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ownedgirlie -> RE: Safewords- what are they to you? (4/21/2006 11:30:50 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
quote:
ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
Every situation is circumstantial, and in every situation, the Master decides what should be done. Anything other than that, gives the slave control, doesn't it?
First off, we both agree. Neither of us use safe words, both of us understand that communication of all sorts is important, and that a slave saying "somethings wrong" and the master reacting to that is not the slave being in control of the situation.
We're cool with that.
But you're mixing up control and authority here.
He gives you control over what words to post, unless you have to let him ok every single post before you send it? He gives you DIRECT control over what you post.
Of course you post according to his general guidelines and preferences- you are always acting under his ultimate AUTHORITY, and I'm sure if you were unsure about a post, you would pass it by him first.
But you're still the one in the typist's seat, and in control of the actual post you're sending.
I'm not sure of the dynamics of the relationship so I can't say whether you are in control of other things- driving the car, fixing dinner, managing budgets, etc. But being given control over specific things (like posting) doesn't mean you have authority within the relationship.
Now, say a master says "I'm giving you this safeword. I expect you to use this word if somethings goes wrong. If you use this word, I will stop the scene."
Is the slave now in control by using the safeword she was ordered to use? Does the slave now have ultimate authority? You're the one in control of whether the word gets used, in fact you've been ordered to do so.
I don't think so. The slave is obeying and helping the dom create a good scene.
There is validity to both your and Celeste's points. (and yes, he trusts me to have conversations outside of him, allowing me to say what i wish, knowing i feel largely as he has taught me.)
The safe word, however, is a tautalogical argument. If a Master gives a slave a safe word, and then says, "Use it if something goes wrong and I will stop" he has, in fact, given her authority to tell him to stop. The argument that it is otherwise, is slave-centric and while it may be fitting in a D/s relationship or other M/s relationships, it does not fit in my particular M/s relationship, nor in other M/s relationships that i know.
When i cried out "ankle!" (as opposed to crying uncle, har har), it was still up to him to decide whether or not he wished to stop, or adjust or continue. In fact, he DID continue for awhile, until a slight change in my cry alerted him to the fact that my ankle really was in trouble. He reads me, and i trust him to do so. If i felt the need for a safe word, it would imply my lack of trust in his ability to read me in such a situation. (Before anyone jumps on this, i am speaking of my perspective of myself only)
"Ankle!" was not so much viewed as a safe word, as nothing was previously (or currently) established that if i cry ANYTHING out, anything about our activity is going to change. Therefore, crying out that particular word at that moment was no different than a change in the way i squeal, or thrash about, or any other reaction which alerts him that something may not be right. i say this because i am of the understanding that safe words mean "Something is wrong and therefore Dominant or Master will halt activity or make an adjustment." If it is used as a "Trigger" word (i like that) as KoM described, that is a different understanding in my opinion. Such a "Trigger" word indicates the same as a change in reaction or cry, implying something isn't going well...but the Master still has the choice to change something about the activity or not. There is no previous understanding that saying the word stops or changes the activity (as i understand a safe word to be).
So, perhaps as i mentioned earlier, it is just a matter of definition and understanding between the parties at hand.
i appreciate the great conversation and sharing of ideas. i have received some great insight from some of these posts. [:)]
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