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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/23/2006 7:34:47 PM

MasterRenegade77

Posts: 1852
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From: Upstate N.Y. (Broome Co.)
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LA I do only know her from online & 1 ph. call this PM... I just recognized the danger she was about to put herself in...This is why I sought Counsel & Support of other Like Minded Folks!!!

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/23/2006 7:41:19 PM

masterdeltafire

Posts: 81
Joined: 9/26/2005
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Thanks you Morgynn

Finally another compassionate soul in this world who thinks like I do.

Sorry all on showing my anger, usually I do not. If I got a chance to go back in time, one chance, it would be to go back to where the abuse gene first mutated and rip it from the genetic code forever. Maybe then thousands who have gone through hell in their lives and deserved better, would have long and happy lives, full of love, not thinking on when the next time they will be hit or abused.

NO one deserves to go through this.

(in reply to LadyMorgynn)

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/23/2006 7:41:40 PM

MstrssPassion

Posts: 2444
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From: West Palm Beach, FL
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I agree off line would be better than online but sometimes online is all that is needed. In the Safe House I mentioned I, along with others, we were able to get information to an individual so that they could locate real time sources for help. We would do our best to find locals but often there are not locals in every state much less every county or every town.

If online & by phone is all this girl has at the moment, don't condemn it if it is working.

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/23/2006 8:03:33 PM

valeca

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I'm sorta on the fence here. I think some great points have been made about this girl needing to be responsible for herself, but I'm aware of how hard it can e to re-wire a thought process to become self-reliant.

I'd be inclined to say having someone there to help this girl is a good thing, but in minimal ways...a sounding board for example, rather than someone to run to to ask what to do--it's a very fine line sometimes, and very easy to go from one crutch to another. In shelters, they do indeed offer the support that can be so desperately needed, but they will not tell a woman what she should do. They'll offer suggestions, and they'll provide the information on where to go, they'll be a physical presence when that support is needed, but the final decision (including returning to the abusive spouse) is always in the hands of the women living there--it's stressed that she has that control in her life, but that her decisions are her own and will be supported . I believe that's the route that would most benefit the girl in question...providing options, suggestions and information, but remaining hands off in any decision making. By doing so, she proves to herself that she has the strength to run her own life. Anyone can tell her she has the strength and power to do things for herself, but it's another for her to prove it to herself...and much more rewarding in the long run. She'll be able to stop and say, "I did that! I really did!", and that'll make it that much easier to do the next thing...and the next....and the next. It's certainly not easy. In fact, it can be downright terrifying, especially if one has never had to take the reins of one's life before, but the fear lessens with each decision and choice made, and eventually, the fear goes away and is replaced with a certain self-respect and a modicum of pride.

Good luck to everyone invloved...

Edited to add: Fast reply used; not directed toward you, in particular, LM.

< Message edited by valeca -- 4/23/2006 8:13:26 PM >

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/23/2006 8:42:08 PM

Evanesce

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Since I'm coming into this conversation dozens of posts after the fact, I'm mostly going to say ditto to what virtually everyone else here has already said.

Two days isn't even enough time to know if you're compatible with each other, let alone give up a job and move to be with someone you've never even met. And it's not just the girl who's putting herself at risk. The dom in question is equally stupid if he's seriously considering this. Neither of them knows anything at all about the other, and who's to say one or the other isn't some kind of sociopath?

Overall, however, the girl needs to have her head examined if she's seriously considering this; if for no other reason than the fact the guy is already making life-altering demands upon her without even having met and she hasn't yet told him where to step off!

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/23/2006 8:50:09 PM

Evanesce

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quote:

Shadowfind, a BDSM Bed & Breakfast in Niles, Michigan used to serve as a shelter of sorts for abused slaves/subs.
Last I heard, they (like every other frickin lifestyle thing in the midwest) had closed down.

Shadowfind did close their doors last October. However, there is still www.immediatefamily.org This organization is run by someone I only know from online, but is well known by reputation in the community.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/23/2006 8:56:29 PM

EmrysSwitch

Posts: 14
Joined: 8/22/2005
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I am not sure if this post is too late. I have lacked internet for a while now.

There is no way that you should be able to make a decision to move in with a dominate after only two weeks. There should be a longer period of trial for all parties involved so yes I would consider this situation to be a mistake.

If this Dom is worth moving in with and it is believed that a very strong bond has been formed in such a short time, that it will not weaken with a few months to explore things further and begin the negotiation process.

If you move to quickly you risk getting trapped in an abusive situation or in the least uprooting you whole life for the wrong guy.

It is really hard for people without partners to resist the lure of a D/s relationship if it presents itself but I really do feel that it is worth the wait to take your time and make sure that the Dom you are dedicating yourself to is worth such an impressive sacrifice.

(in reply to MasterRenegade77)

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 12:27:50 PM

MasterRenegade77

Posts: 1852
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From: Upstate N.Y. (Broome Co.)
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This'll be My final post on this thread as it's served its purpose...
I did note from a few posts that people were concerned or thought I was being scammed, this is not true... I have nothing to be scammed for I'm a poor crippled Master on SSD...
But if in fact I found out I was being played I'd get over it & I'd do the same thing for another person in need tomorrow...
To Me being a Dominant doesn't entitle You to be cold & calloused unjustifiably, E/everyone of us at sometime in our lives needs another to be caring, concerned & even compassionate...
I Myself didn't turn off My Humanity when I became a Dom...

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 12:45:54 PM

proudsub

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quote:

This'll be My final post on this thread as it's served its purpose...

I hope you will come back and let us know if she read this thread and what she decided.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 12:57:22 PM

understud

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SIR, it has been my honor to read several of your post, and i shall voice an opinion here as one nubee to the one you mentioned in hopes she will see it.... you need to seek immediate medical help, are you crazy! No joke; that this is a huge unbelievable bad decision, goes without saying. i beg you to reconsider and listen to those who have been here longer. I do though it might not seem like it at times. Two days,
my GOD! Please listen to the others it might not be what you want to hear, but they speak the truth of it. These recent actions of yours could lead to disaster...No smart sign out this time
just a very concerned and worried understud;

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 1:22:50 PM

MasterRenegade77

Posts: 1852
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OK OK THIS'LL be My final post on this thread LOL...
She has in fact been reading these posts & has backed away from the dom in question... I also sent her some things to peruse as well as the Link to " Immediate Family"...
What I couldn't send her cause I lost them are "The Ten signs of a Dangerous Dom"
I really think she'll be ok as she's listened to everyone else's Advice...
I figured if she heard from enough other people Dom/mes & sub/slaves alike that she'd know I wasn't trying to blow smoke up her ass!!!
Once again I'd like to express My Sincere Thanks to each & E/everyone that took the time to post on this thread!!!

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 2:02:05 PM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
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quote:

She has in fact been reading these posts & has backed away from the dom in question...

I am very glad to hear that, you did a good thing for her.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 2:57:05 PM

MasterTrojan

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Joined: 4/5/2005
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I may be new to this site, but even if I had just decided to check out the lifestyle for the first time today, it wouldn't require a PHD to figure out that this so-called Dom is trouble. As much as some people may feel a need to be controlled or kept, it can only have real potential if real trust is shared between both parties. It is unlikely that kind of faith could be earned in under two days, and I'm not certain it could be earned online given any amount of time. For someone to prey on a new and inexperienced sub in this way is absurd. In my opinion it is the Dom(me)'s responsibility to ensure that any sub they deal with has enough knowledge to make informed decisions. As much as submissives may enjoy having decisions made for them, they should be aware of the ramifications before being confronted with demands.

It is people like the Dom in question who validate any harsh criticisms of the lifestyle. So not only is he aiming to ruin this girl's life and certainly her impression of the lifestyle, but he makes us all look bad in the process. Perhaps he is new to the whole experience and could find a little direction from the comments you have all provided.

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 3:01:17 PM

LadyMorgynn

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The website is still there, but their phone is disconnected.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evanesce
Shadowfind did close their doors last October. However, there is still www.immediatefamily.org This organization is run by someone I only know from online, but is well known by reputation in the community.

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 3:23:35 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear Master Renegade 77; Ladies and Gentlemen;

First off, since she has closed the account, the next step I would take is notify those who run this Collarme.com and start looking at this individual that has misused the 'intent' of this forum.

Second, she may want to have Collarme.com who does monitor all these forums, mail services and such, once found to be a predator to--broadcast this guy's identity throughout Collarme.com. They already have warnings about Scams from Africa, etc. This individual might pose as a submissive as well.

Third, I have her contact local authorities, banks and such--her job as well; and notify them about the individual that she met. She does not have to be specific, e.g. Collarme.com, BDSM, etc. Don't know how much personal knowledge this guy has gotten from the exchange. Have banks and credit cards reissue to her. Report the old ones "lost." Change numbers to phone and cell phone. Companies are good about that. If they won't, close the account and open a new one.

Forth--Notify local BDSM support and education groups. See if this is local incident, iscolated incident or what.

Fifth point--She is not alone. She has all of us, to include you that only want to see this lass find her happiness and find it safely. It is important to be patient. It is important to be her own white knight and protect her safety; and do anything to maintain it.

Concerned,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 3:38:11 PM

texasbutterfly

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i have been reading this post since it started. i agree with pretty much everything that was said. a few weeks ago i was in the same boat this girl is in. it is hard being new to this lifestyle, knowing what you are looking for, and when that Dom comes along and just blatantly tells you to do something...it is easy. i was lucky, i got smarter as time went on. i still have a long way to go and this forum has been a big help in keeping my head on straight. i hope she finds what she is looking for....my advice; be patient, patient, patient.

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/24/2006 4:11:26 PM

Evanesce

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quote:

The website is still there, but their phone is disconnected.

I'll be darned... so it is. I sent an email to jewel to find out what's going on.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/26/2006 8:46:23 PM

Evanesce

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Just an FYI to anyone who may be in need. I have been in contact with Immediate Family, and have been advised there is a problem with their 800 number. I have their home number, but do not wish to put it out on the list publicly. However, if you are or know someone who is truly in need of assistance due to an abusive or dangerous life situation, or if you are a slave who has suddenly found yourself homeless, I will get you in touch with them. Just drop me a note on the other side.

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Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/26/2006 9:15:17 PM

Wulfchyld

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Now I have been wrestling with this for a bit and would like some feedback. Would you use a site that posted information about lifestyle people, the good, the bad, and the ugly? My dilemma is vindictive people who would abuse an informational system to spite another. I am at odds with the idea but if it would help the community(s) feel safe I wouldn’t mind paying the dues for bandwidth to operate a site.

Loki

*Carefully dons his flame resistant suite and waits for constructive feedback*

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RE: Y/your Opinions Needed Now!!! - 4/26/2006 9:52:27 PM

ServiceNTucson

Posts: 127
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRenegade77

Ok First off I'm posing this query for a slave new to Collarme... I've voiced My opinion on the Matter already but I want her to read it from Y/you. A/all..
She put up a profile here last wednesday & has been conversing w/a "Dom" here 2 days since Friday He's already taken it upon iimself to rewrite her Profile without her permission, he also wants her to give her Notice to her Present job tomorrow (Monday) & move to him in 2 weeks...
My opinion is this is Much too fast & there's something hinkey going on here...
This is all the data I have at Present PLEASE Voice your opinions ASAP

My opinion is that she should run, not walk, away from this guy, ASAP. Break off all contact with him. Delete the profile and start over.

Can you say, John Robinsin?

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Harry

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

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