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RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/28/2010 3:08:22 PM   
PrincessofSadden


Posts: 49
Joined: 4/23/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

I see a lot of posts on several forums and sites about how subs should "approach Dommes" and how many "flakes and fakes" are out there. It is beyond argument that the number of male subs far outnumbers the number of Dommes on any site. This creates a situation where Dommes are able to set rules, etiquette standards etc. just in an effort to sift out the wheat from the chaff. Not that it is fair, it seems to the reality.  

It is interesting to see Dommes commiserating on the various "cut and paste jobs" and how "stupid and insincere" the subs are. I wonder how much of this would remain, should the number of Dommes far outnumber the available male subs (this is not the case today).


I can't speak for everyone, but I'm sure this is true of most Dommes on this site and I know it's true for myself. Even if there were to be more Dommes than subs on this site and I were still looking for someone, I still wouldn't lower my standards. They're set at the level they are for a reason.

- Princess

(in reply to Roger39m)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 3:33:51 AM   
CHERRYSHOCKING


Posts: 17
Joined: 9/21/2010
Status: offline
quote:


I can't speak for everyone, but I'm sure this is true of most Dommes on this site and I know it's true for myself. Even if there were to be more Dommes than subs on this site and I were still looking for someone, I still wouldn't lower my standards. They're set at the level they are for a reason.

Well said.

(in reply to PrincessofSadden)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 4:22:28 AM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		I have said it many times...it does not matter what the ratios are. Most of the competition is so weak that they don't even matter. Four out of five have no intention of even showing up.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Roger39m)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 5:00:17 AM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Exactly, Kal. Winnow out the chickenshit and the other undesirables, and the pool gets very shallow indeed.

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Profile   Post #: 84
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 10:55:25 AM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Exactly, Kal. Winnow out the chickenshit and the other undesirables, and the pool gets very shallow indeed.



This, but also, I think there's another thing that factors into it:

* Femdoms who live in a self-fulfilling prophecy that no sub is good enough.  They enjoy being unattainable and 100% single with the choice of unlimited subs - but none are good enough to make it to a meeting.  They really are never going to find the right sub because there is no right sub; they enjoy the process of turning down men and then complaining about being single. 

* Subs who enjoy being rejected, alone, and like to idealize the fantasy of femdom as ultimately unattainable.  On some levels they are upset about being alone, but really being alone and holding the fantasy of the unattainable femdom is still enjoyable on some emotional masochism level. I think these subs may be many of the ones that set up meetings and don't show up.  The prospect of reality is too risky; the fantasy is a sure thing.

Akasha


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(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 5:17:25 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		True on bothe counts, Ms. Aakasha. Many dommes are pains in the ass who enjoy sabatoging their own efforts to find a slave. And it seems like most sub males are quite cowardly and lost in fantasy. For those who want to find real life adventures, it can be done...and it ain't as hard as all that.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
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(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 7:07:57 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Agreeing with Kal and Akasha! I meet people from here and fetlife ALL THE TIME!! It is so easy to meet people and make friends once you get past the idea that everyone you meet has to be THE ONE AND ONLY. Meet everyone that you find interesting, regardless of age, gender, or orientation. That's how social networks develop. I know that *I* didn't roll out of bed perfect this morning, why would I expect everyone I meet to be?

Just today I recruited someone new to our foot group. Hopefully he will show up to the party, and meet me for coffee... and if not, NEXT!! You have to leave the house to meet other people.

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Profile   Post #: 87
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 7:31:47 PM   
Rochsub2009


Posts: 2536
Status: offline 		I agree Lady Hibiscus.  I think too many people on here are afraid to actually meet people.  I meet people all the time.  I respond back to just about anybody that writes to me, and I meet as many people as I can.  I don't think that the only purpose for meeting people is to find a "love connection".  I'm a "people person", and if I enjoy communicating with you here on the message boards, then I want to put a face to the name.  I want to sit across the table from you and enjoy a good conversation.  What I don't understand is why anyone WOULDN'T want to do that.  But I guess that's what separates the outgoing from the introverts.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 9/29/2010 10:10:34 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		There's basic sociobiology involved here. Men are driven by a need to find and fertilize, whereas women put a lot of investment into their ova and any subsequent offspring and so there is a deepseated drive to find the right man to fertilize their ova. Even when direct sex and procreation isn't consciously involved, those deep needs are still the main drivers. So the female IS always going to be the choosy one, no matter which side of the kneel she's on. Or as My Mum always said: "It's the boy's place to try and the girl's place to deny!"

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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(in reply to Rochsub2009)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/15/2010 8:51:23 AM   
alwaysjames68


Posts: 10
Joined: 8/29/2010
From: Columbia Tn.
Status: offline 		Now that was well said.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/15/2010 11:12:31 AM   
Steelslilbit


Posts: 130
Joined: 8/10/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MaamJay

"It's the boy's place to try and the girl's place to deny!"

Maam Jay aka violet[A]
M

I just wanted to thank you for posting that.  Made me laugh my arse off.  ^.^


_____________________________

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(in reply to MaamJay)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/16/2010 6:56:24 AM   
subjeff8484


Posts: 6
Joined: 5/25/2010
Status: offline 		There may be more submissive men than Dommes, but I think that is good in the sense it will force some subs to try harder, to be respectful, to not just copy and paste a greeting if they want a Domme's attention. I also agree that a lot of folks are just looking to get their rocks off.

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/16/2010 7:36:14 AM   
DommeKeliDallas


Posts: 311
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Roger39m

I see a lot of posts on several forums and sites about how subs should "approach Dommes" and how many "flakes and fakes" are out there. It is beyond argument that the number of male subs far outnumbers the number of Dommes on any site. This creates a situation where Dommes are able to set rules, etiquette standards etc. just in an effort to sift out the wheat from the chaff. Not that it is fair, it seems to the reality.  

It is interesting to see Dommes commiserating on the various "cut and paste jobs" and how "stupid and insincere" the subs are. I wonder how much of this would remain, should the number of Dommes far outnumber the available male subs (this is not the case today). Obviously they can be as selective as they want in this situation, and apply rational and irrational selection criteria or no criteria at all. The male sub has to operate in this environment and learn how to do so very effectively or risk getting nothing at all.

It seems that this imbalance is here to stay and is not going away anytime soon. It is interesting to see that same rules do not apply in reverse. A female sub chasing a Male Dom still seems to have the "power" to reject or select in her hand, much in the way a Domme does for a male sub. In other words, whether it is a swing club, D/s site or wherever, the women still make the rules, whether they are Domme or a sub.


Yeah...
so, what's your point?
Is there a question.
Glad that you figured out the OBVIOUS.

(in reply to Roger39m)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/17/2010 4:34:58 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		In my opinion the problem is that most subs are only subs in their own fantasy. Like most of you I talk with a lot of subs in here. The chance of actualy meeting one is rare. Most are closet subs and will stay that way. I meet with a a lot of subs who ask me to help them meet a Domme. I also have a lot of Dom's asking me to help fix them up with subs (like that is going to happen). Most subs arent aggressive enough to meet anyone. So you end up with a lot of crying and whineing subs.

(in reply to DommeKeliDallas)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/17/2010 5:03:43 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		Ever so true, Rayray! If I can get a guy to meet for coffee it feels like a miracle!

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Profile   Post #: 95
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/17/2010 5:12:31 PM   
Tantriqu


Posts: 2026
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Ever so true, Rayray! If I can get a guy to meet for coffee it feels like a miracle!


Le sigh, so true! A subbie guy looks great on paper and with msging, then when it comes to meeting for coffee, either their true bottomliness sticks out, or their cold feet freeze, and plunk them right back in their subbie closet.
edited to add: as you said, LadyH, either chickens or sh*tes.

Here's to the next coffee time!

< Message edited by Tantriqu -- 10/17/2010 5:13:18 PM >

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/18/2010 3:45:41 PM   
slavekal


Posts: 1486
Joined: 7/20/2004
Status: offline 		Nothing short of incredible the number of lame excuses these guys come up with.  Wankers.

_____________________________

"The Courage to Submit: the submissive male's guide to finding a dominant woman"
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/the-courage-to-submit-the-guide-for-the-submissive-male-seeking-a-dominant-woman/5968917

(in reply to Tantriqu)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/18/2010 8:37:22 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Slavekal the same goes for women subs. Then again there is one great Domme on here that I havent met for coffee yet. LMAO a wanker talking about wankers. Well at least I know what Im talking about.

(in reply to slavekal)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/18/2010 8:53:10 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		It's good to know yourself, Rayray! :)

_____________________________

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(in reply to Dnomyar)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: Domme / Sub marketplace - Imbalance in favor of Dommes - 10/19/2010 2:16:07 PM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Huggs LH. You dont have to agree with me.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 100
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