RE: Bisexual Dominants

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Aileen1968 -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 12:46:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarpeComa This is a spin-off of this thread. It is fairly well established here, on the other side, and other places that there is a bias against bisexual dominant male partners on the part of submissive females ranging from "I don't want one for a partner" to outright hostility towards them. It is also a reasonably well established understanding that bisexuality (or willingness to engage in sexual acts with both genders) is generally approved of by straight dominant men and women on the part of submissive partners. Of course there are exceptions, your mileage may vary, void where prohibited, yada yada yada. What I am curious to know is: Does a general dislike for bisexual dominant partners exist across gender pairings? If you identify as submissive, is your dominant partner of choice one that is solely interested in your gender? Do you care? As a dominant, have you either directly witnessed bias against bisexuality coming from submissive partners or felt it being implied? Do you feel that such feelings are fairly common among the submissive gender(s) of your choice? Our relationship would end immediately if he ever told me that he had even one single bisexual experience. I would instantly lose all attraction to him. It's an absolute requirement for me that he is 100% heterosexual.

SebastianK -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 12:57:55 PM)
Let me say this loud and clear: To equate bi with unfaithful is simply prejudice, nothing less, nothing more. It's biphobic - a form of prejudice that is erased and invisible to most and terribly common. And equally loud and clear: I'm NOT saying that you're biphobic for preferring straight people, as I see that as something of a fetish - and to each their own :-) But if you automatically correlate bisexuality with anything other than this being a person who has the ability to love and/or have sex with people of either sex/gender, then you're engaging in biphobia. Bisexual people are as different and diverse as straight or gay people when it comes to being nice, arseholes, poly, monogamous, kinky, vanilla etc. etc. Please take a moment to think about that.

chiaThePet -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 1:05:21 PM)
That said, how big is your penis? chia* (the pet)

LadyPact -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 1:16:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SebastianK Let me say this loud and clear: To equate bi with unfaithful is simply prejudice, nothing less, nothing more. It's biphobic - a form of prejudice that is erased and invisible to most and terribly common. And equally loud and clear: I'm NOT saying that you're biphobic for preferring straight people, as I see that as something of a fetish - and to each their own :-) But if you automatically correlate bisexuality with anything other than this being a person who has the ability to love and/or have sex with people of either sex/gender, then you're engaging in biphobia. Bisexual people are as different and diverse as straight or gay people when it comes to being nice, arseholes, poly, monogamous, kinky, vanilla etc. etc. Please take a moment to think about that. I think the highlighted above is a bit on the extremist side. It isn't necessarily a phobia or a prejudice. This is something that I have seen come up a lot lately. It seems a bit too easy to jump to the automatic zealousness instead of accepting something as a person's preference. I'm not disagreeing with your point of getting to know the person and how they operate. That makes common sense to Me. Folks are going to be across the spectrum on that. Probably very much the same as the switch topic. For some submissives, there is something that doesn't work for them if their Dominant has submitted to someone else, either past or present.

SebastianK -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 1:18:34 PM)
chia: That's for me to know and you to imagine ;-) That said, best reply ~~ever~~ in a LONG while. Edit to add: LadyPact, that's why I stated that I don't think preference is biphobic, because it isn't. It's preference. Nothing more, nothing less. My apologies if I didn't make that clear enough and accidentally offended someone.

Aynne88 -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 1:21:25 PM)
Just a general fast reply covering a few things here. First of all it drives me crazy when an assumption is made that all or most hetero males are secretly going to suck a cock or be bi when they have an opportunity for a liason. Not true. Not at all. It's the same kind of thinking that all men will cheat, that is simply a fallacy. I am not directly referring to Chia's comment, it is just something that comes up a lot and it's just wierd. I "grew up" in the 80's and partied my ass off with my posse of gay guys. My best friends were gay men, and in college my roommate Todd was a dj at one of the gay clubs in my town. I think maybe because we were all so open about who and what gender (s) we were fucking that I believe or get that all these straight male guys are just waiting for the right gay guy to get down on it. Most of the adults I know aren't closeted, straight, gay or bi. They are quite upfront people. That(my younger days) is probably another one of the reasons why I will and could only be with a 100% straight Dom, even if the bi experience was in his past. I spent years misbehaving and partying and with that comes all the other accoutrements, I was a wild child. Late nights, a lot of drugs (cocaine and poppers were everywhere at the gay clubs) 3 somes, 4 somes, straight sex, bi sex, running with all the bad, but oh so fun people, meaningless encounters and just a lot of shit I would just as soon forget about. Yes this does tie in, promise.... Even though I managed to come out of that colorful youth relatively unscathed, I really didn't want to "settle down" until late into my 30's and I really wanted someone that was kind of the antithesis of the crowd I grew up with and spent all those years running with. So that meant to me a much more traditional very much straight older calmer man that was serious about business and responsibilities and had a far less colorful sexual past than myself or most of my ex partner's had. I wanted a little more Ozzy Nelson, a little less Ozzy Osbourne. [;)]. Most of the time anyway.... Lastly, I just don't want to have any more to worry about than the plethora of women that want to try and snag him, no way could I cope with wondering about men too. I realize this could be intrpreted as my insecurities, maybe it is, but I just couldn't at this point in my life ever feel any other way, I need a solely straight man.

KatyLied -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 1:27:14 PM)
If I found out that a male dominant whom I was interested in was bi-sexual or had a bi-sexual experience, I would find it to be a complete and total turnoff. If I found out the same thing about a vanilla man I was interested in it would have the exact same effect.

FetishRose -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 2:11:42 PM)
I've always believed that your partner's sexual preference is in itself, a preference. Although I am a bisexual woman, who genuinely has no preference for men or women, I really only want to form relationships with heterosexual men or homosexual women. I will, and do, have sexual relationships with bisexual women, both single and not, as short term flings, on a physical level, but I do not wish to bond with another bisexual woman. And I am thoroughly uninterested in bisexual men at all, except as friends.

CarpeComa -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 2:46:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan Interesting that you neglected to account for bisexual female dominants, of which I am one, and differences in how we relate to bisexuality in submissive partners and/or how they relate to our sexual orientation. If/when you work those factors into your question, I might be willing to answer. However, as it stands, I find your phrasing to be too heterosexist to be of any value. No I didn't. That's only in your reading of the question. I specifically left the question itself gender neutral. The example I used was M/f because that is what I have direct experience with, so it's what I've seen happen.

DesFIP -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 2:55:11 PM)
As I already answered, I am not prejudiced against them. I simply am not compatible with them. I can't fulfill their needs, they would require an open or poly relationship and I'm monogamous. You might as well say I am biased against males the age of my adult child. I don't believe they should be banned or have voting rights stripped from them. I'm not compatible with them. Hell, I'm not compatible with men who haven't had children, but that doesn't equate to a bias. OP your continual refusal to accept that people have preferences and stating that any time someone says no thanks means they are biased/prejudiced/hostile is getting real old.

allthatjaz -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 3:29:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: CarpeComa This is a spin-off of this thread. It is fairly well established here, on the other side, and other places that there is a bias against bisexual dominant male partners on the part of submissive females ranging from "I don't want one for a partner" to outright hostility towards them. It is also a reasonably well established understanding that bisexuality (or willingness to engage in sexual acts with both genders) is generally approved of by straight dominant men and women on the part of submissive partners. Of course there are exceptions, your mileage may vary, void where prohibited, yada yada yada. What I am curious to know is: Does a general dislike for bisexual dominant partners exist across gender pairings? If you identify as submissive, is your dominant partner of choice one that is solely interested in your gender? Do you care? As a dominant, have you either directly witnessed bias against bisexuality coming from submissive partners or felt it being implied? Do you feel that such feelings are fairly common among the submissive gender(s) of your choice? Our relationship would end immediately if he ever told me that he had even one single bisexual experience. I would instantly lose all attraction to him. It's an absolute requirement for me that he is 100% heterosexual. Wow... your relationship would fall apart by a previous sexual experience? how sad and how shallow is that.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 3:39:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz quote: ORIGINAL: Aileen1968 quote: ORIGINAL: CarpeComa This is a spin-off of this thread. It is fairly well established here, on the other side, and other places that there is a bias against bisexual dominant male partners on the part of submissive females ranging from "I don't want one for a partner" to outright hostility towards them. It is also a reasonably well established understanding that bisexuality (or willingness to engage in sexual acts with both genders) is generally approved of by straight dominant men and women on the part of submissive partners. Of course there are exceptions, your mileage may vary, void where prohibited, yada yada yada. What I am curious to know is: Does a general dislike for bisexual dominant partners exist across gender pairings? If you identify as submissive, is your dominant partner of choice one that is solely interested in your gender? Do you care? As a dominant, have you either directly witnessed bias against bisexuality coming from submissive partners or felt it being implied? Do you feel that such feelings are fairly common among the submissive gender(s) of your choice? Our relationship would end immediately if he ever told me that he had even one single bisexual experience. I would instantly lose all attraction to him. It's an absolute requirement for me that he is 100% heterosexual. Wow... your relationship would fall apart by a previous sexual experience? how sad and how shallow is that. I'm obviously not as enlightened as you and I'm quite fine with that. It would end the relationship. The thought of his dick and another man is that unappealing to both of us, actually. Get off your high horse. Just because you have different standards in a mate doesn't make you right and it doesn't make me sad or shallow.

Aileen1968 -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 3:48:12 PM)
Oh yeah...one more thing....if he suddenly decided that he was a switch, it would end the relationship too. I'm really fucking shallow. Not. I will make no excuses for being attracted only to a 100% dominant, straight man. He fits the bill quite nicely. It's how I'm wired.

CarpeComa -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 4:00:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP As I already answered, I am not prejudiced against them. I simply am not compatible with them. I can't fulfill their needs, they would require an open or poly relationship and I'm monogamous. You might as well say I am biased against males the age of my adult child. I don't believe they should be banned or have voting rights stripped from them. I'm not compatible with them. Hell, I'm not compatible with men who haven't had children, but that doesn't equate to a bias. OP your continual refusal to accept that people have preferences and stating that any time someone says no thanks means they are biased/prejudiced/hostile is getting real old. Bias: a particular tendency or inclination, esp. one that prevents unprejudiced consideration of a question; prejudice. (according to Merriam-Webster) Preference: to like better or best. (also according to Merriam-Webster) To-may-to, to-mah-to. Every preference can be expressed as a bias and vice versa. Everyone's biased. Everyone discriminates. It's how we make decisions. It's called having preferences. The only issues are what we base our biases on and how we act on them.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 4:03:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarpeComa To-may-to, to-mah-to. Every preference can be expressed as a bias and vice versa. Well, sort of. 'Bias' is a loaded, emotive word-there's an implication of unreasonability, of wrongness. It's perhaps not the word I would have chosen.

DesFIP -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 6:02:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: allthatjaz Wow... your relationship would fall apart by a previous sexual experience? how sad and how shallow is that. I guess I'm sad and shallow too. Look kids, I've spent nearly more of my life in a gay community than in the straight world. My overwhelming experience is that bi males bond emotionally far, far better with gay males than with straight women. I've also known too damned many so-called straight males who married and fathered children before coming out as gay. Last thing I want is a man who is more interested in the other men on Fire Island than he is in me. I've had that and it cuts deep. Those guys are better looking than I am, I can't compete and I really hated him coming on to me so he had a place to stay out there. Yeah, and I can't fulfill a switch's bottom side either. As I don't believe anyone with these desires will be happy over the next 30 years going without, anymore than I could go without some basic needs being met for 30 years, I'm not fishing in that pool.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 6:28:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied If I found out that a male dominant whom I was interested in was bi-sexual or had a bi-sexual experience, I would find it to be a complete and total turnoff. If I found out the same thing about a vanilla man I was interested in it would have the exact same effect. So am I to understand that that if a male dominant you got involved with had admitted he experimented a couple times as a teenager with another guy, found that wasn't his cup of tea, that you would condemn him for something that occurred before you came into the picture? That he would be taken out of consideration over an occurrence in his past?

KatyLied -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 6:34:27 PM)
Yep. I can't see myself enjoying a relationship with a man who is not hetero. I think condemn is a harsh word. I definitely know that it would bother me that he has a thing for men. I know how I feel and the pause I have internally when I read profiles of bi men. I do not care to proceed any further, in regard to a possible romantic relationship.

Wolf2Bear -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 6:39:36 PM)
Ok, thanks replying back. I just see a huge difference when a guy admits into a relationship that he has bisexual proclivities and a guy who admits that he tried sex with another guy a couple times as a teenager and found that it was a negative experience and has been living his adult life as a 100% heterosexual male. In each case, the extenuating circumstances I feel warrant a different reaction other than automatically dismissing that male as a potential partner.

KyttynTheMynx -> RE: Bisexual Dominants (9/6/2010 6:45:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CarpeComa This is a spin-off of this thread. quote: What I am curious to know is: Does a general dislike for bisexual dominant partners exist across gender pairings? Nope. Not for me anyways. I would like for them to accept the fact that I am bi too, so I would kinda be insane to say, "It is ok if I do this, but no way in hell can you do it too!" quote: If you identify as submissive, is your dominant partner of choice one that is solely interested in your gender? Do you care? Nope. And no, I dont care. If he is doing something that makes him happy, and no one is getting hurt, or doing anything illegal, GO FOR IT!

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