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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Which Fetish(es) Do You Have Trouble Understanding? (9/22/2010 6:33:38 AM)
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quote:
I have no doubt that there are those subs that do actually have such a fetish. However if it actually were humiliation, loss of control, or a diety type of fetish as the main reasons then I can't help but wonder why it is almost all a matter of male subs. If these were some of the main reasons wouldn't there be more fem subs sharing those fetishes and willing to give their money to a dom?
Wow, this hit at an opportune time -- just last evening, I dealt with the snide remarks from a cashier when I paid for supper for myself and a companion, and the companion was male. I have to admit, it got my ire up. *chuckles*
Anyway... I can speak to this from years of experience on both sides of the issue, though I can't really explain why everyone who participates in financial control does so. It isn't really a gender thing, though, and it isn't just limited to men giving money to women. Women -do- turn over their finances to male dominants. The thing is, nobody makes a huge deal about it when the "man of the house" is managing the money. It only seems to be an issue when the HoH is female. I think that people tend to presume that it is ok for men to handle the money, and for women to want the big strong men to handle all that icky money stuff. I think that even -women- who get into authority-based relationships presume that the men will handle the money... so when it happens, it is expected. Men who choose authority-based relationships, however, seem to think that, because they're men, it is inappropriate for the woman to expect to control the household finances. Women are told "Look, women all through history let their menfolk handle the money, and we're "traditionalists" here." So apparently, that is supposed to make it OK. You know what, though -- it hasn't "always" been that way -- in many cultures (including the Celtic, Gaelic, and Sicilian cultures from which I am spawned), WOMEN held the economic power, managed trade, and controlled many of the culture's assets.
When I came to the House that I am now a Keeper in, I came in through the route of having to be on the kneeling end first. Part of that was the expectation that I would own/keep NOTHING. All of my earnings went to the House. I didn't touch a checkbook, debit card, or cash except for specific funds meted out to me for things like, say, grocery shopping. I had no allowance, and my existing debt was managed by the Keepers and paid off on -their- schedule (which, by the way, seemed uncomfortably fast to me!!!). NOBODY batted an eye when one of the male Keepers would take out his wallet and pay for something on my behalf.... but you should have heard the nasty comments and dirty looks when one of the -female- Keepers paid for either -my- purchases or the purchases of one of our male servants, and you should hear the nasty comments I get now that I'm on the other end of the kneel when I manage the finances for -my- servants. The worst offenders -- people who are INSIDE the authority-based relationship community. Few think to ask how I manage those finances or cares how good the care is that I take of my servants, or what I've prepared to make sure that if/when their time with us is up, they're fiscally stable. However, a large proportion of them are perfectly willing to tell me how -wrong- it is for me to take control of someone else's finances. It seems like the only thing they care about is that the -woman- in the relationship is handling the money, and somehow, that is an evil, dirty thing.
My personal opinion is that the individual who is most skilled with finances should be the one to handle the money. It is one reason that I -don't- handle the finances for many of our servants in -our- sub-household. Most of the ones we've had have had a good handle on their own finances, so I only step in if things are either -already- out of control, things look like they're going to slip out of control, or for those servants who -really- want to be in a full-immersion situation where they get the experience I first had of being -truly- bound to the House (and for those, that only comes after they've already been with us for -years- and it is a progressive step that we all work towards, rather than something instantaneous). If the person who has the best financial management skills is a servant, that doesn't prevent hir being the one who should handle the bills and investments, and I'll be honest, some of my favorite short-term servants have been outstandingly skilled at household fiscal management. That being said, money itself -is- ascribed a measure of "authority" within our culture, and therefore, it makes sense to me that, regardless of gender, the individual who holds the authority in the relationship also holds the control over the management or delegation of management of any household funds.
Calla
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