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Experience with female supremacists? - 8/12/2010 7:23:28 PM   
samboct


Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		Hi All

Some of you may think I'm ranting a bit here and well, you may be right. However, I'm trying to figure out what I did wrong and since I have too few encounters for statistical significance, I'm asking if any of you have had similar experiences. It's possible that female supremacist is purely a red herring, and that I just haven't hung around enough dominant women to expect this kind of treatment. But from my perspective so far- it's a bit out of bounds. And if you're looking for something salacious- sorry, nobody even gets undressed in this tale...

So here goes-

After a relatively brief email exchange, I arrange a date with an individual I met on this site. Per the thread title, she strongly identifies as "female supremacist." She traveled to the suggested restaurant and discovered that there was a line out the door- just a good local pizza joint since we both seemed to like pizza. She'd arrived quite early and gave me a call to inform me of this state of affairs, and could I suggest an alternative? I did- we met, and had what I thought was an enjoyable meal. Well, I enjoyed it, and I enjoyed her company as well. When the time for dessert came around, I half jokingly suggested that I had truffles at my place about 20 minutes away, and being a hot evening, suggested we could go skinny dipping as well. To my surprise, she seemed to like the idea and we set out. When I walked her to her car, I suggested she might want to follow me, but she had faith in her GPS. One of the topics during dinner was driving- she informed that when she was a pro-domme (she has since retired), she was used to men sending limousines for her. (I have no reason to doubt her.) But she was unhappy with the parking situation near the restaurant I had chosen, and didn't like my laughing at her observation that parking really sucked. From my perspective, any town with good restaurants has a parking problem- it's the nature of beast. My thought process was that she wasn't really comfortable driving. (And yes, I offered to drive her both to my house and back in the morning, but her car wasn't in overnight parking- and in her shoes, I'd want my car handy.)

So to make a long story longer, she never shows up. I talked to her that evening and she'd gotten lost and frustrated and turned around. However, she said that dinner had been enjoyable and that we'd try again next week. Well, I'm sure you've guessed the punch line- no response since. I've tried long missives and short invites- no rancor. She reads them, but doesn't respond.

I must admit, I think this behavior is quite boorish. If you've changed your mind or gotten cold feet- say so. It's one thing to ignore unsolicited emails (although I will point out that I think this behavior breeds contempt and one line rude responses) but if you've already met somebody and agreed to a second date- have the decency to at least respond with a polite no thank you. (yes, it's a little painful, hence the semi-cathartic post, but maybe I can learn something here.) I can't tell whether she likes the teasing aspect, or whether I'm being annoying and she's hoping I'll go away. There is a block function for that, don't know whether she know how it works. From my perspective- it's time to move on. Trying to carry out a relationship with this individual is doomed to failure.

So here's the question at long last...

Is this type of behavior typical of a "female supremacist"? Or is this just an aberration? Or is this type of behavior more common than I think, and I just haven't run into it before?

TIA

Sam

< Message edited by samboct -- 8/12/2010 7:27:15 PM >
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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/12/2010 7:26:16 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct
If you've changed your mind or gotten cold feet- say so.


She did. You just haven't listened yet.

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/12/2010 8:26:39 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		No response IS a response.

Shrug your shoulders, forget about her and move on.

Why get in a huff about it?

She went out with you, decided she didn't like you and moved on. You should too.

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/12/2010 8:27:00 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		First, I would say that your suggestion to come back to your place (to a female supremacist) was about the last thing you need to have said.  If it weren't anything else, you lost her there.  Just my opinion.

Second, as it is nearly 11:30 in the evening as I read this, it's time for bed.  Somebody will be getting undressed in your tale after all.  Thought you should know.

Jeff

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/12/2010 8:33:38 PM   
samboct


Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Aileen, LW-

Thanks for your responses. If I were dealing with a reasonable individual, I'd wholeheartedly agree. I'm just trying to figure out if there's a set of rules I'm missing.

Jeff- don't think that was it. I think she really did get lost, so the intent was there. Plus I suspect that her place wasn't available- UM issue. Have a good night.

Cheers,

Sam

< Message edited by samboct -- 8/12/2010 8:35:09 PM >

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 1:52:20 AM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline 		IMVO she's on a bit of a power trip. And this "No response is a response" policy is utter bs. It's quite possible that this is all a test, but THIS early? Not a good sign. Out there somewhere there's a dummy who'd put up with that kind of treatment so early on, be thankful it's not you. You're better than her, so don't lower your standards. You're also MUCH better off without her.

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 2:08:52 AM   
tiggerspoohbear


Posts: 19141
Joined: 6/27/2010
Status: offline 		The "no response is a response" is not BS. It happens, and from the sounds of it, numerous messages were sent to her. One or two should have been enough. As it is, long or short, the messages have been ignored. She doesn't have to use the block feature if she doesn't want to.

Now, to the meat of it, move on, you don't know her motivation and won't unless she lets you know. She may have agreed to a 2nd date because she didn't want to hurt your feelings, female supremacy or not, it was her decision not to contact you anymore. Take the hint and move on. You wasted one evening, no need to waste anymore.

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 2:13:39 AM   
TheRaptorJesus


Posts: 640
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline 		"No response is a response".....

There's my proof that female supremacy doesn't exist.

Women are a puzzle, wrapped inside an illogical enigma, trapped in a conundrum.

And they can't drive.

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What if your God... were a motherfucking DINOSAUR?!

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 2:14:47 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

IMVO she's on a bit of a power trip. And this "No response is a response" policy is utter bs. It's quite possible that this is all a test, but THIS early? Not a good sign. Out there somewhere there's a dummy who'd put up with that kind of treatment so early on, be thankful it's not you. You're better than her, so don't lower your standards. You're also MUCH better off without her.

Or maybe she just didn't like him.

"I got lost....."

LOL

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 2:18:38 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

You're better than her, so don't lower your standards.

This is what is known as 'giving the pep talk after the horse has made it perfectly clear she's just not that into you'. Yes, that is a technical term.


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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 2:23:26 AM   
TheRaptorJesus


Posts: 640
Joined: 6/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jaybeee

You're better than her, so don't lower your standards.

This is what is known as 'giving the pep talk after the horse has made it perfectly clear she's just not that into you'. Yes, that is a technical term.


That's why you turn that whore(se) into glue.

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What if your God... were a motherfucking DINOSAUR?!

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 2:36:30 AM   
Brain


Posts: 3792
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline 		It’s typical of someone who’s just not that into you and she lacks confidence or was afraid to tell you. Like you said it’s time to move on. Her getting lost was convenient for her because she didn’t want to see you anyway, especially for having the nerve to try to get her naked on the first date because your supposed to be a sub.

It’s typical behavior of a woman. You need more experience with women.
Bill

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 3:36:01 AM   
Philosopher


Posts: 23
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline 		Alternatively she did like you and want to meet up again, but other things came up. She may read but not respond because she wants to write a really long message, but is procrastinating.

I'd say act as if she lost interest, but if she does eventually get back to you, it will be a nice surprise. If by then you have found someone else, that is her bad luck for not replying sooner.

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 3:39:03 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline 		~fast reply~

In the grand scheme of things OP, it was just one date, so who cares why a stranger ditched you? Just move on.

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 4:03:32 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There's also the possibility that she DID intend to get back with you but after reading the 435 mails you sent her, called it off.

Seriously, sending more than two messages is pushing it.

And I agree with Jeff here.  You were way out of line suggesting going to your place on a first date.  As well as offering that you would drive and leave her carless there.

Also... I get the impression that you're not that good at reading signals.  You seize on driving, parking, etc. as possible reasons for her behavior, which you call "boorish".  I can tell you that it's not driving or parking, and that your feeling that she is required to conduct herself in a certain manner might have become apparent at dinner.

Better luck with the next one.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 4:20:09 AM   
Jaybeee


Posts: 532
Joined: 2/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

And I agree with Jeff here.  You were way out of line suggesting going to your place on a first date.  As well as offering that you would drive and leave her carless there.



Agreed, the woman strikes me as a complete shrew-ball, but the above was most certainly a dick move on the part of the OP. Not a good match, overall.

Still, look on the bright side - he's probably learned his lesson in spades by now!

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 6:10:59 AM   
samboct


Posts: 1817
Joined: 1/17/2007
Status: offline 		Steven, Bill

The topics at dinner chosen by her revolved around BDSM and the limitations of various websites, dating services etc. It was a pretty frank discussion, and actually rather unusual for a first date. My topics ranged from profession to heritage, and we spent far less time on them. It was certainly a rather different first date, although what I've noticed is that women who were pro-dommes and visible in the profession, have a great deal of their identity wrapped up in their sexuality. For most dates, I would agree that a serious suggestion to go skinny dipping would be out of line- but on this date, it fit the tenor- at least I thought so. Besides, the offer was proferred half jokingly, it was a bit more flirtatious than serious. Hence, I was surprised when she responded in the affirmative. She wanted dessert- I offered the menu of the restaurant where we were, an ice cream joint a few blocks away, and my place with home made truffles. She chose the latter so I don't think she was offended by the suggestion.

It's quite possible I misread the signals, but what I'm catching from these posts is that if there are a set of rules for dealing with women like this, I'm not the only one in the dark about them.

CeriseNin- given where she said she was when she turned around, I think getting lost was an accurate statement. She didn't know the area well, and given her impatience driving, I could see that happening easily- I'd gotten lost in that town before too, although that was pre GPS. It's not obvious that the town was on the way- the route I took avoided it. Also- if you were a guy on this board, you'd know that it takes a lot to get a date with a woman on here- it's not a trivial process.

Philosopher-et al. Thanks for the thoughts.

Cheers,

Sam


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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 7:17:52 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		People frequently react badly when told the other person didn't enjoy the date. You did, she didn't. Rather than tell you in person she didn't want to see you again, for fear of your response, she went home. You were pushy by suggesting she go skinny dipping after a first meet.

She chose not to have you rant, scream or threaten her so she chose the safest route which was to agree with your suggestions and get into her own car and flee. Nothing to do with female supremacy. Safety only.


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Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 9:37:05 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		If it were me...... putting myself in that position... she was having an okay time, not great, not terrible. Getting frustrated at the driving and parking, tipped it to "Hell with it, I will just go home".

Getting multiple emails, tipped it to....."Fuck it, I don't want to see HIM again."

Perhaps she just didn't like the OP enough to give him the truth in a cruel way, or was too big a pussy to be honest and say "I'm just not that into you."


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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: Experience with female supremacists? - 8/13/2010 9:57:03 AM   
CeriseNin


Posts: 286
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: samboct

Steven, Bill

The topics at dinner chosen by her revolved around BDSM and the limitations of various websites, dating services etc. It was a pretty frank discussion, and actually rather unusual for a first date. My topics ranged from profession to heritage, and we spent far less time on them. It was certainly a rather different first date, although what I've noticed is that women who were pro-dommes and visible in the profession, have a great deal of their identity wrapped up in their sexuality. For most dates, I would agree that a serious suggestion to go skinny dipping would be out of line- but on this date, it fit the tenor- at least I thought so. Besides, the offer was proferred half jokingly, it was a bit more flirtatious than serious. Hence, I was surprised when she responded in the affirmative. She wanted dessert- I offered the menu of the restaurant where we were, an ice cream joint a few blocks away, and my place with home made truffles. She chose the latter so I don't think she was offended by the suggestion.

It's quite possible I misread the signals, but what I'm catching from these posts is that if there are a set of rules for dealing with women like this, I'm not the only one in the dark about them.

CeriseNin- given where she said she was when she turned around, I think getting lost was an accurate statement. She didn't know the area well, and given her impatience driving, I could see that happening easily- I'd gotten lost in that town before too, although that was pre GPS. It's not obvious that the town was on the way- the route I took avoided it. Also- if you were a guy on this board, you'd know that it takes a lot to get a date with a woman on here- it's not a trivial process.

Philosopher-et al. Thanks for the thoughts.

Cheers,

Sam



That could very well be, I'm only guessing here. However, I'm just saying "I got lost" is an easy enough lie to pull off - - now she seems to be ducking you. It sucks but it happens.

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