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RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 6:32:34 PM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne88

Wolf, maybe the anger as you percieve it only stems from frustration that some people can't or won't understand that some people are *NOT* bisexual and some men don't want to fuck other men, and I am a tad bit exhausted trying to explain that. I don't have a safe comfort zone, I have been in every sexual situation imaginable and had straight, gay and bisexual sex. Jesus christ people, all I am trying to simply say is at this point in my life I only want a straight man, and one that has always been straight and finds only women sexually compatible. I am not some hick from Podunk honey, I lived in the city for years, I have done all I need to do, and I don't get why some of you guys need to make me (or others) feel like we are less sophisticated or less sexually knowledgable for not wanting a guy that has fucked or blown or been blown or wanted to blow a dude. What doesn't resonate here?

Yes I know I sound bitchy. S'okay, I am bitchy. Seriously, I don't care. Please respect that some people are just simply straight. Not everyone is hiding a closeted desire to be bisexual, and not every woman is some idiot pretending that her man is only into women when he really harbors a deep desire  to be with another man. That could also be construed as gay or bi men being afraid that there way isn't always universally accepted.

I hate the whole attitude that people that don't rock the sexually open boat are ignorant or afraid. I am sure that is not what you meant to portray. Right?  


Hi Aynne, it isn't the fact that some people are not bisexual, it's the fact that it's the reasoning given just dosen't fully jive in my eyes when I read the explanations. What I was attempting to portray was maybe a bit more tolerance and understanding and that does not require full acceptance either. Unfortunately some replies came across as such that even if a man had one or two encounters years before they met a compatible female, they would be stricken of the potential list because of actions which happened years ago.  That is like a potential dominant refusing to get to know me as a person because I had sex with a woman 30 years ago as a young adult yet I continue to identify as a gay male.

I had hoped adding my insight would prove beneficial though it seems that it has the opposite effect. My only motive was to add another angle to the discussion and it backfired thus I shall bow out from this thread. My apologies if my comments seemed accusatory as they were not supposed to be. Be Well.



_____________________________

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Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

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Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 6:36:53 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline 		Wolf you know I love you and respect you I didn't mean to sound like a jerk I just have been in this debate too long. Your post was not offensive to me I just think that I have read way too many comments here that make it sound like people that are not wanting bi Doms are either hicks, close minded or just not accepting and I am none of the above, at least to me I am not.

I have probably said all that anyone wants to hear regarding this topic and I am sorry if I offended you either, you know I don't mean to. Thanks for the cool response. .

Bowing out now folks...

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 6:58:02 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		Yeah I'm one of those women who just can't bring herself to be with a man who tells me he had sex with another man no matter when it may have been. I was with a man once who told me that when he was growing up he experimented with other males and from that point on I could never get the image out of my head and to be honest I couldn't get turned on with him at all anymore. I just lost any arousal for him.

It's no different than if a man tells me he submitted to others before or liked pain or said he's an atheist or that he wants to grow up to be a farmer. Once I hear those things I just shut down. There's no way on God's green earth I'm ever gonna get wet again with that person.

The mind is a funny thing.

(in reply to Aynne88)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 6:59:01 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

he will only be the domly dom if he meets the woman's personal standard of what a dom is.


Actually that is exactly it.  I do not understand what the problem is with having a preconceived notion of what dominance is.  Dominance to me is not the same as it is to others.  I am okay with this.  I know what I want and what works for me.  I do not understand why some find this threatening.  It is okay for people to have specific likes/dislikes in all areas, but when it reaches into bi-sexuality it is suddenly a problem?



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Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 7:04:42 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

he will only be the domly dom if he meets the woman's personal standard of what a dom is.


Actually that is exactly it.  I do not understand what the problem is with having a preconceived notion of what dominance is.  Dominance to me is not the same as it is to others.  I am okay with this.  I know what I want and what works for me.  I do not understand why some find this threatening.  It is okay for people to have specific likes/dislikes in all areas, but when it reaches into bi-sexuality it is suddenly a problem?





To each their own.

< Message edited by Marini -- 9/7/2010 7:06:23 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

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Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 7:11:26 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

Yeah I'm one of those women who just can't bring herself to be with a man who tells me he had sex with another man no matter when it may have been. I was with a man once who told me that when he was growing up he experimented with other males and from that point on I could never get the image out of my head and to be honest I couldn't get turned on with him at all anymore. I just lost any arousal for him.
This
Did you wake up screaming?
lol
It's no different than if a man tells me he submitted to others before or liked pain or said he's an atheist or that he wants to grow up to be a farmer. Once I hear those things I just shut down. There's no way on God's green earth I'm ever gonna get wet again with that person.

The mind is a funny thing.



Thank you for being so honest, I have had very similar thoughts.
I have attempted a few times to begin a relationship with a bisexual man, my mind always got the best of me.
I also felt "off balance", and not secure with him even wanting a serious relationship with a woman.

The thing is, there are also many other reasons for me to NOT want to become involved with someone.
We all have a right to accept and deal with what we want in life.

I try very hard to not tell other people, who or what they should accept or desire in another person.
**Except in abusive situations, and I feel comfortable expressing my concerns, and then only to a point.**

I even stay clear of the "married/cheating" threads, it is not for me to tell someone else HOW they should live their life.
It is not even for me, to attempt to influence or dictate someone else's "moral code".
Most of us are not spring chickens and by now, we know what we want or don't want to deal with in our lives.

My kink, my needs and my desires may be nothing like your kink, needs or desires, and so what?

DEAL

As always, To each their own.

< Message edited by Marini -- 9/7/2010 7:37:18 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 7:42:53 PM   
LadyNTrainer


Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
LNT has two bisexual male partners. If she took another two she would have four. That's not wishful thinking, that's basic arithmetic.


My primary is a Kinsey dead middle, my secondary is just slightly bent, but (alas) not bent enough to be fully bisexual, at least not with my primary, who is substantially hairy, masculine and bearded.  Tis the one thing that is not - quite - perfectly ideal about my otherwise wonderful and drama-free poly relationship.

Any bisexual men I manage to get my hands on will be shared with my primary partner, so actually one would probably do us.  But we wouldn't say no to, say, a hot pair of twins either.  Ahh, the places my fantasies do go. 


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Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 7:45:39 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
LNT has two bisexual male partners. If she took another two she would have four. That's not wishful thinking, that's basic arithmetic.


My primary is a Kinsey dead middle, my secondary is just slightly bent, but (alas) not bent enough to be fully bisexual, at least not with my primary, who is substantially hairy, masculine and bearded.  Tis the one thing that is not - quite - perfectly ideal about my otherwise wonderful and drama-free poly relationship.

Any bisexual men I manage to get my hands on will be shared with my primary partner, so actually one would probably do us.  But we wouldn't say no to, say, a hot pair of twins either.  Ahh, the places my fantasies do go.



Ain't that the truth!
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 8:43:19 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		I want to say something regarding the statements that the upset people have made, specifically, that sexuality is not the true measure of a person.

Sexuality is a basic, primal need. Since it is so basic, it exists in a realm that you cannot begin to try and analyze.

So the discussions that have gone on about why people are intolerant of bisexuality, are really moot.

Those of us who prefer a straight man and those who prefer a bi-sexual man are hard wired to feel the way they do.

You can talk all you want about how could you end a relationship if someone became bi, but that is exactly what happens in many, many cases. It changes the way you see someone.

You cannot help how you are wired on a primal level, even if you engage your ego, intellect and emotion. It pretty much is what it is.

Doesn't make anyone wrong or right, as there is only wrong or right for individuals, not the collective we.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 9/7/2010 8:44:09 PM >

(in reply to Marini)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 8:55:01 PM   
sweetsub1957


Posts: 2201
Joined: 4/28/2009
Status: offline 		~FR~
I'm bi, but I just don't get WHY it bothers me, the idea of being w/ a bi man. It shouldn't but it does. I feel bad about that, but.........what to do?

~sweetsub~

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In lowering yourself to talking behind my back, you're perfectly positioned to kiss my ass.

An it harm none, do what ye wilt.

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Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/7/2010 11:10:11 PM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
And to be honest, the thought of using a dildo or strap-on with my dominant would have me running away, screaming!

Strap-ons also come in submissive: http://www.stockroom.com/j225.htm 


lol - I wouldn't be able to scream wearing that thing, but I'd definitely be running

_____________________________

There's nowt so queer as folk


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Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 3:13:22 AM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyNTrainer

My primary is a Kinsey dead middle, my secondary is just slightly bent, but (alas) not bent enough to be fully bisexual, at least not with my primary, who is substantially hairy, masculine and bearded.  Tis the one thing that is not - quite - perfectly ideal about my otherwise wonderful and drama-free poly relationship.

Any bisexual men I manage to get my hands on will be shared with my primary partner, so actually one would probably do us.  But we wouldn't say no to, say, a hot pair of twins either.  Ahh, the places my fantasies do go. 



Aargh, damnit, sorry-I remembered wrong.

While you're at the hot pairs of twins shop grab a set for me, mmkay?


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




(in reply to LadyNTrainer)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 4:24:24 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear
I also have to seriously wonder if the anger partially stems from many people not fully understanding how a man can be attracted and aroused by another male?


That may be how it works for some, but not for me. I've spent half my life in one of the Fire Island gay communities. I have seen every possible permutation of sexuality out on the beach. I've been offered sex with other women, threesomes of me (straight) a dear gay friend and a bisexual male, group gropes etc. I've turned them all down.

I'm not angry, I'm uninterested. I'm monogamous. I want my counterpart, a straight monogamous male. I have that. I asked him about prior experiences before I committed. If in fact he lied to me because he knew I wouldn't have found him compatible, then the lying would just exacerbate the problem. I want what I want and if I can't have it, I'll share my bed with a good book instead. This is how I'm wired.

I'm also really tired of being called homophobic because I don't want to fuck a man who wants to fuck other men.


< Message edited by DesFIP -- 9/8/2010 4:25:27 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 8:20:06 AM   
Wolf2Bear


Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear
I also have to seriously wonder if the anger partially stems from many people not fully understanding how a man can be attracted and aroused by another male?


That may be how it works for some, but not for me. I've spent half my life in one of the Fire Island gay communities. I have seen every possible permutation of sexuality out on the beach. I've been offered sex with other women, threesomes of me (straight) a dear gay friend and a bisexual male, group gropes etc. I've turned them all down.

I'm not angry, I'm uninterested. I'm monogamous. I want my counterpart, a straight monogamous male. I have that. I asked him about prior experiences before I committed. If in fact he lied to me because he knew I wouldn't have found him compatible, then the lying would just exacerbate the problem. I want what I want and if I can't have it, I'll share my bed with a good book instead. This is how I'm wired.

I'm also really tired of being called homophobic because I don't want to fuck a man who wants to fuck other men.



What I underlined is the crux to what I was attempting to say. Nowhere in all my opoists on this topic had I called anyone homophobic and no where had I called you or anyone else homophobic either. I used the word "wonder" specifically because I am trying my damnedest to understand as much of people's reasoning on how they feel on certain topics such as this. The more I learn, the better I understand humanity and the more I am able to gain tolerance myself. Understanding brings knowledge and that is all I am trying to do, trying to understand others and in turn understand why I am the way I am.


_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 11:07:33 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel
Strap-ons also come in submissive: http://www.stockroom.com/j225.htm 

lol - I wouldn't be able to scream wearing that thing, but I'd definitely be running


I guess you're not a brown noser.

(in reply to myotherself)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 11:09:07 AM   
myotherself


Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel



I guess you're not a brown noser.




EEEEEWWWWW!!!!

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Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 11:10:04 AM   
GotSteel


Posts: 5871
Joined: 2/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Those of us who prefer a straight man and those who prefer a bi-sexual man are hard wired to feel the way they do.

How do you know that?

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 11:20:59 AM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		WHILE, I am not bi, I do have many great bio Dom's that are friends of ours, live and let live, another question if a straight Master accepts head or uses a male of his wife's does that make him gay just an curious old Masters question smile..Bounty

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Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 11:23:15 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GotSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
Those of us who prefer a straight man and those who prefer a bi-sexual man are hard wired to feel the way they do.

How do you know that?



LOL!

Well, now that I hear that it's an atavistic reaction, like jumping at something that might be a tarantula, it's a little clearer to me.

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[page 23 girl]



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Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Bisexual Dominants - 9/8/2010 11:33:45 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear
What I underlined is the crux to what I was attempting to say. Nowhere in all my opoists on this topic had I called anyone homophobic and no where had I called you or anyone else homophobic either. I used the word "wonder" specifically because I am trying my damnedest to understand as much of people's reasoning on how they feel on certain topics such as this. The more I learn, the better I understand humanity and the more I am able to gain tolerance myself. Understanding brings knowledge and that is all I am trying to do, trying to understand others and in turn understand why I am the way I am.


Since you are participating in this thread, bear, maybe you can add additional insight.  My understanding has been that there are some folks who identify as homosexual that also have the same preferences/opinions regarding partnerships with bisexuals.  From what I've been exposed to, there is also some of the same thought patterns.  There have been comments made from time to time that if someone is bi, they aren't "really" gay because they have a sexual interest in both genders.  I'm not attempting to justify anyone's preference either way, but perhaps you could lend some wisdom of things that you have heard and/or experienced through the gay community.  From what I know, there are folks out there who aren't heterosexual that do also consider this when dealing with a prospective partner.  Maybe you could enlighten Me?

I did know a bisexual woman years ago who, even though she was bisexual herself, absolutely refused to even date a male who was bi.  In fact, she had some pretty terrible things to say on the matter.  I'm not sure if I want to say outright that it seemed a bit hypocritical, but it was certainly odd to Me.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)
Profile   Post #: 100
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