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RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/13/2010 6:35:25 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
What if it did "squick" people out? People are allowed their feelings.

I agree, that's not my issue at all. In this sort of thing when it seems like people don't want to admit what's actually going on I feel somewhat compelled to poke at it.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 181
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/13/2010 7:14:02 PM   
Andalusite


Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline 		I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with a Dominant man being bisexual, but I would not be willing to be in an open relationship involving people of any gender. With that said, claiming it's a "preference" when clearly it's a dealbreaker strikes me as absurd. I prefer chocolate to have fruit than caramel, but like both. I actively dislike broccoli, rather than preferring carrots.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 182
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/14/2010 12:42:01 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

What if it did "squick" people out? People are allowed their feelings.

Yes, everyone is allowed their "squicks." I agree.

~sweetsub~


_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 183
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/14/2010 1:21:14 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear
And this is where I see where confusion comes into being. We all have our own interpretation of what constitutes a long term relationship, some think 2 years is long term whereas others figure 5 or more years defines what long term is. I do have to serious wonder in cases where the one partner determines their partner revealed, what they figured was a minor omission, that said omission is taken to be a lie of omission? I tend to believe that if I happen to make a comment about "been there, done that" concerning a one time activity with a woman to my partner that it simply was a case of a memory that was forgotten until something triggered it at that point in time. Mind you, I am the type of person that if my partner confessed/revealed that he did have a few encounters with someone of the opposite sex, that to me is a minor issue and I'd feel that it isn't serious enough threat to the relationship we have built together. I tend to believe that in the early phases to a relationship, we do reveal most of our past history/experiences to our partner before and during the early phases to the relationship. And as with life, there are always exceptions to the rule.


I apologize for missing this reply earlier.  Also, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for your earlier reply in this thread regarding the viewpoint of your experiences in the GLBT community.  This debate isn't one that exists in the hetero world alone.

It's just speculation on My part when it comes to how other people discuss the subject.  Considering My particular tastes, and the process that we have been through during our relationship, you can bet the "Have you ever......?" questions have come out.  In our case, there really isn't a possible way to even make a stab at lie of omission.  It would be just outright lie and yes, I'd be angry about that.  (Just think of the fun that I could have been having.  Arrrggghhh!)

What's really murky about this (and a whole potential new can of worms can be opened) are people's personal views on how they see a simple statement such as "I'm straight".  We can debate the right or wrong of views in regard to acts versus sexual attraction all day long, but the truth is (if prior threads are any example) that some people interpret that in different ways.  When some people hear straight (or gay, for that matter) it means no sexual contact with the same gender ever.  Some will not continue probing questions to cover what they associate in their mind and what that might mean to a potential partner.  Granted, I'm one of the folks who doesn't associate acts with orientation, but at the same time, I know not everyone thinks like Me.

< Message edited by LadyPact -- 9/14/2010 1:22:28 PM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
Profile   Post #: 184
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/15/2010 10:58:14 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarpeComa

What I am curious to know is: Does a general dislike for bisexual dominant partners exist across gender pairings? If you identify as submissive, is your dominant partner of choice one that is solely interested in your gender? Do you care?

As a dominant, have you either directly witnessed bias against bisexuality coming from submissive partners or felt it being implied? Do you feel that such feelings are fairly common among the submissive gender(s) of your choice?


This is a really fascinating question for me. I test as a Kinsey 2.5 to Kinsey 3, which means I am pretty much a full-on bisexual. As such, and as a female, I've never really seemed to have an issue with our servants about my sexuality. We also have had a couple of bisexual (Kinsey 2-4) male dominants on board, and, at least in our group, the servants haven't had any issue with them. It's possible that nobody -noticed- that there was some issue, but I think it's more likely that the individuals who -would- have an issue never get far enough in our vetting process to actually get into the household.

I do have to say that I think that it is much more common for submissive individuals who are seeking out a -romantic- relationship with their dominant partner (especially for those who are seeking out an exclusive romantic relationship) to be put off by a dominant individual who orients as "bisexual". I think that this is because, in a situation where one is basing the relationship on romance and sexual attraction, there is the concern that the scale of attraction would shift over time -- and that is compounded by the fact that the bisexual's "field of interest" is double the size of the heterosexual's range of interests.

Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to CarpeComa)
Profile   Post #: 185
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/15/2010 1:26:52 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear
And this is where I see where confusion comes into being. We all have our own interpretation of what constitutes a long term relationship, some think 2 years is long term whereas others figure 5 or more years defines what long term is. I do have to serious wonder in cases where the one partner determines their partner revealed, what they figured was a minor omission, that said omission is taken to be a lie of omission? I tend to believe that if I happen to make a comment about "been there, done that" concerning a one time activity with a woman to my partner that it simply was a case of a memory that was forgotten until something triggered it at that point in time. Mind you, I am the type of person that if my partner confessed/revealed that he did have a few encounters with someone of the opposite sex, that to me is a minor issue and I'd feel that it isn't serious enough threat to the relationship we have built together. I tend to believe that in the early phases to a relationship, we do reveal most of our past history/experiences to our partner before and during the early phases to the relationship. And as with life, there are always exceptions to the rule.


I apologize for missing this reply earlier.  Also, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for your earlier reply in this thread regarding the viewpoint of your experiences in the GLBT community.  This debate isn't one that exists in the hetero world alone.

It's just speculation on My part when it comes to how other people discuss the subject.  Considering My particular tastes, and the process that we have been through during our relationship, you can bet the "Have you ever......?" questions have come out.  In our case, there really isn't a possible way to even make a stab at lie of omission.  It would be just outright lie and yes, I'd be angry about that.  (Just think of the fun that I could have been having.  Arrrggghhh!)

What's really murky about this (and a whole potential new can of worms can be opened) are people's personal views on how they see a simple statement such as "I'm straight".  We can debate the right or wrong of views in regard to acts versus sexual attraction all day long, but the truth is (if prior threads are any example) that some people interpret that in different ways.  When some people hear straight (or gay, for that matter) it means no sexual contact with the same gender ever.  Some will not continue probing questions to cover what they associate in their mind and what that might mean to a potential partner.  Granted, I'm one of the folks who doesn't associate acts with orientation, but at the same time, I know not everyone thinks like Me.


Thanks for giving your thoughts Lady P. Again, you have given a few comments which are food for further thoughts on my part. 


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 186
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/15/2010 2:28:47 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

What's really murky about this (and a whole potential new can of worms can be opened) are people's personal views on how they see a simple statement such as "I'm straight". We can debate the right or wrong of views in regard to acts versus sexual attraction all day long, but the truth is (if prior threads are any example) that some people interpret that in different ways. When some people hear straight (or gay, for that matter) it means no sexual contact with the same gender ever. Some will not continue probing questions to cover what they associate in their mind and what that might mean to a potential partner. Granted, I'm one of the folks who doesn't associate acts with orientation, but at the same time, I know not everyone thinks like Me.


For me, this is what makes the Kinsey Scale one of my best friends. As I said in an earlier post, I'm a Kinsey 2.5-3... pretty much a "true" bisexual, in that I really don't lean to one side or the other. If I -were- to lean, it is mostly a bend of -experience-... and because of my history, my -experiences- lean more heavily towards men...I wobble a bit on the "full-on Kinsey 3", but to be honest,  even though I have more experience with male sexual partners in general, my FAVORITE lovers have been perfectly split between male and female.... (the heavier experience with males is what pulled me to a 2.5 by some testers' calculations).

For me, homosexuality and bisexuality are -mental- states. The preference of gender and appreciation for the sexual aspects of an individual are in the mind first -- so whether or not a person ACTS on those preferences, the range of sexual gender preference is a mental exercise. I was bisexual when I was monogamously married (YES, I actually -was-, for 13 years!!!). It was a choice that I made consciously, to spend my time in that relationship... but my interest in women didn't magically disappear because I was in a closed relationship and that relationship was with a man.

My companion of 14 years is a woman, however, she is a Kinsey 1.5 -- she appreciates the woman's form, but her primary attraction IS, always has been, and probably always will be to -males-. Does this bother me? Heck no. I knew this when I met her as part of the House (and met her mates... both male). I knew it when we struck out to shape a sub-house on our own.

I think that what is most important in -every- case is to be honest with -onself- about who we are, and about what we want, and to recognize that the people that we cherish (and/or serve... and/or obey... and/or lead) are human beings, and that they will certainly, over the course of their lives, surprise and amaze us... and sometimes, the ways in which they surprise us will surprise -them-, too -- but those surprises don't change the person. They're just aspects that were more deeply hidden away. IMO, if we cherish them, and want them in our lives, then the fact that they find the "opposite", "same" or -both- genders sexually attractive is really less relevant than the fact that we cherish one another and enjoy being a part of one another's lives.

Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
Profile   Post #: 187
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/15/2010 2:45:08 PM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I'm not sure that it's as much a bias against the individual as a difficulty in submitting to one seen or perceived as submissive. Basically, we tend to perceive dominants as pitchers and not catchers. Catchers tend to be perceived as submissive.


I really needed to comment on this... I simply don't understand why it is automatically assumed that being on the "Slot B" end of the "Tab A, Slot B" equation means that one is a "catcher" and somehow submissive. If that were true, the Goreans would be right and there would be no such thing as a "dominant female".

The man who brought me into House Bladewing was dominant -- there is absolutely no doubt about the fact that he not -only- was capable of dominating behavior, he was capable of being sufficiently "dominant" that I was able to kneel to him through the -entirety- of my training (with the understanding that I am, generally, not a particularly submissive person). He is also bisexual, and one of the neutral members of our household (who doesn't participate in the authority-management end of things) was his lover for as long as I was in the household. It didn't make EB one -whit- less capable of domination, and it CERTAINLY didn't make him automatically "submissive" -- in fact, I seriously doubt that anyone in the household would have had the cajones to actually ASK him whether he was the "pitcher" or the "catcher"...

Frankly, I think this concept right here has me more riled up than most of what I've read in this thread -- the idea that sexual preference or the EXPRESSION of that preference can somehow automatically change an individual's nature in terms of dominance or submission.

Calla


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to mshindo)
Profile   Post #: 188
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/15/2010 11:26:56 PM   
BentUnit


Posts: 897
Status: offline 		I'd love to play with a slightly older Bi Muscle Bear couple.  Hot Damn!
The Bo Dixon look just gives me instant hot crotch.

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 189
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 11/22/2010 5:36:32 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~
One of the dominants in my life is bi. I have not yet had the opportunity to watch or participate, but it excites me to think about him dominating a man. We have discussed it and he has sought partners for us but it hasn't worked out......yet!

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to marymiller520)
Profile   Post #: 190
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 11/22/2010 6:08:25 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CarpeComa

What I am curious to know is: Does a general dislike for bisexual dominant partners exist across gender pairings? If you identify as submissive, is your dominant partner of choice one that is solely interested in your gender? Do you care? As a dominant, have you either directly witnessed bias against bisexuality coming from submissive partners or felt it being implied? Do you feel that such feelings are fairly common among the submissive gender(s) of your choice?


Greetings CarpeComa,

Although I have never publicly advertised my interest or willingness to accept a bisexual partner, I have no qualms about it for the most part. The caveat for me truthfully relates to physical attraction from an aesthetic perspective. Although male bisexuality isn't something I actively seek, when available in the right context it's positively divine. The male counterpart is an extension of Him, but my desire stems solely from His actions and level of comfort in displaying all of Himself without unnecessary compartmentalization. The less inhibited we both are about these things the better our relations will be.

Namaste,

~porcelaine


_____________________________

His will; my fate.

(in reply to CarpeComa)
Profile   Post #: 191
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 11/22/2010 7:40:51 PM   
LadyRian


Posts: 486
Joined: 9/5/2010
Status: offline 		I find that bisexuality in a female Dominant is perhaps more "acceptable" because this plays in with the popular male fantasy of 2 women getting it on, or somehow reinforces her "in charge" persona, which many subconsciously equate with males. Therefore this apparently makes her seem to be more "Domme-ly" in some people's minds, I think. 

I personally have no problem with a bisexual male submissive, or any bisexual male. It just doesn't bother me.


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"Dodging bullets since 2010"

(in reply to CarpeComa)
Profile   Post #: 192
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 11/24/2010 12:49:57 PM   
nmf78


Posts: 6
Joined: 11/7/2009
Status: offline 		Interesting thread, i consider myself to be straight but wouldn't mind dating a bi-sexual women though i would prefer it that she has was bisexual with a slight preference for men but even if she didn't have a preference it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

Dating a purely submissive women would be a dealbreaker for me as i tend to the submissive side myself.

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 193
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