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RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/10/2010 9:00:55 AM   
MercTech


Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Interesting thread...

I've always thought that I was a "theoretical bisexual". I don't see anything inherently averse in it I just have rarely run across a male I found attractive. The closest I've come to acting on an attraction to a male was in college. My friend and I tried a liplock, looked at each other, and in a Spider Robinson moment of group telepathy said in unison, "Let's go down to the club and pick up some girls."

The self identified bisexual momen I have known seem to enjoy both the rougher, take control, male on female sex and the taking turns intimacy of female sex. The self identified bisexual males I have known seem to be ready to hump anything, anytime, anywhere. (self identified - out and willing to tell people that they are bi)

Stefan

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 161
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/10/2010 3:43:52 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Hey LaT, no I get it, I never thought you did any personal attacks, sorry if I came across that way. I just find it funny that so many people have an issue with those of us that don't want bi Doms. Kind of like how you feel from the differing view point I suppose.

I have really enjoyed reading everyone's opinions here and even if a lot of them have me shaking my head, at least they were food for thought on a lot of levels. It still seems like a lot of people are ready to tag me with the label of intolerant but I know better and I'm okay with that.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 162
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/10/2010 6:16:11 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I really have found this topic to be quite interesting but not as a personal issue at all. Moreso as a 'people watching weird people' sort of way.

I've never had a partner/S.O. that I cared who they had sex with previously, other than how it might affect my physical health. It's not even a subject that I've brought up, quizzing anyone about. There has never been a "So, tell me about ALL the people you've ever had any sort of sexual encounter with!!!" type of conversation.

Sooooo, that being said..........the aspect of this topic that caught me by surprise was that a person in a wonderfully fullfilling relationship, one nearly perfect in every way, would ditch that relationship if they ever discovered their partner had EVER had a same gender encounter.

Yeah as an outside observer I've been scratching my head about how a number of posts have seemed to boil down to something along the lines of I'm not homophobic or anything but bi men...squick!

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 163
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/10/2010 6:28:56 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

Yeah as an outside observer I've been scratching my head about how a number of posts have seemed to boil down to something along the lines of I'm not homophobic or anything but bi men...squick!




Did anyone actually put down bi men, or even use the word "squick"? Or did they just express that it doesn't work for them?

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 164
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/10/2010 6:44:16 PM   
mshindo


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/16/2009
Status: offline 		I'm not sure that it's as much a bias against the individual as a difficulty in submitting to one seen or perceived as submissive. Basically, we tend to perceive dominants as pitchers and not catchers. Catchers tend to be perceived as submissive.
In regards to women the roles tend to be more fluid. Women engaging in sexual contact are not necessarily seen as dominant or submissive, inherently. While male roles may be equally fluid they are rarely seen as such in our culture.

(in reply to CarpeComa)
Profile   Post #: 165
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/11/2010 7:06:04 AM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I really have found this topic to be quite interesting but not as a personal issue at all. Moreso as a 'people watching weird people' sort of way.

I've never had a partner/S.O. that I cared who they had sex with previously, other than how it might affect my physical health. It's not even a subject that I've brought up, quizzing anyone about. There has never been a "So, tell me about ALL the people you've ever had any sort of sexual encounter with!!!" type of conversation.

Sooooo, that being said..........the aspect of this topic that caught me by surprise was that a person in a wonderfully fullfilling relationship, one nearly perfect in every way, would ditch that relationship if they ever discovered their partner had EVER had a same gender encounter.

Yeah as an outside observer I've been scratching my head about how a number of posts have seemed to boil down to something along the lines of I'm not homophobic or anything but bi men...squick!




Squick? Steel I have participated in sexual acts with bi men before. I can't repeat the whole damn thread again, but open your mind to what I have posted. I have had threesomes with two men and the men were sexual with each other, right up to including oral sex. It was hot. So, no squick. What you apparently want to dismiss is that I don't want my serious long term relationship with the man I have for a Dominant to be with a bi man. Sexual experimentation I did in my younger years was great, it was hot, sexy, fun, and I don't regret it. Emotionally it was about as fulfilling as cotton candy and not something I ever took seriousy.

I need a straight loving monogamous man at this point in my life, and that is all I would ever be with in a serious relationship. No squick, no insults, no homophobia. It is all about a woman having the brains to know what she wants and NEEDS in a long term partner. Oh and did I mention no squick?

Also. You are not an outside observer when you clearly are bothered that not all women want a bi Dom, and you have made over 10 posts in this thread. That makes you an active participant in this.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 166
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/11/2010 8:05:15 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied
Actually that is exactly it.  I do not understand what the problem is with having a preconceived notion of what dominance is.  Dominance to me is not the same as it is to others.  I am okay with this.  I know what I want and what works for me.  I do not understand why some find this threatening.  It is okay for people to have specific likes/dislikes in all areas, but when it reaches into bi-sexuality it is suddenly a problem?


Excellent point. I've been reading this thread and wondering about this, too. I wasn't motivated enough to read all of the the zealots' profiles to quote specific examples but I'm confident they are there.



(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 167
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/11/2010 10:15:47 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
I really have found this topic to be quite interesting but not as a personal issue at all. Moreso as a 'people watching weird people' sort of way.

I've never had a partner/S.O. that I cared who they had sex with previously, other than how it might affect my physical health. It's not even a subject that I've brought up, quizzing anyone about. There has never been a "So, tell me about ALL the people you've ever had any sort of sexual encounter with!!!" type of conversation.

Sooooo, that being said..........the aspect of this topic that caught me by surprise was that a person in a wonderfully fullfilling relationship, one nearly perfect in every way, would ditch that relationship if they ever discovered their partner had EVER had a same gender encounter.

Yeah as an outside observer I've been scratching my head about how a number of posts have seemed to boil down to something along the lines of I'm not homophobic or anything but bi men...squick!


I'm not going back and to read the entire thread, but I don't think anyone said it would be a squick area for them.  I think leaping to homophobia would be jumping to conclusions.  It may have more to do with folks being in long term relationships and feeling misled if a same gender liaison happened in the past, but they had not been told.  Some might feel that their partner had been less than honest with them after being told by their SO that they were straight, but hadn't revealed that they had experimented in college or whatever.

I've even said earlier in the thread that I would love it if My husband were bi.  At the same time, if he hid it from Me after years of being together, I might feel that I was deceived.  It wouldn't be about what thing he did.  Rather, it would be that he hadn't been honest with Me about it.  Not being forthcoming about it would be a big, huge thing in My book.  I would see it as a lie of omission and that's the part that would be the problem.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 9/11/2010 10:16:43 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 168
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/11/2010 2:02:17 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2
Did anyone actually put down bi men, or even use the word "squick"? Or did they just express that it doesn't work for them?

I didn't notice it.

_____________________________

Member: Lance's Fag Hags.

"That's not just a chip on her shoulder, that's the whole potato!" ~Lady Angelika~

In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 169
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 4:26:27 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		I'm really glad that I have been fortunate enough to watch sexual power exchange between two men. It was hard, cold, ruthless and somewhat frightening. There appeared to be no barriers to what went on, it seemed that one or both of them was going to end up getting really hurt. It was pure strength on strength. I had never seen dominance like this and it was so frigging hot, raw and primal, that I used it in my orgasm achievements for months after!!
I am no more turned on by an effeminate gay/bi man who wants to willingly bend over and take it up the ass, than I am by a gay/bi man that wants an effeminate man to bend over so he can do him up the ass.
I am very specific about what kind of bi man I am happy with.
I can absolutely understand why some women do not want a bi man. I certainly don't think they are prejudiced but a past experience is a past experience and has no bearing on our ongoing relationship.
If my partner suddenly admitted to having a bi experience prior to our relationship and that confession came some years into our relationship, I would have to wonder why he hadn't told me this before? Had I shown prejudice? had I instilled a fear in him that had stopped him confessing up until now? was he so disgusted with himself that he hadn't wanted to confess? Would I worry that if he had done it once he was bound to do it again? of course not. He has been with many women in his past but I don't believe for a minute that because he once enjoyed women in all shapes, colors and sizes, that he would ever go back to needing that again.
A sexual experience is just that. It can be cold, emotionless and experimental. It can be a one off and never desired again experience.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos


Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to LaTigresse)
Profile   Post #: 170
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 10:52:13 AM   
SirJ40


Posts: 164
Joined: 12/21/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mshindo

I'm not sure that it's as much a bias against the individual as a difficulty in submitting to one seen or perceived as submissive. Basically, we tend to perceive dominants as pitchers and not catchers. Catchers tend to be perceived as submissive.
In regards to women the roles tend to be more fluid. Women engaging in sexual contact are not necessarily seen as dominant or submissive, inherently. While male roles may be equally fluid they are rarely seen as such in our culture.


But who says that in order to partake of male sex, the Dominant has to catch? Heard of the Leather Community, anyone? YOU try telling some of those men that they're not Dominant.. I'm not trying it. They're going to want to prove you wrong.. and that's gonna be painful.
The end result is that people will choose to partner with people whom they choose. Interesting that there have been a lot of females posting "hell no I wouldn't like that" entries, but I haven't seen a lot of the gay/bi male s-types posting.. I wonder what their take on it is might be? Just curious.
Bi sub females are preferred because a LOT of men want 2 or more women at once, or find f/f sex attractive- not as many women are interested in multiple male partners, or in observing m/m sex.
Honestly.. sexual preference (or lack of it) is entirely unrelated to Dominance, even if we're going to allow that it's relevant to the original question.


_____________________________

Make your own decisions, and own the decisions you make.

(in reply to mshindo)
Profile   Post #: 171
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 11:10:12 AM   
Twoshoes


Posts: 1218
Joined: 7/27/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
Not being forthcoming about it would be a big, huge thing in My book.  I would see it as a lie of omission and that's the part that would be the problem.


That is like thinking you're marrying an "untouched" Saudi virgin.
Then finding out she thought oral sex didn't count.

Life-changing.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 172
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 11:39:13 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mshindo

I'm not sure that it's as much a bias against the individual as a difficulty in submitting to one seen or perceived as submissive. Basically, we tend to perceive dominants as pitchers and not catchers. Catchers tend to be perceived as submissive.
In regards to women the roles tend to be more fluid. Women engaging in sexual contact are not necessarily seen as dominant or submissive, inherently. While male roles may be equally fluid they are rarely seen as such in our culture.


This statement I do find interesting as it maybe just with the gay community where I am, a large percentage of the men who do "catch" are opposite to the perception as being submissive. Granted on some levels, being the recipient can consider "catching" as a submissive action though I delegate that concept to a person's own concept of what activities they consider submissive and what are considered dominant.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I've even said earlier in the thread that I would love it if My husband were bi.  At the same time, if he hid it from Me after years of being together, I might feel that I was deceived.  It wouldn't be about what thing he did.  Rather, it would be that he hadn't been honest with Me about it.  Not being forthcoming about it would be a big, huge thing in My book.  I would see it as a lie of omission and that's the part that would be the problem.



And this is where I see where confusion comes into being. We all have our own interpretation of what constitutes a long term relationship, some think 2 years is long term whereas others figure 5 or more years defines what long term is. I do have to serious wonder in cases where the one partner determines their partner revealed, what they figured was a minor omission, that said omission is taken to be a lie of omission? I tend to believe that if I happen to make a comment about "been there, done that" concerning a one time activity with a woman to my partner that it simply was a case of a memory that was forgotten until something triggered it at that point in time. Mind you, I am the type of person that if my partner confessed/revealed that he did have a few encounters with someone of the opposite sex, that to me is a minor issue and I'd feel that it isn't serious enough threat to the relationship we have built together. I tend to believe that in the early phases to a relationship, we do reveal most of our past history/experiences to our partner before and during the early phases to the relationship. And as with life, there are always exceptions to the rule.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to mshindo)
Profile   Post #: 173
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 11:52:22 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Twoshoes
That is like thinking you're marrying an "untouched" Saudi virgin.
Then finding out she thought oral sex didn't count.

Life-changing.

No, it makes Me sound like I expect him to tell the truth.  You don't really think that, over the course of nine years, the subject hasn't come up?  The wanting to know a person's sexual background, experiences, fantasies, etc is something people discuss during the 'getting to know'  each other phase.  It's not like questions in this area haven't been asked and answered many times over the course of the relationship.  A change in the story at this point would be more disturbing than the story itself.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Twoshoes)
Profile   Post #: 174
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 1:09:05 PM   
calamitysandra


Posts: 1682
Joined: 3/17/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
...
that don't want bi Doms.
...



I do think LaT was not referring to not being interested in an bi Dom. I believe she was talking about the intense reaction to any prior same sex experience, even if that was an one time only experiment during college. Which would not make somebody bisexual.

_____________________________

"Whenever people are laughing, they are generally not killing one another"
Alan Alda


(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 175
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 1:09:40 PM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear
I do have to serious wonder in cases where the one partner determines their partner revealed, what they figured was a minor omission, that said omission is taken to be a lie of omission? I tend to believe that if I happen to make a comment about "been there, done that" concerning a one time activity with a woman to my partner that it simply was a case of a memory that was forgotten until something triggered it at that point in time.


I personally would not get all hung up over the lie of omission aspect of things. I have always been of the mindset that if it is important to you then you have an obligation to ask. The other party can't really be expected to divine everything that may be important to you and list accordingly.

Having said that, just because there's some experience in your past that you consider to be of little consequence to you the other party is not obligated to treat it in the same manner. If it matters to them it matters to them and that's that. You're not necessarily at fault for not having mentioned it earlier and they know to ask about that issue up front from now on.

If you have a date with Danny Bonaduce choose you omissions wisely.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
Profile   Post #: 176
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 8:39:15 PM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marie2
Did anyone actually put down bi men, or even use the word "squick"? Or did they just express that it doesn't work for them?

No, no one used language like that. It's my perception of one of the positions I read here. I could very well be wrong, it's easy it misunderstand emotions in text, but that's how it seems to me. 

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 177
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/12/2010 8:40:47 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline 		Frankly I think I'd have to be very very drunk to reveal anything to Danny Bonaduce!  Though he does have a nice washboard tummy!

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to DomImus)
Profile   Post #: 178
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/13/2010 10:22:16 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
Also. You are not an outside observer when you clearly are bothered that not all women want a bi Dom, and you have made over 10 posts in this thread. That makes you an active participant in this.

Well I'm certainly a participant in this conversation but as a straight dominant who enjoys bi sexual partners I can't be anything but an outside observer of the thought and emotional processes behind the rejection of bi sexual dominants. Those simply aren't thought processes that I can claim to accurately internalize for a number of reasons.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88
Squick? Steel I have participated in sexual acts with bi men before. I can't repeat the whole damn thread again, but open your mind to what I have posted.

Why would you ever think that my post was about you?

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 179
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/13/2010 10:31:55 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		What if it did "squick" people out? People are allowed their feelings.

I am squicked out by the idea of being with man that is bisexual on some levels. It is how I feel. I do not go around announcing it because it isn't relevant, but if I did it would be as valid as someone who is squicked by the idea of calling a dom "daddy".

Emotional reactions aren't rational.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to GotSteel)
Profile   Post #: 180
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