Aneirin
Posts: 6121
Joined: 3/18/2006
From: Tamaris
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
If I had been able to make a conscious choice, I probably would have never had children and certainly would not have cursed them with the biological father my kids have.
Fortunately, my life took a turn, at a point in my life where I was not really able to choose any other path. Now, at this point in my life, I will always be grateful. I love, respect, and completely enjoy, my kids. They are wonderful human beings and fantastic parents to my grands. I would not be the woman I am today, without the life I've had.........children being a huge part of that.
And yes, I still make life decisions with family repercussions in mind. I don't bring just anyone into my life, I allow few people into my home. I worry less about my own personal safety than that of the people I love. I am very protective of my family, extremely so. So of course it reflects in my other choices and life goals.
I fully support people making the choice to avoid parenting. There are millions of people that should not be parents. One thing I have noticed about my friends that do not have children is a very different sense of their personal priorities and importance about their possessions and personal space. It is as though a part of them stopped maturing. There is a quality, a more self centred, selfishness. They seem to place a much bigger importance on their 'things'. I've often wondered if it has anything to do with never needing to go without, share, lose fragile items to groping little fingers, etc.
That is is, yes, I have also seen this, it is as if when one has a child, the parents suddenly grow up and in one particular case, my ex daughter and son in law, the mother changed almost overnight and the father, well, he took a while, but he changed eventually, kicking and screaming I thought, but when he did, he did that overnight and from there onwards looked worried, no doubt thinking his feckless ways are going to have to change as he now has a young life he was partly responsible for, no games anymore, this was for real.
Personally through infertility I have no children, it came as a massive shock when I did find that out, as what I had always thought would be my life couldn't be, perhaps it is why I just cast around now not thinking of futures. But I can't help thinking something is missing from life, a reason to be here. I did try marrying a woman with kids, but despite what I did, they were never my flesh and blood and on occaisions I was reminded of that with comments such as,' You are not my father' and ' they are not your kids' when emotions were wrought. I did stay, saw all three of them through their teens, but when the final one left I felt there was nothing left of me, the wife similarly, we went our seperate ways never having achieved any of the plans we had for when the birds had flown. I wonder if this is what happens to couples post children, the high instance of break ups of long term marriage and divorce.
But if it is sort of expected that young people will grow up, come together and produce the future, what is the thought as regarding people who either choose not to have children or by will of nature cannot have them ?
Socially, well in this country anyway singles are generally not wanted, well not not wanted, but there is not much thought directed in their favour and it sometimes though it might I understand come across as a selfish thing to say, but I have to say it, becomes very wearing hearing about families coming first, children being the most important people it seems in society, then the parents, grand parents etc. Does anyone ever stop to think society is made up of others who are not connected to children, childless couples through intent or not, and singles who perhaps think in order to become part of society, they must shack up with someone and think about offspring to be accepted by society.
But then when people are in a family unit, control comes into the equation, for families are families, they do things together and they look out for each other, hence marketing highlighting and targeting the families seeing them as their bread winner.
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Everything we are is the result of what we have thought, the mind is everything, what we think, we become - Guatama Buddha
Conservatism is distrust of people tempered by fear - William Gladstone
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RE: Childless ? - 
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