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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 3:35:06 PM   
ResidentSadist


Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline
quote:

If you're s sub/slave, how do you want to be rewarded?

Maybe you should try this in Ask a Submissive/Slave forums? 


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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 3:49:51 PM   
notomorrow


Posts: 13
Joined: 7/4/2010
Status: offline 		I was primarily looking for dom input, but since subs post here too it doesn't hurt to hear both sides. I probably could've placed this in the general area, but I didn't think about that when I created it this discussion.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 3:52:49 PM   
phoenixmoonn13


Posts: 398
Joined: 6/11/2010
Status: offline 		when i have been especially good he says good girl it makes me so happy espeially then if he strokes my hair. he has many ways to say i love you and one when i have been very good it is i do love you

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 4:00:47 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		A smile.  "Good girl".  "Thank you."



_____________________________

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The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 4:49:04 PM   
BigDaddy723


Posts: 275
Joined: 5/7/2010
Status: offline 		This is what I ment when I said the answer was pretty obvious.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 5:10:23 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

what about rewards for good behavior?


He used to buy me shoes as a reward... which I liked


quote:

If you're s sub/slave, how do you want to be rewarded?


Beatings.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 5:38:24 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		He tells me how proud he is of me.

He allows me to have something I'm normally deprived of or something he knows I enjoy a lot.


Just depends on why I'm being rewarded and his mood.

Sometimes he doesn't feel there's a need to reward because well..I'm his slave and I should be doing whatever it is anyway.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 5:42:09 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
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quote:

ORIGINAL: agirl



To sum all that up........ NO reward for behaving as we expect, but certainly expect to be questioned and called to explain if that falls short.

That's just how it is here.

agirl




this pretty much sums it up for me as well, except i would add that him continuing to keep me is the closest thing to a "reward" in this relationship.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 6:11:24 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Keliarra
If a girl thrives best on a reward system, wouldn't the Dom be considered bad if he did NOT then reward her? It all depends on the dynamics and needs of the two (or more) people involved, NOT what anyone else deems to be good or bad.


I don't know of anyone in any kind of relationship who works best solely for rewards. Kids want the gold star on their spelling test but not enough to forego their favorite tv show. Adults want raises but not always if it means no home life etc.

There is something wrong with a relationship if the people in it are thinking solely about what they're going to get out of it. And that's why a rewards based relationship is wrong, because the emphasis is put on the reward and not on the relationship.


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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 6:16:20 PM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		I sort of do. Negative things really won't work on me, I'll just shut down.  If that's what you mean.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP



I don't know of anyone in any kind of relationship who works best solely for rewards. Kids want the gold star on their spelling test but not enough to forego their favorite tv show. Adults want raises but not always if it means no home life etc.

There is something wrong with a relationship if the people in it are thinking solely about what they're going to get out of it. And that's why a rewards based relationship is wrong, because the emphasis is put on the reward and not on the relationship.



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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 7:10:17 PM   
Keliarra


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/13/2010
Status: offline 		I never said it would be based SOLELY on a reward system. Of course there are many other reasons, and ways, to be in the relationship. Just because a girl thrives on rewards doesn't mean that's all she's in the relationship for.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/19/2010 7:24:40 PM   
Keliarra


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/13/2010
Status: offline 		I guess if you really want to get nit-picky over wording, we could take the term "rewards" out altogether and replace it with "positive reinforcements" because some might not see a gesture of appreciation as a reward, but it certainly is a positive reinforcement.

I would also like to say that nobody has the right to judge another's dynamic as being "right" or "wrong" because if it works for THEM, then it's RIGHT for THEM. If it's not your cup of tea that's great, leave everyone else alone.

(in reply to Keliarra)
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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 1:27:32 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		yes, i have to say i am all for rewards, i agree there should not always be a need to reward everything as that would get totally tiresome,
but i certainly need to feel some appreciation every so often or i start feeling like i am a bit of furniture... taken for granted... and that does not make me feel good or sexy and then i start being un sub like as a result, which He does not like at all

so, besides dog biscuits, maybe a box of chocolats or a nice dinner out
and instead of sucking His toe... it is very nice when He sucks mine aswell

(in reply to Keliarra)
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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 4:38:01 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Toppingfrmbottom

I sort of do. Negative things really won't work on me, I'll just shut down.  If that's what you mean.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Positive reinforcement, telling someone sincerely you appreciate what they did, teaching them to succeed is not what I meant. I shut down and turn off in a negative reinforcement relationship also.

What I meant is holding up a carrot in front of a person. If you do this thing which you really don't want to do then I'll buy you X. I don't want to be working for the carrot instead of for the person. I want to feel loved and wanted and therefore also want to do good things for him simply because I love him. Not because if I do it, then I can go out to the restaurant I most like. Those kinds of things ought to be given simply because he loves me and wants me and therefore wants to do good things for me. Not tied to specific actions.



I don't know of anyone in any kind of relationship who works best solely for rewards. Kids want the gold star on their spelling test but not enough to forego their favorite tv show. Adults want raises but not always if it means no home life etc.

There is something wrong with a relationship if the people in it are thinking solely about what they're going to get out of it. And that's why a rewards based relationship is wrong, because the emphasis is put on the reward and not on the relationship.




_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 7:25:06 AM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		I've never been rewarded with an object or tangible thing. What he does and what floats my boat is to hear "Good girl", or "I'm proud of you". On a few rare occassions he's elaborated more on why I was good or why he was proud of me...I remember every time that has happened and can only hope that at some future time I'll once again earn the praise plus the extra time he spends explaining why.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 8:28:49 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline 		~ Fast Reply ~

The joy I feel in this relationship is my "reward." 

Honestly, we're both just being our natural selves.  We consider each other, we want the best for each other, and we want each other to be happy.  We talk about things that don't seem "right" and straighten them out before they become problems.

Punishment comes if I have deliberately disobeyed or defied him, which I don't do.  When we're both doing our part in the relationship, the reward is two very happy people together.  When I am happy, I go the extra mile to do what I can for him, and adore him all up, telling him how much I love and appreciate him.  When he is happy, he tells me how happy he is with me, and how proud he is to have me, and what a good girl I am.

We're really pretty sappy like that.


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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 8:31:22 AM   
Keliarra


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/13/2010
Status: offline 		Des, what you're describibg isn't a reward system, it's bribery, and THAT i DO disagree with. Rewards should never be used for enticing someone to do something they really don't want to. I know it sure as hell backfires with kids, i can imagine with subs it would set up a "what will i get if i do it" type of mentality, and that leaves the door way open for Topping from the bottom. If a reward system is used, it should be to help reinforce everything good, but not quite so often that the sub starts expecting it. It can be a pretty fine line between rewarding and bribing, but when done right, a reward system really does work for those that enjoy it without the drawbacks of bribery.

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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 10:18:57 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NuevaVida
When we're both doing our part in the relationship, the reward is two very happy people together.

Oh fine! Way to say what I said in about 2% of the words.

quote:

When I am happy, I go the extra mile to do what I can for him, and adore him all up, telling him how much I love and appreciate him.  When he is happy, he tells me how happy he is with me, and how proud he is to have me, and what a good girl I am.

Careful there... you're in great danger of starting an upward spiral of happiness. If you two keep reacting off each other's happiness, where will it end? Keep that up and you'll be way to happy to be true masters and slaves *chuckles*

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to NuevaVida)
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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 10:24:16 AM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Oh fine! Way to say what I said in about 2% of the words.


LOL! I can honestly say this is the FIRST time I've been "accused" of not being too wordy!!  I gotta share this with Mr. Man - he'll howl.

quote:


Careful there... you're in great danger of starting an upward spiral of happiness. If you two keep reacting off each other's happiness, where will it end? Keep that up and you'll be way to happy to be true masters and slaves *chuckles*


Hahahaha well I do do my part to keep us balanced by throwing in an attack of past demons every now and then, but those are remedied very quickly and then we go on to be sickeningly sappy again.  We're really OK with not being "true"...heh.


_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



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RE: How do you 'reward' your sub/slave? - 9/20/2010 10:58:43 AM   
Toppingfrmbottom


Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline 		Ok yeah I get that, I don't want a relationship soley on the carrot either, I do it for Daddy, cause it makes him happy, cause he'd be so proud of me, and in turn I'd be proud of myself to feel his pride in me.

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP



Positive reinforcement, telling someone sincerely you appreciate what they did, teaching them to succeed is not what I meant. I shut down and turn off in a negative reinforcement relationship also.

What I meant is holding up a carrot in front of a person. If you do this thing which you really don't want to do then I'll buy you X. I don't want to be working for the carrot instead of for the person. I want to feel loved and wanted and therefore also want to do good things for him simply because I love him. Not because if I do it, then I can go out to the restaurant I most like. Those kinds of things ought to be given simply because he loves me and wants me and therefore wants to do good things for me. Not tied to specific actions.







_____________________________

One world under lube with vibrators and dildo's for all! quote from the sex toy 101 book

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 40
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