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she is a bit of a mess. I don't mean that as an attack or even a criticism, but just a statement -- one I expect Riot might agree with. An enthusiastic, playful, devoted, and confused up-and-down mess that is just trying to figure things out like most of us. I think that is more important than is she is internally enslaved or a natural slave or egoless or a kijara or whatever else.

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

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ORIGINAL: darq

OK now I'm crawling under a rock because I'm scared of what some people will think of me ... *meeps*

I think you are a very brave lady and I hope you get passed your demons, but there are a few things you might be overlooking because of your own experiences. Riot has the freedom to post to these boards, make video's, she's not kept isolated, she gets to do more than watch television and color, she is able to come and go and, to me, it seems as if she is engaged with a pretty mature dominant who doesn't put up with her shenanigans and she knows it and appreciates it even though she fights it at times. That will be tempered as she continues to mature. I know, because I was exactly like her only taller. :)

I wish you well,

Celeste

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ORIGINAL: Rule

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ORIGINAL: darq

You have the right to be hurtful and call it a story and essentially call me a liar if you want but I wish you wouldn't until you actually take the time to get to know me as a person instead of merely words on a screen.

Fair enough. This tastes female, unlike parts of your story. Tennessee is far from here, so I do not expect to ever meet you in person. I have to go by what you write and there were holes in your story. I am usually very good at extracting the subtle, even unconscious messages from a text.
I know that there are mentally immature, abusive men out there, and I know that it is near impossible to break away from them. I hope that you will cleanse your soul from the damage done to it.

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ORIGINAL: darq

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ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

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ORIGINAL: darq

OK now I'm crawling under a rock because I'm scared of what some people will think of me ... *meeps*

I think you are a very brave lady and I hope you get passed your demons, but there are a few things you might be overlooking because of your own experiences. Riot has the freedom to post to these boards, make video's, she's not kept isolated, she gets to do more than watch television and color, she is able to come and go and, to me, it seems as if she is engaged with a pretty mature dominant who doesn't put up with her shenanigans and she knows it and appreciates it even though she fights it at times. That will be tempered as she continues to mature. I know, because I was exactly like her only taller. :)

I wish you well,

Celeste

Thank you, Celeste.

Every day I get a little better. :)

Honestly, I dont know all about Riot. I've only just started reading and posting on these boards so I'm sure I'll get to know more of her over time. Her name seems to fit .. lol ... I like her already.

I do apologize if it seems that I was trying to convince her to leave her Dom. I write from the heart and if my heart is a little jaded then I guess I come across that way as well at times.

Honestly, if she's happy with him and she's just working things out in her own head then thats great. I wish I could be in such a relationship where I had that kind of freedom to explore myself all the while knowing that it was in a safe and constructive environment. Fear isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes it helps us to grow.

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ORIGINAL: twicehappy

I am just curious, don't you have to be owned by a Gorean Master to be called a kajira?

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ORIGINAL: ExistentialSteel

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ORIGINAL: Rule

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ORIGINAL: darq

You have the right to be hurtful and call it a story and essentially call me a liar if you want but I wish you wouldn't until you actually take the time to get to know me as a person instead of merely words on a screen.

Fair enough. This tastes female, unlike parts of your story. Tennessee is far from here, so I do not expect to ever meet you in person. I have to go by what you write and there were holes in your story. I am usually very good at extracting the subtle, even unconscious messages from a text.
I know that there are mentally immature, abusive men out there, and I know that it is near impossible to break away from them. I hope that you will cleanse your soul from the damage done to it.

Rule, I bet those unconscious messages really bother you. Think real hard what I'm thinking now.

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You are experiencing reactance riotgirl, reactance is the term in bdsm to describe the throws of the ego as it is perceiving itself dying, because another's will is invading and conquering it.

And that is terrifying. I know, But it is totally normal, and expected, and if your goal is to be with a dominant man, it is the only way a relationship can work.

Deep down you know this, any time you have ever struggled against his bonds, you have always stopped short of rebelling in a way that would lead to your dismissal, you know what you could do or say that would have you gone in a New York minute, but you dont do or say these things not because his will is winning, but because you are learning...

you are learning you like yourself more when you are calm, have direction and focus
you like yourself more when your mind is not racing
you like yourself more when you dont have to prove you self to yourself and the world
and you like yourself more when you dont have to always fight for a space on this earth

As you learn this you will also learn something wonderful too, that all the fear of you core self dying was an illusion, the only thing that has to die are behaviors that are unproductive and undesirable but your core self actually blossoms in the special garden you owner has designed for it, and your core self can finally now open to the sun because there are no more weeds of dissension clogging up the source of light.

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RiotGirl, you got your feelings down perfectly. You told your point of view honestly and accurately. Some reading your self-doubts may worry about you, but those of us who read your stuff often know your wisdom in being so open.

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It is what characterizes a kajira, a true slave, RiotGirl.

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Some people are born with more than one body. They are masters of their own bodies and also of the other bodies that were born and destined to be part of them. Such other bodies - subs - mature physically and educationally and spiritually before they meet their owner and meanwhile temporarily are taken care of by a very small self (the ego). It is when they meet their master and are being owned that this very small self becomes superfluous as the other body of the owner has now become part of him. Eventually the very small self departs its body - often aided by torture - and all that is left is the owner with his own body and his slave body. The slave then has become part of the master. So what is happening to you is a natural process, kajira. You appear to be nearly there - even without being tortured. Well done! Do not fight it, accept it. Let go. You have done your job, you have prepared his other body and his other set of brains. Now it is his turn to command it. Trust him. 

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ORIGINAL: Areflectionofyou

When a slave reaches the point of complete enslavement, body, mind and heart, she/he would find it nearly impossible to be without their owner.