CaringandReal
Posts: 1397
Joined: 2/15/2008
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I don't see submission as a gift. And not just because doing so would negate everything that's absolutely hot about bdsm... although it would ...for me. ...of course. Calling it a gift would be a very dishonest thing for me to do, because I get such intense pleasure and satisfaction out of my role. Submission is 90% self-serving ...for me. ...of course. In the other 10% lies something else, perhaps. But calling this pleasurable and fulfilling self-service a "gift" to someone else seems bizarrely backward to me.
Rather, I see their dominance as a gift--to me. What does a dominant give me? Oh, just the opportunity to be myself, fully, that's all. Yes, a dominant usually dominates for the same reason that I submit: it's his or her nature and it is naturally self-serving for him to do so, but I feel so very, very appreciative when he does what he does to to me, it gives me so much of what I need that, if there is any creedence to the concept that one end of a control relationship is a gift, then from my perspective their end is where the gift comes from.
The kind of relationships I find myself in involve a great deal of coercion, sometimes subtle, sometimes not. Coercion is hot. Nothing hotter (chorus: for me... etc.) In a relationship where coercion is a regular practice, there isn't a lot of room for gift-giving. It's hard for me to imagine ever having the gall to tell anyone I've been involved with in this way that my submission is a gift except in the most joking fashion possible. (Even so, such a joke mightcause me to deeply regret my words, even if we both knew it was joking. It's the principle of the thing, you know? :p)
So yes, realities differ on this subject. The fatal mistake some us make is in assuming that our reality is _the_ reality and those with another perspective are just confused and deluded, the poor dears. I think as long as you don't make that mistake, your mind hasn't totally turned to mush.
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"A friend who bleeds is better" --placebo
"How seldom we recognize the sound when the bolt of our fate slides home." --thomas harris
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RE: gift of submission? - 
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