I would exercise if inclined. It's all about finding my complement and that doesn't mean dropping my standards to snag him. Having the right attitude through it all is a must. My confidence hasn't been shaken. If anything it received a tremendous boost. [;)] ~porcelaine

popeye1250 -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/8/2010 8:17:31 PM)
Hey Lockit, Hell no! I enjoy living alone! All kinds of advantages! I can come and go as I please, be a slob if I want, walk around in my shorts scratching my nuts. Don't "settle." It never works. You'll always be resentfull. But, some of the best relationships I've had started off a little rocky. I've found that "love takes time." It just doesn't happen overnight for me. I've always liked a woman with a little "edge" to her, I can't explain it, maybe a scar, just a differant "look." None of that "Playboy Beauty" crap for me! It's too,....."whitebread!" I'm going to be "60" in Dec so I like chasing after you young chicks! I hear through the "grapevine" that some friends here are going to buy me an Escort for my birthday, I hope it's one I haven't had yet! "Hey Pam! How's tricks?" So, don't think about what your brain "thinks" you should be doing, just live your life! And I'm glad you have "strong opinions" that's why I've always enjoyed reading your stuff!

porcelaine -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/8/2010 8:21:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Truthfully, when folks bring those kinds of statements up, they are hoping people will settle for less than what they want. The reasons for the remarks in the first place is that they know that there isn't anyone who is willing to settle for them. They know they aren't able to get someone in their life as they are. Rather than making some self improvements to be a more compatible partner (the things they can control), the line of thinking is that the standards of others is too high. When it comes down to it, there are a lot of things that are out of our control (age being a good example) but there are always areas where we can improve. When people talk about they want others to settle, I'm usually hearing the underlying message of that person isn't really doing much in the self improvement department. This is one of the reasons I enjoy reading your comments. You excel at cutting through the bs. I concur with your sentiments completely. quote: I don't expect any one person on this planet to meet every possible preference that I might have, but if it's less than 85-90% of what I want, it's not going to happen. Exactly. And unlike some like to posit, preferences don't make you shallow. It means you're self aware instead. ~porcelaine

soul2share -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 4:09:55 AM)
I know that the chance of finding my perfect soulmate is about nil. Age really isn't a huge issue, provided you can keep up with me. I've always gravitated towards younger people, and very few of my friends have ever been my age. I'd be happy with someone I had things in common with, both in AND out of the bedroom. You have to be able to stimulate me in a non-BDSM way to keep my interest. Compromising with another person in a relationship ISN'T settling....perfection ain't happening! As far as being alone....I've been a loner all my life, and actually like my own company. I like being able to do what I want as far as my interests go. I might get lonesome once or twice a year, but I'm quite happy doing things on my own.

VirginPotty -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 6:15:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyEllen I was anxious about being alone at one time. Since then though I've gotten comfortable enough with being on my own that anyone coming in would be a major imposition, cramping my style - so they'd better be everything I want with no negatives whatsoever 'cause there aint gonna be any compromise here! All in all I'm finding it works for me being alone, doing as I want when I want, no one to accomodate or fret over (except cats). And if I do want company well its easy enough to obtain with the advantage of being able to throw them out when I want or need to. E ^^^^What LadyE said^^^^

juliaoceania -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 7:06:43 AM)
I was having these thoughts while I was walking yesterday... I get involved with someone that really sparks me, and then it lasts however long it does. Once it has ended then I am looking again for a new person to kill some time with, how do I know the next person will be the best possible person for me? It is thoughts like these that are making me more picky as I age, not less so. I used to be far more likely to wanna settle down with someone I liked and try to make a go of it... lately I just do not feel that overpowering need to nest with someone. I have sexual needs, companionship needs, etc etc etc... I have been thinking perhaps I should look at alternative ways of meeting these other than getting hooked into a going-no-where situation where I give up everything and get little in return, except my applecart turned upside down. It does not seem worth it when I haven't found Mr. Right, just Mr. Right-Now. Sounds a little jaded perhaps? Here is the thing, I want to make it as simple as possible, I want someone I can laugh with, have fun with, and great sex with. I want someone who is GOOD COMPANY. I do not care how "hot" they are, or if they share all my interests.. I only care that they make me hot and keep my interest. I do not think I have relaxed my standards, just changed my expectations of a relationship. In my heart I want to be with someone that just simply wants to be happy, and I want to share that with them. Keep it simple stupid... that is what I want, to just keep it simple...

LaTigresse -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 9:10:35 AM)
Good Company. Thank you Julia for that. I am not really alone. I don't hid the existence of Generic Dude. Granted we have one really weird relationship but somehow, after 20+ years, many off and on's, it works for us. Problematic in that, because we are best friends, adore one another's company MOST days, it tends to limit the number of women that are interested in a relationship with me. On one hand, in many people's eyes, I could fit the description of the poster LadyPact describes..... but the truth of the matter is that I cannot imagine not wanting GD around. We 'get' each other and support each other. He has even been my 'wingman' with women (albeit unwanted, and not too successfully [:D] ) on occasion. He is my best friend. We really LIKE each other! ( most days anyway) And he is very good company. For me, right now, the friendship, the 'Good Company', is way more important than sex or kink. If a woman comes along that can become a part of my life, the realities of it, Yay. But if I want sex and kink......it's not a difficult thing. I have options [;)]. So, I guess maybe to some, one one hand I have settled.....lord knows there was never any grand passion. But on the other hand, with women, I refuse to settle. She has to fit into my life, to be able to become a part of it.

esmee -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 7:24:56 PM)
If I lost the relationship I am in now I would probably seek company again at some point but overall I don't have to have a partner. I'm fine being alone and I like my own company. I'd say having several strong relationships in my life with friends and family gives me enough fulfillment so that I don't have to have the romantic component if it's not there. I am very happy with my guy and am grateful to have him in my life, but his being here or not doesn't define me as a person.

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 7:33:31 PM)
I pondered all of this, and yes - I did come to a compromise. I got a dog. He's playful, affectionate and loyal, and he doesn't steal the remote. Life's good. WinD

juliaoceania -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 7:34:47 PM)
He can't have sex with you.. and that is a very important difference

WinsomeDefiance -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 7:37:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania He can't have sex with you.. and that is a very important difference That's what I have a phone and a fuck buddy for.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 8:13:04 PM)
{Graciously alludes to how some wimmens LOOOOOVE their doggies!} Honestly, I think GenericDude is kinda hot. I would let him hang out with me. I don't have a boatload of requirements---just not too many applicants. [;)] In the meantime, I have a PARROT. Jed is always happy to see me, is as we type/read calling for me from upstairs JUST to make sure that I am around (which gets annoying, yeah), listens to what I have to say, is generous with his birdly affections, and creates a big giant mess for me to clean up. Hmm.... different from a guy in WHAT ways? [:D]

LaTigresse -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 8:14:49 PM)
And sex, at least for me, isn't all that important. It never has been. It's wonderful when I am in a relationship that trips those triggers, but if I am not in such a relationship I generally don't even think much about it.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 8:17:06 PM)
I can make my libido turn on and off. Mainly I keep it OFF. Works great. What can I say? It makes it much easier to think when the Large Brain is always in charge!

kdsub -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 8:37:02 PM)
Hi Lockit Maybe rather than something less you could settle for something different. Different may be interesting you never know...may be worth a try...BUT...I hope you are able to enjoy life on occasion with someone that may not be perfect or someone you will not make a life long commitment to. Butch

peppermint -> RE: Willing to accept less so that you aren't alone? (8/9/2010 10:12:58 PM)
The hope was that I could find time in my busy schedule to meet up a couple times a month for some play and for me to get a better understanding of what this was all about. So first criteria was that he could not live too far away. I also prefer men my own age, and I adore long hair. What I got was a balding (with short fringe around the edges that he grows for me), wonderful man who is 10 years older than I and is the love of my life. He also lived 550 miles away in summer, and 1500 miles away in winter. The distance was solved by me quitting my job and moving into the motor home he lives in full time. So my dream of a couple times a month became 24/7 traveling in a motor home. I'll tell you something, Lockit. I did not settle. I just happened to get something even better.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125