Lockit
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Joined: 5/7/2007
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Anti inflammatories are very dangerous! They thin the blood and they can ruin the stomach or digestive system. I am not supposed to take them at all! That was the first sign to the doctors that labeled me a drug addict. They felt I was narrowing the medications down to get my drug of choice. They didn't ask questions or read my records. They didn't see that the doctors of my past did try other things and I had been put through hell with those other things. They didn't see that year after year I suffered because I was neglected and now unable to work and afford to pay cash for doctors and no insurance company would touch me.
I worked out four hours a day at one point. I led a very active life and to take medication was something I just wouldn't do. I could tough it out or find another way. Until I couldn't anymore. Finally I had proven myself and was getting some relief after surgery to take out five disk. Even after the surgery I went without medication and when given medication I only took what I needed and didn't get all they prescribed. Moved to a new place and bam, I am back where I started only in more pain. Only this time they wouldn't help, broke the law in not helping and red flagged me with the local clinics I could go to for the poor. Each one I called said... good luck with that, see ya.
I finally broke. I couldn't bear the need I had providing someone a reason to neglect and abuse me. I had had enough and was willing to put my life at risk and take the over the counter medications that would thin my blood and very likely cause me to bleed out because of the rare genetic illness, not taught in American medical institutions, that they googled and thought they had all the answers to. Each time I had to take an nsaid, I said, this could be the time it makes me bleed. Each time I knew I took my life in my own hands and yet, it was easier to die than to face another time of being treated like an addict. Too many years, too many abuses and awful things said and done to me with a huge impact upon my life. Lockit finally gave up. Somehow I balanced things so that what blood thinning I might have gotten was counter balanced by other things.
Now, I am paying for giving up. The pain of the stress caused my blood pressure to rise. The stress of not being able to do what I normally do caused a number of things, including my thyroid to go off, blood pressure to be unstable, inability to function or move to keep my cardio health in tact and I have gained weight. Lockit is fighting back now because the giving up has to stop. I have to face them somehow and win to save my own life rather than give up. I have much to fight for. I have had a rest from the abuse and neglect and I simply cannot go on like this.
How I will afford to fight back is the problem. How to break through and get them to do something is the problem. How can I get them to listen and read and help, when they read what I am allergic to, what I cannot take and label me and don't want to waste time on me? If I could pay a doctor, I know I could find help, but in clinic's for the poor, that deal with a lot of drug addicts and don't have a lot of time... well, it doesn't look good. That is why I gave up in the first place. Tired of fighting it all and fighting back makes me ill and gives me nightmares... because most a lifetime of fighting the medical community has me pretty broken inside.
This is what addicts did to me and people like me. This is what the medical community has done to people like me with strange and rare illnesses and in response to addicts and a failure within their system to actually seek the truth in a patient and take the time to do so. I am not a failure because I need medication and I won't be an addict even after seven years of relief seeking and getting help. Yet, how do I prove that if they won't investigate or I can't afford the fight?
Now besides the back and fibro pain, I have a serious digestive problem because of nsaids. I did it to myself, but then I didn't have much choice did I? Seven years of pain medication and I was functioning and stable medically... less than two years with nsaids and I am a friggin mess. Which is better? A narcotic with responsible use or nsaids that anyone can abuse themselves with?
< Message edited by Lockit -- 9/9/2010 12:28:58 PM >
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RE: COPS IN N CAROLINA DEMAND NAMES OF ALL CITIZENS ON ... - 
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in search of RX abusers. Yes that disturbs me, it is bad enough having medical doctors give me that flash of look implying I'm a drug seeker (which makes me want to say 'heya my drug of choice is weed and I sure can't get that from you so rest easy please and thanks') without worrying about officials beating down my door wanting to do a pill count.
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